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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

I feel such a failure cos my 7 week old won't sleep.

37 replies

marilla · 30/03/2006 09:40

All the other mums at my new parent group are getting their babies down at 8pm-ish and they are either sleeping through or just waking for one or two feeds. I just want to weep (and frequently do) cos I'm obviously failing miserably. We can usually get him in his cot asleep by 9pm/10pm, then on a good night he might sleep (restlessly, lots of writhing around and whimpering etc) until maybe 11.45pm. Then he has a feed. Then whenever he is returned to his cot the same pattern develops, waking after 5 -10 mins but not always crying - but he is obviously so unsettled. I can't sleep through he noise he makes but dh can. Dh does his share of feeding and attempting to soothe but has an ability to go back to sleep afterwards. I find myself lying there just waiting for him to wake up. I figure there's no point me trying to get back to sleep as I know he's going to wake me within a few minutes anyway. We always end up putting him on the duvet between us or on dh's chest to get him to sleep. He's on cow & gate premium. Has trouble getting wind up sometimes after feeds but even when he does get wind up it doesn't seem to improve situation. He's in cot in a grobag. I'm so tired and dispirited. Got about 3 hrs sleep last night.

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Bozza · 30/03/2006 09:45

Marilla - you are not a failure - you are just unlucky that you have a windy baby that doesn't settle so easily - and probably at least half of those parents are lying. DS was like this at that age and it is hard work. However by 6 months he was sleeping through 7.45 - 5.45 and since the age of 1 (he is now 5) he has regularly slept 7.30-7 am with no trouble at all - even when poorly. So it will get better.

oliveoil · 30/03/2006 09:45

The first 3 months are the hardest imo, dd2 was a nightmare and then all of a sudden settled down (can still be a pain sometimes mind and she is now 19 months...).

How often are you feeding in the day? I know that I tried to get as much milk in in the day and it did help her go longer at night.

Also, re the mums at your parent group, some people say 'sleeping through' to mean a 3 hour stretch, and people do LIE, so try not to compare, it is not a competition.

oliveoil · 30/03/2006 09:45

see, Bozza agrees on the liars!

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 09:47

It's normal, he's only 7 weeks old! You're not failing, of course not! How do you feel about dummies? If you don't like them don't get one but some babies like to suck and it might comfort him and help him to sleep a bit longer. Or could you put him in another room so you don't hear him settling himself? I'm not suggesting leaving him to cry but you don't need to do anything if he's just fussing and not obviously unhappy. If he's bottlefed, could you and dh alternate nights? We did that for the first while and it really helped - if I didn't get any sleep one night at least I knew I would the next and it just made it all a bit easier to cope with.

Flamesparrow · 30/03/2006 09:53

I agree with all WWW suggested, and want to throw in swaddling to the mix too - both of mine have settled lovely if they are swaddled... they do the arm throwy out like they've been made to jump thing, and pinning their arms down seems to settle them.

DD always wanted one arm out, and DS is now wanting one arm out too (he's starting to suck his fist).

The different room idea is what happened with DD in the end - she would settle much easier with the swaddling, but still muttered away for ages, making me on edge - she went into her own room, and I could sleep without hearing the muttering, and went to her when she actually cried.

Agree about the liars too... if as many baby sleep through at 8 weeks or so as people say, there wouldn't be as many "how to make your baby sleep" books in waterstones

ItalianJob · 30/03/2006 09:58

marilla - you aren't a failure, and the other mums at baby group may well be lying/stretching the truth. E.g personally I counted sleeping through as sleeping a 6 to 7 hour stretch. It's very normal for babies to be a complete PIA with sleep etc for 3 to 6 months, if not longer! Others' suggestions about swaddling/dummies sound worth a try.

Nemo1977 · 30/03/2006 10:01

aww marilla dont feel so bad. MY DD is a semi bad sleeper. She is 15wks and wakes about 4 times a night at the minute. DS was a horrendous sleeper and spent more time awake than asleep of a night. The bonus if you only have one is that it is easier to catch up on miseed sleep when baby is asleep. Ds finally slept through last summer and he is 2 1/2yrs old now so please dont feel bad at the end of the day it will not be forever as they either get to a age where they sleep through or are old enough to entertain themselves

Original poster

marilla · 30/03/2006 10:02

i had started wondering about putting him in his own room, but felt like that might make me a bad mother cos all the books say tey should be in with you til 6 months, but feel encouraged to give it a try now some of you have suggested it!
He feeds often during day but won't take much at one time, again due to wind I think. Anyway got to go get dressed cos hv coming soon. Will see what she has to say too!!! (Hmmm) THanks for all your encouragement and suggestions.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 10:02

Forget the books, come here instead, we're MUCH better than books!

motherinferior · 30/03/2006 10:04

(a) you're not a failure
(b) I felt just the same, believe me
(c) half of the other mums are lying.

Nemo1977 · 30/03/2006 10:04

marialla I put both my children in their own room at 8wks and 9wks respectively. It doesnt make you a bad mother, if you feel the time is right then do it.

ItalianJob · 30/03/2006 10:05

at WWW. you'll get a very wide spectrum of views on here - there are people on here who have had their babies in their own room since birth, others who have their babies in their bed for several years.

