Starting the day at 3am - ways to cope

[Haddock73]

Ds2 (2 weeks old) wakes at 3am for a change and feed. It takes me two hours to change, feed and get him settled again by rocking. He's usually settled by 5am, which is when on the dot ds1 wakes up (2years old). He used to wake at a much more reasonable time of 6am, which would've given me an hours sleep but essentially I am up for the day from 3am.

I am I'll a the moment - sore throat, stinking cold and have no one that can really help out.

Please give me ways to cope with this kind crippling sleep deprivation.

Have no idea how to get ds1 back to sleep after he wakes at 5am, have tried everything. I don't think he's sleeping too much in the day either - usually 1.5-2 hrs for a lunchtime nap. Down for bed at 7-7.30pm. Have tried a oter bedtime and all it means is he gets less sleep and still wakes at 5am.

Please help.

Think I may have pnd as well which is making this situation even more worse than it already is.

To add I can't sleep when the baby sleeps because the toddler is up, dh is out of the house 7am-9pm. On occasion when ds1 is in bed and I get ds2 down I sleep, no matter what time whether I've eaten or not. But I can't cope with staring my day at 3am anymore.

Am in tears writing this.

I will more than likely be shot down in flames....can you doze either in your bed with the telly/dvd on for half an hour? Or I-pad for half an hour while you grab some quick sleep? Cbeebies app is a real winner in our house...IN SHORT BURSTS (awaits the I-pad haters arrival to tell me im a lazy parent )

I had my DC close together and used to put a postman pat dvd on and cuddle into DC1 so they couldnt escape from our bed and i could grab another hour?

Why can't DH get up at 5 with Ds1?

Then you can get another 2 hours until he goes to work. He needs to start pulling his weight before you fall apart.

You have my sympathy, I remember going right off the rails with ds at about a month, and than was with 1!

The other thing is, it will get quicker to feed & settle ds2. What is it that's taking most of the time?

Hi! I have a 2 year old and a five week old, bloody hard isn't it? It is better at 5 weeks now compared to at 2 weeks if that's any help?

My dd (2) is an early riser. I found that when I restricted her daytime nap to just one hour she started consistently sleeping 'til 6am or later, whereas before it was getting too early. Maybe worth a try? I know it means less of a 'break' (ha ha!) in the day, but imo worth it for the mornings.

Also, and I don't know if I'm right in doing this or not, but does your ds2 need a change in the night? I'd only change my ds (the baby) if he had done a poo, otherwise I find the nappies are absorbent enough to leave all night. If I change him he takes ages to settle back to sleep, but if I just feed him and put him back down (this might take two or three goes) then he's more likely to get back to sleep. Sometimes rocking the Moses basket while I'm laying in bed helps to settle him too.

I do understand how difficult the lack of sleep is, but honestly I'm thinking back to 3 weeks ago and it was much worse than it is now. Although I've suggested some things here that have made a slight difference to me, in another sense there's not too much you can do to dramatically change things, I think. Sorry if that sounds negative, I just mean it is really tough, you're not doing anything wrong if you're finding it really tough, it just is. But it will get better, and in those tiny, tiny pockets of calm (probably when the telly's on and the baby's feeding) just look at the family you've created and how amazing it is.

This feels like it's going to be this hard forever, but it really really isn't, and in a few years time it will actually feel like a very short time when you look back.

Are you seeking/getting any help if you suspect you may have pnd? I would phone your hv or make a doctor's appointment today and get somebody involved very soon. That could make a world of difference. Please don't try to struggle on thinking you need to be perfect.

Shit, just realised it's Sunday. Do you have a mobile no for your hv or midwife? Think it's worth phoning them today anyway. Look after yourself today, don't worry about how much cbeebies is on or what the house looks like. Make sure you're eating and drinking enough. Is dh with you today? Get him to take them both out?

Oh and do you have a double buggy? I got a second hand phil and ted's and if it's hard in the day I can strap them both in and go for a stroll. Ok, I don't get to sleep and I'm walking, but it feels like a break because I'm not being touched.

Sounds blooming horrid. My tip would be to reduce the nap your 2 yr old is having. My DD dropped her nap altogether at 2 and was only having 45 mins from 18 months. Any more than this and she'd routinely wake at 5am. May take a week or so to kick in so don't dismiss it after a night or two as a lot of people do.

I have 2 but my baby is 6 mo now, gets easier all the time. I would agree - for DC1, restrict the nap - maybe lop off 30 min if u can, from the front end, so he doesn't go to bed too tired. Also we have blackouts and a safety gate so encourages later sleeping in morning, then once he wakes, he can't get out! (Evil cackle)
I remember baby being like this, taking ages to get back down, it does get quicker.
Also, how about a few hours of babysitter / mothers help if u can find one?

totally agree with above posters, also you could try going to bed once you have put the kids down for the night sky at 8pm, I realise it's very early but you need to catch up on sleep!!

Thank you all. I will try and reduce ds1's nap to an hour and see if that makes a difference. Dh always says he will help but when t comes to it says he's too tired from working etc, or ha to eave early/get ready, so can't help in the mornings. He's never home for bedtime which eaves me alone with them essentially from 3am.

