best way to put down 6wo

[shmuf]

Dd is 6weeks old and is a very curious being. The main problem is at 7pm bed time.routine goes something like this-5 feed,6ish bath,more food,bed.problem is we find it very hard to get dd to go to sleep,no matter how tired she is(she's much more interested in looking around at the world,even though we darken her room and don't speak to her).even if we catch her at the first yawn,generally the only way to get her to drop off is to let her lie on me and pat her..lots.If I try putting her in her cot before she's in a very very deep sleep her eyes pop open and we have to start the whole process again.I'd like to be able to finish feeding her,put her down awake in her cot and for her to put herself to sleep.any tips??(Sorry about the long ramble-just starting to get nervous that I'm going to be carrying around a 10kg baby every night in the not too distant future!)

Your 6 week old baby has a bedtime?

Honestly, you're making it far too hard for yourself.

Where does she go to bed and do you stay with her? The guidelines are for her to be in the same room with you whilst sleeping until at least 6 months.

I have a 9 week old. I have a mat in the living room where I put him when he is sleepy. If not I either feed him, or hold him whilst watching tv/talking to dh etc. or dh holds him.

When we go to bed at 10-11ish he comes with us, and we do the same thing but in the bedroom.

Mine had no routine at this age, but fell into a bedtime routine easily enough at 4-5 months.

I really wouldn't bother at this age. Keep her with you, put down when sleepy. Swaddling can really help you put them down without waking up as soon as they hit the mattress.

I can't stand those people / books who imply that if you don't get them into a routine from the word go, you are inevitably destined for broken nights for ever more - it's just not true and makes the early weeks unecessarily complicated and stressful.

Follow her lead, go with the flow and it'll turn out fine

He's my 3rd btw. I learnt eventually with my 1st that life is much better for all if you just do as the baby tells you.

5yr old and 3yr old now excellent sleepers and became so before 6 months, all by themselves.

Wow thanks for the speedy replies!she sleeps in her own room but I don't leave her until she's asleep..she has no problem resettling during the night-just this first sleep (and daytime naps where she usually sleeps in her buggy) she finds difficult..

shmuf, It's up to you where she sleeps and many have good reasons for not abiding by them, but just checking you understand the recommendations etc. that the baby should not be left alone at night due to risk of SFIDS?

I'm not sure I understand the daytime naps thing though. At night -yes, you want her asleep so you can sleep, but if you are struggling to get her to nap in the day time it is probably because she doesn't need or want to. To try and force it is just pure misery for all involved imo.

Sorry, really trying not to be critical. Just, that it seems like a lot of unecessary effort and it needn't be. I probably was the same with my first.

shmuf my 6 week old has a bedtime! Call me weird....

We do it because DS was unsettled being downstairs with TV on and couldn't sleep. He's in our room and will be until 6 months but does go to bed at 7pm on his own till I go up at 9/10pm.

From another post I've seen, I've got a feeling you're doing a GF routine? I have taken parts of her routine for my eldest child and am doing the same for DS. I don't do any crying it out, just try and use her timings for naps etc. So far it's going well, DS naps regularly, feeds really well and seems generally happy. He does self-settle happily but not sure if this is down to what I'm doing or if it's his nature. I do the bath, feed in quiet room, swaddle, kiss and cuddle and lay him down. He's generally sleepy and is then able to settle.

Sorry Starlight, I have to disagree re naps - many babies fight sleep and get easily overtired so of course need a lot of help to get to sleep. Lucky you if you've not had to push a pram for miles etc to get your baby to nap to avoid a screaming meltdown!

My 6 wk old has a bedtime and regular nap times, I do EASY, and is much more settled as a result.

Sorry OP! Maybe feed a bit earlier than 5 then try get DD to have a short catnap before bed then she won't be overtired at bedtime and bedtime feed will be more likely to settle her? Persevere with shhhing and consistent bedtime routine, and eventually she will settle more easily. She is still very young to be expected to put down happily awake.

No usually I feed my baby to sleep, or at least he feeds and sometimes he falls asleep whilst doing so.

What did you do when your baby got 'overtired' in the womb?

Why would babies need help with a natural biological and instinctive animal behaviour? Do Chimps push their ofspring around in buggies at a designated time? Do mice?

I don't think babies at this age should have a set schedule, but I suppose it's up the parent. I don't think you should feel something is wrong with your baby if they don't follow the schedule. I have a 6 week old daughter who has put herself into her own schedule, but doesn't always follow it.

However I do agree that babies can get overtired. The reason they don't get overtired in the womb is because they don't have outside stimuli keeping them awake and indeed the way you put down an overtired baby is to help simulate the womb (rocking, shushing, swaddling, etc.). You fight sleep yourself when you are tired because as humans we can choose to stay awake even when our bodies say it's time for sleep. Babies can do this too and just like adults they can become cranky when they are tired, but won't go to sleep.

Feeding is a 'natural biological and instinctive animal behaviour', but some babies need help. Have you heard of tongue tie or reflux?

I put nappies on my babies, sterilise their bottles and clothe them. I'm almost certain that neither owls or mice do any of these things, should I stop?

Those examples are physical, not behavioural of developmental.

But these examples are also a useful reminder that human babies are not owls or mice, so why compare them? We've evolved far beyond these species and do things differently. It doesn't mean any of us are wrong.

Evolution is not the same thing as cultural!

If it was, there'd be parents all over the world having babies with sleeping problems. There are not.

It is actually only a western issue to aspire to control their babies biological patterns in order to fit them into their own convenience. I'm not saying people do this intentionally, but due the expectations of mothers, linked to self-validation of the western image and performance of motherhood.

I've never had sleeping problems with my children and not saying that to be smug. The most problems I've come across are on here posted by exhausted mothers who have fed their children to sleep thus setting up a cycle which four or five months down the line they can't continue.

We don't live in a culture which encourages attachment parenting, that is true. So what's the solution for parents who aren't like you?

I'm not like anything.

Problems occur when mothers feed their babies to sleep but feel it is wrong somehow, or a problem to fix. The exhaustion comes from trying to NOT feed to sleep in order to 'have ME time', 'have an evening', 'be an IN CONTROL mother'.

Research shows that mothers who demand breastfeed, and especially co-sleep, get more sleep than any other arrangement.

So if the new mother doesn't want to co-sleep, bf on demand long-term or parent in the way you describe, what is the solution?

And I really don't think having 'me time' or being an 'in control' mother is a bad thing as so many MNers imply it is. You are a separate human being from your child not an extension of it.

I guess the other option is to wring your hands getting anxious picking up and puting down your child every 10 minutes getting more and more stressed and feeling a failure of a mother because your baby hasn't read the books that say your baby 'should' be doing this, that or the other.

Back to OP.

Please checkout the SIDS guidelines re sleeping in separate rooms. The other thing that's mentioned on here from time to time is the 'never put a warm baby in a cold crib'. And some people swaddle.

Read the other threads in here from women back at work in a full time job who can't cope with the 5+ wakings in the night. Oh, and they breastfed and co-slept for the first year as well. What's the advice to them? Grin and bear it?

Sorry, OP, to derail thread. Just feel that this approach doesn't really help a lot of women posting on here.

Same advice as whatever is given to the women back at work in a full time job who can't cope with the 5+ wakings in the night, who bottle fed and attempted GF in the early weeks I guess - and everything in between!?

My dc is now 9 Wks but has had a routine from 3wks, I give her a feed at 7.30 then put her down between then and 8. Most of the time she's half asleep when put down and she settles most of the time now herself, but I believe on setting a routine early on it worked for my other dc, but of course all babies r different and she's in our room