I feel such a failure cos my 7 week old won't sleep.

[marilla]

All the other mums at my new parent group are getting their babies down at 8pm-ish and they are either sleeping through or just waking for one or two feeds. I just want to weep (and frequently do) cos I'm obviously failing miserably. We can usually get him in his cot asleep by 9pm/10pm, then on a good night he might sleep (restlessly, lots of writhing around and whimpering etc) until maybe 11.45pm. Then he has a feed. Then whenever he is returned to his cot the same pattern develops, waking after 5 -10 mins but not always crying - but he is obviously so unsettled. I can't sleep through he noise he makes but dh can. Dh does his share of feeding and attempting to soothe but has an ability to go back to sleep afterwards. I find myself lying there just waiting for him to wake up. I figure there's no point me trying to get back to sleep as I know he's going to wake me within a few minutes anyway. We always end up putting him on the duvet between us or on dh's chest to get him to sleep. He's on cow & gate premium. Has trouble getting wind up sometimes after feeds but even when he does get wind up it doesn't seem to improve situation. He's in cot in a grobag. I'm so tired and dispirited. Got about 3 hrs sleep last night.

I would def recommend the own room philosophy - DD and DS lasted 3 weeks in our room until we couldn't stand the rustling & snuffling any more - also DS was a light sleeper so would wake when we came to bed - they both slept through the night from 4 months - DD is now nearly 4 and no apparent side effects yet !!

It doesn't mean you are a bad mother - my best bit of parenting advice is put the books on a high shelf and follow your instincts !

He really does seem to like being swaddled! In own room tonight, will report back 2moro..

Good news marilla.

I just wanted to second what everyone says here about people lying or their interpretation of sleeping through. At 7 weeks i wouldnt expect a baby to sleep through. Some people think that sleeping through is sleeping for 4 hours solid. Some think its sleeping, waking up for a feed 2 or 3 times but then going straight off to sleep without a fuss.

Dont put so much pressure on yourself. All babies are different anyway. My first slept from 7pm till 7am from 11 weeks. My second - i ought to have been an expert by then - has only just started sleeping through 8 till 8 at 10.5 months.

Swaddling is good. I also had to lay both my DD and DS on their sides. They always settle better on their sides with the cot/moses basket tilted at the head end slightly. I had bolsters/rolled up blankets either side of them to stop them rolling onto their fronts.

At about 8-10 weeks when they stirred in the night, i started to turn them on to their other side and see if that settled them, then offered them a feed if it didnt.

Hi, I had a really windy baby too which sometimes affected his sleep. I found either infacol or gripe water helped him a huge amount. It may be worth giving one of them a try!

i cant believe that you expect a 7 week old to sleep through. I know every baby and every family is different but but if you put too much pressure on them to sleep they wont. and neither will you. often the awnser is in the day time, are they getting to much tin the day? or noy enough? i often found with my second that if he was out side in the afternoon, early evening he would sleep better, but then again he is nearly 5 now and has sleept through the night a total of 3 times. I know its not the weather for being outside, but even a walk out in the pram might help.
i suppose alot has changed in 5 years but surely the philosophy of take time and dont panic still stands??

I definitely agree with the own room route. My DD slept in with me for the first 3 months whilst we were finishing house renovations. She only woke up once a night for a feed, but I never slept one good night's sleep until she went into her own room. So much better not hearing all that snuffling and moaning and lying there waiting for them to wake up. He'll be fine in his own room and you'll still be able to hear him when he cries. My dd was also very restless after a feed, but she improved once I raised her bed up a bit as I'd discovered she had mild reflux. But to be honest I think most little babies are pretty restless, noisy sleepers, which sounds pretty terrible when you are lying there in the dark listening to every sound! If you don't want to use a dummy, try a little 'tag' blankie. My DD (now 1) loves hers and it settles her immediately once she's got it in her hands. If you introduce one now(start by putting it over your shoulder nearest to where his head will be when you feed him. Make sure his head rest on a bit of the fabric. He will assocciate the smell and feel of the blankie with his mum and the comfort of the feeding. I swear by this. DD would never take a dummy so this is her little comfort.

marilla the biggest myth of new babies is sleeping thru - it s just not true, remeber their stomach are tiny and cant take enough milk to last 8/10hrs, so allow him a little more time and he will settle for longer periods.

dont go to the group for awhile if u feel a bit presurized.

and imo i would keep baby in oyur room for a little bit longer, its such a shame to rush them into their own room when they are so tiny.

get his feeding pattern sorted and you'll find he will settle better and oyu'll be able to keep him beside u a wee bit longer, its such a lovely age i think, they need u so much now. jsut to comfort and settle

Well what a revelation, he was down at 9pm, woke about 12.15am for feed then not til about 5ish for another one. Dh brought him into our room when he got up at 6.3O and he slept on duvet next to me til 8.15!! Amazing. Me and dh so refreshed for good night's sleep. I think a few people got the impression that I "expected" him to sleep through - I didn't, I was just comparing my 3 hours sleep a night to mums at group who seemed to be having a much easier time. I've got no problem with getting up for feeds, it was the lying there listening to his whinnying and snuffling and maoning that did my head in! In fact I actually quite liked getting up for my feed with him at 5, it was nice to see him! He was swaddled and I had dummy to hand but he didn't appear to need it, he drifted off ok without it. Thanks everyone for your posts. Maybe not every night will be quite as wonderful but it's got to be better than before.

marilla thats great, swings and roundabouts eh?!!!

Oh great news marilla!

Good news marilla.

All the mums I knew when I had my first all had babys who slept & slept - even had to waker them to feed & then went straight back to sleep. Ignore these comments!!!