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2 yrs old - suddenly tearful at bedtime & disturbed nights...

31 replies

lazzaroo · 08/01/2012 19:50

...in the past week night-times have become a bit of a nightmare for us. We've never had a brilliant sleeper but she would go to bed wihtout to much fuss, settling herself etc and usually sleep through. In the past week she has been waking in the night, usually at 2or 3am and for up to 2 and half hours. She cries out, nit just a little bit as we try to leave her to settle herlse fagin, but really desperate. She isi mmediatley re-assured as soon as we go in. But clings and cries if we try to return her to her cot. She will happily sit on our lap in the chair in her room or come into our bed, but seems reluctant to fall back to sleep again for AGES! and has to be in close contact with us.

At first we thought she might be teething, but once we have gone to her there is no more tears which suggest not pain? have conisdered too ht, too hot, overtired, too much daytime sleep etc etc but nothing seems to have made any difference.

Could it be nightmares? if so any suggestions on what we can do to help?

We have preety regular and chilled out routine. Bath, few stories etc and have stopped her watching anything we think might be scary (eg Gruffalo - that's as scary as it gets!).

She happily gets in her cot at night whiloe I read to her, but then puts off me leaving, asks for more and when I say no more and try to leave she gets very upset again.

OP posts:
Girlsville · 09/01/2012 09:20

No advice but am going through exactly same thing at bedtime with my 2 yar old. If I stay in the room she literally bounces in the cot shouts boo mummy hi mummy blow bubbles mummy etc and so i dont want to stay in room until she falls asleep as she gets too excited and woulfd take ages!! But if I leave she screams!
AHHH

lazzaroo · 09/01/2012 20:20

Maybe someone will have the solution!! I'm sure it's a nother phase that will pass, and at least coming on here gives us something to do whil we wait for that to happen!!

Last night she slept through until 4.50am! she came in with us until 5.45am, didn't go back to sleep but at least we got to rest our eyes for as long as possible! then she was up and ready for the day. What I don't understand is how she seems to bhe coping so well on what seems to be nowhere near enough sleep! we've had no grizzly days, tantrums etc Today we had a busy morning, went swimming and she napped at 1pm. I thought she'd be ready to collapse long before then (I was!). She's just gone to sleep now (after a bit of a battle and me ending up led on the floor next to her cot!). Who knows what the rest of the night will bring....

OP posts:
DeSelby · 12/01/2012 06:15

Sorry, no advice as I'm having the same problem with my DS, hopefully someone will have some useful tips soon!

tootiredtoremember · 12/01/2012 22:52

Yup, also going through the same thing! Our 2 year old DS has night terrors/afraid of the dark. Previously, he would sleep through but with a combo of us been ill over Christmas/visitors/excitement/routine mess up/away from home etc including frequently visits to our bed = an average of 4 hours of sleep cos LO wants us to sleep with him. We concluded after he habitually was kicking us in the face, fidgeting and taking half the bed up that he will no longer, for the short term, be sleeping in our bed.

After much reading and talking to the little man about what is wrong this what we have ended up doing:

  1. change cot to bed
  2. got a night light (one of those Ikea cat ones)
  3. then we did a combo of gradual withdraw followed by controlled crying:

Night one and two: put a mattress next to his bed and slept in the same room as him

Night three and four: sat on the floor a little away from the bed and avoided eye contact AKA supernanny style. This was a complete nightmare as everytime we got up to get out of the room, even after an hour and half of sitting still, he would wake up. This resulted in about 2/3 hours of total sleep!!! ARGH. So aborted GW plan due to lack of patience/sleep etc

Night five (tonight): CC - 1st visit after 5mins, then 10mins, 15 mins up to 20mins intervals. He has just gone to sleep in the first time in weeks on his own (after 3hrs of crying - painful); will see how the night progresses.

There are some good tips here: www.babycenter.com/404_how-should-we-deal-with-our-toddlers-fear-of-the-dark-and-mo_7548.bc

Hope this helps

Neuroticwoman · 13/01/2012 22:16

Also going through similar. Ds suddenly started having meltdown on going to bed. Just two now. Still in cot so cannot get out but would do if could. Never been a problem before. Never fed to sleep or cuddled to sleep. Tonight worst yet. Took an hour. Tried cc but renewed screaming after going in and eventually settled 15 mins after last entry. Think I will grit my teeth and leave him CIO as beaming when I go in.
Try to think nothing lasts for ever. Everything is a phase. One day you will have peaceful evenings.

lazzaroo · 14/01/2012 19:39

Well, I am typing this while touching every piece of wood I can reach...because things seem to have settled down. We have had 3 nights with no wake up. Well, she has woken at 1ish but settled herself within 5 mins and then slept until at least 6am. Fine by me! she has also settled herslef to sleep for the past couple of nights. In fact, I can hear her chattering away at the moment so fingers crossed for same again tonight.

