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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Starting sleep training tonight.

81 replies

Trenzalor · 07/05/2014 19:11

I've cracked and on advice from the HV have started gradual retreat tonight. Forty five minutes and still whimpering/crying. Sigh.

OP posts:

Sunshine200 · 13/05/2014 20:51

20 minutes to get to sleep tonight - huge improvement from
an hour last night. I left her a full 15 minutes before going in as it wasnt full on screaming tonight, soothed her and then 5 minutes later she was asleep. Fingers crossed this is a good sign, don't want to get my hopes up though. Good luck to everyone else.

grainmum · 14/05/2014 07:34

30 minutes to sleep last night. However awake from 3.40 for 1.5hrs. I started off being 'good' and left him in the cot, but after about an hour I caved and held him in the rocking chair instead until he was almost asleep.

Still, only one wake-up.. It just takes a long time for me to get back to sleep after that, then it's time to get up again. I woke DS at 7, otherwise the rest of the day goes to pot!

Original poster

Trenzalor · 14/05/2014 13:21

She pretty much slept through, one small cry which didn't stop her sleeping on. Bliss!

OP posts:

ColdTeaAgain · 14/05/2014 14:31

Good to hear how you're all getting on.

Do you use same routine for naps as well? DD is a total cot refuser atm!

Original poster

Trenzalor · 14/05/2014 19:31

I put her in the same gro bag for naps and say the same thing. I also put on the same music but don't do the whole bedtime routine.

She's Not fond of napping and I'm still trying to identify the best time for her.

OP posts:

grainmum · 14/05/2014 20:04

10 minutes, no physical contact! Then the house phone rings! Luckily he just stirred and turned his head.

Re naps, I find it quite hard. DS normally has 2, one starting between 9 and 10, the other starting between 1 and 2, and their length is variable. I've found if I try the gradual retreat thing he just stands up and laughs thinking it's play time, so I have to leave the room for a couple of minutes then go back in and lay him down, if he accepts lying down I then stay til he's asleep. Sometimes it involves a bit of pick-up put-down. If we're going somewhere naps are often in the pushchair and I can put him in, pull the hood right forward, walk away and usually with a bit of moaning he's asleep in 5 minutes! So I think I don't have enough nap time cues for the cot.

Original poster

Trenzalor · 16/05/2014 19:25

So tonight is the last night and the one where I leave her to it. Been in and out preparing nappies but I haven't stayed. She's made a few noises but no crying yet.

OP posts:

Sunshine200 · 16/05/2014 21:05

Going crazy tonight, thought we had cracked it but she's been awake for over an hour so far. Now I'm
wondering of there is something wrong, but if there isn't and I get her up/ feed/ rock then I guess I'd be undoing good work. It's not hysterical screaming, just on & off, but an hour on night 5?!
Disagreeing with DH about it which is making things much worse:( Argh, when will this end?!

Original poster

Trenzalor · 16/05/2014 22:00

I think it was night 4 or 5 that was a bit tough for us. It will get better. Hang in there.

OP posts:

Original poster

Trenzalor · 17/05/2014 19:17

Argh! So we got sleep sorted but now she's found a new trick - sit up every time mummy lies her down! Argh!

OP posts:

Original poster

Trenzalor · 17/05/2014 20:29

She was getting mad at me lying her down so a friend suggested I leave her sitting until she got tired. Perfect!

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grainmum · 18/05/2014 06:41

That has been one of our main issues throughout! I sometimes try lying him down at intervals eg once every 5-10 mins, eventually he's just ready to stay lying down.

Handsoff7 · 18/05/2014 16:45

Tea addict, 13weeks might be too soon for gradual retreat but it may well not be too soon for self soothing.

All the babies in the neonatal unit self-soothe to sleep - they don't have any choice. It might be easier to do something now than to wait until habits are more established

grainmum · 18/05/2014 19:35

So we were awake for the day at 4.55 this morning. Not sure if I would prefer another night waking instead. Any tips?

