Baby needs to learn to self soothe or will be sold at next nct sale

[bellini1]

I know that are are lots of threads along these lines already but just wanted to start my own so I can rant. Dd is nearly 7 months old and cannot cannot cannot self soothe at night . Not so bad in day . Basically I dream feed her at 10.00/10.30 ( I had ditched this but saw a sleep nurse who said to reintroduce) then she wakes at about 2.30 and it takes anywhere up to 2 hours to get her to go back to sleep. She isn't screaming the whole 2 hours . I either have to bounce her, or hold her hand in cot or give her the dummy whilst patting her. As soon as I stop any of these things she stirs and starts crying and thrashing around.

On advice of sleep nurse I tried PUPD but only did it for 3 nights as each night it was 3 hours of hell . She has never slept longer than 4 hours at night and was, up until last week waking at 11.30 , 1, then 4.

I was feeding her to sleep so she's definitely developed a bad sleep association . I'm now trying to not feed her unless all else fails . Currently feeding now as it's 5am and I've even up with her since 2.30 am .

How the hell do I get her to get herself back to sleep? Do I preserve with pupd ? Absolutely going out of mind and crying as I'm typing this .

[TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals]

I would bet money that this is teeth. Have you tried calpol as soon as she wakes? Give it 20 minutes to kick in and then try to settle.

[bellini1]

No haven't tried calpol. Will give it a go . I never understand why it doesn't bother them when they are awake . She's also a bit bunged up so will resort to lots of pear and prunes.

[pricklyPea]

Hello op.
I could have written your post last week, I was feeding to sleep, my baby refused to through the day without boob attached, I was a wreck.

Of course everyone else seems to have babies that sleep well and they were suggesting attending a sleep school and I had just about had enough of being attached through the day and up all night feeding my 9mth old.

I called a helpline (I'm not in the UK) specific to sleep and said that I was exhausted and fed up with nobody giving me any clear cut advice, just co sleep, just pat their bottom etc so I said just tell me what you do at sleep school and since following this plan my previous non sleeping unless feeding and being held for naps baby, has slept every nap in the cot and I no longer feed to sleep at night.

This is the exact plan I followed:
Have baby's room dark and with a radio on easy listening playing liw.

Wake up and feed baby in the morning.
Approx three hrs later (or when baby starts their sleepy signs) take baby into their room and do as you would at night (I put mine into a grobag) and place into the cot and say "Shhh sleepy time.." give a kiss or whatever you'd do and leave the room.

Set a timer for five minutes and if the baby is upset or really not settling go back in say "shh sleepy time.." and physically turn them onto their tummy and with one hand on their back start rhythmically patting their bottom with the other hand. (I had to physically hold baby firmly the first time and there was a lot of protesting which was upsetting but I stuck with it and after five minutes it was calming).

Once calm but still awake leave the room again set timer for five minutes (or whatever you are comfortable with) and repeat as above if still unsettled and not calming themself. (They said to repeat for 30-40 mins but I didn't want to have baby upset for that long so I just go in twice and if by then there's no self settling, then on the third attempt I then keep patting baby until completely asleep).

First attempt took twenty minutes from start to finish. The next took ten and today each time has been under five minutes to self settle.

Do this for each nap.

Nights are exactly the same, you do your bedtime routine and if you want to feed before bed then you do so outside the bedroom with the lights on. We then say night to everyone, put into the grobag and into bed. If baby is waking up through the night I was told to try and soothe first and if not working then offer a feed before midnight and after 6am, otherwise feed as a complete last resort. You may want to continue feeding at night, however I'd still then try to put into the cot awake and repeat the steps above so you're not feeding to sleep.

I was so sceptical about any training and did not want to use any cry it out or controlled crying but I was becoming unwell and I think the method for me has been successful as I was confident in my approach and consistent. If you do choose to give something a try then I believe you must stick with it otherwise it'll cause so much confusion.

I was sure that the baby didn't need to feed at night and wanted to reclaim some time to myself through the day. You're not leaving them to cry for extended periods and so I was happy it was right for us.

This is by no means to everyone's taste but thought I'd share what worked for us hopefully reasonably clearly so that it's not just 'give them a patt on the bottom'.

[bellini1]

Sounds interesting prickly pea . Is it ok to put a 6 month old on front? She always loved sleeping on her side in Moses basket as a newborn. I'm up for anything . I used to be so smug that i had such a lazy laidback baby with my DS and would pity those poor souls with shit sleepers ...... And now here I am !

[pricklyPea]

Sorry their advice is to turn them once calm onto their side. Mine's ok with rolling both ways and so I'm ok with the front sleeping so I leave on the front.
When I first place baby in the cot I do so on their back.

Mine's gone from unable to settle except with my boob in mouth to settling in five minutes without any patting for naps and tonight in 6mins without me going in.

I also don't pick the baby up from the cot. I just keep patting. The first morning wake up took an hour so it's not without the need for patience but it seems to be working. Mine really fights sleep. Rubbing eyes and yawning but still grumbling and fighting for an hour. It was hard going as just when you thought it was ok to leave then it started again with grumbles.

Mine's never slept well. Has gone through the night a few times but was never consistent.
Very frustrating.

[bellini1]

Wow sounds like you've got it sorted prickly pea. I'm definitely going to give it a go .are you doing a dream feed? I hate that she is so knackered and just wants to get back to sleep . One more thing I've noticed is that her sleep has got worse since introducing solids so I'm wondering if there is something going on there with her digestive system.

[pricklyPea]

I've never done a dream Feed but it might be worth starting with one that way you can be sure she's not hungry.

I assumed starting solids would help but mine woke up the same and it seemed was comfort suckling. The person I spoke to said to get the naps sorted and nights would improve. Last night mine woke up at midnight and took 40 mins to resettle but didn't wake after that which is an improvement from two or three wakings. The second night I tried we got 8hrs straight away.

I'd just reached the end of my tether with the constant night feeds and only me being able to settle the baby through the day. At least this technique means dh can be allocated a night per week and I can go to bed and not get up, with feeding to sleep it was only me doing it.

I'm not saying this technique works all babies but mine who fights and fights sleep and gets agitated the more you pick up and talk, then this worked


Good luck

[zoobaby]

[note time of post - urgh]
I was struggling with multiple wakings and long settling periods trying not to create bad sleep associations and the good ol rod for my back. Then one night I cracked the shits and decided to just go for Kat's path of least resistance. What a relief for both of us. I found that waking him for a dream feed actually prompted him to wake every 3 hours. Slowly the time between bed and first waking became longer.

DS also really loved having a muslin given to him immediately which he always pulled up over his face (replicating snuggly feeling? Who knows?).

Things got really good around his 1st birthday. Now he's 18 months and it's a different story again. Just hoping to ride it out now as I feel better knowing he can do it but there's just something stopping him right now.

[zoobaby]

Oh yeah, and weaning didn't help either. I stressed so badly that he was going hungry. But he wasn't. I suspect (?! cos there's no way to know for sure ?!) that he also had a LONG period of teething pain. When the pain became obvious to me I'd give him paracetamol, cuddle and a bit of BF, put in bed even if he resisted a little, leave dim light coming through door, go to kitchen to rinse the syringe, and he'd happily go back off to sleep before I'd finished in kitchen.