OP posts:
shanice · 15/01/2012 03:29

Going through exactly the same thing which started just before Christmas. A brillant sleeper before but now refuses to go to bed and wakes several times during the night. Only thing that seems to be working is going in and putting him back under the sheets without any eye contact, talking etc, no reward for waking up. That seems to be working so far in getting him to bed without a screaming match but we still havent cracked the waking during the niight. 4 -4:30 every night now, habit I think!

LuckyC · 15/01/2012 20:16

Going through the same thing. Am sitting downstairs in tears while DD sobs upstairs. Has been 40 mins now. I just don't know what's wrong. I don't think she is scared; she's not ill or teething. This has been every night for a couple of weeks now and I don't know if I can cope with this much longer. If I go up to her she is sunny and bouncy and 'Hi mummy!' and 'Look! Bear!' etc. It's so distressing hearing her cry and I just don't know what to do for the best.

Help.

Neuroticwoman · 15/01/2012 20:55

Well I would persevere. Last night left him for 20-25 mins and he settled. Woke at ten but settled with a pat. Slept through.
Tonight settled after around 10-15 mins have yet to see if wakes again.
Maybe try doing something useful like ironing while she is crying because you might as well channel that stress and worry into something constructive.
Think they do it to wind usup!

blackteaplease · 17/01/2012 13:57

I am so pleased to see this thread. DD has just turned 2 and we are having the exact same issues, doesn't want to go to bed and waking in the night inconsolable unless she comes into our bed. She has never slept through, but has previously been easy to settle back to sleep.

We tried CIO the other night and she was still going strong after an hour so we caved in to get some sleep.

Lazzarroo, did you do anything to help your dd with this phase or did she grow out of it?

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 17/01/2012 15:19

Try cutting out on naps? My daughter dropped hers at 2 years old exactly.

Haziedoll · 17/01/2012 15:58

My 21 month old has started doing this and I remember ds1 going through the phase. I think they have reached the point where they would rather play than sleep and think they are missing out on the fun downstairs.

I think in our case we need to reduce ds2s nap time so he is more tired but I'm reluctant to do that because I need a break from him as he is so full on.

lauraj78 · 19/01/2012 23:23

Hi! I'm new on here but we're also having the same issue with our 2.5yo DD.
Up to about a month ago she was quite good at bedtime & on the whole a good sleeper. Her supper, bath & bed routine hasn't changed recently & she'll go to bed ok but 2/3 nights a week she wakes up after about an hour crying. We can't settle her & end up downstairs playing with Duplo for 15-30 mins before she'll agree to go back to bed.
I was also wondering about stopping her daytime nap of 30-60 mins but I'm anxious in case it makes her too grumpy to eat her tea & later her supper properly!
These issues were sent to try us, huh?! ;)

LuckyC · 20/01/2012 11:45

We have had a bit of a respite from this as DD is back at CM and having very long days (9-5.30) as I have some work on (am freelance.) Anyway, she is exhausted and is falling straight asleep.

We wake her up at same time every day to take her to CM, and I think that helps too.

Have also asked CM not to let her sleep past 2 hours at her 12oclock nap.

nannipigg · 20/01/2012 16:47

We went through the same thing with our little girl around 2 and now she's about 3 and a half she's started doing it again! Someone suggested that it was night terrors or nightmares, I presume because they are learning ore things it all get jumbled up and upsets them as they don't understand stuff fully. We just get up calm her down and she goes back off, but she can wake many times in the night. We also find the more tired she is going to bed the worse she is!

ninipops · 20/01/2012 20:53

This is all sounding very familiar - DD turns 2 on Tuesday. She has always been reluctant to go to bed but recently has gotten really bad to the point where we would have to a) bring her downstairs for a while if it was early enough, b) lie down with her on our bed and transfer her when she fell asleep or c) just bring her into our bed if it was the middle of the night - not ideal as DS is only six months and still up a couple of times during the night for feeds.

I am getting the horrible feeling that she is wanting to drop her nap as today she had only about an hour (2 half hours in the car) and due to unforseen circumstances didn't go to bed til eight (an hour later than normal) but she went down without a peep which is pretty unheard of.

I was really hoping I would get another year or at least six months of naps cause she is really full on and with DS (who of course never sleeps at the same time as her!) I am knackered.

nannipigg · 21/01/2012 04:09

Our little one, well she's not so little anymore 3 going on 4! still has naps most days even just for half an hour. She is the same full on, right from 9 am to about 8pm, we get no peace but at least Daddy sees her on a night for 40 mins or so before bed

lazzaroo · 21/01/2012 19:38

Just wanted to update and say it's nice to know we're not alone!

The phase seems to have laregly passed. We have gone back to normal nights for about the past 10 days. Settling herslef and not waking in the night. We have had early mornings but I guess we'll never get it all!!