Original poster

Trenzalor · 18/05/2014 20:43

Grain don't some people do wake to sleep in such circumstances?

She's sitting in her cot rubbing her eyes but as soon as I lie her down she pulls herself up very pleased do am leaving her to it now.

OP posts:

didyoureallysaythat · 18/05/2014 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Trenzalor · 19/05/2014 12:20

Thanks for bringing down a helpful thread. You have no idea of people's' lives and the reasons for our decisions. You have no knowledge of my child or the reasons she cries. This thread is also not about crying it out, these children are not left alone.

I'm glad you are happy with your sleep situation. Don't judge others for theirs.

OP posts:

TheScience · 19/05/2014 13:34

TeaAddict - DS1 didn't learn to self-settle until 9 months, and that seems pretty normal among my friends, so I think your HV is a bit optimistic!

Handsoff - newborns are generally sleepy and will often just close their eyes and go to sleep. It's after the newborn period when they wake up a bit more that they often need help to fall asleep again.

didyou - Self settling isn't jargon for leaving them to cry, it means helping a baby to go to sleep without crying. There's also a difference between needs and wants in a baby of 10 months - they might prefer to be fed to sleep but they don't need to me, and if feeding to sleep is no longer working for the mum, it's not working. You may have been happy feeding all night but not everyone is. I never left DS1 to cry, but as he got older I helped him less, and yes that did mean sometimes him crying as I cuddled or patted him to sleep. I personally feel fine with that.

ekt55 · 19/05/2014 20:22

Night 2 of gradual retreat here (7 and half mo). Last night took 1 hour 55min. Then DD slept through her late feed and didn't wake until 2.30am. Had a small amount to eat and then put back nearly asleep in cot and she drifted off (some achievement as normally I can't put her down until she is fast asleep and many nights I have been up for hours around that time with her)

So far tonight 1 hour 50 min (although did have to do nappy change at the hour mark so don't know if that reset the clock). Finding the angry shouting/crying harder to deal with tonight Anyone elses LO this stubborn?

Thing is I know she can do it because she can quickly go to sleep in her pram/car seat. Just not the cot...

ekt55 · 19/05/2014 20:33

1 hour 55 on the dot again - strange! She has fallen asleep cuddling the top of mine I put in there - it's so cute! Fingers crossed this lasts...

Original poster

Trenzalor · 20/05/2014 20:15

I left her properly to it tonight. As she's now pulling herself to sitting I had to go in and lie her down about three times. The third time she didn't bother to get up and was asleep in about twenty minutes. This has been really necessary and vital for us as I was really stopping functioning on so little sleep. Now bubbs sleeps better as well and has moved on by learning to crawl and pulling herself to standing which she was just getting so frustrated trying to do before. She obviously needed the rest. I never thought I would sleep train, but we clearly needed it and this has been a really safe and calm way of doing so.

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smokeandfluff · 20/05/2014 20:55

Congrats trenzalor, sounds like you've done great, enjoy the sleep!

grainmum · 20/05/2014 22:42

Well done - I admire your resolve and consistency and ability to stick to the plan. I just need to remind myself to keep retreating...

beginnings · 20/05/2014 22:53

trenzalor well done for lasting 10 months! I lasted six before I had to start this. Between DD2's sleeping and my back pain in pregnancy, at that stage, I'd had no more than 3.5 hours sleep (and that was a really good night) in one go. I have a DD1 who was less than 2 and a DH who works very long hours. I just couldn't do it anymore. Like you she was settling herself within a week. Now, two months on, she's sleeping through and waking at 5.30 or waking once for a feed at about three and sleeping through til 7 - can't decide which is better!

We've had a couple of setbacks - once for a cold and once for teeth - which last a couple of nights but knowing that they CAN do it gives you much more resolve to put them back into their proper routine again.

Best of luck.

ekt55 · 21/05/2014 10:26

Congrats Trenzalor (and your DC) - you've given me hope that there is an end to this!

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