Help to get a two year old to sleep the whole night in her own bed

[whenyouseeitwaveorcheer]

Dd1 was a fabulous sleeper til 6 months then it all went wrong.
After dh and I spending hours in her room at night trying to get her back to sleep after waking every 45 mins we eventually gave inane started bringing her into bed at first waking.

She improved to the point of sleeping through til 4ish but has now started waking earlier and earlier and is mow disturbing our evenings by waking at 10,30 and demanding to go in our bed and ending our evening.

She tantrums if she can't come in and we worry she will wake dd1.

We have to do something though. Dh and I have our first ever child free night away in two weeks and I'm worried we are going to have to cancel for her as she screens bloody murder at night and only wants mummy.

Does anyone have any suggestions? (you can probably tell by our wimpishness that we aren't the controlled crying types)

At least we're not alone

Well, last night DD2 woke at about midnight, and I managed to settle her pretty quickly by saying Mummy's staying get back into bed, she cried for a couple of minutes while I stroked her back then got back into bed.

I then slept on the cot mattress/bean bag torture device until 3AM when I woke up and managed to sneak back into my own room. She was then up at 6.30, so not too bad really.

She's just woken now, her recent form for waking at this time would be standing at the stair gate having a tantrum about wanting to be in our bed and us giving in and going to bed with her but tonight she was sitting up in bed so I've laid her back down and put her lullaby lamb on and managed to get out of her room

We will see how long that lasts

I'm do glad we are not alone! Dd 22 months is exactly th same... Anytime after 10.30 she wakes and screams until in our bed. she then sings/plays/wriggles for hours. It's killing us?

I've also got a newborn 9 weeks and this means whenever I getup to feed ds she gets up too.

Am following this thread in desperate hope of a solution!

Hello! I'm waiting for the expert too, has someone actually called them?

My 16 month old has been waking at around 10pm every night, only wanting mummy and, being the path of least resistance parent that I am, I've been happy to take him into my bed rather than stand in his room all night. DP sleeps on the floor.....

Where is she? I was under the impression that Mumsnet was choc a bloc with experts and I expected some opinionated helpful mner would tell us all what to do! Whenyouseeit I feel bad for you on that cotbed matress and beanbag, what do we do it to ourselves? I too swore I would deal with it before number two came along but here I am two years later with two of them up and down throughout the night over and over again. I work full time and have a long commute and sometimes think i am going to lose my mind. If there were a simple lasting solution i think we would all have done it woudn't we :(

Exactly, where is she? Or he? I just want a block of sleep - not even asking for a full night! Just maybe 6 hours??

Hello to the newbie hopefuls.

I'm sure the expert will be here soon

What IS it about 10/10:30PM that they ALWAYS wake then? My DD1 was the same - if she was going to wake (she was mostly a good sleeper, apart from when DD2 was a newborn ) it was always 10. So annoying. I hate when it happens at the weekend and interrupts my wine evening.

Bonmot - two of them, working full time and a commute? Sympathies, that must be bloody awful.

DD2 will be two at the end of the month and I see her growing up in so many ways except for this one! It's partcularly annoying as DH and I were considering having a DC3 but are pretty swayed towards not bothering now as I think we're just fed up with broken nights.

Just returning to see if that expert has turned up yet....... - so that would be a no then.

Still, wouldn't we all actually secretly hate learn a lot from the Gina mum who came on and said that their DCs had slept through the night since 8 weeks...

If nothing else, it's very consoling to see how many other parents are going through exactly the same thing.

for us all

Still waiting patiently, neige

Has anyone considered contacting a sleep clinic? Have heard great things about Millpond, although I know it often comes down to money...

Sorry I can't offer advice, even though I am that Gina mum you mention ( well, from a year old when I was insane through lack of sleep...). Good luck and hope someone finds a solution soon.

Well, for the last 3 nights we have had the bed to ourselves - Hooray! (I feel like by typing this our luck is going to run out!). I haven't really done much different, apart from trying to pre-empt her waking. I'm not a great sleeper anyway, so when I have woken I've checked on her and made sure she's got her covers on (she always kicks them off due to her restlessness!). has tended to be about 1ish & 4ish. Each night she has not woken & has slept in her own bed until 5.30-6ish.

It may have nothing to do with it but until it stops working I'll keep doing it in the hope that we break the habit!

I'm really stuck. The trick to getting them to sleep though when they're younger is to get them to self settle. Dd can do that now and actually goes to sleep without too much bother most nights.

It's just the habit of trotting down the hall every night.

It's the consistency factor that bothers me: if we were to make a concerted effort to keep taking her back (which would entail a lot of crying) we would have to continue with that for as long as it took and never let her in again. I just can't see that happening so am desperately hoping it's a phase that will pass helped by some gentle bribery encouragement.

I often wonder if we're being too soft and should just shut the door or put a stairgate on or something?

I just want to avoid too much crying for the sake of DD1 (7) who I don't want to be disturbed. Incidentally, I a (more or less) a Gina mum - DD1 slept all night from approx 8 weeks - am sure we did nothing different with DD2 yet she's never slept a full night! Can't find an answer to that in any Gina books!!

Definately no expert but I have a theory... 3 dc s here, the first was always a bad sleeper and woke frequently until aged about 5/6 (not every night but often) - still wakes frequently but gets himself back to sleep nowadays and tells me in the morning- aged 9(!) I spent many nights trudging the corridor ALWAYS putting him back in bed, very rarely lying next to him.

