Starting the day at 3am - ways to cope

[Haddock73]

Ds2 (2 weeks old) wakes at 3am for a change and feed. It takes me two hours to change, feed and get him settled again by rocking. He's usually settled by 5am, which is when on the dot ds1 wakes up (2years old). He used to wake at a much more reasonable time of 6am, which would've given me an hours sleep but essentially I am up for the day from 3am.

I am I'll a the moment - sore throat, stinking cold and have no one that can really help out.

Please give me ways to cope with this kind crippling sleep deprivation.

Have no idea how to get ds1 back to sleep after he wakes at 5am, have tried everything. I don't think he's sleeping too much in the day either - usually 1.5-2 hrs for a lunchtime nap. Down for bed at 7-7.30pm. Have tried a oter bedtime and all it means is he gets less sleep and still wakes at 5am.

Please help.

Think I may have pnd as well which is making this situation even more worse than it already is.

OP - I really feel for you it sounds like you are having such a tough time. I agree with the others you really need more help & support from dh - its not fair for you to do it on your own. He needs to be helping with that hour or 2 in the mornings or at the very least at the weekends.

My ds went through a long stage of getting up at 3-4am when he was younger & there was no getting him back down. I was permanently shattered & had pnd too, but with hindsight I think the sleep deprivation played a big part in the pnd & once we sorted his wake up time & I was getting more sleep I instantly felt heaps better. Hopefully that will be the same for you too.

Can I ask what time ur 2yo takes his daytime nap? If it starts before 1pm I would suggest that before you limit his nap to 1hr, you try slowly pushing his nap later by 15mins/wk til it starts no earlier than 1. Ime early waking is linked to the timing of the nap - get that right & you sort the EW. We tried cutting nap back to 1hr when ds was around 2 & all it did was make him foul & grumpy all afternoon & he still woke early because he was then overtired. Just wanted to put that out as an alternative if your ds doesnt cope well with being woken from naps.

omama ds1 naps at 12.30...does this seem too early/late? Ds2's woken early today...I hope I'm not up for the,day from 2am. I'm feeling really unwell as well - thumpng headache and sore throat and dh back at work.

I'm awake too so I just wanted you to feel a little less alone as the nights can be so - especially at this hour!

Not sure but I wondered could a friend or relative come and stay for the night and do one night of settling for you or the early rise with your older child just for you to get a little extra sleep?
Or would you consider a night nanny to come in as a once off or even as a regular thing as money well invested?
You never know their might be a trainee maternity nurse or nanny who wants to build their experience with the younger children?

A few rambling thoughts from me - I hope something in there might help
Hugs to you and remember you are doing a fab job in tricky times and things will get easier.

Do you have to change the baby? If you're changing at the feed before and 6am, the nappy should last and baby might go back down easier?

Try and remember how quickly things change at this stage, it won't be forever even though it feels like it.

I wish I had a magic solution for you :(

When my two were this young, I could never settle the baby after the 3am or 4am feed. DH used to get up and rock her to sleep. Sometimes he got back to bed after wards, sometimes not. Sometimes she settled for me and he didn't have to get up and sometimes not. Either way, he had to take his turn, even though he worked similar hours to yours. We had a new baby. Everyone is supposed to be a bit tired.

That last sentence want directed at you though. You sound beyond tired and you will only get more unwell if you don't rest.

I had a terrible cold one week while DH was away and both kids were also sick. We don't have any family in this country, so I called an agency to send someone for the day. I was still at home resting, so I didn't worry too much that she didn't know the kids. She was brilliant with them and just brought the baby to me for feeds. They were much happier having a happy person to entertain them all day than a tired and sick mother. It cost a bit but was worth it. Do you have any chance of throwing money at the problem just to get you better? Or can DH take a day off?

The night waking will pass, but I feel as though you should do something this week to allow you to get well again.

Haddock - at 2 yo I'd be inclined to say yes its too early. Try doing nap at 12.45pm for a week then push it to 1pm & keep it there for a couple of weeks & see if his wakeup time improves at all. At that age my ds did
Up 7
Nap 1-3/3.30
Bed 8pm

Ok its a later bedtime than some would like but it worked better for us than cutting his nap. The good nap made sure he was well rested, he still did 10.5-11hrs at night & got up at a much more sociable hour. Although from age 2+ he did start having occasional days without a nap too.

Can you ignore DS1 for 15-20 minutes when he wakes up? The idea is to delay his breakfast/milk and hope he starts to wake up later when his body is used to eating later. Then ignore him for another 15-20 minutes etc. Treat 5 AM wakings as night wakings - dark room, no eye contact, Say "Shhh, it's night time" etc.

We did this when DD went through a phase of waking up at 5 AM. We ignored her for a while, she eventually went back to sleep a few times. Next thing you know, she started sleeping from 9 PM to 9 AM every night. Those were the good days, before she started school.

cote we've tried ignoring and putting him back down to sleep but he screams hysterically and then wakes ds2 up - his room is next door to ours.

omama ds1 usually naps 1-3pm, I shall try and push back bedtime to 8pm tonight and see if that makes any difference (fingers crossed).

Thank you everyone for the suggestions,

I would cut down on two year olds nap time. One hour max.
Don't change nappy if you can help it during night.
If you are an early rising household, 'wake' baby earlier to feed (an extra dream feed).
If breastfeeding, feed laying down and co-sleep. If not bf, co-sleep anyway. I would do this while toddler naps too.
Will probably get flamed, but a dummy has just changed our lives. Ds2 (12 weeks) just wants to suck constantly.
My dh looks after ds1 until 7.15am, when he leaves work. He also works long hours.
Make lunch the night before if possible or try and eat when your two year old does.
If you can afford it, hire a cleaner.
Put dh in charge of toddler at weekends to catch up on sleep.

It will pass. I cried every night for the first few weeks with the lack of sleep. It's much better now.

Can your dh book time off work? It has helped me to see that various 'breaks' are lined up for me to countdown to.

I have a 2 year old. I nap her in the morning at about 11 or 11:30. Part of this is because I pick my older dd up at 1:45 so I wouldn't be able to do an afternoon nap till about 2:30 and I find that if I nap her in the afternoon she won't go to sleep at her regular bedtime of 7, it can easily be 8:30 until she'll settle.
I also find that if we don't go out to the park or somewhere else where she can burn energy off then bedtime is harder.

Could be worth a try?

You are not pitiful. There are lots of us in similar situations and finding it really hard.

Can you not take DS2's cot into your room for a couple of nights while you sort out DS1's sleep?

That way, you don't have to worry about DS1's screams waking DS2 up.