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Original poster

CC just makes it worse. CIO seems to have just happened.

35 replies

stowsettler · 13/11/2013 05:41

DD is 8.5mo and has been great at night since she was born. But in the last 2-3 weeks or so she's been waking at around 3-4am and grizzling. My DP has up to now gone in and cuddled her back to sleep (usually by lying on the single bed in her room). This has become a regular thing now and I really do not want it to continue. I work FT and DP is incredibly precious about his sleep so I have no idea why he has let this continue for so long

Today she woke at 4am. She has cried until 5.30am, at which point I decided I'd had enough and I'm now downstairs, wide awake. I tried the CC approach which just makes her even more hysterical. This morning we've unintentionally fallen into CIO - because it seemed kinder to let her calm down and just grizzle sporadically, than go in and re-start the whole hysterical wailing cycle all over again.

I don't feel happy with the CIO label because all I've read implies that it is cruel. So why does it feel like the kindest thing to do? We absolutely HAVE to break this and giving in just isn't an option.

What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
madwomanintheatt1c · 13/11/2013 05:51

whatever you want. Your baby. Your choice.

But if you expect sensible practical advice that doesn't involve you martyr ing yourself to your baby on here, I wish you luck.

Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 05:53

You're absolutely right. What the hell was I thinking. CIO it is.

OP posts:
HairyPorter · 13/11/2013 05:59

Grin I was very much attachment parenting with dc1, but with dc2 I've fallen into CIO as well! Agree CC makes her more hysterical. Unfortunately it seems to have stopped working! Her sleep has suddenly gotten worse :( just wanted to wish you luck. Do wht ever suits for family best. The aim in the first few years is to keep them alive and yourself sane!

Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 06:04

Thanks Hairy. It's no fun is it?!

OP posts:
StupidFlanders · 13/11/2013 06:07

It worked for mine. I literally slept through his crying one night because I was beyond exhausted and he slept through from then on! But I don't think you'll get much support here!

SteamWisher · 13/11/2013 06:13

I wonder why that is?

If she's not crying hysterically then I don't think it's that bad.

But not doing CIO or cc doesn't make you a martyr - ridiculous. It's not one extreme or the other ffs.

mrscog · 13/11/2013 06:18

In my opinion there's a HUGE difference between cry it out and grizzle it out. I've always let DS grizzle/moan and he's been pretty good. Going in and out of the room makes it much worse.

SteamWisher · 13/11/2013 06:21

Agree. If this was CIO with baby properly screaming then I'd be Hmm and suggest that they ruled out things like the cold or heating coming on waking baby, or even a growth spurth making baby hungy or teething.

Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 06:21

I wd agree mrscog, except she's started grizzling just so she can keep going for longer! There's plenty of bursts of proper crying interspersed. It's just that by leaving her to it she settles much quicker.

OP posts:
Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 06:27

Oh an just to clarify, she's not cold / woken by heating / teething / thirsty / hungry. She wants to be cwtched asleep, it's very very clear. If I do cwtch up with her she settles in seconds. Unfortunately that means I get no further sleep and have to function at work for 9 hours.

OP posts:
MatildaMai · 13/11/2013 06:29

What is CIO?

SteamWisher · 13/11/2013 06:36

Oh how dare she want a cuddle!

I feel your pain, I do. But if she's sleeping through until 3/4am and a quick cuddle gets her to sleep, then so be it. Instead of lying there awake listening so you dont actually get any sleep anyway. What's the point? Unless it works after a few days, then I take it back.

But I doubt very much that she wakes up just for a cuddle.

LamaDrama · 13/11/2013 06:45

Ive given up with it all! I cried & cried the other night because she wont settle unless she is on me.

Shes beaten me down, we are co-sleeping & its the only thing that works for us. You have to do whats best for you.

Although at nearly 7 months shes still waking up x 4 & has only slept through twice since birth.

No DP, so its just me & DD.

Good luck OP - I know how draining it is x

Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 06:46

But it doesn't get her back to sleep! At least, she starts again as soon as I put her down. I'm just not prepared to give in to this, we all need our sleep and it's true we've been lucky up to now. But that just means that I'm determined not to start bad habits at this stage.
And I'm not here to discuss AP versus other parenting styles. DD is a very happy, extrovert and independent little girl (as independent as anyone can be at 8.5mo). What we have done so far has worked and this has not been the AP method. Encouraging this trait now is anathema to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 06:47

Oh Lama you have my heartfelt sympathy. And my total understanding. I couldn't do it on my own.

OP posts:
SteamWisher · 13/11/2013 07:45

It's not about being AP or not. Why do people boil it down to that, If she doesn't go to sleep after a cuddle, then a cuddle isn't what she's after I would suspect. Have you tried feeding? Tweaking her daytime routine as maybe she needs her naps adjusting.

As for not giving in - she's only 8 months old. Believe me, there are bigger battles to come!

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/11/2013 07:53

Don't sweat it sometimes going in and holding etc makes it worse. If it worked than likely hood is that it won't be very long next time and writhing 3 days you will see huge improvements. We have all done it by accident tiredness can't be helped sometimes ya just don't wake up.

I couldn't be doing with all the co sleeping , feeding through the night stuff myself either. Stuffed up day time no end.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/11/2013 07:55

Your sleep is important ! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's not save to drive and many jobs involve a lot of concentration . You can't work feeling like crap just do everyone else can say "well done for not letting her cry"

Original poster
stowsettler · 13/11/2013 07:56

Sorry steam I disagree. It wouldn't work for us. For some, yes. But not for us. giles I have found the same.

OP posts:
PatoBanton · 13/11/2013 07:58

No you don't have to 'break' this

I have a 10mo and the last few nights he has cried and been unhappy around that time of the morning.

I would not THINK of not being there for him when he is in pain or unable to rest.

I don't fucking understand people who think babies cry just to piss them off.

Your attitude is all messed up. It's not the baby's fault. Sorry to offend - I probably have. Sad but jeez this is sad.

an hour and a half????? of crying for you?

PatoBanton · 13/11/2013 08:00

and how can a baby that tiny possibly deal with its own pain/hunger/need for whatever>

HOW? They don't know ANYTHING. They are just UPSET for all that time. And you didn't go to them.

In what world is that Ok or good parenting

SteamWisher · 13/11/2013 08:12

What wont work? Tweaking naps? Trying feeding?

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/11/2013 08:12

pato

Everyone has slept through their baby crying. People have tried all sorts in desperation.

Luckily my two have never cried for long periods at night and they have always done the feeding 3.5-4 hourly thing once the initial first week or two is over. I always had to wake them at night to feed.

You may struggle with not going to your baby however being kicked the shit out of all night is not for all. If she's have been hungry I'm sure op would have fed her. But the answer is not always to cuddle all night or feed like a new born all night, they do need to learn to sleep before you are feeding bottles to three te olds all might and it becomes even harder to break the habit.

SteamWisher · 13/11/2013 08:18

Feeding bottles to three year olds? Hahaha don't be silly.

ExcuseTypos · 13/11/2013 08:20

I've never slept through my babies crying Giles. I don't know how you can possibly say 'everyone' has.

Leaving a baby to cry for an hour and a half is not on, on a regular basis. It's not a long term solution.