Co-sleeping with toddler and new baby will sleep!!!. Really unsafe sleeping arrangements- pls help

[Roxymm]

Currently. Have a 14month toddler co-sleeping with me an hubby. He used to be asleep by 9pm. Sinc having my new baby who is 4 days old he's been going bed really late. Sometimes at 11pm. My husband works nights and he can't help much, extended family are really busy to help.

Toddler is really unsettled with baby being in room an crying. It's waking him up early as 5am and i Don't get to bed till 1am. And I am breast feeding but feel like I am havin no sleep so feel like I am being forced to choose between breast feeding and bottle feeding him, as the say bottle fed babies are more settled in sleep and sleep longer.

The new baby does not sleep in his moses basket at all. My husband I being forced to sleep on floor when he gets in at 2am. And I am having to stick baby in with me and toddler. This is unsafe, I'm not sleeping and toddler a heavy boned boy.

We havent the rooms ail available to put toddler in own room or bed and he goes hysterical when we tried cot. We don't have the cot available any more because we had to make room fo the Moses basket.

Can anyone help m get toddler back on bedtime routine, with new baby in room as I have no where to leave ne baby in busy household. And more than anything help me get baby in basket?!

Hello, I only have one son, so limited experience, but I didn't want your questions to go without help.

Congratulations on your baby. It sounds very stressful situation. I would suggest focusing on your toddler and get him into bedtime routine, much earlier than 9pm, maybe he is over tired? Maybe bath and then he could watch bedtime hour on tv? Maybe this hour you could care for your newborn or do other chores. Then maybe you could lay in bed with toddler if he is used to co sleeping (& and your baby too if necessary, you could use this time to breastfeed baby laying down as babies are often very hungry in the evening) until he is calm or falls asleep. An earlier bedtime may help him be more rested and will hopefully mean less tantrums and stress the following day.

Not sure what to do about stopping baby from waking toddler at night. Maybe leave the room with the baby as soon as the baby wakes?

Having baby and toddler in bed next to each other sounds like it could be dangerous. Baby needs to be next to the mother only if I remember correctly. Does baby sleep in pram at all? Use pram to rock baby to sleep as well? Maybe you could use this for the time being until you manage to get baby used to the basket.

Oh you poor thing, that sounds so stressful.

In the very short term, while you try to get more sleep would there be room for a double mattress on the floor somewhere so your DH and the toddler could sleep together?

Can you have baby on one side of you and the toddler on the other?

Hi

Thanks so far with everyones suggestions. Sorry about all the spelling mistakes. I didn't get to sleep till 5pm last night because new baby decided to stay awake and scream for over an hour. And toddler woke up and would not sleep till 5am.

I feel so sad because i can see that his eyes are so very swollen and and red, but i know he won't nap any longer than his usual 1.5hrs. I my self am knackered.

We don't have the room to put additionam mattress on floor. The hubby has just about enough space to make up a bed. I have finally have had enough and have taken the moses basket downstairs so i can sleep train new baby to sleep in it.

I'm gona try and express some milk and beg somebody to mind new 1 while i put old 1 to bed. He only got 4 hours sleep last night.

Would it be cheating to give the baby aptimal just incase my milk hasnt kicked in?

Lucasma i stopped breastfeeding my toddler not just 2wks ago, he still throws tantrums when he wants the breast, this results in walking around with him till he falls asleep. I could be walking for an hour and a half sometimes. On a good night maybe 30 minutes.

Can your DH take time off to tackle the toddler? Your baby is too young to sleep train (I'm guessing you coslept with your toddler from a young age?)

Do you only have one bedroom?

What was your plan before baby arrived? We're you all going to co sleep? If not, what has changed? Also 2 weeks and a new baby is a vit hard- does he still want to feed? Could you feed him?

I agree you should be sleep training the toddler, not the baby. 2 weeks is far too young and it does need to feed all night.

I only have the space of 1 bedroom no other rooms available as this is a shared house of 10 individuals (3 separate families). The issue isn't so much co-sleeping with toddler. It's the fact that before baby was born it only took him 20 mins to go sleep, today it has taken him 2hrs. And last night he awoke 7 times. Like clock work at 4am everynight since coming home with baby. I don't think u can cope anymore. Will go insane.

I feel so sad that he regressed instead of progressing to sleeping by himself. He's always tired. I don't think bed time is a happy enjoyable time for him anymore, as i seem to be losing my temper, and end up shouting at him. Or pushing him away from me. It's totally bteaking my heart and his. All the time i'm outting toddler to sleep i can hear the new baby crying downstairs with who ever i have left him with(leave him with a bottle). It doesn't help with the new baby crying in the room and not sleeping at night in basket. He will only sleep in bed if next to me or held.

