Sat outside DS' room AGAIN

[BambinoBoo]

DS was a great sleeper and self settler as a baby then at 11 months I went back to work and he's never been able to settle himself again. For almost 3 years DH or I have had to sit outside his room until he falls to sleep. We have tried him crying it out and just can't let him get in that state so that's out I'm afraid. But does anyone have any other advice please. He takes around an hour to get off to sleep every night, keeps coming out saying his needs a wee. Never goes. Brings his pillow out. Needs a different teddy etc etc. We are phasing out his naps but even when he doesn't nap it's the same. I know that I sound selfish and have it good compared to many here as he more often than not sleeps through till 5.30 - yes, he's an early riser too - but DH and I hardly seem to get an evening together and I'm do fed up now I am getting really ratty with him.

Not sure what to do. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Meant to add that we have also tried the gradual move away from outside the room but we may a well be doing controlled crying given the screaming.

I'm guessing he is about 4 then?

If so tell him that its bedtime and leave him too it

We cuddled ours to sleep until they grew out of it. It was the fastest way we found, and less stressful than any others.

He's just over 3 and a half.

For the early waking we have had success with the groclock, didn't work straight away, but then we combined it with a sticker chart and now DD stays in bed until she sees the sunshine at 6.30am (she's 3.5 yrs).

Bedtime was tricky last year, we had to sit in the room with her (had graduated from patting/rubbing her back) and I know how frustrating that can feel. Hope you get some good tips :)

I doubt others will agree with me, but I think cuddling a 3.5 year old to sleep is perfectly normal. Actually, it's even quite nice. They all grow out of it eventually and with at least one of ours the harder we pushed dropping it, the more they resisted. I guess I'm more of the 'meet the need and it goes away' school of thinking. Stuff by Dr Sears I found useful.

I'm no help I have to sit inside, and so far I've been here 1 hour and 45 mins!

At 4 hes old enough to know that bedtime is bedtime. To be honest if i was you id put him in bed and leave him to it as has already been suggested.

My other helpful practical tips, would be things like try making bedtime later and exnsuring they get at leastt 3hrs of physical activity each day. i.e. only put them to bed when actually tired.

We found a lot of this stuff improved once they started school, including the early wakings. It just exhausts them .

Rhinestone, we have graduated from sitting in the room, so I guess that was a Tiny bit of progress, but we can't seem to get off the landing. I always dreamt Of being a mum that would read a story till her baby went off but me being in the room seems to make him more interactive rather than sleepy. I thought about audio books as maybe he just needs that company but I just don't know.

Declutter, he goes to nursery full time so gets loads of exercise. He's never needed a full 12 hours sleep which is fine but it's the not settling that gets me.. We tried later bedtimes but it was just the usual mucking about at a later time.

HM I feel your pain. I'm approaching an hour.

I'm trying to remember what we did with DD - was definitely still sitting in there last summer, she would have been 2.5 then.

I think she gradually grew out of it, but encouraged by us doing things like just 'popping out' to get something from another room, back in a minute kind of stuff. Also as your DS is 3.5 he's old enough for you to talk about staying in bed at bedtime, think the No Cry Sleep Solution suggests making a 'sleep' book with pictures of the child getting ready for bed and going to sleep?

Mine is 2.3 years but now he's in a proper bed if I don't sit here he is either furious, gets out to come and find me or both!

Perhaps I need to try a different approach, like an agreed amount of stories with cuddles then he must go to sleep and stay in bed. He is quite rational but is obviously picking up on me being frustrated and stressed and we are caught in a vicious circle. He's quite a sensitive boy too. God, I feel awful.

Thanks everyone. Differing suggestions but am really grateful for your opinions.

We did audio boos for a while with DD when she was around 3 - after her bedtime stories with us. We bigged up the 'you're a big girl so can have this on all by yourself; we'll be up to switch it off in ten minutes'. Most times, she was asleep long before that. Then we phased them out and she's gone to sleep herself ever since.

Worth a go?

Like HMQE though, 2.4 year old DS is another story. nightmare! So I feel your pain.

No suggestions, but and empathy.

What gets them to sleep quickest? Whatever it is, do it. If lying down with them and cuddling gets them to sleep in 20 minutes and sitiing outside thri room gets them to sleep in 1hr45 minutes, then cuddle. Happy, sleeping child. Parent on sofa having a snog and a glass of rose. Win/win.

I do think that 3.5 is v old for a nap. Try a week of no naps and see f that helps?

A friend told me about a chart she made for her daughter's bed time that was like a clock or pie chart with each part of the bedtime /evening routine on it in the order that they happen e.g. teatime, bath, pyjamas on, milk, story, wee, teeth, cuddle, sleep. The DC is "in charge" of what's next, and it helps to give them the idea that their bedtime routine ends with SLEEPING! Just a suggestion, and i didn't ever try it myself!

I do feel your pain though. DD1 was taking 2 hours a night too settle at nearly 3. Then DD2 was born and DD1 dropped her naps and got much better at bedtime. I do agree with the gro clock suggestion.

Oh, those sensitive boys! I have one too, so I know what you're going through. To say 'just tell him it's bedtime' just doesn't work for some children, and it's not down to the parents doing something wrong (before anyone says so).

Try playing a gentle CD of music or sleep meditations for kids (try Amazon). Ideally you should ultimately be able to wean him off you and onto the cd.

Good luck!

And yes, deffo ditch the naps.

I recommend the groclock too. It comes with a nice book about how piggy gets grumpy when he doesn't get enough sleep. Also sticker charts and rewards will help. To help with the going to sleep there are children's relaxation CDs that you can get on amazon that you could leave playing in the room.
Also I think doing the same routine in the same order every evening helps them to feel secure.

What do you do when they 'fix' the Groclock?