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Original poster

Any alternatives to CC?

45 replies

Ruth1234 · 17/11/2011 21:11

DD, 14 months, has never been a great sleeper but it's worse at the moment. I have no problem getting her to sleep, but the second I leave her room she stands up and starts screaming. I go back in, lay her back down, she goes to sleep again... I leave the room and cue the crying again. We had two hours of this last night. Tonight my DH have spent an hour between us going in and out and in and out. We are shattered and we have given up now and she is screaming by herself up in her room. I feel dreadful and terribly guilty.

We don't want to leave her to cry herself to sleep but we have had two weeks of this now. Should we leave her to figure out how to go to sleep by herself or is there a happier alternative?

OP posts:
RuthChan · 18/11/2011 20:46

It sounds as though she is not genuinely asleep when you leave the room. She is going to sleep, closing her eyes, but is still aware.
Rather than waiting until she is actually in that state, have you tried leaving the room while she is still fully awake?
One option is to leave the room while she is still awake and telling her that you will be back in one minute.
Go back in one minute. Give her another pat and stroke. Reassure her and tell her that you will pop out again and be back in another minute.
Keep repeating this. Potter around, in and out regularly.
She will be reassured because she knows that although you keep going, you keep coming back and you are never far away.
It will take a while, but she will eventually fall asleep.

As she gets used to the process, you can lengthen the time between your visits. She won't be upset because she knows from experience that you are coming back.

In the end, she will learn to put herself to sleep while waiting for you and will eventually not need your repeated visits at all.
With a bit of luck, this can be done with very few tears.
It doesn't involve you creeping out and her feeling abandoned.

Iamjustthemilkmachine · 19/11/2011 22:57

I haven't read it but considering getting the No Cry Sleep Solution, have you heard of it?

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 09:27

Hi!, try Tizzie Hall's deep end approach, it worked for us in order to get LO to self-settle at 7pm. I just have to mine LO to sleep through the night now! Oh this approach involves the baby to protest and then fall asleep, the first attempt she went to sleep in 30 mins, second night 20 mins and third night 10 mins. Now she normally settles in about 5-10 mins. You do have to leave her wide awake and I find that playing with her until she is very tired before I put her down helps her settle faster. Message me if you want to try it, hopefully I can help.

bagelmonkey · 20/11/2011 10:20

What's the deep end approach?

scarlettsmummy2 · 20/11/2011 10:24

i would just rock her to a deep sleep. I know it isn't ideal, but my daughter literally falls asleep now in five minutes as she knows its time for bed, and is down for seven every night. I am hoping as she gets bigger she will be able to settle herself.

rubyslippers · 20/11/2011 10:29

My Dd was dreadful at this age and fed to sleep

She started growing out of it when she was older

It was hard at the time because it could take an age for her to feed to sleep

You can google and try gradual withdrawal - this is a technique where you don't leave them

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 10:53

deep end approach is for babies who never learnt to self settle, you basically have to have a proper bedtime routine sorted and then you let them settle/ protest until they fall asleep. You don't go in at all but you can watch on the monitor like I do. I didn't think it would work but it did!

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 10:54

Oh you put them in the cot wide awake, they will stand up and do all sorts until they fall asleep. They don't usually cry apparently, they will protest and fake cry until asleep.

bankholiday · 20/11/2011 13:53

Fake cry?! So they are not distressed, they are only manipulative... Hmm

lovechoc · 20/11/2011 16:09

You could try the 'gradual retreat' technique by sitting at the cot for reassurance, be close by. The next night you'll want to see a bit further from the cot, and so on. Make no eye contact, be boring, sit doing nothing until she falls asleep....It's hard going for the first couple of weeks but they eventually get used to it. next best thing to CC, IMO. Yes, you may need to comfort her, but don't pick her up unless she is very distressed. I just stroked DS arm or back until he calmed down, and then sat back down again, and soon he got the message.

lovechoc · 20/11/2011 16:10

*sit

rubyslippers · 20/11/2011 19:15

That tizzie hall sounds like cIO by another name

Never heard of a Baby "fake" crying ...

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 21:12

That isn't what I said, although it would be naive to think that babies don't learn how to get their own way. There is a big difference between genuine emotional crying and crying for attention, I know there is with my LO.

