Couple of questions for experienced co-sleepers

[MuddlingThru]

I am due in October and am considering co-sleeping for at least part of the night for the first few months and obviously want to do so as safely as possible. I have a couple of questions which I am sure the experienced co-sleepers can answer for me.

1. They say to keep the baby away from pillows, duvets etc. By Oct I will definitely be wanting my lovely thick duvet overnight. How do you manage to keep little one away from duvet but keep yourself (and them) warm?
2. The reason for wanting to co-sleep is so that for night feeds I can latch the baby on and then drift back to sleep. My concern is over baby falling out of bed when they are latched onto the side next to the edge of the bed rather than snuggled between me and DH. Do I need to be concerned or do you tend to have a bed guard just to be on the safe side? Thanks in advance for your help and advice.

ok... I have a low level king size bed so DH is at the edge, im next to him and DS has nearly half the bed... we all have enough room and DS would have to roll alot to roll out. You could also put a bedside cot next to the bed, so the worst that would happen is your baby rolling into the cot. I pull my duvet over me, but fold it away from DS and never pull it around. You could put your baby in the bedside cot with its own blankets and lean in and latch on.... then snooze and roll away when the baby is done.

bed guard for a baby would be worse... the baby would get trapped and suffocate. You could also just sleep on a mattress on the floor.

dont put baby between you as its too hot and dads dont have the same instincts as mums. Keep the duvet as light as possible incase you do pull it up in your sleep, and just wear PJ trousers and an open long sleeved top? My arm goes ontop of the duvet when I sleep so it cant be pulled up. I think in the bounty pack you get there is a Unicef leaflet about safe co-sleeping.

We had a bedside cot which was next to out bed. Before we managed to get that we had a little crib (which DD hated) but pulled it right up to the side of the bed, where DD slept - so forming a guard of some form - it fit perfectly, just right size for our bed.

DD slept in her Grobag on top of the duvet. We always had a duvet that was the size bigger than our bed at the time - so gave up more leeway with turning over, etc. She slept below whee the pillows where.

i co-slept with ds but we were in a double bed on our own so dh didn't get disturbed by night time feeds when he was working the next day. i had the bed pushed up against a wall. i slept on the outside edge side with a duvet over me, ds slept on the matress swaddled in a blanket when he was really small, then in a grobag, no pillows or duvet anywhere near him. he slept more or less centrally on the bed as i didn't want him too close to the wall in case he rolled, another reason we were seperate from dh so we had more space.

i think the best way of co-sleeping is one of those bedside cots. would have got one if we'd had room at the side of any of our beds for one, but in our old house all the bedrooms were really small.

i did like quootiepie got huge bed,i slept in the middle baby had own bedding used bedside cot as bed guard, never a problem. was a bit paranoid about pillows ended up using one but fairly flat used vertical iyswim. i did sleep well also kept nappies, etc. at hands reach.
good luck

and yes grobag after first few weeks

Would also suggest large kingsize bed. We made sure ds1 and then ds2 slept at same height as our heads (if that makes sense) i.e pulled our pillows well apart and made space for him in the middle with his own blanket - in the beginning they are no longer than a pillow anyway and this meant no danger of duvet over head. In first few weeks I sat up at night to b/feed as was worried about suffocation but started feeding on my side from about 4 months. Also use bedside cot as protection against rolling off but I have seen a co-sleeping bolster that you can buy that fits under your sheet at side of bed. Have just googled for it and not had much luck but will keep looking. If you haven't already, read "Three in a Bed" by Deborah Jackson it has loads of info.

Thank you all for your replies and advice.

We put a mattress on the floor, And DS slept to the right of me - Dh was on the left. We used layers - sheets and thin blankets so depending on the temp we could adjust how many layers was over us and ds individually. Didnt have a pillow - although dh did. Remember getting stiff arms though, not sure how I would overcome that if i was to do it again.

I'm co-sleeping with first child, nearly 6 months old.
We have a Mothercare bedside cot, which she sometimes sleeps in - especially for the first part of the night, then ends up next to me when I fall asleep feeding.
She has a grobag, the duvet hangs mostly over DH's side of the bed and stays no higher than waist height on my side. I sleep wearing a cardigan, which keeps my top half warm and is great for bf access! At first I had to keep DD well away from DH, as he nearly knocked her when turning over in his sleep, but now he is used to turning over in the same amount of space each time, and DD is much bigger so we don't worry.
Also I use a small cushion instead of a pillow, to create lots of safe space.

When we go away we try various tactics - using furniture to block one side of the bed, DD and me sharing double on our own, etc.

I must read Three in a Bed,... but I understand a key feature of safe mother-baby sleeping is that mother forms a protective 'C' around the baby - knees brought up and arm over baby's head. It stops baby moving up or down, and prevents you from 'forgetting' baby is there and turning over. Must admit this made my arm sore after a few weeks, which is where the bedside cot came to the rescue,...

