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Original poster

Desperation!!!! Pls help

27 replies

RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 20:18

i havent had a full 8 hours sleep since I was6 months pregnant. My baby is now 10 months.
She will go to sleep when i put her in cot but throughout the night she wakes 3-4 times. I bf her back to sleep.
Im literally so tired i cant function. I spent most of the day crying because im in such despair over it.

Yes she does have a bedtime routine
Pls help me get her to sleep through the night. I can no longer cope.
Thankyou

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/12/2011 20:21

It sounds like you need to stop feeding her to sleep at all ever.

Will be difficult but it sounds like feeding is her sleep prop so every time she comes into a light sleep she is needing to feed to get her into a deeper sleep.

Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 20:23

I tried stopping but she screams and scream hysterically.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/12/2011 20:25

Unfortunately there isn't an easy solution.

Co-sleep and let her feed as and when or go through the screaming until she learns to go to sleep without being fed.

Have you got anyone who can support you through the latter if that is what you choose?

Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 20:28

I tried cc but my other half undermined me and went in to see her.
We are on the verge of breaking up to because he doesnt seem to realise how tired i am even though i tell him 10 times a day
I feel so low

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 18/12/2011 20:30

i don't think it has to come down to being really tired or leaving your baby to scream,
there ARE other options

we had great success with the no-cry sleep solution when ds2 was about 9/10 months old (he was still waking every 45-90 minutes at that point)
I simply wasn't prepared to just leave my baby to cry himself to sleep, thinking i wasn't coming. just couldn't do it.
the NCSS is no quick fix, it basically works by introducing new sleep cues to your child and gradually teaching them to fall asleep not on the breast.

do you have a partner/husband? could they agree to do one or more of the nightwakings? give a bottle or just take her elsewhere so that you get a longer break?

I used to go to bed really early and DP would just bring the baby to me when he wanted feeding, and he would get up with ds2 in the morning so i could get a bit of extra sleep.
I also have an amazing friend who would come round and take DS1 out so i could nap in the day, which helped a lot

CharliesMummyMeg · 18/12/2011 20:30

I'm in the same boat as you sweetie. I feel low too.
I have no advice chick, other than try and keep your chin up, its hard but we have to get through it somehow surley?

Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 20:41

Thanks. What is the no cry sleep solution?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/12/2011 20:45

I wasn't suggesting controlled crying, the book no cry sleep solution is def worth a read.

You could start by cuddling baby until sleepy and then put down in cot, pick up when cries and then cuddle again until sleepy etc etc repeat ad nauseum. It will take time but in the long run your dd should learn how to fall asleep happily in her cot.

thisisyesterday · 18/12/2011 20:46

no cry sleep solution

RandomMess · 18/12/2011 20:47

Could you ask your other half to cuddle your baby to sleep/very sleepy for the next week? That would mean at nap times and during the night - even if he did half it would really help. Your dd wont' feel abandoned and their won't be too much screaming (hopefully)

Tamdin · 18/12/2011 20:48

Another one in the same boat with ds2. Goes down in cot but have created a monster with the feeding back to sleep. Don't have the energy to try and tackle it! Keep saying to myself "in the new year...." blah de blah de blah
Sympathies :)

Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 20:52

Promoting a book. Thanks for feeding off my desperation

OP posts:
Hippymum89 · 18/12/2011 20:56

Phenergan ;-)

RandomMess · 18/12/2011 20:57

Errr the book "no cry sleep solution" has helped lots of parents in your situation, it is well worth a read and deciding which options would work best for you!

Would it be more helpful if I explained I never had these issued because I never bf my dc to sleep? Thouht not!

thisisyesterday · 18/12/2011 20:57

why do i bother?

Hippymum89 · 18/12/2011 20:58

Scratch that, over 2's only [sorry]

RandomMess · 18/12/2011 20:59

thisisyesterday, thank you for bothering as I always forget that book exists so never suggest it.

I just did pick up put down with mine and never ever let them get into the habit of letting them fall asleep whilst feeding as I was paranoid about multiple night feeds - which is sod all help once you're stuck in the nightmare of it!

thisisyesterday · 18/12/2011 21:09

acutally, you know what, I bother because I care.
because I have been there, and know the hell that is sleep deprivation, and because we came out the other side of it.

