please help me

[bluebell82]

I am posting here because i have experience of the aibu ladies being a tough love bunch.. i need help with my 2.5 year old, i'm at my wits end and i need advice fast...

she was in hospital 3 months ago with pnemonia it was only for the night but still traumatic. Since then she has been a nightmare. She was in her bed then we had to put her in cot as she was getting out of bed near on 20 times during 2am and 6am. My husband was on the edge and i just basically cried all day due to tiredness and having a 3.5year old who, bless her, slept through it all so was full of beans come 6.30am.

We have a structured day, she did until recently have a nap but after her kicking off so much at bedtime i couldn't deal with the trauma twice a day. so thats gone, she has been awake since 2.30am this morning and is still refusing to go to bed.

She has fresh air, eats good home made food, hardly any sweets etc.

This week she has had to go back into her bed as she has been climbing out of her cot and ended up with a bloody nose, we have tried the super nanny approach since monday...

monday night, i actually wrote these down, she got out of bed 93 times, but stayed in bed all night, tuesday night it took 54 times of putting her back to bed and slept all night, wednesday 3 times and stayed in bed all night, thursday and last night took 2 hours to get her to stay in her bed and this morning she woke at 2.30am. Both my girls usually go to bed at 7pm, they have a bath every night, wind down time lots of cuddles etc.

She doesn't seem frightened even when we ask her whats wrong, we have tried putting chocolate on the mantel piece and saying if she stays in bed she can have them.. I have tried everything and me and dh are drained he is up there now... we have put classical fm on tonight because of the fireworks in a hope it may be that thats making hr play up.

He is livid with me because i gave in and cuddled her tonight in an attempt to get her to sleep and now thinks all our hard work this week is now in vain, I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry this isn't a juicy thread but i'm appealing to your kind natures, please please please help me i'm begging you i'm in tears writing this x

I haven't got much experience but I would be tempted to sit in with her until she drops off (if you haven't already tried this) - if she'll then sleep through.. it might be a pain but we had similar 'getting up' issues - after we took the side of her cotbed and she could get out - and this seemed to sort it out! Different cause and whilst it could take a while - could take up to an hour, (the pitiful 'mummy' when I tried to leave soooo many times just broke my heart) I eventually moved from beside her bed, to beside the door and am now outside her door for about 5 minutes before she's quiet or at least happy in her bed...

Good luck though - sounds very tough!

"I can't bear to leave her to try"

cry!

thank you ladies, i intervened told my dh to eat his dinner, she is now asleep after 5 minutes of cuddles, and we are taking her to bed shortly. feel like a bag of shit, try to follow the 'rules' of what should be done when i should basically just follow my instincts, i hate myself for what i've been puttin her through , thank you again x

Don't hate yourself, bluebell, parenting doesn't come with a Haynes manual... if only it DID.

Hope you all have a good night's sleep tonight. :)

The no cry sleep solution for toddlers actually saved my sanity after I fell down the stairs and broke my leg due to sleep deprivation!

It takes work and commitment but works on two methods. Gradual withdraw or rapid return. I used the latter with dd1, at bedtime and every night waking. It took about 3 weeks but was worth the effort. Here it is:

Bedtime routine, incorporated a story cd which I would put on when I left. She would kick off when I left so I would say I had to go and get something and would be back. First night I immediately returned with 'fairy sleep dust". I then kept leaving but krpt co
Ing baxk straight away. The first night I left and returned lauds of times but never let her get distressed. I did that in the might too - leave but go back. I would just say I had to pop out, go to the loo, get a jumper, get my slippers etc. Over the period of the next week I would leave it a minute or two longer each time before I returned. The ethos is that when they start to believe you will come back they relax and stop being anxious and eventually they just nod off, safe in the knowledge you will bs there. The cd also worked well and the fairy dust used to take longer and longer to find. I also used to have to go and pit it back for other children to benefit from. The fairy dust was a little lavender spray by re way.

Hope this had made some kind of sense. I am on my phone so it's hard to edit my post. Pm if you like.

I think there is so much stuff out there about not letting children develop 'bad habits' and warnings about not letting them into your bed etc but my (totally uneducated and based entirely on anecdotal 'evidence') view is that if you just allow your child to have what they tell you they need, they eventually don't need it any more.

I do wonder whether some of the kids on Supernanny would have long stopped sleeping in their parents' beds if they had been freely allowed to do it without comment or discussion when younger - they would then have just grown out of it. But the constant battles just prolong the issue IMO.

I agree dd1 was a terrible sleeper until I followed the no cry's ladies very gentle suggestions. I co-slept with dd2 for 6 months and at nearly 2 she has always been (apart from teething and illness) a great sleeper. Dd1 needed a lot of reassurance and I wish I had just co-slept. I didn't want to create bad habits and suffered 3 years of hell.

Oh you poor thing, so sorry to hear you are going through a shitty time with your lo. Lack of sleep is the worst thing in the world.

From personal experience, i've had a bit of this recently with my son. He's not been ill or anything but since the clocks went back he's been up and down all bloody night coming into our room because he "wants to see me" and he can see "eyes under the bed" etc. etc. What I did out of desperation was go and sleep with him in our spare bed (which is a double bed). I have never ever been one for co-sleeping, can't abide a wriggling toddler squeezing between me and DH but this was the best alternative. I am pleased to say that it only lasted four or five nights and he is now back in his own bed and sleeping through (last night 7.30 till 7.00 am).

Maybe if you have a spare bed you could try this? I hope it sorts itself out soon for you.

Oh just thought i'd add, I never started him off in the spare bed, I always put him to bed in his own bed but as soon as he started getting up (normally anywhere between 2.30 - 4.30) - i'd get in the spare bed with him.

just wanted to say thank you for helping me last night, our little girl went to bed tonight she wouldn't go down on her own so took her to my room, lay her next to me and she was asleep within 5 minutes, we carried her to her own bed, where she woke and said 'goodnight' mommy and this was at 6.45pm and she has been asleep since. Thank you, I feel like a better mommy wish i had listened to my instincts instead of doing what the books say you should. xx

Great news :)