Hello op.
I could have written your post last week, I was feeding to sleep, my baby refused to through the day without boob attached, I was a wreck.
Of course everyone else seems to have babies that sleep well and they were suggesting attending a sleep school and I had just about had enough of being attached through the day and up all night feeding my 9mth old.
I called a helpline (I'm not in the UK) specific to sleep and said that I was exhausted and fed up with nobody giving me any clear cut advice, just co sleep, just pat their bottom etc so I said just tell me what you do at sleep school and since following this plan my previous non sleeping unless feeding and being held for naps baby, has slept every nap in the cot and I no longer feed to sleep at night.
This is the exact plan I followed:
Have baby's room dark and with a radio on easy listening playing liw.
Wake up and feed baby in the morning.
Approx three hrs later (or when baby starts their sleepy signs) take baby into their room and do as you would at night (I put mine into a grobag) and place into the cot and say "Shhh sleepy time.." give a kiss or whatever you'd do and leave the room.
Set a timer for five minutes and if the baby is upset or really not settling go back in say "shh sleepy time.." and physically turn them onto their tummy and with one hand on their back start rhythmically patting their bottom with the other hand. (I had to physically hold baby firmly the first time and there was a lot of protesting which was upsetting but I stuck with it and after five minutes it was calming).
Once calm but still awake leave the room again set timer for five minutes (or whatever you are comfortable with) and repeat as above if still unsettled and not calming themself. (They said to repeat for 30-40 mins but I didn't want to have baby upset for that long so I just go in twice and if by then there's no self settling, then on the third attempt I then keep patting baby until completely asleep).
First attempt took twenty minutes from start to finish. The next took ten and today each time has been under five minutes to self settle.
Do this for each nap.
Nights are exactly the same, you do your bedtime routine and if you want to feed before bed then you do so outside the bedroom with the lights on. We then say night to everyone, put into the grobag and into bed. If baby is waking up through the night I was told to try and soothe first and if not working then offer a feed before midnight and after 6am, otherwise feed as a complete last resort. You may want to continue feeding at night, however I'd still then try to put into the cot awake and repeat the steps above so you're not feeding to sleep.
I was so sceptical about any training and did not want to use any cry it out or controlled crying but I was becoming unwell and I think the method for me has been successful as I was confident in my approach and consistent. If you do choose to give something a try then I believe you must stick with it otherwise it'll cause so much confusion.
I was sure that the baby didn't need to feed at night and wanted to reclaim some time to myself through the day. You're not leaving them to cry for extended periods and so I was happy it was right for us.
This is by no means to everyone's taste but thought I'd share what worked for us hopefully reasonably clearly so that it's not just 'give them a patt on the bottom'.