Support thread for getting DC into own room

[Forgetfulmog]

Hi!

I've been co-sleeping with dd for about 4 months now (completely unintentional - she just wouldn't settle on her own). Anyway she's now 8.5 months & have decided that tonight is the night we will start putting her in her own cot in her own room. Aaarghhh!

She's ebf & atm wakes up 1-2 hourly for feeds. Hopefully this won't continue in her own room!

DH & I are going to try the NCSS, but I suspect we may just end up making it up as we go along . We are completely anti cc (no offence to anyone who's tried it, but it's just not for us). We've agreed that, no matter what, dd is not coming into our bed (famous last words!).

So, anyone else trying to get their DC into their own room & want to share tips, concerns or rants??

[DrMcDreamysWife]

Hello!!

My dd is also 8.5 pushing 9 months but I think we've starter the nine month regression already. After a tonne of work at 7 months I got her out of my bed and into cot for first part of the night 7pm to 11/11.30 ish, on a good night she would do another stint in cot after a feed and come into bed with me at four. However this has recently gone to pot and she is refusing the cot again and last few nights I have gone to bed with her at 7ish. :( she is feeding on and off till ten and then will do a stint till 1/2 then wakes every hour and in my exhaustion boob is shoved near ;)

I'm soooo disappointed as I was so happy me and dh had got our evening back and now it's gone again! I thought it was improving and it's totally gone backwards! And I'm so tired I can't face the crying the cot seems to involve now :(

We've all had colds too so waiting to shake them and then the cot challenge begins again!

Good luck tonight!

[Forgetfulmog]

Hi Drmc I feel your pain! It's just exhausting isn't it. Hope you're all better from your colds soon & good luck when you try again - come on here & tell us when you do!

[Forgetfulmog]

Aaarghhh we have way too many creaky floorboards in our house! DH & I are acting like cat burglars!

[Forgetfulmog]

So, a much much better night last night:

7 asleep in cot
7.25 woke up twice crying. Able to soothe her back to sleep
7.35 asleep in cot
8 woke up crying, unable to settle in cot
9 fed
9.25 asleep in cot
11.45 woke up crying
11.46 asleep in cot
Cried a few times but able to settle
12.25 fed
12.35 asleep in cot
2.55 fed
3 asleep in cot
5.15 fed
5.30 up for the day

She did grizzle a bit but I was mostly able to settle her in the cot by stroking her head. We were almost about to give up at the beginning as she just wouldn't settle but then I fed her & lay her down still awake & she went to sleep! My & DH were like

Hopefully it will go well tonight. She also fed about half the amount of times she would next to me too

[Forgetfulmog]

Hi everyone, how are you getting on DrMc & Happy?

A really good night last night - dd went to sleep with me just holding my hand lightly on her & playing the white noise app. Did bring her into our bed at 4ish though, but (& this is an historic moment) she slept for 8 hrs without wanting a feed! First time she has ever done this!

6.35 asleep in cot
8.15 woke crying, able to settle her back to sleep in cot
8.20 fed
8.30 asleep in cot
4 fed
4.05 asleep in cot
4.10 woke up & wouldn't be settled
4.20 brought into our bed
5.40 fed & up for the day

[DrMcDreamysWife]

8 hours!!! That is epic! Congratulations, that is absolutely brilliant!

We are making a bit of progress, she won't let me put her in cot BUT she will let my dh do it! Whoop! So I give her a bedtime feed, then when she's done my dh comes in and sits with her until she is very asleep and then puts her in her cot. Each night he is trying to put her down less asleep. She has been going in cot between 7-8 and lasts till 11.30 till a feed. So 4 hours!! She can do another four hours but not in the cot!

One step at a time!

[Forgetfulmog]

Thanks . Am hoping for a similar night!

Well done for you as well - 4 hrs is brilliant (I genuinely mean that as well - I know what it's like to have dd feeding every hour!). Like you say, one step at a time. The fact that she will go down in the cot to begin with is fab. Hopefully over time she will be happy to stay in it longer.

Am sat in the nursery watching dd sleep & waiting for DH to bring me a cup of tea & a slice of some awesome cake from Ikea . Sustenance is needed for these all-night vigils!

[happydaze77]

Hi again - sorry for the long absence.

Well, we've been putting dd in her own room, after her dreamfeed, since Friday and it's gone well so far.. .

I think the blacked out room really helps - if she can't see much then she won't notice that she's in a different room right? She's also easily stimulated so I think that and the white noise help to block out two of her senses!

[Forgetfulmog]

Glad things seem to be going well Happy.