I slept with a baby and a todder- baby against the wall, then me, then toddler. At first my older dd did wake when the baby cried, and for the first two or three weeks the baby slept next to dH in a moses basket on one bed while I slept with my dd, but that was only an emergency measure, and soon we were all in together. My older dd quickly stopped reacting to any crying, and even now sleeps through loud roaring from her sister, who is five. (we still all co-sleep, but dd2 is prone to night terrors). This is very very new and your toddler will be feeling unsettled anyway, because of the new sibling, so a change in sleep patterns isn't all that unusual. Give it a bit of time. Put the toddler to bed first, then keep the baby with you, mine just dozed next to me on the sofa while I read or watched tv in the evening, if I was pottering about I would lay her in a moses basket or have her in a sling. Then she would come to bed with me, have a feed, and go to sleep next to me. Give it more time and things will settle down.

Why did you wean the toddler the week before the new baby arrived and can you tandem feed instead? In your situation, I co-slept with the toddler and brought the baby in with us when he woke up. Dh slept downstairs. I was really knackered and the toddler was v unimpressed by me cuddling the baby as well, but they have to deal with the jealousy and at least are not pushed out. Sympathies as I remember those days well! Just take the line of least resistance right now

I only have the space of 1 bedroom no other rooms available as this is a shared house of 10 individuals (3 separate families). The issue isn't so much co-sleeping with toddler. It's the fact that before baby was born it only took him 20 mins to go sleep, today it has taken him 2hrs. And last night he awoke 7 times. Like clock work at 4am everynight since coming home with baby. I don't think u can cope anymore. Will go insane.

I feel so sad that he regressed instead of progressing to sleeping by himself. He's always tired. I don't think bed time is a happy enjoyable time for him anymore, as i seem to be losing my temper, and end up shouting at him. Or pushing him away from me. It's totally bteaking my heart and his. All the time i'm outting toddler to sleep i can hear the new baby crying downstairs with who ever i have left him with(leave him with a bottle). It doesn't help with the new baby crying in the room and not sleeping at night in basket. He will only sleep in bed if next to me or held.

Honestly, I would start to let the toddler feed again. Did he used to feed to sleep? I would push the bed against the wall, have the baby between you and the wall and toddler the other side (with pillows etc to stop toddler fallling out). I would feed the toddler to sleep while (hopefully!) the new baby slept.

I would then beg any help possible to come round in the day to have the baby while you (and toddler if possible) nap.

You must be at the end of your tether, you poor thing. I still cosleep/bf my toddler and am expecting again and this scenario has been playing on my mind too.

In the longer term, is there any possibility you could move somewhere with a bit more room? You sound overcrowded. :(

Poor you :(. I had a much older dc1, but did:
-Moses basket, then later cot, up against bed
-me next to that, so I could easily lift dc2 up when they woke
-dc1 behind me, so safely away from the baby.

That way I could feed/cuddle the baby but dc1 still felt close. Dh miles away on sofa!

Sounds hard .

Sorry if I've misunderstood but were you breastfeeding your toddler until very recently? Is he used to a feed before bed? If so, can you not reinstate this? It's generally fine to tandem feed even with a very new born baby. Even if your milk isn't in yet, the very act of suckling should comfort the older child. You could even try and feed both together at bedtime - the older might go to sleep in more like the 20mins that he used to, and the baby will be comforted by being with you. Certainly, this is what I did.

Anyway, if tandem feeding might be a runner, I suggest you post on breast and bottle feeding. Loads of advice there.

I get the feeling you don't want to co-sleep with either child but it may be your best way out of the situation you're in right now. I've only ever co-slept with one child at a time but I've certainly heard of people co-sleeping with two. You'd need to sleep in between them and then the usual rules would apply re no pillows, no duvet / baby on top of duvet in sleeping bag or swaddle, no spaces child could get trapped in, use a bed guard, no alcohol etc etc. Sorry, am sure you know the drill but, again, there is lots of useful advice on here if you search.

There's perhaps not much you can do about the baby waking the toddler with crying except, as one poster has already said, taking the baby out whenever he cries - and that is knackering for you and perhaps not practical given your household set-up. But once your milk is properly in, if you can (or can learn to) feed lying down, your baby may be happy to spend more time feeding, while you doze, and your toddler will not be so disturbed.

However, do try and hang onto the fact that 4 days old is really, really new and lots will change over the next few weeks. Neither child will be this unsettled for ever.

I think you need to try tandem feeding for now and get yourselves some more space if at all possible. Is there any family you can spend some time with? I would be aiming to get toddler in to a better bedtime routine, maybe with a tandem feed before going down and then you can let the newborn do what newborns do - feed a lot!

