Help to get a two year old to sleep the whole night in her own bed

[whenyouseeitwaveorcheer]

Dd1 was a fabulous sleeper til 6 months then it all went wrong.
After dh and I spending hours in her room at night trying to get her back to sleep after waking every 45 mins we eventually gave inane started bringing her into bed at first waking.

She improved to the point of sleeping through til 4ish but has now started waking earlier and earlier and is mow disturbing our evenings by waking at 10,30 and demanding to go in our bed and ending our evening.

She tantrums if she can't come in and we worry she will wake dd1.

We have to do something though. Dh and I have our first ever child free night away in two weeks and I'm worried we are going to have to cancel for her as she screens bloody murder at night and only wants mummy.

Does anyone have any suggestions? (you can probably tell by our wimpishness that we aren't the controlled crying types)

I thought for a moment I had written this and then forgotten about it in my sleep deprived state! DD2 is 21 months. She also wakes about 10.30 / 11.00 but can be settled back down in her cot but then will be back up at any point from about 12 / 1 onwards. Only thing to do is bring her in with us but then she whines / moans / wriggles all night and very often sleeps across the bed. Waiting until she is asleep & putting her back through doesn't work.

Can I wait with you for an expert to come along?

Glad it's not just me! I'll wait for expert advise as I'm in a similar situation with my 2 1/2 year old!

Sorry, no answers either, but the same problem...

Tbh, it bothers DH more than me. We've been through over 2 years of no sleep and frankly even disturbed sleep with DS in our bed is better than controlled crying, sleeping on his floor and the 101 other things we've tried that didn't work and only made us all even more sleep deprived.

I've just come to accept DS is not one of life's sleepers, there is no 'solution', and we just have to muddle through as best we can. But I understand it must be harder if you have more than 1.

Still, if anyone does have a magic bullet...

PS - DO go on your night away. You need it. Grandparents or whoever is looking after DD will cope, even if she sleeps with them all night.

Thanks all. Glad I am not alone

The coming in our bed thing used to be fine as she was in a grobag tucked nicely up between our pillows (super kingsize bed).

But since the grobags have gone (don't think she'd accept one now) she wriggles right down under the covers, slides up to one or the oter of us alternately, hogs my pillow and gradually pushes me off it throughout the night, pulls my hair, honks Daddy's nose, chats, sings, kicks us, scratches us with her toenails etc etc etc.

I have set up a little mattress next to her bed and I'm going to try sleeping on her floor for a couple of nights to see if that breaks the association.

Neige - I really, really do want to go on this night away. I was fine with it before because my Mum said she was happy to have DD2 in bed with her once she woke - but in the last couple of weeks she's gone mad with separation anxiety for me and even DH can't settle her by getting in bed with her. It has to be me.

It's like she senses that for the first time in four years I met get away from kids! I just hate the thought of her inconsolable in the night

Hiya. Yes we've done the mattress by the bed thing too. It has helped, if not total solution - we get a visitation more like 5am than midnight.

My DS is the same about only wanting Mummy in the night, so I completely understand your concerns. But I think actually the novely of being with Gparents took his mind off it. (Or of course they may be lying to us about what a good boy he was when we were away...). Still, I'd go for it. You deserve a good night's sleep!

Thanks neige. Glad to hear your little boy survived!

We just got rid of the mattress by the bed - couldn't stand it any more, and to be honest our 2 year old is up/active from around midnight to 3am most nights regardless of what we do. If we get into bed with her she wriggles and kicks and moans. If we leave her alone she screams and just keeps coming back to our room anyway. She is also the same about only wanting mummy at the moment so I am a wreck...

One thing that has happened recently, now that she is talking, is that she often complains of a "tummy ache" while she's writhing around so I'm wondering if there's something in her diet that upsetting her. Am going to experiment with losing the bedtime milk and see what happens.

Hopefully someone will be along with some advice soon.

Can I wait with you for the expert please? Both mine have woken up several times EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for the past five years - DD1 is just 5 and DD 2 is just 2. I don't think separation anxiety is the issue - they just don't stay asleep for long and when they wake up they immediately want to get up regardless of the time. Is being firm / strong/ strict the thing to do??? I can't help but blame myself for doing something wrong, no one else I know seems to have such trouble with their kids sleeping although obviously plenty do as we are all here aren't we!
Am eagerly awaiting the expert!

OF course bonmot.

Sympathies on having them both up. DD1 has form for sneaking into our bed too but a reward chart and all manner of resultant disney princess related bribery keeps her mostly on the straight and narrow

I could of written your opening post!
Dd is now 28 months and has always been a terrible sleeper, we have done it all...controlled crying, cry it out, stair gate on the door, lying in bed with her. You get the picture then last month she slept all night, in her own bed and until 7.30am what did we do different? We moved to France
I'm sure it's not the fact we are in France that made her sleep, I think it's because we put her in bed no later than 6.30, previously 7.30 and her finally falling asleep about 8.30.
We now read two stories and leave. The difference is that in her new bedroom she has a chest of toys and some book. We hear her playing, singing and looking for toys but she is calm, and the room is dark. She normally falls to sleep naturally no later than 7.30 and sleep right through!
I'm guessing the hour wind down before she is over tired was the key to her better sleeping

That's great to hear barbie, gives a glimmer of hope! DD1 goes to bed at 6, so there's not much we can do in terms of an earlier bedtime. She stopped napping at 18mo so really does need an earlier bedtime as she's shattered. If she does sleep in the day, even 10 mins in the car she won't go to sleep for hours. Seriously, she's still been up as late as 10PM on days she has napped.