Yes the white noise is a god send - I kept it playing pretty much all last night!

Ok-ish night last night - DH was back to work today so I had to take the helm all night. Dd was & is still very snotty from her cold so that probably isn't helping much. Anyway last night looked like this

7.15 asleep in cot
9.05 fed
Cried
9.30 asleep in cot
10.15 cried
10.30 asleep in cot
1.15 fed
4.30 fed & brought into our bed
6.20 fed

Cried multiple times during night - able to be soothed back to sleep. Played white noise constantly

[Wiggy29]

Can I crash the thread? I'm not trying to get ds in own room (as only 3 months&we co-sleep) but we're trying to get him to sleep with being in rocked in our arms with a dummy. So far, we've got to the point where he'll fall asleep on our bed without dummy at night but with for day time naps. I'm also trying to get him to sleep facing away from me as opposed to pressed up against my boob to get him used to falling asleep without the warmth/ smell of me.

Tonight he went down on our bed at 19:15 without dummy or me next to him, he woke at 20:50 crying for 10 minutes but dp settled him with dummy, he was still facing away on the bed and dp just held dummy and stroked head.

Assuming no more waking, we'll dream feed at 22:30 and then he normally wakes 3:30ish for a feed and then 6:30ish.

I'll let you know how it goes...

[Forgetfulmog]

Welcome wiggy

Ooh good luck for tonight then. I know what you mean about them snuggling into your boob - dd did that to me. Now she has replaced me with the cot bumper (thankfully we've got an Airwrap one!)

[happydaze77]

Hi Wiggy.

I used to have to always feed dd to sleep. She never took a dummy.
I used to lie with her in bed until she was asleep, unlatch, then creep away (if unlatching her hadn't woken her!)

Then I started unlatching her just before she was asleep, but staying very close, often with my arm across her legs, to stop her kicking.

After a few weeks of doing this I moved onto unlatching her and backing off a few inches and just lying next to her, no contact. I didn't say anything, kept my eyes closed, occasionally sneaking a glimpse to see if she'd dozed off. (Obviously if she became distressed I wouldn't just continue to ignor her)

I believe that was the stage where she finally learnt to put herself to sleep. The holy grail of self soothing!

Just recently, at around 6 months, she started to become more mobile so I knew I had to get her to fall asleep in her cot, not on our bed. It also meant that while I was lying beside her she was trying to reach for me and roll towards me. One day I got so frustrated with this that I just scooped her up, plonked her in her cot and left the room (to cry and eat chocolate)
Miraculously she fell asleep, all by herself, within minutes!

I hope I'm not tempting fate by saying this but I've been able to 'plonk and leave' her about 8 times out of 10, over the last two weeks.
So, it's not 100% failsafe but we're getting there. At least I hope....
I can honestly say that I NEVER thought it would ever be possible. DD has been a nightmare to get to sleep since day 2.

Also, although I am not one for CC, we do leave her for a few minutes if she's grizzling, or doing her 'protesting cry', (often this happens immediately after I leave the room but only lasts a couple of minutes). We do go into her if it doesn't stop after about five minutes, or if it escalates to full blown howling. I think she just sometimes likes to let off steam.

Anyway, hope some of that may be useful.

[PrimalChic]

Can I crash too? Desperate to do something about DS's sleep and we're ready to move him to his own room. DS is nearly 6m and we've been co sleeping since he was born. We too have a sidecar crib, I keep my drinks bottle, muslins and the iPad on it whilst it's playing white noise!

DS sucks to sleep. Had been trying the NCSS pull off but he has started protesting. Thinking about trying him on a dummy again, also tempted by your plonk and leave, Happy!

Tomorrow he's going in his cot. He is. Do you think it's best to start with nap time or night time sleep? He happily lies in there playing in the day.

[Wiggy29]

I should be clear, when I say he snuggles into the boob, he's not actually latched on, I think he just likes the smell&comfort.

Tonight, his naps were a bit muddled so managed his full bedtime routine (minus story as he was very heavy eyed & didn't want him asleep in my arms). Seemed to work ok. Had a few sucks of dummy then it fell out& he didn't flinch.

He woke about ten minutes ago but we just popped dummy in for a few seconds & he went back over. I'm trying to stretch out the time between feeds as much as possible so he's not just habit feeding (though I won't let him go hungry either)! Planning to head to bed now but will get dp to feed him when he comes to bed as he usually stays up later than me.

Welcome primalchic& good luck everyone tonight! Here's hoping we all have some sleepy babies so we wake up one step closer to a full night's sleep& our own bed back!