Sorry for the essay!
Wish I'd asked these questions before my baby was born,...!
Good luck - I love it

Used to wear night clothes that open at the front so my arms & shoulders would be warm - could wear a cardi if need be. This stops you pulling up the covers as you're warm enough on top. I slept with little one in the middle between me & dh & I blocked dh side with a rolled up towel when dh wasn't there.

When my dd3 started to crawl about at night, at 10 months, I had to put her in the cot. dd 1 & dd2 never moved about at night. ds4 is also a night wanderer and now sleeps in his cot.

Check the UNICEF Baby friendly website for an excellent leaflet on co-sleeping. Best wishes xxx

I disagree with the comment that men don't have the same instincts as women. My dp definitely had more awareness than i when sleeping and on a few occasions he was the one to lift my arm of the babies face when i was asleep.

Our co-sleeping was unintentional, i just fell asleep sometimes forgetting to put baby back in cot and so it continued. Often dp would wake first and lay baby next to me for feed and i would remain fast asleep. Baby was always in the middle of us, but at the time we had a not quite double bed, so there would have been no way i would have left the baby at one side of us!

Yow will find you can lay on the same side to feed from either breast, so if you want baby in the middle you won't need to move him or her to feed, just reposition yourself.

Hattie, that's news to me about the same-side feeding...will definitely give that a go tonight!!

I have had all 4 of my babies in the bed with me,mine were on the end of the bed with my arm round them,i dont mean right on the end lol.my dh the other end by the wall,its like some sort of instinct,i never went in a complete deep sleep,you are aware the baby is there.probably like a dog doesnt roll on her pups,sort of thing.I did have a moses basket at the side,so if i needed to i could pop the baby in there.we have always had all our children in the bed,five of us in a double bed is quite a squash i can tell you.

How do you feed from both norks without turning over - sorry to be thick but I don't get it?

here is the leaflet

also sleep in pyjamas this way a lower tog of duvet is on the bed. consider a 'belly warmer' ie: a cotton strappy top but cut the straps off/or don't put them over the shoulders. when baby wakes, pull pj's up and belly warmer down on one side. that way only one boob is out in the draft.

i lift baby over to the other side. some people get up and cross over the baby. my dd now gets herself up and crawl over me.

Not read all these but this is what I did:

Kingsize bed with bedguard on my side, dh shoved on other side.

Had moses basket at the side of the bed so that once they had fed and were asleep (and I hadn't nodded off!), they could be lifted in there until they woke again.

Baby in thin sleeping bag or blanket, duvet wrapped round me, NEVER round baby.

Tbh the best best thing I ever did was banish dh to the spare room/sofa so I had the whole bed to myself and could read with a low light on for the numerous feeds. Also meant that he could get uninterrupted sleep.

i found I couldn't feed with both until she was a lot bigger. Here's what I did to avoid moving her around all night - she slept on the left of me so left boob was the one all night. so before sleeping and in the morning I fed with the right boobie,and all night with the left so I didn't have to roll us over. Does that make sense?? It worked out fine! Quite soon, although I can't remember when, she began to prefer sleeping between us, and by that time I found I could feed with both boobs while lying on same side, you just have to roll your shoulder more towards baby!

In answer to original post, I did without a pillow for the first few months, but did have duvet. Wear a long sleeved top/nightie and just have the duvet a bit lower down.

Can you put the bed by the wall? Otherwise a bed guard is best, because between you isn't safe until a bit bigger (as I said, at some point my dd decided between us was the ONLY place to sleep!)

My dd is now 2 and I LOVE co-sleeping, so glad I did it. However, I think that next time, if there is one, I would get dh to fork out for a bedside cot as well.

HTH

I don't have duvets - I sleep under blankets and the babies did the same.

As for the leaving them to sleep on the outside edge of the bed, I don't remember often doing that. You offer the outside breast first and stay awake long enough to swap sides and then the baby is always on the inside. You do tend to make room for the baby - leaving them plenty of room if they are on the outside, shielding them from the pillow with your arm, that sort of thing - even though you are asleep - it is all done subconsciously.

TBH, I didn't plan anything (not even co-sleeping, it just evolved as I was too tired to stay awake during feeds) and it strikes me that I took little precautions but never had any problems.

maybe it depends on the size and shape of your boobs! i used to be able to lay on my side so dd could feed from the bottom boob (iykwim) and then move more onto my tummy for her to feed from the top boob. Neither of us had to change positions then!

Maybe my pure inability to move once comfortable helped me master this skill

I read some research about men not having the same instincts... 99% probably have common sense though! I wouldnt trust my DH as he even wacks me when he sleeps! It depends how alert your DP/DH is I guess. As for feeding from both breasts, I kick DH out of the bed and change sides a few times a night or feed from one side, rolling on tummy abit more, bit I find it easier to move.

Thanks again for all the advice. I think I will invest in a nice warm cardi plus I like Kiskidee's idea of a 'belly warmer' to keep as much of me nice and toasty as possible whilst little one is feeding. Don't think that I am going to be able to feed from both whilst lying on one side - not that blessed in that dept .

Is this your first ? i wasn't that blessed either before i had dd1! you'll be surprised