Did anyone put a young baby in their own room?

[BellaCB]

DD is 6 weeks old and we're wondering about moving her into her own room in the next few weeks. Partly this is because she will soon be too big for her moses basket, as she's a long baby, and we can't fit the cot into our room. But it is also partly because she is so incredibly noisy! DP and I are struggling to get decent sleep even though DD is (blissfully) at the moment sleeping from 8pm-3.30am. She's not too noisy when we go to bed, but after her 3.30 feed she snorts and grunts and does this really odd stretching manouevre complete with enormous groans, even though she is asleep - which keeps us awake! We've tried all different ways and times to settle her after this feed but nothing has altered the noises, its obviously just something she does. Also, DP and I go to bed and wake up at different times most nights so I wonder if we are disturbing her.

Anyway, because we don't have a spare room, or room for a spare bed in the nursery, I'm starting to wonder about moving her into her own room. The doors with be open so we will hear her when she gets unsettled (as opposed to just snorting!). Has anyone else moved their LO over at 8-10 weeks-ish?

I wouldn't do it (put a young baby in another room to sleep).

And OP, for what it's worth, having been on parenting boards for a few years - my anecdotal experience of what other people have done doesn't fit with the first few replies you had on this thread. I was really quite surprised to read so many 'oh yes it's fine, we did it' replies in such a short space of the thread - my experience has been more generally that most people go with the 'in with parents' advice for as long as possible, with only a minority not following it.

So if you're getting a feeling of 'safety in numbers', I wouldn't give too much weight to that feeling! It may just be an oddity of this particular thread. And bear in mind that the 'crowd' you'll be joining is one who statistically lose more babies to cot death. There is no actual safety in numbers for a baby, from being one of many babies who sleep alone. It might make you feel better, but it won't change the odds for your particular baby.

Yes risks have to be balanced out but room sharing to help protect against SIDS truly isn't just a luxury for people whose partners come home at six pm to help out. It's pretty normal for a lot of people who have even more demands on their time - more than you'd think from this thread. I hope you can bear that in mind along with what people have explained about the reasons why room sharing is thought to be protective (i.e. it's nothing to do with you hearing the baby).

"But its good to hear that other people put their LO's in their own rooms early!"

It really oughtn't to be that relevant that other people have done it. If someone takes all the risks into account and decides to do it anyway then fair enough - their choice to take the risk (or to work out the best risk balance). But the clincher shouldn't be eight or nine people early on in the thread saying they did the same thing! (Especially when as it turned out that at least one of them had misunderstood the reasons for the advice as being to do with hearing the baby.)

Even if the risk of SIDS was say 1 in 2 for babies in their own room, that would still leave you with thousands of parents on MN who could truthfully come in here and cheerfully say that they'd done it and been fine and had no regrets. Hopefully in that situation we'd all look at the data not the anecdotes, though.

NoWayNoHow, I don't see how you can accuse Chipping of making you feel that way, she is just pointing out what the research shows.

Just to make anyone feel better about putting up with the snuffling and grunting, ds is 21 months and still sleeps in the same room as us, at night and for his naps - and he grunts like a baby water buffalo!!!

Our DS was in his own room from 4 months OP - I was a bit too nervous about the potential of SIDS to do it before that but oh, it was nice to get 'our' room back when he moved.

In fact possibly a bit too nice - 1 week after DS moved into his own room, DH and I inadvertently conceived DC2!! Now THAT'S a consequence you may not have considered

This was always going to be an emotional thread. None of us would willingly choose to harm our babies. It is a very very valid point that SIDS rates have fallen because of the guidance. Yes, it can be said that no one single factor is more important, but what if you were unfortunately the mother of one of those 300 babies who died, and you had picked and chosen which bits of advice to follow? Would you ever forgive yourself?

I have a 5 month old. DH and I are KNACKERED. We did not even consider putting the baby in her own room just so we could get more sleep. She is far too precious for us to take even a slight risk with her safety.

At the end of the day it's your choice - its not one I would be comfortable with but make it in full possession of the facts, as others have said.

Why berate a parent for not following one item of many on the list of advice in preventing cot death . There is a range of things that you can do to prevent cot death but co sharing a room is just one and is not necessarily ranked as the top thing to do.

Give the OP a break - we have all been there and perhaps she needed reassurance that other people do actually consider not sharing a room BUT take measures to ensure that the other advice is adhered to as best they can.

I think some are making too much focus on not sharing same room and forgetting other advice about SIDS.

I can't remember now when we put DS1 in his own room, but with DS2 we put him in with DS1 pretty quickly.

