Can I have a bit of support from like-minded, fluffy-wuffy style parents?

[nethunsreject]

I hesitate to use the term, but, for the sake of shorthand, I am kind of AP style with the kids.Ds1 was a piece of piss as a baby and ate, slept and then slept more. Ds2 had health issues and has never been a good sleeper. We co-sleep (doesn't sleep in cot/bed) and he bfs a fair bit.

He is a charming little chap and very chilled, but he sleeps for a maximum of 2hrs at a go. Sometimes, it's way less than this. I ususally bf him when he wakes, because it is easy and quick and I am fucking knackered.

Please, can anyone tell me it passes? I am reading NCSS for toddlers, but tbh I haven't the energy to implement anything. Will he improve of his own accord?

19mths of very disturbed sleep is taking its toll.

Please, if you are here to slag off AP style parenting, don't. Start your own thread!

It will pass eventually. I have always coslept with DD (not quite 3 yet), and we definitely had phases that made me wish I could cope with more hard line methods like cc/cio. Sometimes it gets ever so slightly tiring to give up all of your life and then the nights too.

You're doing the best for him though, especially if he's had health problems - his nights are lovely and full of snuggles, and responding to him immediately makes him feel safe.

What I'm trying to say is - keep going, it won't stay like this forever. All those people talking about the rod you're making for your own back (I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets comments like that) - ever heard of a 5yo who wakes every 2 hours?!

can't tell you it passes as DD is only 17mo but we still co-sleep, bf to sleep and bf durin the night so no slagging off from me!

Thank you so much, YouCanDoIt. Aye, that's wht I was looking for.

Most of the time, I cope fine, but now and then I hit a wall of knackeredness.

I do love th snuggles, and he is soooo securely attached and confident and happy and relaxed, thet it does feel right to do this.

x-post: Ta pogo!

It would probably help if you could stop the association between sleep and bf'ding.

It's a bugger, and I had to do it. I bf because I couldn't function, and getting out of bed. Forget about it.

Ds2 still had someone with him when he woke but he did stop looking to bf, which was from habit rather than hunger. We had water nearby incase of thirst.

How old is he?

Can your dh try to put him to sleep?

Ta Marsha. Aye. The NCSS is all about gradually reducing the bf/sleep association very gently. He's 19 mths. Dh doesn't 'do' nights. Though to be fair he picks up the slack in the daytime.

I haven't the energy though, I really don't, to start trying it.

At the moment anyway.

I might even night wean in the future, but he just seems so distressed without the boob.

Actually, thinking of it, dh is a teacher, so if things are still tough in the summer, dh can have a go at putting him to bed. He's on holiday for 6 weeks, so no excuse really. And ds2 will be 2yrs then so might be less tricky??!!

For now, I think I'm just going to carry on.

I am lucky that my health is good and I have decent energy levels, plus good support.

I know it's so hard. I was a mess. On my knees. I couldn't bear loud noise, or even people talking. It was shite. Every two hours or less too.

Dh had to walk around rocking him. And then we had some nights where he would cry so loudly we would end up shouting at each other.

Absolutely terrible time! But I could not have done it without dh's help. We nearly destroyed each other as it was.

So I can understand if you want to keep going as you are and big sympathy.

My 20 month old still wakes for a feed a few times a night - on a good night she will go to sleep in her own bed at 7.30, then wake between 12 and 2am, at which point I get in her bed with her and she spends the rest of the night helping herself to a feed and we get up at about 7.30am.

On a bad night she can wake up frequently throughout the evening/ or refuse to go to bed on her own at all/ or get up for the day at 2.30am etc etc.

Basically - I cannot do any form of controlled crying/ sleep training as we all find it too stressful. I would prefer not to co-sleep for half the night but she will not spend all night on her own in her bed - and I need my sleep!

Have had a few horrendous nights recently (possibly back teeth coming through plus lots more words being learnt/ spoken)

I have come on here for a moan about her sleep many times - tbh it is really putting me off ttc number 2! Sometimes feel like I should have taken a firmer line but I am just not a "routine" person and even thinking about it stresses me out. Apart from the sleep issues she is a delight and mercifully naps for a good hour and a half every lunch time!

xpost

Yes plan a time when he can do it and go for it.

We did try a cot but it was a joke. He was so distressed that he turned purple.

As for getting closer to sleep. Ha.

He is two now. Still in our bed and completely stopped bf'ding for a while now.

Drinks some water through the night sometimes.

Oh and hearing of other babies/ toddlers who sleep through sends me into a murderous rage so I don't discuss sleep with anyone in real life

Thanks for the sympathy and empathy!

Countess - me neither! It's our little secret

I was a smug bastard with ds1 and his fabulous sleeping habits.

Aint so smug now!

Apologies if I disappear - Ds rumbling!