Sorry, I meant DD2!

When you put her in bed how does she fall asleep?

We used to just put her into bed and walk out and she'd take her off to sleep.

BUt since the separation anxiety kicked in a couple of months ago we have to stay in her room til she drops off. Either standing by the door or sitting on her floor.

I used to have to lie next to dd and draw on her back with my finger until she dropped off. I then had to sneak out, then dh and I used to sit in silence for at least an hour until we knew she was fully asleep.
Another difference we made was to be truthful, we tell her we are downstairs cooking dinner, or mummy is going in the bath etc. she knows where we are if she needs us. We don't bother being quiet anymore, the noise we make seems to reassure her that we are about. Ds 4mnths is a total dream compared to his big sister! Long may it continue...

I don't know if this is the answer, but our 2 have never liked going from us being with them to being in a room by themselves. We therefore let them listen to CD stories. Might give them some reassurance they are not 'alone'. And save you reading Peppa Pig stories a million times!

It's weird, but she's never really had a problem going to sleep. Only when shes in a separation anxiety phase. BUt she just wont go back on her own. I,m not sure she'd bother listening to a CD, she's a bit of a nutter and not really the sit and listen quietly type. But Im willing to try anything, thanks homeecognoist.

Moving to France it is then!

France it is for me too then! Do you think 11 nights in Majorca would be similar? DD2 goes to sleep in her cot by herself each evening - sings a few songs etc then drifts off. First couple of wakenings she can be comforted then nods off again but anything in the early hours and she can only settle in our bed. I'm sure it's just habit but don't know how to break it.
DD1(7) incidentally slept right through 12 hours from 9 weeks old!

Success of sorts last night. On the plus side she did sleep in her own bed til 8.30

However, that was only after waking at midnight, bad-assing me with a nuclear tantrum for an hour when I said she couldn't come in our room, trying to get on my mattress with me (which, incidentally is only a cotbed mattress with a beanbag for a pillow, comfy) and sitting bolt upright every time I tried to escape back to my own bed.

Round two tonight!

Thanks for all the advice.

I was going to start a new thread on this subject today but see I don't need to as there are plenty of you going through the same thing! My little one is 2.5 and her occassional sneaking into our bed has suddenly become waking every night (usually between 3and 4am) and coming to our room. I don't have the strength to fight her on it becasue I'm so tired (and trust me...it would be a fight!). It's not always a problem if she goes straight off to sleep, but more often than not she takes between 1 and 2 hours to go back to sleep. And she's a VERY restless sleeper! usually ends up with her hogging 80% of the bed, me with her feet in my face and DH in her single bed!!

She settles herself to sleep at night (sometimes after several returns to bed & a milion excuses...need a drink, to dark, need a wee, another kiss goodnight etc etc) and is all about mummy from then till morning really...so Im shattered!

I am now pregnant with number 2 and although not due until the new year, I'm really keen to try and resolve this.

I feel a bit like we've tried everything...earlier to bed, later to bed, shorter naps, let her catch up in case she's overtired...nothing seems to make any difference.

Will join you all in wating for a miracle solution!!

I was just about to write a very similar post! DS goes to sleep in his own bed at about 5.30 - 6pm. Has a story and falls asleep soon enough. Then he is guaranteed to wake up between 9.30 and 11.30 and then I have to go to bed and bring him in with me, or else he will just wake up every half hour until I do.

I moved house a few months ago, and decided he would be sleeping all night in his own bed, but after 5 weeks of getting up many times a night to soothe him in his own bed I realised we were making no progress at all, and I caved and started letting him sleep in my bed again. Im hoping that when he magically starts sleeping through the night he will just stay where he fell asleep, in his own effing bed!!

So, someone who knows how to solve this problem will be along soon then....

I will join you in waiting for the expert. Dd started off coming in at around 6 which was fine.

However over the last few months (coinciding with birth of ds) she's gradually started coming in earlier and earlier- often before we've even gone to bed.

Have thrown principles out of the window and bribed her with the promise of sweets which sometimes works.

The times we have tried to be strict have resulted in tantrums lasting over an hour and I don't want to have to commit to that every night.

She is quite funny when she comes in though- she always brings her doll and at least one other vitally important object that she's collected en route!

Marking my place!

DDs were/are fabulous sleepers, DS is a nightmare. He's 2.9 and has only spent two nights in his own bed without waking. He goes to sleep easily enough, but won't stay that way!

He's recently begun coming into our bed and sleeping upside down on top of the duvet. He's learnt not to wake me when he does too. I'm just hoping when we extend and he's in his own room i'll be able to sort it permanently!