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Original poster

DS currently crying himself to sleep.

32 replies

BlingLoving · 27/08/2012 20:41

Dh and I are at wits end. His sleep issues have been since birth and every time we make progress with a sleep strategy, it falls apart after a few days and he starts doing something new, but still difficult.

I am not happy. But he IS exhausted and so are we. If we stay with him, he is so wired he just wants to play. If we leave, he screams. So we are letting him scream. But it's awful. And dh seems to see it more as punishment, which he's happy to dish out, than a last ditch attempt to find a way for all if us to sleep better. In my hormone-charged-as-a-result-of-letting-my-baby-cry state, I'm finding that particularly hard.

I guess I'm just looking for some un-MN hand holding.

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Original poster
BlingLoving · 27/08/2012 20:42

He's 15 months. I always forget to mention that and it's the first question people ask.

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HelloBear · 27/08/2012 21:18

Here is my hand:)

I have lots of sympathy for you.

LouMacca · 27/08/2012 21:21

Oh you poor things

Hope u get some empathy and good advice.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/08/2012 21:22

How are you getting on now Bling. Know this really won't help much but CC didn't work for our DS, the only thing that helped at all was the No Cry Sleep Solution.

whatinthewhatnow · 27/08/2012 21:23

aw, holding your hand. You'll all be ok, you know. You're all just doing your best.

mistlethrush · 27/08/2012 21:30

When DS was little and screamed for no particular reason, I used to sing to him - I sang (very loudly) at a level where he could just hear it above his crying - he would drop the crying to listen and I dropped the volume - and so on until I was singing at a normal level and he was quiet. My mother used a similar tactic for me - bouncy chair with loud flamenco guitar music on (good rhythm).

Where I'm going is that DS always goes to sleep with the radio on for a bit - normally Radio 3 or Classic FM - it really helps him, and he'll normally drop off very quickly.

He's 7 now - but we've been using music for ages now.

dreckly · 27/08/2012 21:31

hand to hold here....

have had to do it with both of mine, i cried as much as they did, its horrid and i fully sympathise. but it does work, they learn that its not playtime, when the door is closed they need to sleep because you mean it.

there will be many people on here who think its a cruel method, but i am always amazed by the amount of people who's DC's dont sleep, and mine do, maybe im lucky, maybe We just found the thing that worked for us.

I truely hope it works for you to, the first three nights are the hardest IME then its pretty much sorted as long as you keep focused and stick to what you started.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/08/2012 21:32

Have you read Hidden Causes of Night Wakings. It turned out that most of our DS' night wakings were medical, hence the CC not working.

StrawberryMojito · 27/08/2012 21:33

We have started letting our almost 11 month old do this recently. Not because we wanted to but because everything else was failing. All our normal soothing methods were taking longer to work and he was getting worked up and would be awake for hours. He didn't want to be held but then he didn't want to be put down, it was so frustrating. Eventually one night at around 3am one of us (I can't remember which) just put him down and basically told him to go to sleep. We then shut the door and left him to scream. He lasted 10 mins before he went to sleep, if we had been with him his low level whinging would have gone on much longer.

Now, we try and settle him but if he doesn't respond within about 10 mins then we just let him get on with it and he soon falls asleep. It has been a revelation and last night he slept from 6.30pm to 5am. I have to say, it has been a gradual process to get to this stage and I don't think I would have been happier doing it when he was much younger. He is always a happy boy in the morning.

Original poster
BlingLoving · 27/08/2012 21:37

Miraculously it was only 35!minutes of crying. Obviously, after 90 minutes before we went that route. I Suspect he will wake up again and we might have to grow through it again, but cc worked for a bit, then suddenly it was back, and worse. And I can't do 2 hours or more of cc for nights on end.

It was awful, and I suspect it will be awful again, but nothing else works. (we used no cry sleep solution and lots of good ideas that did improve things, but not solve problem).

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Original poster
BlingLoving · 27/08/2012 21:41

Thanks everyone. I'm sure I will be back looking for support, but feeling better now. And dh spoke with his godfather and is calmer too.

Although we are feeling a but guilty as my dsis gave him a huge chocolate mud afternoon so there was probably an element if sugar to the absolute craziness of tonight. But be that as it may, this isn't a one night problem. And I am desperate.

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LittleWaveyLines · 27/08/2012 21:45

DD has jut gone through a phase of this (she's 14 months and it started at 12 months) - she could not stay still long enough to fall asleep. We did find a solution, but don't know if it will help you.

We use slings and I found that slinging her on my back (either in the mei tai or a woven wrap) pinned her down enough that she didn't move, but she was happy if I kept moving instead - and reduced stimulation enough that she would go to sleep without crying within 30 mins max. I just did boring pottering about like washing up in dim light, listening to radio 4 - just kept a gentle sway going...

If you don't use slings then maybe a pram indoors would help? Dim light, no screens, gentle movement, and nothing stimulating...

Gilberte · 27/08/2012 21:48

Can you try taking him out in the buggy in his pyjamas and a blanket just before bedtime to make sure he is completely wound down and drowsy. Then transfer him when you get back.

