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Original poster

please help me

38 replies

bluebell82 · 05/11/2011 20:45

I am posting here because i have experience of the aibu ladies being a tough love bunch.. i need help with my 2.5 year old, i'm at my wits end and i need advice fast...

she was in hospital 3 months ago with pnemonia it was only for the night but still traumatic. Since then she has been a nightmare. She was in her bed then we had to put her in cot as she was getting out of bed near on 20 times during 2am and 6am. My husband was on the edge and i just basically cried all day due to tiredness and having a 3.5year old who, bless her, slept through it all so was full of beans come 6.30am.

We have a structured day, she did until recently have a nap but after her kicking off so much at bedtime i couldn't deal with the trauma twice a day. so thats gone, she has been awake since 2.30am this morning and is still refusing to go to bed.

She has fresh air, eats good home made food, hardly any sweets etc.

This week she has had to go back into her bed as she has been climbing out of her cot and ended up with a bloody nose, we have tried the super nanny approach since monday...

monday night, i actually wrote these down, she got out of bed 93 times, but stayed in bed all night, tuesday night it took 54 times of putting her back to bed and slept all night, wednesday 3 times and stayed in bed all night, thursday and last night took 2 hours to get her to stay in her bed and this morning she woke at 2.30am. Both my girls usually go to bed at 7pm, they have a bath every night, wind down time lots of cuddles etc.

She doesn't seem frightened even when we ask her whats wrong, we have tried putting chocolate on the mantel piece and saying if she stays in bed she can have them.. I have tried everything and me and dh are drained he is up there now... we have put classical fm on tonight because of the fireworks in a hope it may be that thats making hr play up.

He is livid with me because i gave in and cuddled her tonight in an attempt to get her to sleep and now thinks all our hard work this week is now in vain, I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry this isn't a juicy thread but i'm appealing to your kind natures, please please please help me i'm begging you i'm in tears writing this x

OP posts:
fedupandalone · 05/11/2011 20:50

DS had peumonia last year and although recovered well, he did regress emotionally he was 5 and acting about 2 years younger also lots of difficulty with bedtimes.
Spoke with his consultant who said if a child is very poorly they often do temporarily regress emotionally.
He is fine now, took a couple of months for him to be back to himself and in the past few months has been rapidly growing up - he is definitely not behind iykwim.
I wish your DD a speedy recovery and you lots of strength at a difficult time

snailoon · 05/11/2011 20:52

What does she want when she gets out of bed. If she wants you, why don't you just put a mattress on your floor for her to sleep on?

Original poster
bluebell82 · 05/11/2011 20:53

thank you so much, she is advanced for her age due to having an older sister that is only 12 months older, we just don't know what to do.. its terrible having had such good sleepers to an obviously distraught little girl, its killing us all as its been going on for so long, i have rang parentline and altho their advice was supernanny -esque it clearly isnt working, should we give in and let her co sleep? I just don't know what to for the best, we are so tired having a full day since 2.30am.. in 5 hours we will have been awake 24 hours

OP posts:
emsyj · 05/11/2011 20:54

Would she sleep if she was in bed with you? If so, I would let her sleep in your bed until she feels ready to sleep alone again. Staying in hospital may have been very frightening for her. Perhaps she just needs some extra reassurance for a while?

I dunno really. My DD had a bad throad/ear infection a while back and would only sleep in bed with me, but once she recovered she went back to her own bed. It didn't create a habit of her sleeping in our bed or anything - she slept with me whilst she needed it, then when she felt better she stopped.

Everything seems worse when you're sleep deprived: do you have any help?

emsyj · 05/11/2011 20:54

..by 'help', I mean is there anyone who could look after one or both children while you and your DH sleep for a night?

FabbyChic · 05/11/2011 20:55

Have her checked for allergies is if she has them it would make her hyper.

Original poster
bluebell82 · 05/11/2011 20:56

snailoon- my dh won't have it he thinks it will create further bad sleeping habits. she just wants us, she doesn't want her bed, generally once she is in bed asleep she stays asleep the problem we are having is that she won't go to bed, we have been at it since 7pm tonight and she is knacklered but so strong willed, its upsetting me so much as i do everything in my power to make them happy and every night recently is so traumatic, no one wants their baby going to bed in such a state

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 05/11/2011 20:57

I would co-sleep to be honest.

cerealqueen · 05/11/2011 20:57

She wants you and to be near you. She has been through an ordeal, why not have her sleep with you until she is more settled?

emsyj · 05/11/2011 20:58

I would be inclined not to have any battles, even if it means letting her stay up. Have the news on (so it's boring for her) keep it quiet and dull and eventually she'll fall asleep. She will realise she isn't missing anything by going to bed I would think.

I agree that I don't like DD to go to bed upset. She is usually very good at going to bed, but on the odd occasion when she doesn't want to go, I just let her stay up for another half hour and then try again. Do whatever you need to do to get sleep.

Original poster
bluebell82 · 05/11/2011 20:58

ensyj- My mom and mother in law are local but i just feel it is too much inflict this kind of sleep deprivation on them, she is constant she is screaming the place down as we speak.
fabbychic- i have never thought of allergies i will look into it

OP posts:
Schnullerbacke · 05/11/2011 20:58

If you are into that sort of thing, maybe you could try cranial osteopathy. I have had good results for various things, including behavioural issues. I feel for you, can only imagine how exhausted you must be.

troisgarcons · 05/11/2011 20:58

TBH. Some children are more difficult than others. Or should I say some children learn independence at an earlier age.

Provided your bed is big enough and you arent forcing your husband into the spare room, co-sleep so that at least someone gets to sleep at night.

