DS currently crying himself to sleep.

[BlingLoving]

Dh and I are at wits end. His sleep issues have been since birth and every time we make progress with a sleep strategy, it falls apart after a few days and he starts doing something new, but still difficult.

I am not happy. But he IS exhausted and so are we. If we stay with him, he is so wired he just wants to play. If we leave, he screams. So we are letting him scream. But it's awful. And dh seems to see it more as punishment, which he's happy to dish out, than a last ditch attempt to find a way for all if us to sleep better. In my hormone-charged-as-a-result-of-letting-my-baby-cry state, I'm finding that particularly hard.

I guess I'm just looking for some un-MN hand holding.

Dh is not here. I don't know if that's better or worse. It breaks my heart because he also sometimes has seperation anxiety and I am having a hard time separating my desire to support him through that with my deep down belief that he needs to sleep and that having me I the room just keeps him awake.

Oh poor you, I hope he settles soon. Understand you're torn, but you've made the decision to do this so follow through if that's what your gut tells you.

If it goes on too long will you go in or would that negate all that's gone before?

I can't remember but have you tried going in, reassuring then leaving? With ds I had a tricky phase around 14 months and would say "night night sleep time" quite firmly then leave and he'd shout (not cry) for ten minutes. Then I'd go in, and say it again then go.

One of my favourite books is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (I believe). I read that religiously when my DS was 10 months old and went into his own room. He had slept in a cot beside my bed since he was born, but he was a big hungry baby and I was getting very little sleep and was demented with sleep deprivation. It really does ruin your life, and the baby was pretty tired too!

So we tried I think controlled crying... going in to reassure, waiting one minute... going in to reassure, waiting two minutes. I sat and cried the first couple of times, I just couldn't do it. I felt like an evil bastard, not going to my baby who was crying. It was really hard. However, when he settled and started sleeping longer and better, and his little dark circles (and mine) started clearing up, I felt we had done the right thing. I also stopped night breastfeeding at that time. I would express and hand the bottle over to Dada. Having Dada go in to him at night, with a bottle (and not me) really helped his sleep. DS knew Dada couldn't breastfeed, so once the bottle was empty, and Dada sang a few songs, that was it.

Seems like an age ago (DS 31 months old now). Good luck!

Keep at it. It really, really does work. Some sort of regression after a few days of success is normal and doesn't mean the method has failed. You just need to adopt the same strategy when it inevitably happens.

I took up station outside ds s bedroom and sung loudly while he cried so he knew he wasn't really been abandoned.

Here's a hug tho... It's so hard but you Will all reap the benefits when it is all over with.

Thanks again all. He cried for 20 minutes. Now to see how he gets through the night. It's so hard but nothing else works and we all land up absolutely exhausted both dh and I are starting to feel better even after just one night's sleep. And ds was much happier today. So here's hoping. I might be back tomorrow

Oh, and Joininscotland - I live that book. But it's v vague in exactly how to implement the "extinction" method.