At wit's end - need baby out of arms and into crib, somehow!

[igggi]

I think this is a common issue on these boards, just really hoping someone has some advice for my situation - one week in to my baby's life and I'm dreading another nighttime. Apart from night#1 when he was still out of it, each night DS2 has fed constantly (which I can cope with) and then fallen asleep in my arms. I place him in his bed (a bednest, right up against my bed and with the side down so I can touch him) and he wakes up. Instantly. And cries.

The problem for me is that I end up letting him sleep, and then dozing off myself. I am not confident about co-sleeping, am in a small size double bed with a duvet and (worst of all) a DH who is a smoker. I have a lot of anxieties about my LO due to the hard time I had getting him, and convince myself at night that I'm going to be responsible for killing him... I need to convince him to sleep in his crib (or even his pram) somehow before that happens. He fell off my chest last night and against his crib, it could have been a lot worse.

Thank you for reading this epic, and any advice gratefully received!

Awww bless him. He just wants to feel secure! Have u tried swaddling him?! Xxx

Thank you for replies. I do try to swaddle him, but I'm obviously not too good at it as he fights his way out!
I have a grobag but he's not quite at the right weight for it yet. I hadn't thought of raising the crib end, I'm sure I could do that. I tried leaving him in crib last night to see if he'd settle after a few minutes, but he was having none of it.

If I was feeling healthier myself, (post c-section) I would just chuck dh out to sleep elsewhere, but I do call on him to help me reach things, sit up etc at the moment!

Congratulations on your newborn! Not much advice but know how you feel as my 10 week old DD is much the same, though we have seen a little improvement over the past few weeks. She has reflux and is most comfortable sleeping when held upright or in her Moby wrap sling...which was a bit complicated to work out but is now fantastic as I can get things done around the house, go out for walks and shopping without a huge pram fuss.

Can your DH make a temporary move to the sofa or spare room so you and little one can bedshare safely until he's ready to graduate to bednest? Or if not, can he help out with the nighttime parenting more, holding DS while you sleep? My DH and I sleep in shifts - I usually go to bed between 9-10 after giving DD a nice long bf, DH stays up with her til 2ish and gives a bottle of milk I've expressed when she wakes for feeding. He then sleeps from 2 until 8 when it's time for him to get up for work. DD not really settled enough for bednest but I can sometimes get her down in her Moses basket beside the sofa for an hour or two.

I also do late afternoon feedings lying down in bed as it's very restful. My sleep is quite light and I'm very aware of DD. If you follow guidelines cosleeping is very safe - safer than baby's safety being compromised by overtired mummy.

And get friends and family in to help in the day and hold him for an hour or so just so you can get some sleep. Have them bring him up to bed with you for feeding. If you don't have anyone around to help then consider a post-natal doula. I have one and she is fabulous. She comes two afternoons a week from 12-2 and looks after DD while I sleep. She's good with a sling and even helps out with little chores like washing up, laundry and shopping. It's £40 per week but essential right now as neither DH nor I have family where we live and he has a long day with commuting and work.

It's all very likely to improve as he gets used to life on the outside - he doesn't know he's separate from you yet nor that it's 2012 and he won't be devoured by wolves if not constantly in arms. Get some sleep - however you can - and enjoy the cuddles!

Sorry - I x posted with you - didn't know you were recovering from section and needed DH nearby. Still, maybe use mobiles and ring him if you need help in the night?

Babies will fight swaddling but do persist as it's great. If you can't get a good, secure swaddle with a blanket then use a swaddle pod. They zip right up and he'll feel safe and snug.

You could also try warming the bednest with a hot water bottle but as you're not yet ok to be getting up and down in the night, I'd save this trick for later.

This sounds so much like my DD. She just would not be put down at all until 6 weeks. Still doesn't like it too much, but gradually improving.

I have a swaddle pod and it's amazing! I got it from
Mothercare. It's like a stretchy sausage skin with zips. Highly recommend it

My 9 week old dd is the same. I feed her on a firm pillow then when she's asleep I just put her in the Moses basket on the pillow, that works for us nine times out of ten. When it doesn't we end up Co sleeping.

Lots of good strategies here
I am however sticking fingers in ears and going lalala when any of you mention this continuing to happen with babies who are 9,10 weeks old - it's all going to get better tonight for me!

Mitsouko I can get myself in/out of bed, I'm being a wuss really though do think it's easier having dh around to grab stuff for me.
My plan for tonight will be to google swaddling before bedtime, try to do this better and try to raise the crib end a bit. I'll have the pram on standby too, he's slept in that during the day today. Fingers crossed, and I hope all of you get a good night's sleep too!