Eeek · 30/03/2006 10:06

try a dummy - yes you might be storing up trouble for later but imo later only happens if you can survive NOW. 3 hours sleep a night is not enough for you and it can't be doing your baby any good, thus making him harder in the day. They don't have a properly working digestion at this stage. The dummy helps until it does start to work - probably about 12-14 weeks.

My ds used a dummy until 6 months when he threw it at me and refused to have any more to do with it so don't panic that you'll have to wrench it off him at 15.

Nemo1977 · 30/03/2006 10:06

marilla is he a sicky baby???? Just because DD was feeding a lot in the day about 1-2ozs every 2hrs but was also sick in little bits a lot and very restless/screaming a lot especially when laid flat and it turned out she had reflux. As a 2nd time mum I felt awful for not realising she had spent 10wks in pain

tessasmum · 30/03/2006 10:09

DD was evicted from our room at 6 weeks by DH because he couldn't sleep through all her snuffling/snorting/shuffling etc. I was distraught because of everything I'd read but everyone slept much better so it was the best solution for us.

oliveoil · 30/03/2006 10:09

dd1 was in our room for 6 months because the books told me to

dd2 was carted off into her own room at about 2 months, can't quite remember. You definitely don't hear all the snuffling then.

Original poster

marilla · 30/03/2006 13:39

You lot are brilliant, and I must say I've got a bit of respect for my hv now after she suggested all strategies suggested here, inc. putting him in his own room. As she said, "if you crash the car cos you've only had 3 hours sleep you'll be no use to him whatsoever." She also spent a good half hour with me showing me how to keep him awake during a feed to get more down him so he's more likely to settle - he has been taking 1 - 2oz at frequent intervals like yours Nemo, but I don't think he has reflux. After she'd gone I swaddled him and he has been asleep in his cot for 1hr 15 mins now!!!! That's the first time in a month he's slept in the house (ie. not pram/car) for more than 10 mins!!! Fingers crossed for tonight, going to put him in own room and swaddle him. Thank you all, I am a new woman, I just needed some encouragement and proper advice to give me a bit of hope!

OP posts:

Original poster

marilla · 30/03/2006 13:40

During the day I mean for "first time in a month!"

OP posts:

Flamesparrow · 30/03/2006 13:45

Yay!!! Long may it continue

georginarf · 30/03/2006 13:51

stick at it Marilla and bear this in mind...all the other babies in our group had their babies sleeping on their own in cots, in routines etc. whilst I felt crap because my DD just screamed all evening and woke up through the night and would only sleep in the day in the car/pram and breastfed nonstop so I couldn't leave the house in the evenings for ages....

Now, aged nearly 16 months, she is the best sleeper of all them and sleeps 12-14 hours a night til around 8/9 am and they're all up at 5-6am bwahahahahahahaha. It will change I promise. It's impossible to look anything sensible when you're so completely knackered. And turns out the others weren't doing so well either, we ALL went home thinking everyone else was doing briliiantly and we were rubbish

Pruni · 30/03/2006 13:54

Re: the lying - I always tell people to lie about sleep because it is such a common and soul-destroying question "Does he sleep through?" "Is he a good sleeper?"...
I read some stats at the time that said that some phenomenal percentage of babies still get up once a night at 2 yrs old. Not to scare you or anything, just to put it all in perspective.
Swaddling is great, and we used a dummy for precisely the reasons that you might. The trick is to go cold turkey at four or five months - it will have got you through this stage and will be harder to take away later. At least, not to generalise, that worked for us.
And despite the co-sleeping/baby in room until 6m dream - sometimes having the baby near but not next to you is better for all concerned. We had a baby that would not even co-sleep, ever, and still at 2.5 doesn't like to sleep in our room. They're all made differently.

matnanplus · 30/03/2006 14:02

Well Done Marilla,

I reccommend swaddling to all my families, tho one had been told it was dangerous to do after 7wks old .

I often raise the mattress a little with a folded towel, so it is still a flat surface just at a little angle and have found it can help settle a fractious baby.

Don't feel 'bad' if your ds needs to go into his own room b4 6m, many of the babies i have looked after sleep in their own room from birth.

A cd of soothing music like rainforest/water sounds playing repeatedly can help baby settle and stay more settled by hiding disruptive noises like phone, door, traffic.

Also as an alternative you could try baby lying on his side with towels to stop him flopping forwards or backwards or a sleep positioner when he seems most fidgety and unsettled on his back.

Hope he's still snoozing.

Tipex · 30/03/2006 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrayedKnot · 30/03/2006 14:24

I put DS in his own room when he was 8 weeks because he made so much noise snuffling. I couldn;t settle at all with him right next to me.

He was only in the next room and I didn;t even need the monitor to hear him if he actually cried, so I felt he was fine.

He often used to end up in bed with me by about 3am anyway as I would be too tired to return him after the 2nd or 3rd feed!

I was going to bed at 8pm every night until he was about 10 weeks as well, as the rest of the night was so broken!

Don;t worry, it WILL get better.

robin3 · 30/03/2006 14:32

It's very normal to be having these problems....we did but it ironed itself out. Like you I was very emotional about it all because I was tired and wanted everything to be perfect (whatever that is). Anyway...all suggestions below are great and try if you can not to beat yourself up. I promise you'll look back and laugh at all this very soon. Mothers group can be a bit of a farce as well...a great deal of smiley faces and baking, and not a lot of honesty or humour IME.

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