I don't know who I can call on a Sunday, everywhere is shut.

cubed I can't put the tv on and nap as the toddler then tries to an handle th newborn or feed him something. Have to keep my eye on him all the time.

Going to try and get up now, and get everyone out the house for. Walk despit being unwell with a raw throat, thumping headache and up since 3am.

I hate myself for sounding so pitiful.

cunfuddled I go to bed whenever I get ds1 and ds2 down, even if I havent eaten get. I prioritise sleep over food. So lat night ds1went to bed at 7.30pm, ds2 went down at 10pm, I slept til midnight, feed, them again til 3am where I was up for the day. Some days I'm lucky and ds2 goes down earlier at 8pm them I sleep then.

Where is DH in all this? Can he get up at 5am instead.

It's a weekend today so where is he?

When baby sleeps stick on a toddler DVD for DS and lie on the sofa with him and sleep.

I feel so sorry for you, you must be shattered.

Haddock you don't sound pitiful at all, I have a 2yo and 10 week old, a cold and a bad back at the moment. I've spent the last 2 days mostly crying...

It's really hard but "this too shall pass". I've found it kind of helps knowing there are loads of us up and down the country going through the same thing - alone together.

Hope you feel more refreshed after your walk.

Cross post.

DH needs a rocket up his arse. I'm really cross with him and I don't even know you! Too tired? Cheeky fucking bastard. You need an adult to adult talk with him about how some things are TOUGH FUCKING LUCK!

Are you breast feeding? If not can you hand baby over when DH walks in at night and go to sleep. What about weekends. Can you sleep all day today and DH have them.

Just to add - DH does take DD1 in the morning before going to work (normally about 6am to 8am). It has to be a team effort, he can't afford for you to fall apart either!

What Heidi said.
Your husband needs to take the children, and you need paracetamol and a drink and a few hours sleep today.
You really need to take care if yourself OP

Hopefully OP hasn't been back as she is fast asleep and her DH has the kids :)

Can you have an honest chat with DH about how you are struggling and where he needs to pull weight? I had a wobble a month or so ago (and I've only got one - 5 mo) and we agreed that DH would get up with her in morning until either she's ready for nap or he needs to go to work. He takes her downstairs, plays with her while he eats breakfast and I get an extra hour in bed. It's made ALL the difference to my state of mind. Yes, DH is tired too and has to work, but I was beginning to not cope and was equally tired from multiple night wakings, etc.

Sounds like your DH has a tiring work day, but so do you! Tell him you need him to take older DC every morning from 5-6 (at least, ideally later - he can get ready for work while looking after) so you get an hour extra in bed - it'll make a big difference!

And the 2hrs to settle baby will improve quickly.

If I let my 2-year-old sleep for longer than an hour at lunchtime he doesn't sleep as well at night, so perhaps restrict him to just an hour?

Maybe I've been lucky or my early morning grumpiness is enough to scare my DC into sleeping longer, but I have always had zero tolerance for early waking and my DC know I don't get up before 7 unless they are ill. Yours are too young for a gro-clock or similar, but a 2-year-old should understand that he can't get up while it's still dark. There is no bloody way I'd be getting up at 5 - DS1 went through a phase of waking at 5.30 when he was a toddler and I knocked it on the head immediately by refusing to get him up. Restricting his lunchtime sleeping may help if you persevere with a shorter sleep at that time.

Also, why does it take two hours to settle your LO? He's tiny, so hopefully this will improve and he's probably still suffering with day/night confusion, but I'd work at getting that two hours down to a more manageable amount of time (no more than 40 mins, say). I had a dim light that I'd put on for night-time feeds and changes and I'd always whisper if I needed to speak, or just gently 'shhhh' to show him the difference between day (normal talking, daylight, etc), and night (whisper, dark, quickly back to bed).

You poor thing. Agree your husband will have to take turns getting up at 5am.

My DS1 did this when DS2 was born, but he went back to 6am after about 6 weeks - might be just unsettled with the new baby.

Whereabouts are you? Am wondering if you could befriend someone from here who could eventually help out. It's not a short term solution I know, but worth a try.

What sort of stage is your 2 year old at? Once mine was around 2 and a half, I bought a groclock to show him when it was wake up time, which I changed by 15 minutes every few days - it slowly made a difference to his wake up time. He was always very much of the character where it would work, though - by 3 we could go through til 7.30 (bliss!) and it was still working when he was 4. Now at 5 he will happily lie in bed reading comics until we get up.

Your DH needs to step up, he needs to give you some time in the morning, sleep at the weekend and I'd be considering having him take some holiday too. You will become ill if you don't get more rest, getting so run down puts you at risk of getting viruses and not being able to recover quickly.

Hope it gets better soon x

Haddock - I have private messaged you

oh no!! i mujst have mis understood your op, i thought you had between 8pm and midnight to try catch up a little =[, hope it gets sorted out soon!

does your toddler start preschool / nursery any time soon?