We did have 2 nights this week when she woke again. I have no idea what causes it. When it happens, I try my best to remember it is a phase and won't last forever!...not always easy between the hours of 2 and 4am!

Regarding the nap thing...we have wandered about that but some days she has no sleep and we have the worst night ever! sometimes when she is well rested she sleeps better! I htink we defintiely are going through some nap transition though as when she doesn't nap or only has a little sleep, she is stil pretty happy until bedtime. On those days we just put her to bed earlier, usually just before 7pm. I don't think she's ready to drop naps altogether though as after a few days of rubbish daytime sleeps she starts to get cranky. Maybe she'll become an every other day napper!

We have also ordered her new bed so will be making the transition from cot to bed soon. I am dreading it! as I just can't see how she won't keep getting out when she has the option! maybe she'll suprise me...

OP posts:
lazzaroo · 21/01/2012 19:44

oh..and we have stopped reading or watching the Gruffalo before bed (as much as we love it!), or anything else that we think could be responsible for nightmares. I know it doesn't seem very scary but you never know...and anything is worth a try!

OP posts:
MadeInChinaBaby · 21/01/2012 19:59

All of this sounds very familiar...
Things got tricky here last month when he turned 2. He would take AGES to go to sleep, and wake up SCREAMING and crying during the night.
I realised that it was taking him so long to go to sleep because he just wasn't that tired yet (although we were). For the last two weeks, we've dropped his day time nap. After lunch, we have some down-time on the sofa with some favourite books and his teddy. I've learnt to give him his dinner a bit earlier - around half past five - so he's not too tired to eat properly. We put pjs on at half six, and he's fast asleep every night by 6.45. It's incredible having the evenings back to ourselves! He's sleeping through now as well - I think that because he was going to bed unhappily before, he was waking himself up for comfort/ reassurance.
I'm glad things are working better for you, OP. Maybe with some of you, it could be the same as with us and you should think about dropping the nap. Honestly, it's better for all of us like this. DS is getting a good, solid, deep night's sleep, ans am I. I wasn't too keen on the idea of no more naps, but it's much less exhausting for me.

Neuroticwoman · 21/01/2012 21:46

Well ds going down fine now and usually sleeps through but woke two nights ago screaming about 11 took a while to settle but fine since. Actually that day he hadn't had a nap and I think may have been overtired but I guess we'll never know! Agree with some others that naps essential for my sanity and as long as not too late or long think not a problem. If overtired won't go down well anyway. Ope this lasts. Jut seems to be phase after phase ATM but if I get evenings and good sleep can cope with them!

LuckyC · 25/01/2012 14:55

Reporting back again to say that DD is still sleeping pretty well - we have had a couple of nights where she has been in bed by 7.30 and not fallen asleep until 9.30 but at least she has been calm about it - just chattering and singing to herself, not screaming.

We have a big holiday coming up with longhaul flights and lots of travel which I am dreading which will cause a couple of setbacks I'm sure...

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 25/01/2012 17:40

Lucky C, I think cutting the 2 hour nap would help as well. Not settling at night is a classic sign of too much daytime sleep taking the edge of tiredness at night.

THey're all different, some keep their naps till they are 3, others drop them at 18 months. But having problems at night is so often linked to naps - and IMO, doing something like controlled crying when you haven't tried to cut the nap is stressful for everyone and probably won't work.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 25/01/2012 17:41

P.S. Not sugggesting you drop it - just reduce it slightly and see if that helps.

Good luck!

missmakesstuff · 26/01/2012 05:00

We have the same problems, I have been up since 1:30am, finally gave in after the crying a couple of hours ago and have brought her downstairs to start the day. We seem to have cycles of one night of sleep and then two or three of none, she has never slept well but it is getting ridiculous now, I work four days a week and most evenings and I just cannot cope, DH is useless, he just will not get up with her, and if he does she just screams more, its just me she wants.
We had started bringing her downstairs for a bit and getting her something to eat and drink, usually this means she will go back to bed, but I decided this evening I just cannot keep doing this, she is getting fun in return for waking up - so decided to keep her in her room..it was hellish, she just did not stop screaming.
She is 2 in april, and again some days naps, some none at all - today 5mins, day before 30mins x 2 - theres just no routine anymore. she will today, at least I bloody hope so, as I will need to, I have had about 30mins sleep all night.

I would like to try for another baby but the thought of being sleep deprived with another one as well literally makes me cry, I could not cope. I am like a different person after a nights sleep, it's astounding!

I think it might be developmental, she is talking ten to the dozen, but maybe something to do with her stomach - she is very picky about her food all of a sudden, when she never was before, and is letting of the stinkiest farts, doing really horrible poos that make her cry - I just have no idea what is up though, she isn't sick, apart from a cold last week which seems to be gone now. I suppose it could be teething, but I think she has all her teeth now...Those of you that had this starting at 20-21 months, has it got any better? please give me hope!