Oh God, DS the same at 13 mos. Tried CC in cot - first time he banged his face and had massive bruise and second time he kamikazee'd out onto wooden floor. Am also on own now, so TBH am BF because I just cannot get out of bed and try to rock or whatever back to sleep. Now thinking about taking away base of bed, totally childproofing room and just having mattress on floor. Some nights he'll go for 4 hours or so, but others it feels like all night long. I try not to look at the clock as then I just think I might leap off something very high! I just keep trying to remember this too will pass but hard when also BF/co-slept with DD and she trasitioned really well into cot and was doing good long stretched from 10 months or so and 7-5 or 6 by 18 months. DS however is a different kettle of baby...

I'm finding CoQ10 is a help. Expensive but helps lift that tired-beyond-all-reason feeling. DD2 11months.

Some of my friends have a cot against the bed with the side completely off (completely child proof using pillows to ensure no gaps). It could be an option as a transition from your bed to cot, and means easy access if LO needs nursing.

We're considering it but my LO does sleep well in her cot (in our room) We did ci sleep in bed when newborn but she always likes space so stopped in our room but went from moses basket to crib to travel cot to proper cot...! I feel your exhaustion, getting up to nurse is exhausting and LO is only 5 months!! Trying to convince OH to let me drop sides of cot so i physically don't have to get out of bed but he isn't keen - I'm working on it I have suggested he does one night with her and with expressed milk and see how he copes and fails He didn't exactly jump at the chance haha

I take it MN is ap friendly then?? Ive only just starter coming on the talk but there seems so many rules!! I'm not allowed to end my post with a 'take care xx' which is what I'd normally do lol

• is NOT ap friendly?

Will he feed laying down? Both my DDs pretty much BF all night, every night until the were 18 months and 21 months respectively. But they didn't wake me up to feed, just shuffled over and helped themselves

ballstoit I am DH has always been a bit of a biter/teeth sinker and so although over time I've curbed the worst of it, I just can't sleep whilst he is feeding unless I am totally shattered.

nethunsreject it does get better. I have a 6.5 year old who co-slept with me until he was just over three and who I night weaned at about 2.5 years, largely because I was trying to get pregnant. I tried once (I told him if he woke up in the night I'd give him water and a cuddle) and it was a disaster - he lay in bed next to me sobbing his heart out. I re-tried a couple of weeks later, doing and saying exactly the same thing and he was absolutely fine so he was obviously ready then. He was an awful sleeper up until then but he chose to move out into his own room when he was three and he has always happily gone to bed and now never wakes up unless he's ill.

I now have DS2 in bed with me and at almost three he still wakes for milk at least once a night, although until recently it was 3-4 times, and is showing no signs of wanting his own bed. I have thought about night weaning him but like you I know it's a short-cut to getting him back to sleep and I don't have the same motivation I had with DS1. I believe I am doing the right thing for him by doing things at his pace but there may come a point when it will feel right for me to force the pace a bit and suggest some changes.

If you are fuming with resentment then it's probably time to try something else but if you can cope with effectively putting your sleep needs second for a while (and remembering it really isn't for ever) then I think it's worth it.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and support.

GodIsADJ - Mn is generally AP friendly, as you can see by the helpful responses, but there are times when a few chippy folk butt in with unhelpful advice. This is not one of those times, happily

Thanks again.

We had a relatively good night last night, so I'm just going to plod on for now and think about night weaning at some point, depending on when the resentment kicks in

Hello all. I too am a fluffy mummy. Co-sleep and BF my 15 month old DS and I would happily carry on but DH is pressurising me to stop both and keeps saying "bitty" every time DS feeds. Not helpful. I wouldn't mind but he does sod all to help when DS wakes every 4 mins. I have a DD whos is 3.5 who I did the sam with until my MIL insisted I stop when she was 13 months. I am weak-what can I say.
Anyway DD is now fine although does wake in the night a couple of times and so needs putting back to bed. To cut long story short I am too knackered to do anything about it and wouldn't know what to do anyway. No way I am trying CC.
If anyone has any solutions that would ease him off the boob then please let me know. He loves it so much at the mo.
Good to see some other lovely AP parents around.

Sorry that should be 40 mins. I would probably not manage every 4 mins!!

I used to be one of those smug parents that I now can't stand. DS self settled from a few weeks and slept through from 3 months till 6 months and I thought it was all down to my brilliant parenting, hahaha. Around 6 months he decided that he would scream and scream and scream if I dared to leave the room before he fell asleep. After a couple of months of this he was waking more and more frequently and taking longer and longer to settle so we have ended up co-sleeping. I did try leaving him to cry for 5 minutes last week but he got into such a state and launched himself out of the cot! He is only 10 months and I'm happy to co-sleep for now.