Why does he hate his cot??

[karen99]

Arrrrghh, why oh why are daytime naps so hard?

We go through a run of good days and then a run of bad. Ds never likes being put in his cot and a 'good day' is when he falls asleep after 2mins of crying. A 'bad day' (LIKE TODAY!!!!) is 20mins of crying and counting (I went in after 20mins, cuddled him for 5 and put him back). I know he's tired but he doesn't want to settle. Sometimes after 10mins he finds his toys and has a great time for about 5mins and then the crying starts again. Plus he now says "mamma" in amongst the tears which just PULLS at those heart strings.

I've done my back in after carrying him around for 30mins after yesterday's nap and can't do the same again today... I feel terrible cos he's so upset and there's nothing I can do. In the end, yesterday, I just got him up and he missed his afternoon nap completely. He was already catching up on missed sleep from the weekend and if I do the same he'll be even more sleep deprived.

Has anyone got any tips on helping him like his cot and not cry as soon as he sees me walking near it? I'd love to be able to say "he now loves his cot and WANTS to go in it" as I've read before on MN. Ds is 8.5mo and over 22lb!

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Hi Twiglett. After taking your advice a few weeks ago about night sleeping he now settles really well most nights. But CC just doesn't seem to work in the day for ds. I think you're right about reinforcing after going in, but DH & I think 20mins constant crying is enough so normally I'd get him up and play for a while and try again 30mins later. [I did a shorter version of this the last two days cos of my bad back.]

Plus CC doesn't help that he seems to HATE his cot. I can count on one hand the number of times he's been put in his cot, played and fallen asleep without a murmur [in 8.5months]! He starts crying as soon as I pull the curtains and head towards his cot...

My mum suggested putting in some of his favourite toys, but he only plays with them when he wakes up. He doesn't see them when I put him in, to calm him down enough to sleep.

any other ideas?

BTW, I say 20min is enough cos his normal threshold is only 10mins, so we know something must be up for him to reach 20.. (atleast that's the current logic behind it!)

Does anyone have any other tips? Maybe this is my trade-off for ds being such a good eater.... he's a crap sleeper. [mind you, now I've said that I've probably jinxed eating too! )

This afternoon's nap battle is still in progress..

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Thanks Bloss (and twiglett). We'll give it another go. More often than not I do leave him to cry and he does settle himself in under 10mins. Maybe consistency is what he needs. I think the bad run starts after his routine gets messed up by outings or M&B groups when he gets overtired and/or misses a nap. I still can't see the day when he'll want to go in the cot. Maybe he's just one of those babies and may get better when he's toddling (wishful thinking!).

Thanks again.

My son is now 13 months and he's only recently got used to his cot, now actually expects to be put into it, with very little fuss. At 8 months if anyone had predicted this I'd have been fitting them for a straitjacket! Still doesn't stop him waking at least once in the night though

I have to agree, CC at this age. He will soon learn that crying doesn't get the results he wants. Best of luck xx

and I thought it was just my ds!!! Ds is my second and I was hoping he would settle down at 6 months like my dd. But he is the most irregular bb I've ever seen. Daytime naps go from 2 to 3 and they vary in length between 10 mins to 2 ho9urs. Invariably the short ones are the ones in his cot. He's much happier in his low chair. He's now almost 9 months and now cries in early hours of morning until I trake into our bed and he's kicked out his daddy. Doesn't go to sleep until about 11pm etc etc. and yes, hates his cot unless goes into it already asleep. Never did cc with dd although needed to and feel quite strongly against it but am now getting tempted!!!

Hi OuiOui, do you have a bedtime routine for your ds? When you say doesn't go to sleep until 11pm - is that with him in your arms or the cot? Do you have a 'wind-down' period before bed?

I have taken MN advice and left ds to settle himself and he's gone back to dropping off to sleep within 5mins of going into the cot, but we still have a major crying session before he decides to 'give-in' and settles. He's also gotten ALOT better at sleeping past that 45mins barrier in the day and on Friday he had two 1.5hr naps which is the MOST HE HAS EVER SLEPT IN THE DAY!