Dc2 slept pretty well from 15months on.

Dc3 now 20 months -(whispers) is becoming a good sleeper - BUT I sleep next to him on a mattress which is far from ideal. (It's comfy but not near dh). I am convinced it is because I'm near that his sleep is improving as he does wake, I hear him, but he only needs intervention sometimes, generally when he isn't well. The rest of the time he drifts back off himself. I plan to continue this for the time being as I can't face the consequences of changing it which I'm sure would be corridor trudging at 3am (and then 3.15 etc) and then withdraw when he's older - (but how much older ?!)

I theorise that sleep issues for toddlers are linked to separation anxiety and their expectations of the normal routine in your house. If they are used to coming in your bed they will keep expecting it, if they are used to you reassuring them and exiting they will expect that. BUT I don' t get what makes them sleep or not sleep, possibly some are just better at self-comforting, Dc2 is, she doesn;t even wake for reassurance when she has a cold she just snuffles her way through it. It was nothing i did to make her sleep. I think the only answer is to decide what you are comfortable with doing at night to help them back to sleep and get them into the habit of expecting that and then wait for them to get older.........

Totally unhelpful when i read it back but that's because all experience has taught me is that possibly young children are better off close to you at night as well as during the day and that helping some feel self confident and secure with sleep takes a long time. I regret not being more patient with dc1 at night and I worry that i actually made his sleep worse by getting irritated about it - but then I was knackered. That's why i'm staying close to dc3 for the time being despite hints from dh and my mum and mil....

Not an expert by any means but DS became a terrible terrible sleeper at about 2y after having several illnesses in a row, and needed us to stay in his room to Get to sleep in his own cot, and would wake up all bloody night to eventually come in our bed where no one would get any sleep.

What worked for us was first of all doing gradual withdrawal, so going from rubbing his back, to sitting by his cot, to sitting by the door, to sitting outside the door over a few weeks. If he got upset we would stroke his head and soothe him then go back, so it was relatively painless and calm.

We went then went all out with bribery to keep him in his own cot/bed. We went on a spending spree in a toy shop for little toys he got to choose himself (only £2/£3 each), bought a groclock and drew a starchart together. The first starchart only had three spaces in, and we explained he had to stay in his cot till the sun came back not in mummy and daddy's bed, then he would get a star, and when he had all the stars he could choose a present.

It took about a week for him to get the three stars, when he woke up and cried to come in our bed we would tell him that he could, but then he wouldn't get a star. In the morning we would look at the chart and the presents and see how many more stars he needed. Sometimes he would stay in his cot, sometimes not. After the first week he got the hang of it, and now sleeps in his own bed pretty consistently. We don't need to do the stars any more yay!

It was a bit of a long winded method, but I didn't want to do a stressful crying it out style thing and this way was really gentle and positive.

Shhhhh that sounds fantastic, I will remember that for when DS is older :)

Well, DS slept in his own bed all night for the first time ever the night before last.

Because.... the baby monitor had broken, but I was unaware of this, and he did not cry loud enough to wake me up all night. I woke in the morning because he had got himself stuck under the bed crawling under there playing. I was well freaked out at first worrying etc but then I thought, hmm, maybe he does cry moderately (not like howling or I would have heard him) for a bit, then goes back to sleep on his own.

With the monitor on I would sometimes wait 5/10 minutes (feels like an hour!) in the night to see if he would settle, but because of the odd time he would get more upset if I didn't go to him, I would usually think 'oh, I'd better go now before he works himself up and takes an age to go back to sleep'.

Maybe I was wrong? Seems the problem may have been me! Not giving him enough chance to self settle. I always thought he would definitely need me eventually..

Last night was different, he woke as I was going to bed and opened his bedroom door as I hadn't shut it properly. Then he was standing at the stair gate shouting for the cat to come in. So I just picked him up out of habit and brought him into my bed.

But tonight! His door is closed, the baby monitor is in the bin and I am trying to watch tv without straining to hear if DS is crying.. the plan is to just bank on the fact that if he really needs me, he will cry loud enough for me to hear him. And eventually he will work out its not worth the effort.

Sorry for very long post but I am excited I may have solved the problem!

Hello, just a quick update.

After persevering with the mattress on the floor DD2 has slept through alone in her own bed for the past three nights so something seems to be working!!

Tonight is our night away so we'll see how she gets on with the grandparents. Even if it all goes horribly wrong, I guess we have some hope that she can actually do it now.

Hope everyone else is ok?

That's good news!
Sleep is still terrible in our house. I tried to introduce the sticker chart with a visit from the sleep fairy who would leave a toy. DS announced that he doesn't like fairies as they are scarey and didn't want stickers- he wants to sleep in Mummy and Daddy's bed. Really don't know what to do as am really struggling with so little sleep.

update

I doubt anyone will see this, but just bumping to say that DD2 has slept through in her own bed ever since I last updated in June!!! and

HOpe things have improved for everyone else.

Really enjoyed reading this thread and particularly encouraged by the update (which you hardly ever see). I long for the day I can write/Shout that my 2 year old has slept through the night. Like others on here, she can go to sleep on her own but then wakes at least four times for milk. I must have the strangest child though, as she has never wanted to sleep with me, if I try it (I would do anything for a block of more than two hours sleep) she looks at me as if I'm crazy and screams. Anyway I'm encouraged that there could be light at the end of the tunnel one day!