Cot- when to give up....

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Have a lovely 6wk old. Have been cosleeping but need to try putting her in cot as have a really bad cold and am wanting to get her used to her cot. It's a bedside cot, flush against bed with side off so as close to co sleeping as possible.
She hates it. Tried for 3 hrs last night and today and just had constant crying and tears. This is what I try, bfed until sleepy then put in cot with my hand on her chest/belly. She then cries and flaps arms and legs furiously. Last night there were 3 pauses when her eyes started to close and she was almost asleep but woke with a sudden start. Gave up after 3 hrs and fed her to sleep in bed with me.
Today the same, asleep in sling just now. Will pay for it tonight no doubt as she will be mega over tired.
What am I doing wrong? Is this her just learning to sleep so a good thing? I hate seeing her so upset. Help.....please!

Sounds normal to me - no advice really except she's still so tiny and she'll grow out of it eventually.

What I mean to say is go with her lead, and eventually she will be "movable" in her sleep. Neither of mine dropped off to sleep on their own until quite old. DD2 is 20 months and rarely does now. But this too shall pass.

Thanks allinatizz. You must be shattered! It's so sad seeing their tears, heartbreaking.

II'm also co-sleeping and bf, dd was the same at 6 weeks but now she's now 14 weeks and really good at self-soothing so hopefully it won't take too long. Maybe try again in a few weeks? I sometimes think if you push for something too hard before their ready it can end up taking longer to achieve.

Just to add that at 6 weeks all they really want is to be close to you. There is plenty of time to get her into a cot in the coming weeks but for now just do whatever works!!

tweet, I read this with interest. I too have a cosleeper cot that is empty all the time as my 6 week old will only sleep either on my chest or right alongside me on the mattress. When I slide her into the cot she does what you describe and then I take her back in with me. I don't feel she's safe in with me so am really keen to get her in the cot.

No advice, but sympathy!

Are they waking with the startle reflex? Have you tried swaddling? Alternatively try putting a rolled up blanket or something alongside them to be "you".

I had the same problem with my DS. He's 22 weeks now and we're still stuck co sleeping. 6 weeks is very young though, and I never could handle hearing him cry.

Yes agree with pp, try swaddling, sounds like LOs startle reflex is waking her.

trick I use if settling is hard leave them on you still nearly asleep but lay a blanket over them whilst they are falling asleep. then when you move them away they arent leaving a warm welcome you for a cold bed, they're taking some heat with them.

It does improve even if they still don't settle alone. Ds is one and has only gone to asleep in his own cot a handful of times. But these days he has milk and a cuddle then can be laid in his cot, in his own room, asleep.

Swaddling won't be tolerated! I have her in a sleeping bag to avoid the cold bed problem but still no joy. I think I'm stuck bed sharing whether I like it or not.

MrsH, with DD1 I did controlled crying at 10 months which worked wonders, but we're a long way off that at the moment.

DS is only two weeks and has needed to be in bed with me up to last night, then last night we had a breakthrough and he slept in the side car cot. The key was a dummy and swaddling having gently laid him in the cot every few hours for a week just to get him used to it (never pushing it).

My dd is 9 months and bf/co sleeps etc
I put her in her cot already asleep at 7. She is always in with me by 2.

When she was tiny I found putting a blanket over her whilst in my arms then slowly with ninja skills placing her in the cot then keeping my arms on her, moving one arm, waiting a while, moving the other arm helped a bit.

At 6 weeks I would keep going with it to be honest, they don't yet have a concept that things they don't immediately sense still exist and are understandably frightened it the think their entire universe ie you, has disappeared.

Every instinct in their developing brain is telling them they need to be with you. This will be over sooner than it feels like now.

Fwiw I slept with dd on my chest for about the first 6 weeks, then down the side of me. I gradually started feeding her to sleep in the cot (which was a full size cot bed with one side off, rammed tight up against my bed and covered over with a duvet) so I could just roll over when she was done.

From there it was a gradual process of a step back at a time. By 7 months I was feeding her on a chair in her room and putting her in her cot awake (barely) saying goodnight and leaving the room

It doesn't have to be 'a rod for your own back'

If your just scared because of the stupid report that just came out read the links to follow!

m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/16/sudden-infant-death-syndrome-children

This is an interview with Peter Fleming, the man whose study fsids were using a the basis for their argument

www.parentingscience.com/bed-sharing.html

Articles in practicalities of safe co sleeping by gwen dewar phd

Make up your own mind but personally having looked into it a lot I believe that the evidence shows that your baby is a hell of a lot less likely to die from Sleep apnea (ie SIDS or cot death) if bed sharing as your breathing stimulates their breathing.

There other risks to bedsharing but all of these can be mitigated.

I fed mine to sleep until they were about 19m. It's a lovely way to sleep and didn't cause any issues.never went out

I did swaddle, i think it help tiny babies.

Herrera, interesting reading thanks. I'm not into full on attachment parenting but I do think tiny babies need you almost all the time - I use a sling in the day. If I'm honest I feel better bed sharing in terms of her feeling safe and me knowing she's ok. I just wish it was considered safer. As I plan to do it I make the bed as safe as possible (and also have a cot with the side off fixed to the bed).

I think it's too easy to get drawn into boxes.

Lets face it no one is an unattachment parent, it's just some people take it further than others.

I have never described my self as an attachment parent, however we bf, co slept, didn't CIO. So maybe some people would describe me as such.

I did blw but have occasionally spoon fed.

I use reusable nappies but on holiday I use disposable.

It's not worth being dogmatic in my opinion just take the bits that you like and do whatever works

No absolutely and I didn't mean it pejoratively. I do a lot of those things too but I suppose I don't proclaim myself as such the way I have heard others do.

I discussed bedsharing with my GP today and she said she did it herself and was of the opinion that it was better to acknowledge people do it for very good reasons and encourage them to do it safely.

thanks for all responses. am able to put dc in cot with side off next to bed for first 2 hours now. I hold her hand and she goes to sleep after a bit of kicking and grumbling. however back in bed after first wake! I am also letting her sleep on me all day, not too concerned about sleeping in cot during day, hoping for pram later so more portable etc.
does it usually work that if she goes down once she has the potential, in time to go down after wakings? also, does anyone know at what age they begin to remember, making cosleeping harder to stop?
also, one final question. she's started to sleep more on day. I have heard you shouldn't wake a sleeping baby, but might she be getting too much sleep? day naps today have been:
9-12
1.40-3.50
4-still sleeping!
all on me too, but I like the cuddles

We had lots of sleep at one point too, I think it was around 7/8 weeks though its hard to remember exactly. HV said it was ok when I asked, probably just a growth spurt, especially if she's just feeding between naps? It's commonly quoted "sleep begets sleep" I don't think it'll affect your night sleeping, but it's your baby. If you feel she's sleeping too much you could try keeping her awake a little more and see how she responds. You might just end up with a grumpy baby though.

I think at that age we used to let DS sleep in his cot in the pram carry basket, which was more cosy for him. Alternatively we rolled up two towels and put them on either side under the sheet to avoid the danger of suffocation. When DS lie in there cocooned and swaddled, he wouldn't wake up with the startle reflex.. We only started co-sleeping at around 4 months when the regression hit and DS still co-sleeps now at 2 in his side-car cot, so I'm probably not the best to advise on sleep !

Never wake a sleeping baby! I men seriously, why would you do that!?!?