Sleep deprivation is an absolute killer.

We all used to move round quite a bit in the night. Nbr2 would come in at Silly O'clock (1-2am)... once he'd dropped back off to sleep I'd move off to the sofa!

I would also suggest that you and your husband stagger your sleep time so that one of you gets a few unbroken hours. One of you needs to go to bed at 9ish and the other a little later. Then you will get 4-5 hours unbroken.

Its not a case of "letting the child win" sometimes you just have to let them crash on the sofa and lift them to bed. Some children just dont like being alone in a room.

Snatch sleep when you can. Even if its an hour in the day time.

Thehusbandsatcricketagain · 05/11/2011 20:59

I found that co-sleeping was th only way to save my sanity with the first ds,if this had not been done I would have been so sleep deprived I would have gone mad,he was admitted to hospital at 13 months with suspected meningitis & had several prolonged febrile convultions as in over half an hour that needed diazepam to deal with them

there really is no shame in having them in your bed or putting a matress next to them,it is called dealing with your dc as best you see fit as there are no hard & fast rules despite what super nanny says Wink

emsyj · 05/11/2011 21:00

It wouldn't be sleep deprivation for them though - it would be one bad night, so that you can 'catch up'. Or just send them for the day (from early a.m.) and spend the day sleeping.

We sent DD to MIL and FIL a couple of weeks ago when she had been getting up a lot (due to her being ill) and she got up at 3am for a while, then went back to sleep in their bed. They were fine, we caught up with our sleep and everyone was happy.

Iggly · 05/11/2011 21:00

She's had a traumatic time - so give her your time. Once she feels more secure again, you can withdraw little by little at bedtime and it should get back to normal. Sleep in her room, give cuddles etc. She's so young.

BalloonTwister · 05/11/2011 21:00

If she stays asleep once she's gone off could you not start her off in your bed and then carry her through to her own once she's in a deep sleep? Personally though I would let her co-sleep - she's had a tough time poor thing.

mjlovesscareypants · 05/11/2011 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BarkisIsWillin · 05/11/2011 21:02

It's been a while since my dc were that small but I always valued a night's sleep so much that I had no problem letting them sleep with us if it meant we all got a night's rest. It's impossible to function if you're deprived of sleep. She might just need extra security for a little while.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 05/11/2011 21:02

Not sure what the Supernanny method is but maybe it is similar to Gine Ford.

Night 1: the first time she gets out say go back to bed, second time she gets out say go back to bed, and repeat third time. Thereafter just put back in bed. No engaging in conversation at all. Stay right next to bed. Just sit quietly until she goes to sleep. Drink wine!

Night 2: do the same except move slightly further away from bed. Just a little.

Night 3 etc..... Do the same every time, each night moving a fraction further towards the door. Eventually you will get to the door. Then go outside the door. Still do the initial commands if she gets out.

This may take a few weeks ..... It is hell but worth it in the long run. And stock up in wine as you will need a glass or two! The most important thing is to not say anything or do anything. Just sit quietly and try not to show any exasperation. never back down.

Your daughter is not I'll anymore so should behave.

Also, get rid of the cot as IMO she is too old.

Good luck and be strong.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/11/2011 21:05

So sorry for you and DH, OP - also your DCs. It's awful to be sleep-deprived. I don't have any advice for you other than to suggest that whatever makes your DD sleep in comfort has got to be good for you and your DH. Nevermind the supernany routine, if it isn't working, try something else. I'm inclined to agree with cerealqueen, worth a try.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 05/11/2011 21:08

Hello. We've moved this thread to the Sleep topic, as we think that's the best place for it.

monstermissy · 05/11/2011 21:09

I always just done whatever it took for me to sleep well, sod the 'rules' supernanny can shove it and the massive rod i have made for my back, well i have no problem with carrying it about either (thanks mum) ds3 slept with me from a tiny baby and goes off to bed in his own bed well, but at some point usually gets in with me during the night (hes 4) it dosent bother me abit. What would bother me is getting up 50 times around 3am to keep putting him back to bed.

Do what YOU and your partner want to enable a good nights rest. :)

MarianneM · 05/11/2011 21:10

Poor you, your DH and DD!

While nowhere near as bad as that, we've had problems with DD1 going to bed ever since we moved countries when she was 18 months (now nearly 3). It always takes at least an hour for her to go to sleep (we don't leave her on her own as I can't bear to leave her to try), and often there are lots of antics: climbing out of bed etc.

No real suggestions but could she be afraid of something? Could something have frightened her at the hospital? Or maybe she's begun to have night terrors? Recently my DD starting claiming that there were spiders or pine cones (Grin) in her bed, and wanted to sleep with us. We insist she goes to sleep in her own bed but if she wakes up scared we take her to our bed (all sleep in same room). Try to find out what it is that she may be scared of (if she is) and explain to her there is nothing to be scared of.

I hope things improve for you!

snailoon · 05/11/2011 21:11

We co-slept with our three from birth till they were ready to have their own rooms, which was starting at about age 3. It was lovely, never a problem, with a HUGE mattress on the floor. Ours are all exceptionally independent now (10, 13, 16) and have never had anxiety about the dark, sleepovers, school, babysitters, travelling alone, being alone in the house, or anything else, really.
Humans are the only mammals who want their babies to sleep in a separate nest, as far as I know; it always seemed nice and comforting to curl up with a child at night.
I realise most people don't agree with doing this, and it is obviously absolutely fine to deal with sleep issues in lots of other ways. I just want to say that co-sleeping can be a great solution, and doesn't create bad habits. It seems like a natural stage, to be grown out of like many other babyish habits.
I also agree with Emsyj.