Help! I think I've broken my baby and now he's breaking me!

[shamble]

DS2, 13m, used to be a pretty good sleeper. Quite good at self-settling and used to wake once, max twice a night. Has always been an early bird - usually up by 5.30am, but all in all, was pretty chuffed.

When he was 10m we went away for 2 weeks and everything went to pot - he stopped self-settling and we had to rock him to sleep. Now, we have to rock him to sleep every time he needs to go/go back to sleep.

Up til recently that's been ok. But for the last month things have been getting progressively worse, and this week has been utterly diabolical. He'll wake once or twice before 2am, and then that's it for the night. I mean, 5.30am is early but 2am? WTAF? He WILL. NOT. GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP. DH and I are absolutely on our knees.

I'll rock him and rock him and rock him - for 2hrs solid last night, as an example, and he'll doze off, and then his muscles will twitch almost involuntarily and he'll start screaming and thrashing again. Is this to do with learning to walk? He's not there yet but is getting very slowly closer. Could it be a medical problem? Or by rocking him to sleep every night have I just broken his ability to sleep to the extent that he just can't do it any more?

Please help, I'm really losing it with exhaustion. At the end of my tether. Also looking after DS1 who's just 3 and is dropping his daytime nap and pooing in his pants twice a day. I want to run away to Barbados.

Hi Shamble, I have absolutely no help for you whatsoever, but just wanted to say "this too shall pass" and of course to give you or if you prefer

Thanks Squeak. Definitely Maybe if I drink enough I won't hear the screaming. Any tips on when this too shall pass

In a similar boat myself.
10 month old Ds has never slept through yet.
Wakes 5,6,7 Times a night. Takes upwards of 2 hours to get him back to sleep some nights.

Watching with interest.

How much actual sleep is he getting over a 24 hour period?
DS is 3 now, but I think at 13mths he should be getting 12hours at night plus a post lunch afternoon nap. Is he sleeping a lot during the day?

It could well be that he is overtired and struggling to relax enough to sleep.
I think you need to work on doing the bath bed routine perhaps earlier.

Also DS1 is probably just attention seeking (understandably).
Can you hang on to his daytime nap a bit longer (wear him out in the morning) so that you can get a nap in yourself to recover enough to deal with DS2's nighttime sleep routine?

Any relative who could come and help you out for a few days ?

Squidgy the daytime naps are a bit of a struggle atm too. He has his first at about 8ish, for max. 1hr - we have to wake him - then his second after lunch at about 12.30. This really varies - if he wakes, it can be as little as 45m, if he doesn't, it can go up to 3hrs. At which point I wake him and he shouts at me all afternoon.

Oh for relatives to help! I think there should be a rent-a-relative website for desperate mothers with small children.

Sorry, so he's getting max 11hrs over 24hrs, or more likely 9-10.

It sounds to me like he is not getting enough overall - he should be getting about 13 hours out of 24, i think.

See this schedule

Why are you waking him from his morning nap? I would let him sleep as much as he can to try and make up his 24 hour total and then reduce the afternoon nap, so he is not grumpy and then tired enough to sleep at 7ish.

Does DS1 go to nursery in the morning? Could you catch up on some sleep whilst he is there and DS2 is napping?

He definitely isn't getting enough overall! But that's mainly because he wakes up at 2am!

I keep his morning sleep short to ensure he'll sleep at the same time as DS1, if he sleeps. Because I need to sit down and cry for a few mins alone, generally.

"Why are you waking him from his morning nap?"

^
this! And his afternoon nap as well??

Xposted sorry. When does ds1 nap?

After lunch. Increasingly he's not actually sleeping but he will stay in his cot for up to an hour which is time I desperately need.

I just don't know. I'm getting more and more muddled - I'm getting less than 3 hours' sleep a night most nights. I can't function any more.

I'm going to go to bed now and get some sleep while I have the chance, but I'd be grateful for any other input. How do I get him to sleep past 2am?

I am assuming that DS1 will get his free 15 hours nursery place from January - obviously you cannot wait that long.
I think before you tackle the sleep you should speak to your GP / health visitor and also a local surestart centre to get help for yourself.
I know the Sure start centre near my parents (we live abroad) offered respite care.