Hi Karen99
ok we have no routines whatsoever. some evenings he'll fall asleep at about 830 and sometimes 11. he always has a bath at 7pm and then sits down with my 2.5 year old dd in front of telly before bedtime. I then wait until he shows signs of fatigue. He will have his milk around 8-830 but can be full of beans until 11. What can I do? I reckon I can just about do cc if he's really tired but how can you do that to a bgb who's not tired.? oh and btw, yesterday he managed to go from nap of 20 mins at lunchtime until 10pm. I promise I don't give him coca cola. what do?

karen99.

I've heard that the Baby Whisperer (Tracey Hogg) book has something about being frightened of cots in it. I don't know what the solution is but someone out there might know..save you buying the book (which, if you do want to, is cheaper from WHSmiths web site than the Baby whisperer web site )

My ds hated his cot too - I would have counted 20 minutes before settling an night good going, and we never did get him to settle in it for a mid-day nap. The solution - let him sleep in a pushchair! Better that than not at all.

I've just remembered something I read and I think its in GF's book. To get baby used to their cot put them in it for a couple of minutes while you potter about the nursery doing stuff (or pretending to). Increase the time you leave the room by a few minutes at a time until you can leave them happily in their cot with you not being there for a reasonable time.

I'll look this up today to see if I've got it right but I think the idea is to make the cot seem a good and safe place to be and not only for sleep times. Will get back to you sometime today (I hope)

My 9 month DS2 has been a trial to get to sleep but we have now got him into a routine.

He sleeps roughly 7.30pm to 6.30am, has a morning nap of 30-45 minutes at 9/9.30am( he tends to sleep in the buggy when we go out in the morning with DS1 ) and an afternoon nap at 1.30/2pm for a hour to an hour and a half. He's really only been sleeping through the night and sleeping at set times during the day since end of January.

What did we do ?

1. Leave him to it especially for his afternoon nap, with a 2 and a half year old as well there was really no choice. He chats, whinges and sometimes crys but tends to go off to sleep in his cot pretty well now.

2. Give him a sound that he associates with sleep. In our case the sound of water crashing on the shore on one of those musical players.

3. He sleeps in the same room as his brother which helps, they have an afternoon nap at roughly the same time.

4. Especially at night try and have a routine, wind down with bath, games and books.

5. Naps at the same time. When they get used to it then you can be a bit more flexible with timings.

Does he nap happily in anything other than his cot? Is whatever it is portable? I.e. could you put him in it in the cot for a short spell several times a day just to get used to his cot? I was right....it is in GF's book (page 89). It might help but then again...it might not. Good luck

ok girls, here's the latest. Much as I hate cc, we're doing it. The first night, I fed ds bottle and thought he was tired and oput him in cot and he bcried until he threw up so I brought him out and he ended up playing for a few hours until 11pm. Drank a bit more and then fell asleep on our bed. I waited until he was fast asleep and then transferred to the cot and he slept for a few hours. When he woke I let him cry, seeing him at intervals and he cried for 2.5 hours from 2am until 430am. the next night I moved his cot from our bedroom into spare room and same, fell asleep on our bed and transferred to his cot. Woke up at 330 am and cried for 40 mins then slept until 9am. Amazing!
My main problem is when to let him cry it out because he doesn't have set times when he's tired. Sometimes he'll sleep at 8pm and othertimes at 11pm. Today he had 3 short naps and then settled at 9pm. I can't stop his 3rd nap at around 530pm as he wasd sooo tired as he woke after only 25 mins at 2pm. Sorry for rambling on but do you get the picture? when will he settle properly?

Thanks for all the replies. Sorry, I've been away at my parents the last few days and haven't been able to logon!!

Ouioui, I agree with the others and a bedtime routine can really help, but you have to be consistent. Does your dd have a specific bedtime too?

My ds (8.5mo) has an hours wind-down, dinner-bath-book-bf-bed (bath every other night), which starts at 6pm. NO TV as it's too stimulating. He is usually in bed by 7/7:30. If he has a late nap like your ds his bedtime shifts to around 8pm, but no later. We have a cut off point for late naps - he doesn't get one if it's after 5pm and if he's struggling to stay awake he goes to bed at 6:30/6:45pm. He then usually wakes a bit earlier but not much.

