CC just makes it worse. CIO seems to have just happened.

[stowsettler]

DD is 8.5mo and has been great at night since she was born. But in the last 2-3 weeks or so she's been waking at around 3-4am and grizzling. My DP has up to now gone in and cuddled her back to sleep (usually by lying on the single bed in her room). This has become a regular thing now and I really do not want it to continue. I work FT and DP is incredibly precious about his sleep so I have no idea why he has let this continue for so long

Today she woke at 4am. She has cried until 5.30am, at which point I decided I'd had enough and I'm now downstairs, wide awake. I tried the CC approach which just makes her even more hysterical. This morning we've unintentionally fallen into CIO - because it seemed kinder to let her calm down and just grizzle sporadically, than go in and re-start the whole hysterical wailing cycle all over again.

I don't feel happy with the CIO label because all I've read implies that it is cruel. So why does it feel like the kindest thing to do? We absolutely HAVE to break this and giving in just isn't an option.

What the hell do I do?

It's happened once by the sound of it. I'm sure the op will evaluate the situation and decide how she's going to go about this. I don't think she deserves a hard time for merely trying to help her baby sleep properly. And get some decent rest herself.

Why do you have to break the cycle?

Of course she doesn't deserve a hard time. I wouldn't give her one.

I'm just pointing out that letting a baby cry for that length of time, is not a long term solution.

If she wants my advice, it would be to let her sleep in your room, in her cot next to your bed, noone will have to get out of bed then, and I expect she won't wake if she knows some one is next to her.

Jeez. Once again I come here for advice and get the holier than thou brigade thinking its some sort of parenting pissing contest. I shan't dignify Pato with a response because I have already explained what's happening but she doesn't want to hear. Thank you giles for being one of the few people on here with a modicum of common sense and the ability to see others' point of view. I'm outta here.

Or it could create an even worse problem. Or the cot might not fit in the bedroom. Tbh the way I see it is that if you want them to sleep in their cot in their room then you have to stick to that. Being in with me meant dd1 and I woke each other up . The moment she was in her own room she slept really well.we just dream fed her when we went to bed. Sometimes we had to go put the dummy back in but that was it.

stow- don't go, you finished your OP with 'what the hell do I do' so you obviously want people's advice. Ignore what you don't like and try the things you think will work for you.

It is hard at this age. dd1 used to wake at 5 every morning for about 3 months at This age. She was wide awake and ready for the day. I worked full time, so I know it's bloody hard. These things are just stages though. Try to work something out between you and your H, maybe taking it it turns so you do get a chance to catch up on sleep.

hmm. I'm not anti CC or even CIO (agree CC sometimes just works them up more) if it works quickly. if a baby stops waking and crying after a couple of nights of CC or CIO then IMO that means there was nothing really wrong and they just needed to learn to go back to sleep by themselves.

However OP if you've tried leaving her for a few nights and she's still doing the grizzling/crying for 1.5 hours, that suggests to me that there is actually something wrong and she does need you. you might not be able to see what's wrong but that doesn't mean there isn't anything. also if she's able to self settle, the fact that she isn't doing so suggests to me that she can't go back to sleep because something is bothering her.

how do you know she's not hungry? have you tried offering her milk and she doesn't want it? My 11 month old had been night weaned for ages but these past few weeks she's been waking up hungry again - she's very mobile and having a massive growth spurt - so don't assume that she isn't hungry just because she dropped night feeds a while back iyswim.

sorry, I forgot to say - I am not being judgey, I am genuinely trying to help you work out what's going on! my DD's sleep (1 yr old) is a bit of a mess at the moment but she knows how to self settle so there does generally turn out to be a reason if she won't go back to sleep by herself.

Could it be separation anxiety starting? is she a bit more clingy in the day at all? if so it's a phase... impossible to train her out of it by leaving her to cry...

I've just got home and came to apologise. I was out of order.

I am sorry.

I still wholeheartedly disagree with your view on babies and 'habits' - it isn't a habit, it is something they NEED - but still I was tired after a night of frequent waking (I think ds has a new tooth coming, he wasn't happy) and I let rip.

Which was uncalled for. But your attitude does make me feel concerned and upset on behalf of a baby who is left for that long.

Sorry again for being a cunt.

Actually I don't think I was that bad considering.

You've explained the cuddling her allows her to settle immediately.

But for some reason you don't want to do that.

Well really that's your answer.