Adopt the same bedtime routine every night on days when he has had a good nap and is not overstimulated. Put nightgarden on and say goodnight to everyone including your DS then take him up to bed read him the same book every night and lie him down. Then pretend to doze off yourself on a mattress next to him. He might soon get used to the routine and know it's time for bed.

We've just successfully nightweaned our 18mth old using those methods- I appreciate she's pretty laid back and not like DD1 who woke up at least once a night for over 3 years!

Buglove · 27/08/2012 21:58

Ive tried every technique going since putting my son in a bed. The one and only thing that has worked is leaving landing light on, keeping his door opened a bit. And me tidying around upstairs and in the bedrooms. As long as he can here me close by he's will lie down and sleep.... My bedroom is very tidy but dinner is always late Smile

Iggly · 27/08/2012 22:29

How long is your bedtime routine and are you putting him to bed early? Ds needed a long routine to help him wind down and I also had to be sure he didnt have wind etc (this also made him wake at night).

Original poster
BlingLoving · 27/08/2012 22:54

Our routine has been same for month's and used to work. We still had night wakings, but relatively simple bed times. Story/bedtime time tv etc then bath. Then quiet dark bedroom for some moist seize and massage with a few renditions of twinkle twinkle then bottle and bed.

We should work stories in but while he does now enjoy books, they are more stimulating than restful for him do he has them at other times.

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Iggly · 27/08/2012 23:03

I'd ditch the tv. Too stimulating IMO. Less so than books I'd say. I find books without a story line eg "you choose" are good or rhyming books as can read them calmly and relax them.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 27/08/2012 23:42

I'm in the same boat. DS is almost 18 months and since I stopped breastfeeding 6 weeks ago we had to do something to get him to sleep before half 10. He used to drop off about 8 after a feed but even towards the end of bfing that started to stop. Sometimes he cries for 10 seconds and goes to sleep, sometimes 10 mins. If we didn't put him in his cot he'd be up most of the night tossing and turning in our bed (he used to sleep well in our bed so i didn't mind).

We're just keeping at it, and he started sleeping through which he has never done before (I always went to him in the night). I was so against leaving babies to cry, but as he gets older his needs changed. He was overtired and unhappy staying up. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Growlithe · 28/08/2012 00:01

I remember when I got to his point with my DD, who is now 8. My DH had to virtually sit on me to stop me going into her. It was an actual physical urge to go to her. It was the best thing we ever did though, and didn't last many nights before she started to settle happily.

Good luck Smile

boredbuthappy · 28/08/2012 03:12

Hi bling, i haven't read through all of the posts here but firstly, have a huge hug. Take a deep breath. I have complained many many times on this forum and ithers about the sleeping issues. My DS is 18 months old and from birth he was THE worst sleeper i have ever met oe ahyone else has met. Do not feel guilty and try not to get yoo upset (difficult, i know). The good news i have for you is that he sleeps 10-11 hrs at night, usually without a peep now. This has onky begun to happen over the past 2 months with good nights become more frequent comoared to the bad ones. Just to give you some perspective, he'd never once slept through the night unril 2 months ago. Be fore that a good night was 2 wakings, a bad ine had 7-10 wakings....and the absolute horror nights had many wakungs with an episode of sreaming for 2 hours added for good measure.

The bad news is that you can't predict when te sleeping will get better. It has to eventually thoug right? Everyone eventually learns to sleep most of the night. You have my deepest sympthies though, because i have been there and i know what it is doing to to. Hang in there. Keep to a routine, try and give dc a good diet and do all the things people recommend for keep a child happy ie bedtime routine, lots of daytime activity, etc etc.

As for the crying to sleep...we did it and i think it worked. It was not long after the first time i left ds to cry himself to sleep (after god-only-knows what the problem was, and close to 2 hours of 'helping him to fall asleep) that he finally went tp sleep on his own and stayed asleep. I can now put him in his cot, give him his blankie, a kiss and leave the room. I almost never have to go back in.

So...keep your eye on the prize (blissful nigts of uninterrupted sleep) and try to stay calm during all of this. It WILL get better, I promise you that.

hugs

boredbuthappy · 28/08/2012 03:14

Sorry for all the typos! I'm on a tablet and can't seem to get tthe thing to tpe what i want it too

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/08/2012 07:03

I'd ditch the tv too. Once mine have gone upstairs for a bath, they don't come back downstairs for anything. It's bath, books, bed. Agree with the others that TV is too stimulating.

Original poster
BlingLoving · 28/08/2012 09:03

Tv is before bath etc. night garden (recorded) then bath, massage, bottle bed. But maybe we should stop that.

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Original poster
BlingLoving · 28/08/2012 19:35

I'm back. He's screaming. I'm listening in agony. I am worried he slept too long and late today but ... I do know that he was tired. He was all sleepy then decided actually no, he wanted to get up and play. At which point i left.

I truly hate this. But. Last night he then slept through until 7 am and was a much happier child all day. He has been so cranky for days and I'm sure it's because he has been getting progressively more tired after nearly two weeks of truly awful sleep.

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Original poster
BlingLoving · 28/08/2012 19:36

Also, have set stop watch because I feel it's been going in for hours already. And it's not even 10 minutes yet. Sad

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