You know you're sleep deprived when...

[LoobyLou33]

You know you're sleep deprived when... (just for fun)

What are some of the strange and funny things that happen when you suffer a serious lack of Zzzzs? Please share! Here are a few of my experiences to start us off, thought it might give us something to chuckle at through the bleary small hours...

(You will spot a theme in these first few!)

1. You stir in the night and mistake DH / the teddy / the pillow for your baby. Sometimes you 'see' baby's face superimposed on them.

1. Still asleep yourself, You wake DH in the night yelling 'where's the baby?' DH points out he's in the moses basket where he always was

1. You have kafka-esque dreams including one about talking to a random man, then suddenly becoming aware you have been unwittingly breast-feeding him for the past half an hour.

1. You trail off in conversation, unable to finish a sentence, because you can't remember the necessary word.

1. You feel like getting out the bubbly because DC has let you sleep till 430am.

1. You stare and stare at the clock but your eyes are so bleary all you can make out is 8888.

1. You wonder why the last load of washing isn't very clean, then realise you forgot to put any soap in (DH actually did this not me!)

1. It's breakfast time and you've already eaten 4 cereal bars from the snack-stash.

1. You confuse your friend's name with her daughter's.

10. You nod off in the time it takes facebook to load a page.

You fall asleep while reading bedtime stories but your children are still awake.

You put your head down on the kitchen table for a 20 second nap at lunch time and feel better for it.
When your DS/DD falls asleep in the car, you pull over somewhere safe and join them or find the nearest drive through McDonalds because you know they do coffee.

You try several times to change the tv channel with your mobile.

The poor cow I saw in the supermarket queue ahead of me one day rhythmically pushing a trolley back and forth, back and forth. I pointed out that she didn't have a baby with her. Her knackered response was;

"Oh fuck I forgot. I left him at his Grandma's"

*Dreaming awake: strange images and ideas would drift through my mind. No control over them.

*Trying to have an intelligent conversation six weeks after birth, nodding sagely while my friend explained how ships got into bottles, and then asking him (so proud I could actually engage with a grown up): "Is that how they get geese into bottles as well?" (It seemed to make sense at the time).

You find the cheese in the cutlery drawer, the coffee in the fridge, the remote control in your handbag (at work) and a car in your shoe. And that's just Wednesday.

You are jealous of parents whose babies sleep until 5.30am as you consider 5.30am to be a lie in.

You cry real tears of joy and relief when your DM offers to have the baby ALL NIGHT. And on your first child free night you forget a night out or cracking open a bottle of wine but instead go to bed at 9pm and enjoy 10 hours of blissful uninturrupted sleep.

You wish it was winter so you could go to bed at 7pm and pretend it is much later because it is dark.

adding to PukeyRag, once you've finished paying for your shopping, saying thank you to the self checkout machine!

I poured orange juice on DD1 cereal. She noticed not me. Thankfully DD2 is still on the boob or she may have got a Tropicana surprise.

You are so tired you put moisturiser on your face....without taking your glasses off first.....& yes I have done it!

You take off with someone else's trolley in the supermarket, and its an aisle and a half before you realise that those groceries are not yours.

You wonder why there are already contact lenses in the case when you've got them in your eyes... Oh no you don't... You took them out two minutes ago...

You can't remember how many times or when you got up in the night anymore.

You are so desperate to sleep you ignore the fact that you only have until midnight to edit your auto-order of online shopping and hide under the duvet. Anyone need any size 2 nappies and avocados?

So many of these sound familiar. I found the salt in the microwave the other day.

And just the other week DD2 (3 months) was asleep in her cot, me asleep in my bed, and I woke up with her in bed with me. It must have been me, except I've not a shred of memory of it. Unless she is really quite stellar at rolling when I'm not looking!

I started to dollop mayonnaise on my muesli instead of yoghurt. I stood there staring at the spoon with the feeling that something was wrong, but just couldn't place what.

you are spooning mayo over a salad when DH comes over to peck you on the cheek, instead of offering your cheek and licking the spoon you muddle the 2 and lick DH's nose

Getting into the wrong car (it was actually a similar-looking green focus) on the petrol forecourt...and only realising I was sitting in the someone else's driver's seat when I smelt tobacco (I don't smoke)...jumped out before being seen...I think????!!!

An old lady asks your toddler's name and you can't remember.

Leaving the car unlocked almost every day.

I'm going to Ibiza without baby for 2 days soon and I fully intend to sleep for 48 hours.

I Love this. And have done most of them. Especially the phantom crying and frantic searching for baby in bed.

Add to that nearly blinding myself by trying to remove my corneas thinking they were my contact lenses

Thanks for the laugh guys. I too have done the frantic searching of the bed for the baby only to find him back in his crib...where I put him...
then again I also found him in my arms on my lap when I fell asleep sitting up in bed while breastfeeding. Now that was scary!

you fall asleep sat upright feeding your ds and dream you're holding a cat but when you look down it is covered in beetles so you throw it off your lap and wake startled to a screaming newborn that you've just thrown (luckily just onto the bed)

Then you cry for ages convinced you've damaged your baby!

If DS had been my first, he'd have been an only because of the sleep deprivation alone.....

gemma That happened all the time in my house. Sometimes, DS would cry, I'd stumble over to the cot and panic that he wasn't in there only to realise the crying was coming from the bed and at some point I'd lifted him in without waking!

You complain that the 'crappy cheap teabags' that DH has bought are far too weak and demand he come and look at the pathetic cup of tea you have made, only for him to point out that if you boil the water in the kettle it tends to make a stronger brew

Ds is almost two and still a bad sleeper. I have been thinking my hair was really.dry recently, this morning I noticed that I have been conditioning it with shampoo!

I have made many cold water cups of tea too.

You're sitting on the sofa in dim light talking to your DH in his PJ's sat on the opposite sofa. Drowsily breastfeeding DD and talking about how tiring it is getting up in the night.

Then you realise that DH is actually asleep in bed the lucky bastard and you've been talking to the sofa.

Oohh this is such a good thread.....

You are at breakfast with a spoon in your hand and you can't figure out whose mouth it needs to go in.

You open a cupboard and have no idea what you are looking for or why the kitchen towel is not there until you veeerrry slowly realise that you have opened the cutlery drawer.

You realise that being hungover has more to do with being very tired and sleeping badly than the alcohol consumed when you get up after yet another night awake all night feeling like you have drunk 10 pints and smoked 20 Marlborough Lights!!

You wonder why you wasted so much partying time in your twenties not staying out all night when you can so clearly "function" without any sleep now.

You are staying with friends and you think "I hope they stop that baby crying or it will wake my DS" (who it has taken me three hours to get to sleep!!) before realising that it's your DS that is crying!!