OP, I have nothing to gain by linking to the book. I read the book when DS2 was 9 months old, and we used the techniques in it to help him learn to self settle.

I am sorry that you think I am somehow promoting it in any other way than trying to help other people, or that I am somehow feeding off your desperation.

I AM NOT.

someone suggested the book to me, It worked, I now recommend it to other people.

unfortunately I do not have the time, or the memory, to be able to type the entire thing out in a reply to you, hence my linking to the book. which you would really need a copy of if you wanted to try the solutions in it.

I hope that you get the sleeping sorted.

Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 21:35

Im looking for someone to help me now. Thanks for the book suggestion. And ap

OP posts:
Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 21:35

Ap

OP posts:
Original poster
RoxyLady · 18/12/2011 21:35

Apologies. I am over tired. I didmt mean to br rude. Thankyou

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 18/12/2011 22:01

it's ok, like i say, i know how hellish sleep deprivation is.

unfortunately i do not think there are any quick fixes that don't involve leaving baby to cry and learn that you don't come when they cry.
any of the "gentler" method will take a bit longer, although I do think that personally it helped just knowing we were doing something with ds2 and that it was working gradually iyswim?

would your other half be prepared to cuddle/rock/pat baby to sleep for part of the night?
if so that might work. you might decide that say between the hours of 11pm and 4am you won't feed or something, and he can soothe her instead?
obviously that only works if she will be soothed by him, if she screams then that will keep you awake anyway.

do you co-sleep? that's another thing that helped us a lot because I hardly even woke to feed him and so I think I got more sleep than if i'd been getting him in and out of the cot each time.

RandomMess · 18/12/2011 22:50

Sadly RL there is no quick fix, I hope you can get your other half on board to help you crack the bf dependency, order the book and try and remember "this too will pass" if your partner is off work a lot of the holiday period perhaps this would be a good time to try.

bonkersLFDT20 · 18/12/2011 23:01

Have you thought about co-sleeping? It saved my sanity.

How supportive is your DH? I mean, would he be prepared to see to her when she wakes in the night? You might have a few nights where he's up for a while, but from what I've heard they soon learn that Daddy doesn't have milk.

Unless you are very tough I think it's very, very hard for the BF mother to refuse to BF - despite your resolve during the day!

Does she settle quickly when you BF her? I mean, how long are you up for?

I have learnt to handle being woken but ONLY IF my DS goes back to sleep quickly. It's when he's up for a while I can't cope.

narmada · 19/12/2011 13:05

Well, there is possibly a quick fix, but it involves crying, as others have said. You sound utterly desperate and I have been there so I do sympathise.

Does your baby settle herself at all (e.g, at the beginning of the night?). If so I am not sure whether what I will suggest will work. If the problem is she can't self-settle, then likely the following method will work, but it will be very difficult for you and for your baby, but you might feel that it's worth it (I did) to hold onto your sanity.

Before bed/ naps, feed your baby, put her in her cot, don't leave her alone if you don't want to, - you could pat her or stroke her. She will probably cry herself to sleep and it will probably take a good long time - e.g., 2 hours. But you will be there with her.The next time you do it, it should take a bit less time, and the third and fourth times less time still. What you need to aim for eventually IME is her settling herself in her bed without you being present.

I did this with DD - she was a feed-to-sleeper and woke so many times I lost count. I had PND which didn't help. I used the above method (which is actually at the end of the No Cry Sleep Solution -'w hen all else fails' bit) and my DD has been a far better sleeper ever since.

I really think some babies are so persistent and so habitual by nature that crying methods are sometimes necessary. Others will disagree I am sure but if you are clearly desperate.

No Cry Sleep Solution is a good book, that's why lots of people have recommended it, if you don't fancy the crying route.

Before you tackle the sleeping issue, I would a) go out and buy some wax earplugs b) give the baby to your DP or someome else, like a grandparent for the whole night and c) retreat to either a quiet bedroom or failing that, a local hotel. Seriously.