I never knew that you were supposed to keep them in with you so that they could regulate their breathing. A couple of questions on that... 1) does that mean you have to go to bed at the same time as the baby? 2) if you live in a noisy house, would that do? Just asking because our DS's room was right next to the front door, so when anyone came to the door (or to be honest, just walked past our house) the dog would go mad, barking right outside of their door. That must have disturbed their sleep somewhat. (And as an aside, they're both brilliant sleepers now - which I've always put down to us not creeping around when they were sleeping).

I'm glad this thread has appeared as I was wondering why my hv told me using a dummy at night time might reduce the risk of sids...I guess from reading here that sucking will stop the baby from dropping into too deep a sleep. I really didn't want to use a dummy, and when I looked online I couldn't find anything to say that using a dummy was proven to help reduce sids, so I haven't used a dummy.

I have had nights where I would have dearly loved to have moved DS into his own room, he is such a noisy sleeper especially when he's groaning in his sleep with wind, snoring, sucking his fist and generally tossing and turning, but its stuck in my mind that he should be in with us for 6 months so I haven't put him in his own room.

We have two lots of visitors in April, then another lot in May, so by the time its June he will be 6 months and the room will be free just in time so it works out quite well. I'm really looking forward to him sleeping in his own room as I think DH and I will sleep a million times better!

I think its up to each person to decide what to do though. My friend who is pregnant is going to have to put baby in their own room once they've outgrown the moses basket as there literally isn't enough space to put a cot in her room.

My mum put me in my own room from day one and left all the doors wide open as she couldn't sleep a wink with my heavy breathing. I'm not saying its ok, but she also smoked when pregnant with me (although she said she did cut down), and she ignored the advice then to put babies to sleep on their tummy, she didn't like the idea of me sleeping on my back either as she thought if I was sick I'd choke, so she swaddled me in a blanket and lay me on my side and put another blanket on top and that kept me in place! She did the same with my big brother too. When she had my brother they even had a smoking room for the new mums in the hospital - amazing how things change!!

SIDS is also not isolated to night time sleep. There have been cases in buggies and within periods of time when babies are in bed ( in whichever room) and the parents are still up. ( please don't flame I am by no means dismissing any of it! Just feel that this piece of information hasn't been mentioned yet. Disclaimer- I don't know of the statistics of this just that there are cases)

Thanks BarryNorman - lucidlady, I'm sure you mean well contributing but I could really do without you essentially saying 'if your baby dies it will be your fault' . As I have said myself, what I was looking for was some reassurance that other people have put their babies in their own room from quite a young age. I've read all the advice and have reached my decision, but I just wanted to know I wasn't the only one - might sound weird to you, but I quite like that reassurance.

There is so much advice out their both for babies and during pregnancy and we all make our own informed decisions at every stage: maybe to eat peanuts, or feta cheese, or have the odd glass of wine, say; whether to use Johnsons' products or just olive oil. I would imagine that most people on this thread have done something during pregnancy or do something with their baby that other posters would feel very strongly against. Discussing and debating those opinions is fine. Saying that someone chosing not to follow a particular piece of advice is going to make a baby's illness or death their fault is not really fine...

caffeine, that is a really interesting question about sleeping patterns/increased risks during other periods of babies sleep. For example, DD is sometimes in bed for a few hours before me and DP go to bed - is the advice saying that parents must be around their sleeping baby at all times?

yes, the advice is for the baby to nap and sleep in the same room as someone until they are 6 months old.

I can't answer that I wouldn't even know where to start. No one really truly knows what causes SIDS. They have ideas and ones that make real sense and I'm not gonna sit here and shoot down years of research and there are so many factors and possible combinations of risks that could cause it ie low birth weight, smoking, sleeping position, bedding etc and I wouldn't know where to start on getting statistics for say SIDS statistic vs infant death thru parents falling asleep whilst feeding etc . It has been correctly stated that babies can sleep too deep and forget to breathe- but then would a baby who doesn't sleep properly due to disturbance not get sooo overtired and eventually crash and sleep far deeper than they would had they been able to sleep regularly and properly. The reasons I chose to put dd1 in her own room so young were because no one was sleeping , she had out grown her basket, and I worried that her being kept awake by us was gonna get her too a point where she crashed and did fall asleep to deeply. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture after all. I was worried that me being so tired would lead to a higher risk of incident eg:- falling asleep on sofa or bed with her, and being so tired that reaction times are deminished your Brain and body just do not function properly and of course there are direct risks to that too, it's a hard decision to make and there's always new information to consider and soooo much data to wade thru. Ultimately all anyone can do us what they feel is best for their family. People will agree and people will disagree and there are valid and factual arguments to both but I don't agree with people being made to feel guilty for the choices they make it's up to the parents of the baby. And everyone's views are important to them and they will stand by their decisions like u will stand by yours and I genuinely wish you well and hope that you can find what suits you and your baby :)

How many people really and truly are constantly in the room with their babies during every nap. Especially if its not their pfb. My ds had to have naps upstairs, as Dd kept bothering with him and almost tipping his Moses basket, or accidentally catapulting him out of hid bouncy chair.