DuelingFanio · 20/11/2011 21:16

I am a bi confused about the difference beween protesting and crying. What do you do if they cry?

HalleysWaitress · 20/11/2011 21:22

urgh to tizzie hall.

if this is a new thing have you covered all the things like teething? my dd shows no teething signs during the day but ptotests like mad at bed time. if i'm sure its that i give calpol at tea time (obviously i don't dose on the off chance etc).

otherwise imo you just have to be paitent but the going in and out thing will just make her more anxious. i leave the landing light on and sit on the floor in her room with a book and just wait it out but i wait a good 10/15 mins before i attempt to get up and i sit right back down if she stirs - if i get up its confirming that i am leaving her which just compounds the anxiety. if i have a good book on the go this is my fave method!

this odesnt always work. sometimes i take her out and sit with her and watch telly for 15 mins or longer until she has relxed a bit and try again.

if neither of these work i put her in my bed and lie down with her until she goes back to sleep. i can pop her back in her cot later on when i go to bed and no - this hasnt become a backrod etc - i find that dd goes through periods of being unsettled at bedtime which pass after a while - its tiring but without brow beating too much - cc/cio are horrible things to do to your baby who just needs you for comfort and reassurance - there are many better, easier ways to get over this.

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 21:24

Then you go and comfort them straight away it would just be cruel to let them cry. The method is actually a lot kinder than controlled crying I think. When I say fake crying I mean crying with no tears just yelling really that does sound very convincing. It took me a few times of running up in a panic as she sounded genuinely upset to discover the minute I picked her up she tried to sleep in my arms. With my LO when she is genuinely upset crying she won't calm down straight away she keeps sobbing.

HalleysWaitress · 20/11/2011 21:24

tizzie hall is extreme gina ford

HalleysWaitress · 20/11/2011 21:25

with some bollocks about needing 16 blankets for babies to sleep.

fake crying - from a child so young they are unable to even think in words....

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 21:32

Halleys, with all due respect, I thought that these methods were cruel until I became desperate for a solution after spending over an hour at the end of a long day trying to get her to settle to sleep. Me and my husband co-sleep with our baby as we don't feel we have any other choice. We have to share our room with LO and if she wakes up in the night and sees us in bed she wants to be in bed with us too or she will scream the house down. Anyway at the end of the day i'm just saying what worked for me and yielded fairly quick results. LO got used to it within a week and would self-settle rather than needing us to settle her also. Ruth1234 I hope you find a solution and trust your instincts.

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 21:39

By the way I didn't try Tizzie Hall until my daughter was a year old and I don't take every word she says as gospel. I read her book as it was given to me as a gift. It may not work for every baby and I certainly do not put 16 bamboo blankets on my baby. Halleys your method of sitting in the baby's room until they are asleep would not work for me as if she can still see me she won't settle she jsut gets even more annoyed as to why I am sitting there ignoring her. I used to do the lying ont he bed until LO sleeps technique too but I would be spending so long there to make sure she was truly asleep that I ran the risk of falling asleep myself!

HalleysWaitress · 20/11/2011 21:55

i fall asleep all the time settling dd but its a fair price to pay, for me obv, for a child who goes to sleep in her cot ok most of the time. the stuff i could be doing when i am waiting for dd to settle amounts to nothing more than washing up or watching crap tv. i used to feel cheated out of time to myself when dd was younger but im over it now - she will only be little for a short time and im her mum -she is entitled to need me.

dh used to sing american pie to her over and over and then fall asleep on her floor but he loved it

there have been grim consequences of cio and theres enough evidence about the dangers of it to put me off even considering it and the op asked for alternatives...

BranchingOut · 20/11/2011 22:00

Buy the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, along with the baby version. There is some useful stuff in the toddler book that can be relevant to younger children too.

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 22:06

what is cio? I don't know what this is? Someone enlighten me?

HalleysWaitress · 20/11/2011 22:08

Cry It Out

i dont know what no cry sleep solution is but i completely approve of the title :)

mauwmauw · 20/11/2011 22:09

My LO didn't settle well in her cot and it was taking it's toll on me and my hubbys relationship.Also what are the dangers of cio?

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