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Sleep

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Original poster

Cry It Out is NOT working!

52 replies

KrissieJules · 14/12/2012 21:02

About a month ago we started using the 'Cry It Out' method for out then 12MO. All the books said that after a week she would begin to get the message and she'd calm herself, stop the huge screaming fit and sleep herself.

This was 4weeks ago, our 13MO is STILL screaming - literally shaking when she's put down to sleep, this can go on for 2hrs? She won't stop crying when we go in to calm her or read her a story. She's left in her cot until she falls asleep from crying!

Can anybody help?

Please, I don't want hate about the 'cry it out' method, I myself didn't like the idea of it and refused to for a year - but if OH and I don't get time to ourselves we won't be together much longer!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Original poster

KrissieJules · 14/12/2012 21:50

Rocking her took hours and hours, everytime we put her down she would wake up because the rocking had stopped.

It was physically draining and it wasnt helping her at all - she would sleep whilst being rocked but the minute she was put down she would wake again! Very frustrating for us.

OP posts:

SamSmalaidh · 14/12/2012 21:52

Have you tried ssh-patting her in her cot? Or pick-up/put-down?

Iggly · 14/12/2012 21:53

Yes I can imagine (I have been there). You need to rule out something physical - food intolerances, ear issues, silent reflux... Tackle those and you could see a big difference in sleep. It can be one reason why toddler don't sleep through until 18months + when most intolerances are grown out of.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine · 14/12/2012 21:53

She is probably teething with molars just now too. Please stop the CIO

Original poster

KrissieJules · 14/12/2012 21:55

Who would I go to about food intolerences?

We live in a truly shitty area where the services are over-run with babies! Our health visitor has been once when she was 5days old and hasn't seen or been in touch since.

We're still waiting, at 13MO for her 8-month check. . . .

OP posts:

WeAreSix · 14/12/2012 21:57

Yes that's it. I might still have a copy if you'd like it?

I co-slept with my other children after DD1. I was told so many times that I was making a rod for my own back etc etc but DD3 settles / sleeps the best and she was in my bed the longest!!

Iggly · 14/12/2012 21:59

Do a food diary or try stripping out stuff from her diet.

Does she eat dairy/soya? A lot of spicy food? Windy veg?

I've seen the GP and HV but they're useless on this so I did it myself.

My DCs reacted to soya, dairy, spicy foods and green veg (peas were a killer for wind as were onions and brocolli). So they have very simple meat and two veg style foods (ds is 3 now and has outgrown the worst).

Do you wind her after feeds? My dd is 12 months and still needs winding. If not, she either doesn't settle at all or wakes after 90 mins

marthastew · 14/12/2012 22:03

I would go with what makes you all happiest and get the most sleep - for us it is co-sleeping. Not what I would have chosen before I had a baby but it works for us.

Its up to you to go to HV clinics. Call them and make an appointment.

See a doctor about any suspected allergies.

NightLark · 14/12/2012 22:11

You are not alone in CIO not working. We did cc, so gentler, but our ds was the same: shaking, crying, distraught at bedtime. After 5 days. We stopped, co slept, coped. He is fine now, loving, happy, sleeps well. He's 6, mind! I can't imagine carrying on down the CIO path wih you circumstances. Please reassure you child that you love them and are there for them.

BertieBotts · 14/12/2012 23:17

Waking up frequently is normal still at 13mo, I'm afraid.

Is your DH usually so black and white about things? Won't he consider any kind of compromise? That seems very unfair on you.

Some areas have stopped the 8 month and 2 year checks and just do one at a year now.

naturalbaby · 14/12/2012 23:33

I did CIO with ds1 with very clear instructions from the HV. It took 10days for the penny to drop with him.
Are you following a book? What instructions are you using?

CindySherman · 14/12/2012 23:39

Poor you and poor baby.

Your DH sounds awful, sorry.

breatheslowly · 14/12/2012 23:51

We did controlled crying with DD which is a much lighter thing. We would put DD down, let her cry for 2 min, pick her up to calm her, then put her back for 3 min and so on. You could try that but you probably need to break the cot=abandoned message that she has got before you try it.

Could you get her a single bed with a barrier side on it? That way you can lie down with her instead of taking her into your bed. My DH doesn't like having DD in our bed as she doesn't quite understand that it is time to sleep, but he doesn't mind if I end up in DD's bed and will go and will lie down with her sometimes too.

You do need to be consistent with whatever method you use, at the moment your DD doesn't know if it is a "see mummy every 20min" night or a "no one comes" night.