And, my sister died of sids at 3m old, whilst out and about in her pram.

Thanks for the kind words, caffeine . I know we all make our own decisions but it is nice to hear that someone else reached a similar decision i.e. being worried about the dangers of being so tired through the day.

I would be really interested to know how many people are in the same room as their baby for all their naps though (and not in a snarky way!). I mean, I currently am during the day as DD will only nap on me, or in her pram, as she fights daytime sleep like a demon. But for babies that do go off much more happily during the day, I wonder how many parents then stay in the same room rather than doing some housework, say, or watching TV?

I agree with Chipping and Hazeyjane here.

I wonder about your second hand crib. Is it one that is still fine to use or has it been recalled for any reason?

My DCs all slept near me during the day. I had a folding-back buggy that was as big as a large moses basket when folded back. It was handy because I could take them out for a walk and then never disturb them getting back into the house, or take them out when they wee already asleep (even carried it up stairs when I lived in a second floor flat). Or I could rock them gently if they were startled while napping.

I can say I didnt. Both always went upstairs be the only time I could have a cup of tea or prepare tea etc and with dd2 it was time I could spend with dd1 on her own :) i wanted them to sleep properly and not get disturbed by me tripping over a toy or the phone ringing etc and a baby that doesn't sleep properly doesn't eat properly or even grow and develope properly. Sleep is as vital to their well being as food and wAter etc some sleep thru anything others are more easily disturbed again it all comes down to your baby and what works for you :)

BellaCB DS1 was in his own at about 3/4 months. Yes, I knew about the SIDS risks but like you and many others, it was the decision I made.
I entirely see what you mean when you feel like people are virtually saying "well, if your baby dies it will be your fault".

Do what you feel is right for you. Having your LO sleeping in her room is not neglect.

No-one is saying that if your baby dies it is your fault! You asked whether people put their babies in their own rooms, people answered, and the people that didn't put their babies in their own rooms gave the reasons why.

With dd1 she napped in the pram, which I wheeled inside or in a moses basket in the lounge, dd2 napped in the carrybag bit of the phil and teds asdid ds, and we made up a bed for him in the lounge, when he got too big for that, which we still use (he has had a few incidents where he has started choking on pooled saliva, so it is a good idea to keep him close by). I don't think the idea is that you are in the room constantly, just going about your stuff. I suppose with dd1 and 2 I didn't really think about it, it was just what we did, with ds it is a bit different.

hazey - lucid pretty much did...

Ah, sorry for that post - am tired and snappy, ignore me...

BellaCB - I put my DS down for naps in his pram (in the dining room) during the day for the first 3-4 months and didn't sit next to him; in fact I welcomed the opportunity to go collapse on the sofa!

He also slept loads in his pram when we were out and I really don't think he could have heard my breathing unless he's got magic bat hearing. I was generally around so could check on him regularly, but he didn't have me breathing next to him IYSWIM.

With DD1 I was a bit afraid of making too much noise while she napped, but all the subsequent DCs just had to get on with it. Worst sleeper was DD3 (4th baby) who never slept really, neither in the day or the night. Once DD1 got started in school and doing various activities and I had DS and DD2, the last two (five DCs in all) really ended up doing a lot of napping in the car and slept in the removable carseat either in the car or parked out of the way downstairs or sitting watching DD1 and DS and DD2 doing skating or gymnastics or whatever else they were doing. Or in the fold-down buggy when we could get somewhere closeby. It enabled me to take the older noes to the park or the pool without disturbing the baby of the time all that much. I think it's really only with DC1 that you are concerned so much about precious sleep. I certainly got on with housework or it would all have come crashing down around my head. In the main (exception = DD3) they slept fine even with all the hubbub going on around them.

Bella, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry if i upset you. I was trying to explain my thought process in deciding to keep DD in my room. It was a hypothetical you, not a BellaCB you if that makes sense... DD is teething and we've had a few disturbed nights and I'm not making sense the way I would normally expect to....

We moved our DS into his own room at 12 weeks, he was too big for moses basket, he was a noisy sleeper and I would not dare get up for a wee during the night in case I woke him! We read all the SIDS research and made the decison which was right for us as a family. We did however get a movement sensor for his cot so if anything did happen we could react quickly. We will all make decisions for our babies which not everyone agrees with, you do what is right for you and your own family.