Hi,

My ds is 8 months old and still feeds to sleep, we have co-slept since birth but now I have moved to his room with a single bed up against his cot (with the matresses pushed together and secured). It is the only way I have ever managed to get him to sleep and he still wakes between 3 and 8 times a night. I will be watching this thread too for advice as I'm looking for kind solutions that don't involve cc.
He hated swaddling, wouldn't take a dummy or bottle, if I give formula in a cup before bed he doesn't sleep. I tried EVERYTHING.
Sorry I can't help.
The co-sleeping is better to get the most amount of sleep for breastfed babies, I'm sure of it.
Let me know if you have any success. :)

can you get one of those cribs that join to the bed?
then you can have him right next to you (and still hold him) but he'll be safe in his own bed.

a list on google

what really worked to settle our little man down at that age was the sound of running water - we downloaded apps onto our phones of nature noise and left them playing all night. I guess it reminded him of being in the womb. we also swaddled him - we found the mothercare miracle blanket the best altho never tried one of the zip up sleep pods (think I will for the next one). good luck tonight!

Nickleback I have already got a crib like that! (A bednest) and the wee bugger still doesn't like it

This sounds just like my DC2 too. He's now 5 wks old. We haven't got it cracked yet, but things that seem to help are swaddling and white noise. We also cosleep - I have him inbetween me and the side of the bed as DH isn't comfortable being next to him. I've put a bed guard on the side to make sure he doesn't fall out! I agree with Nickel, can you put him in the bed nest then feed lying down (with him in the crook of your arm) then sleep like that, sort of cuddled? I'm assuming the mattresses are the same height so maybe that would work. You can tuck the duvet around you so that there is no danger of it going over him, or in this weather just leave it off altogether!

Also agree with moving DH out. Can you put everything you need within reach, e.g. Water, nappies, spare sleep suit, muslin, etc. I've got a drawer next to the bed with all this in and just change nappies in the bed. I didnt have a CS, am just lazy! Sorry if this sounds obvious.

Also what I tried today for a daytime nap was letting him fall asleep on my chest (on his tummy) then transferring him to the Moses basket on his tummy. Worked like a dream and he slept for abot 2 hrs. I stayed next to him and checked him constantly (the basket is in our lounge) so I couldn't really go anywhere but at least it gave my arms a break.

Do you know alieninmytummy I hadn't thought of using the bednest like that - at the moment I have it level with my middle, as there's a bedside table at head level, but I could move that around. The bednest has quite an uncomfy bit at the join I'd have to lie on, but could be worth it!
If dh wasn't IN the bed I'd have more room on it for stuff, I guess! We don't have a spare room but I bet he'd love even a night on ds's trundle bed, as he'd get more sleep! which puts me off doing that pah

When DS was born he would only sleep in our arms too. We realised two things would help: making sure the room was in darkness (we had been leaving a lamp on as whichever one of us was holding him was still awake), and finding some soothing music which had a regular pulse. The next night he slept in his Moses basket, and every night after that! We happened to have the perfect CD in our collection but if you want to know what it was www.amazon.co.uk/Changing-Places-Tord-Gustavsen-Trio/dp/B00008G997/ref=pd_bxgy_m_h__text_c

It's so nice we didnt mind it being on in the same room as us. DS is now 14 months and still has it on every night!

swaddling is good - check out woombies - they have a summer version too and zip up too

I feel your pain igggi. My LO is the same. The bednest is proving useful for storing spare pillows, but not the baby!

We ended up buying a sleepyhead from John lewis - it's fab. It's the only thing LO will sleep in (other than her sling or next to/on me in bed). Unfortunately, she only likes it during the day so far :( but I keep it in the bednest at night because she WILL sleep there eventually - I'm determined!

ah.
I don't know what to suggest.

Had your DH not been a smoker, i would have said "co-sleep" because that's what we succumbed to do. :)

if there any way you can sleep with the baby in a spare bed for a while?
or would that just not be an option (I would go without sleep before I went without DH in bed)

Alien's right - use it as a bed extension.
you know he's safe in his own bed, but he's within feeding range and you can push him back over to his "side" when he's gone to sleep.

Well I have an update (complete with face).
I wrapped him up tightly last night, and adjusted crib so that I could lie over into it. Fed him, held him in my bit of the bed for a while, then lay him in the crib with myself (head/arm/shoulder) in it too - he fell asleep and I eventually got to withdraw and sleep in my own bed!

I know that's only one night, but I feel so much better for it already. So much thanks to the MN advisors!

Brilliant! Let's hope it goes well tonight too.

Just wanted to say that I've been following the advice about keeping the room dark and that seems to have helped with naps in the daytime, so thanks from me too!

Lovely! Hoping for more restful.nights for you both.