I do think you should give up on the CIO, she sounds like a gorgeous little girl who loves you very much and is sad, scared and confused about where you are and why you aren't responding to her needs.

breatheslowly · 14/12/2012 23:57

And if you can lie down with her then you can just extract yourself and go and have your evening with DH when she is asleep. Make sure if you leave her on a bed that you have a stairgate.

Waking up at 9.30 is quite late for 13 months. You may need to rejig her nap times and bed times so that she is tired at bedtime. You probably can't expect more than 12 hours of sleep at night from her, so a 7.30pm bedtime would suggest that she needs to be up by 7.30am, otherwise you are battling a non-sleepy baby at 7.30pm.

GabriellaF16 · 19/03/2021 02:51

I heard that there was something called sleep training. It is supposed to help your baby to get on the right schedule when it comes to sleeping. I want to know if anyone has heard about this.

EstelleWalker74 · 19/03/2021 03:46

This was us 18 months ago, so I hear where you are coming from!!! During the day, our 'nap' routine basically became: soothe for 30+ minutes (swaddling, rocking, running the water, white noise, dark room, sling, walks, lullabies - you name it), he'd finally fall asleep, he'd sleep in my arms (he wouldn't sleep in his bed at all) for 10-30 minutes, then he'd wake up screaming, and we'd go through it all again. I knew he was exhausted. No joy. After two months of things getting worse and worse (and Baby getting crabbier and crabbier), we all finally decided to give sleep training a try. This video about sleep training helped us a lot bit.ly/31pPiH9

3WildOnes · 19/03/2021 08:01

I tried CC with my first (after suggestions from this site!) we went gently and were consistent but it also left him shaking in fear at the beginning of the night. Just as you have, we had created a cot/sleep aversion. My son actually became really clingy and unsettled in the day too unfortunately. This was after just two days!
I decided to co sleep for a little while until he was more settled. The we moved on to cuddling to sleep, then just sitting by his cot and then radial retreat. I took it really slowly and at first concentrated on healing the damage I had created.

user7891011 · 19/03/2021 12:31

She needs you! I'm shocked that you've let this go on for 4 weeks. I really hate to judge but this sounds like torture for her, there are ways to gently wean off rocking without deserting her for 2 hours. Imagine you were scared and alone for 2 hours everyday, you would be anxious as soon as you were left as you'd have no clue when someone was coming to soothe you. Be there for your baby

jessstan2 · 19/03/2021 13:00

@BertieBotts

I'm sorry, I know you're only doing what you think best, and desperate times etc, but you let your one year old baby cry for two hours and she now shakes (presumably with fear?) when you put her down to sleep? Poor baby :(

I think you should take her into your bed and cuddle her to sleep now for a few nights to reassure her that you do still love her and you haven't just abandoned her, and then perhaps start again with a much gentler sleep training method if you're set on doing that. First I think you're going to have to undo the damage that's already been done.

Is your partner pressuring you to do this BTW? Is it about sex?

I agree, always took mine to bed with me and we all slept well.

Sandrine1982 · 19/03/2021 13:31

Babies need to get used to the cot gently. Just putting them there and leaving them doesn't work. Often this is a long process that can take several months. We first had a sidecar cot attached to our double bed. Then husband started sleeping in the spare room. At around 12 months I started sleeping the spare room with husband, but going back to the baby at the first wake-up and taking her out of the cot, spending the rest of the night on the bed next to her. From around 12-13 months, she started sleeping longer stretches. It's developmental and progressive. She never hated the cot because we got her used to it gently, progressively. It took a long time, yes. Now at 18 months, she sleeps through the night, in the cot, in her own room. You'll get there. Get your DH to educate himself about baby development. Maybe you can get him to read this thread, too.

Good luck xx

ManicPixie · 19/03/2021 21:27

CIO was a miracle cure for us and I’d recommend trying it to anyone but 2 hours of non stop screaming means it’s clearly not working for you. You can tell when a baby’s having a moan and when it’s in genuine, inconsolable distress.

June628 · 20/03/2021 07:46

OP’s “baby” is now around 10 years old.

Sandrine1982 · 20/03/2021 09:56

How is she doing? Is she alright?

Babyboomtastic · 22/03/2021 16:54

Sorry, but poor babe :-(

I understand the need for time together as a couple, but not at the price of having a very sad and scared child.

I'd concentrate on trying to rebuild her trust in you both for now.

Waking up and taking a long time to go to sleep are very normal still at her age.

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