I agree with subar, let your toddler bf for a bit longer, also why not bf your baby while snuggling your toddler and reading him a bedtime story? Then the baby isn't wailing for you making you hossibly stressed which your toddler will pick up on. You are exhausted and have just given birth, so everything feels overwhelming, but in fact most todders take a while to adjust to a new baby and are really unsettled at first, routines go out of the window, it is normal. You are being pulled between both of them, and that is hard, but that will be how it is from now on and you will learn how to manage it. I found that bf the baby meant she was quiet and I would then read/chat to dd who felt happy that she had my attention and was able to be loving to her baby sister as she didn't feel shoved out by her. I involved her as much as possible in daily tasks like nappy changing (she would get the cotton wool, that sort of thing) which made her feel important and allied with me in looking after the new baby.

I agree for toddler there is too much change at once. Id try to feed both dcs. If you've only recently funished feeding ds you shouldnt have any problems with your milk for baby, no need for aptamil.

Could your toddler sleep across the bottom of your bed (by your feet)? Then yoou can still safely cosleep. I let dd 4yrs do this when she has a bad dream. Id also start looking for somewhereelse to live. If you cant afford to see about council housing or ask your HV. I dont think they would expect you to live like this.

Oh gosh. Hang in there, it will get better. Can you bf baby whilst reading and cuddling toddler? Does the baby fall asleep on breast and then cry when you put him down? The baby will eventually get used to the basket but he is still very young. Completely normal he just wants to be held and feed all the time. Mine did! Whenever the baby is asleep have some special cuddle time with your toddler so he knows he's still special. I hope things get easier soon x

We have our own house which is basically a building site. We were suppose to move in end of august early september but we've had a 3 wk delay and will be moving in at beginning october. That is the only light at the end of the tunnel.

But again another change in toddler life. It's a very stressful time for every1 and i can tell he is tired and upset by all the change. He throws tantrums, started biting, becoming loud and isn't sleeping. He's naps have increased to 3 naps per day over the last three days.

I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice and tips so far. I now feel like i'm not alone and there are mums out there who gave done it and survived.

Sorry about spelling errors. Really tired. Dh home and has taken baby so i can have some sleep.

Tandem feed - I did and I co-slept with Dh, 22 month old and NB - it was lovely - but I didn't stress about it - if you are doing it but worrying it creates a vicious circle.

I am sure the tandem feeding helped ease the nb coming into toddlers life and even now - they still share a room (often a bed).

Toddler on lap - baby on toddler - 1 boob each if that helps.

Could you make your cot into a sidecar cot, if not, cheap ikea cots work well for this (specifically the ones you can take one side totally off).

You are right that it's not safe to have a baby and toddler in together, especially if toddler has not yet developed the reflex which stops him falling out of bed. If you sleep in between them, it would be safe. Or could you take one each, your husband with the toddler and you with the baby? It might be worth dissasembling the bed and pushing mattresses together on the floor to make one big bed - friends of mine have this set up. Admittedly, I've found that HVs etc don't like this when you have a fairly small house and if you aren't "naice, middle class people" as they tend to see it as necessity/ignorance rather than a conscious choice (:( )

And look - it's day four! You are doing incredibly well to be able to string a sentence together, by all accounts you should be an utter hormonal mess :)

Big , un-MNy and congratulations on your beautiful baby, and really, do not worry about the long term right now. If your 14 month old goes to bed at 1am, don't worry. Maybe he'll have a longer nap in the day to make up for it, or even give you a lie in (well... you can hope) and it will get better. This Too Shall Pass. And you'll be in your new home before long.

Good practical tip whatto. How long did you sleep with both for?

How are you feeling this morning Roxy?

Good morning roxy :)
I've re-read your thread and tbh I know we have all been giving you good advice but it sounds like you just need some sleep and another pair of hands to help. Poor you. It is so hard at first. Hang on in there. You are all adjusting
From your older baby's pov, everything has changed. Feeding, sleeping, attention from mummy, annoying new crying thing. All his behaviour will soon settle down. It is quite normal for them to regress when a new baby arrives and he is still a baby himself in many ways. Don't worry about any of his sleep patterns now. It's a bit like when you go on holiday and all your routines go out of the window
When mine were that age I actually went and stayed with my mum for a few weeks so I had more help and support. Is anything like that possible in the short term?
Above all, don't worry about any sleep 'patterns' 5 days in, spend as much time as pos chilling on the sofa and spend time with the toddler doing puzzles or crayoning or reading so he feels reassured (but nothing knackering for you!)
(((Hugs)))