IME really getting to know the tired signs makes a big difference to how easily they settle. Even though you think your ds isn't tired at 8pm he might be a bit over-active (what we call "hyper-baby mode" ) but shows tired signs quite quickly once taken away from the TV etc. and is able to wind-down. Since you're now leaving him to settle this should get better each night but he may benefit from 20mins or so of quiet reading or away from the tv atleast (if you can get the time away from your dd).

HTH and let us know how he's doing.

My son at 7.5 months climbed out of the cot and simply jumped down. After that he would never stay in unless he was ill and had no fight,
As he walked early I simply kept him in with me and used my bed for naps (I had low futon so not as danerous as other beds) then he went into his own little proper bed by 10 mths
He has been fine since then
I did have to tough love him though... To get him to sleep at bedtime without being cuddled etc.

last night was night no 4 and it was fab! ds settled at 930pm, woke at midnight for dummy and started to cry as I told him mummy was going, he stopped crying by the time I got to the door! Hope this lasts!!! This morning woke murmuring in the cot at 8am. So his night sleep is less than 12 hours and he still doesn't sleep long durint the day - no more than 13 hours total - is that ok?
anyway on the bedtime thing - what if I settle earlier and still no signs of tiredness - should I put in cot to cry? I'm loathe to let him cry if I'm not sure that he's readfy to sleep? or is that the way to establish the bedtime that I want for him? admittedly, it would be easier to handle if I could choose the bedtimes due to dd. and yes dd goes to bed at about 8pm but this can and does vary depending on daddy home time etc etc .

Yey!

My ds sleeps around 12-13hrs a day aswell... there is no exact time for babies of their age, I think you just go with it.

If your ds is only sleeping for 1.5-2hrs in the day he will most likely be tired by 8pm at night if the last nap isn't too late. Have you thought about a cut-off point for day naps to ensure he goes down at a good time for bed? He may get used to going to bed at the same time as dd and if he's not tired maybe play in the cot for a bit before dropping off (MY DS DID THIS THE OTHER NIGHT!!!! a one-off I'm sure! ) I know, quite often you're not sure if they're tired or not, but for our ds it's usually clear if he's up for 4hrs after his last nap. By then he's definitely showing signs. I time the day naps to see a pattern - first nap is usually 3-3.5hrs from waking, second nap 4hrs from waking from last nap, and then bed is usually 3hrs from 2nd nap. HTH.

Kiwisbird -big bed at 10mo - that's amazing!

last night was amazing. wnet to bed at 830pm woke once and then slept until 8am. went in to see him in morninh and he was alreadyu awake but quitly playing in his cot. Had 2 very normal regular naps during the day but at 8pm, showed tire dsigns and had his milk then cried when put to cot. understandably as had a burp but then wouyldn't go down again. he's now sitting playing with some blocks in the living room - no tv but we're now approaching 9pm and no signs of fatigue again. oh what now?

When you say 'wouldn't go down again' what did you do? How long did you leave him? I usually cuddle ds for a min after milk to see if the burp comes up, then he goes down (with or without burp). If ds does wake in the night (ie. after 8pm) then I read or play quietly with him, no tv, for about 30-45min and the tired signs kick in and then put him down, usually with 10mins crying. I don't think he's up for more than 45min-1hr unless he's ill. How long were his day naps?

Frustrating isn't it.. you never get two days the same!

still same prob in the evening. no tv just 1 or 2 toys and he sits and gurgles at us from the middle of the room. however gets very upset when our dinner comes out at about 830/9pm. what to do? dh thinks maybe we skip dinner for a while. last night protested about 3 times at going into bed so I took him out as he really didn't seem tired, finally went down at 1030. but different time every night! also 2 conmsecutive nights of fever at 2am and then wakeful after medicine, wont stay in cot etc...
I know about the calm evening thing, but do I have to forego every evening just so that ds can settle happily into his cot? I'd like to watch a bit of tv and eat with dh - is that too much to ask?

Ouioui - you need to be so much firmer - you cannot allow a nine month old to dictate the pace. It doesn't sound as though you are consistent with cc.
Does he sleep in his pram/buggy? Make a point of getting him out in the fresh air for a sleep in the morning and a sleep mid-afternoon.
Decide bedtime is 7.30pm and do not let him out of the bedroom again. You and DH can take turns but do not give in. You can do it