[Forgetfulmog]

Hi Primal

Dd just woken up & started crying do tried soothing her & shed just gone back off when I trod on a creaky floorboard

Now feeding her to soothe her back to sleep (I know bad habit!).

[Forgetfulmog]

Primal - in answer to your question, I probably wouldn't try during the day - I remember reading somewhere that when trying to get your baby to sleep in a cot, to ensure they have as much nap time as poss & to do whatever you can to get them to nap.

Once he's sleeping in the cot at night you can work on the naps.

Good luck!

[PrimalChic]

Thanks ladies. I'll try him in the cot at bed time this evening after a good few naps today. I read that too, I think it's in NCSS.

Just had 4 hours sleep whilst DH took DS. Still exhausted! Feeding a hungry baby to sleep now, hoping he lets me have another hour or two before we get up. HA!

[Forgetfulmog]

Did DS go back off primal?

Ended up bringing dd into bed with us at around 2 - she was really snotty & couldn't seem to breathe very easily. She was feeding every 2 hrs last night so not great but still an improvement on the hourly feeding!

[Forgetfulmog]

I don't think dd will be staying in her cot tonight; she's just so snotty & is clearly having trouble breathing. I've rubbed Snuffle Babe everywhere but it doesn't seem to be helping. Poor baby

[Wiggy29]

Forgetful- it's tough when they're not 100%. bless them.

Last night was ok, fed at usual times & went back over after dream feeds (at 23:30&3:30) without dummy. That inspired me to take the next step, which is either no dummy or me not close by.

So... did the usual routine tonight&he was sleepy&settled, he was lay on bed happily chattering with the dummy out so I left the room&sat outside. This lasted about 5 minutes but then he started crying.

He only seems bothered by dummy falling out, so at the mo I'm sat typing this on the edge of the bed in the dark. It's a step in the right direction as I'm not IN the bed snuggling him but I've been sat here about 25 mins now& he's just twisting & then crying if dummy falls out so I'm popping it back in each time.

Not sure if I should just let him cry for a couple of minutes to see if he soothes himself instead of rushing in?

[Wiggy29]

Just had a little look at his face&he looks shattered, wish he would just go to sleep! He's really chomping his dummy, I'm starting to wonder if he's still hungry or just sleepy.

[Wiggy29]

Well, he fell asleep again soon after that last message&stayed asleep. Had a chat with dp& decided the next stage will be to try&put him in his cot for day time naps, starting Sunday as we have visitors tomorrow& are out&about. That said, I'm going to try lying him in his cor a bit more tomorrow to get him used to it.

[PrimalChic]

Update! DS let me have another precious 40 minutes sleep after 3 this morning so I was exhausted. DH came home early from work to take him so I sneaked another couple of hours in. DH woke me up saying DS had pooed everywhere. I thought he was exaggerating until I saw the baby, the jumperoo AND a massive pile on the floor that had been bounced on!

Anyway, that dirty protest didn't stop us putting DS in his own room. It's been good so far. We did the Jo Frost return after 2m, 4m, 8m and so on. He was asleep within half an hour and self soothed within 2 minutes every time he woke up until 9.30. He was asleep within 8 minutes. When he woke again 40m later, I thought of go and feed him but by the time I got there he was asleep again! He stirred so I fed him. Asleep before I got back to the bedroom and the monitor. I've just done another return and it took 6 minutes for him to sleep. I'll feed him on the next wake up.

IT'S WORKING!

[PrimalChic]

By the way, I was sobbing during the first half hour so got in shower so DH could do the visits. 'This is harder than childbirth!' I said. Ok it's not but it was pretty horrid leaving him crying. Now I see it working and DS sleeping better, it's not so bad.

[Forgetfulmog]

Well dd did stay in her cot until about 4.50 when she decided she'd had enough sleep! Fed her 4 times last night, roughly 2-3 hourly so not too bad at all. She did stir a little bit but the majority of times that she cried was when she actually wanted food.

Primal - you're doing a type of cc aren't you? Glad it's worked for you, but I know I wouldn't be able to try it!

Wiggy - good luck with trying out the cot for daytime naps - definately worth getting him used to it. Good luck with trying without the dummy too! Dd tends to take hers out & hold onto it, so cute! I've been going in as soon as dd starts crying & I think that's helping as she knows I'm only close by so haven't abandoned her. That said she does do a few of one-cries & then goes back to sleep so she is learning to self soothe a bit. I can't believe it's only been a week & we have made so much progress!