Firstly you have my utmost sympathy. It sounds horrendous. We went through lack of sleep hell earlier in the year when our DC2 was waking up to 10 times a night for months while I was pregnant with DC3.

I think that you have to stop the rocking as I think that's probably creating the biggest problem. This will be hellish though as I know in the middle of the night you'll do anything to get them back to sleep ASAP.

You could do with having a look at various sleep training methods and decide which one will work the best for you.

This too will pass but I completely understand you wanting to run away. Stay strong and I'll have a look at this thread over the next few daysand nights now up again in night with DC3 to see how you're getting on.

Oh and I think you're right to wake him from each nap as you are trying to enforce a routine and it's the only way to do it as annoying as it is as once they're asleep you want to keep them that way.

Have you tried any books etc? I found The Baby Whisperer really helped with DD.

Also, do you bf or ff? I'm only asking as when I moved DS from bf to ff he couldn't processes it properly and it was causing him such discomfort he wouldn't sleep for more than 20-30mins at a time, day or night. Luckily I had a really clued in HV at the time who helped me spot it and a change in formula worked wonders.

The rocking is stimulating him so stop it

Lay him down and pat him, no eye contact, in the dark

Or leave him to cry it out

But stop giving him loads of attention when he should be asleep

Sit in the dark, beside his bed, no eye contact, no talking, no rocking. Just a quiet "sush, it time to sleep" once in a while.

Be as boring as a rock. Bore him to sleep.

Or take it one step further like I did, put a blow-up mattress on the floor of his room and settle down on it. Have a nap if you feel like it. Leave him to settle himself.

definitely don't wake him from naps. With mine, the more they slept in the day the better they slept at night. How about you go with the flow tomorrow. Just follow what he wants and see where it takes you. Definitely no rocking.

Thanks everyone. Goodness, some different ideas but the no rocking is pretty unanimous.

I agree. But atm, if I don't rock him, he screams blue murder and wakes DS1. I feel a bit trapped as I really don't want to do CC/CIO. I will persevere with pat/shush as a first resort rather than any picking up though.

Interestingly, last night we left the heating on to rule out him being cold. He slept til 3am, DH settled him (he ALWAYS picks him up, no matter what I say), then slept til 5.30. So either last night was a freak blip, or this phase is ending, or all along it's been the cold waking him.

Will see what happens today/tonight and report back. But our energy bills this winter could be appalling

I pat my twins into submission (theybare 9mo) so I lie them down on their tummies (their preference since 5 months) and pat in a rhythm until they fall asleep - then I keep patting for another count of 50! To make sure ! Rocking was destroying me and obv not possible with two at the same time. Advantages are you can sit on the floor and poke an arm through the bars of the cot. If they piss about, I stop or walk away for a max of 2 mins or until they are properly crying (I ignore whinges but don't let them get into full on cry as they tip into melt down in about 2 seconds!) and then restart the patting.

Sometimes I can get them both down in less than 5 mins with this approach. Sometimes it takes longer but it does normally work and is much easier on your back. I started with naps and also used the same rhythm to pat when rocking in my arms to get them used to it being a comfort.

I've also heard of people rocking babies in their cots as a transition - so putting them on their side and jiggling them. Might be worth a try as an interim measure?

Great news Shamble and I hope you and your DH feel a bit more refreshed this morning as if one night's going to help

The patting sounds like a good idea if you don't want to leave DS to cry. I wonder if it was him getting cold?

FreeButton that's what I do - he sleeps on his tummy too, so I pat his back rhythmically. Sometimes it doesn't work though, as he crawls around and sits/stands and makes it generally impossible. If he's really upset it really doesn't work either.

Hen thank you! Babies are such a mystery. Neither of mine have been straightforward. I seem to breed awful sleepers.

Glad last night was better; worth persevering with keeping the house a bit warmer to see if that helps. (Is your DS2 in a baby sleeping bag?)

Good alternative to CIO is gradual withdrawal

Squidgy yes he is - plus long sleeved body suit and pyjamas Think he likes to be warm. SIDS nightmare.

I had a bash at gradual withdrawal a few weeks ago and it left him absolutely hysterical. I'll check that link out though, thank you, and see if I got it wrong (probably. Think my brain exited the structure along with DS2 when he was born).