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Sleep

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Original poster

I'm starting CC tonight

56 replies

pipplin · 25/04/2011 10:17

This could be an utter disaster but I just don't know what else to do. PUPD did not work neither does shh pat.
If I put DS-11 months in his cot he stands up and screams and I always give in as there is nothing left to do.

So after doing my research I'm doing CC. No idea if this will work as DS is pretty unpredictable and a high needs baby.

Just need some support really, I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and pre children it wasn't mine but I have 2 months until I give birth and we need to get DS' sleep sorted.
I've only just managed to get him to sleep without a feed.

I am not worried so much about the crying part just the part where it doesn't work and then I have no idea what we will do. He cannot self settle and I need to teach him.

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SouthGoingZax · 25/04/2011 10:20

We were lucky enough not to have to do this (have 19 month old twins but No cry sleep solution worked for us) but I can see with another one coming you need to get his sleep sorted.

I am sure someone else will be right along who has done this before and can give some help other than virtual support.
Good luck!

Original poster

pipplin · 25/04/2011 10:22

I'm also worried I'll end up with an hysterical baby who no longer trusts me.
Maybe I need to mull it over a bit more. The most part of me knows I can do this but I had terrible separation anxiety as a child and teen and I don't want my baby to suffer like I did.
At the same time my rational brain knows I can't hold him and feed him to sleep forever and he needs to learn to self settle as I can't single handed cuddle and feed two babes to sleep (DS won't settle for DP at all).

Sorry for the rant, posting helps my thoughts get into some kind of order.

OP posts:

Original poster

pipplin · 25/04/2011 10:24

Thanks southgoingzax, it's kind of last chance saloon for us, he just will not have any of this shh pat or gradual re treat method either. I can't pat a child who won't lie down :(

OP posts:

SouthGoingZax · 25/04/2011 10:28

Yes, as I said we were lucky as the boys pretty much would settle from quite early on.

Have you tried sitting in the nursery with a book or MN (and wine) and just letting him wear himself out? I did this a few times when we went through a patch of them not settling, and they would gradually just lie down and drop off.

I would also advise leaving DP to it - perhaps he could learn to settle him too? You could go out for a walk / in the car so you don't have to listen to the howling. I am sure you feel bad about doing it as I would but he is not alone if DP is with him.

SouthGoingZax · 25/04/2011 10:29

Just seen there is a CC link to the right of the message box - bound to be good advice there!

Original poster

pipplin · 25/04/2011 10:31

I could definitely just being in the same room as him.
It's so frustrating he is all sleepy on me then the minute I put him down he jumps up and I can't get him to lie down. He just hangs onto the cot wailing.
He was such a good sleeper until 4 months!

OP posts:

Original poster

pipplin · 25/04/2011 10:54

I just tried to put him down in his cot and he wailed and wailed and I can't listen to it :(
Southgoingzax- the no cry sleep solution is that just gradual retreat?
The bits I read were a lot about stopping breast feeding to sleep but that's a bit irrelevant for us.

I just don't know how to make this better.
It's making me miserable, we have a good bedtime routine of story, bath then bottle in dark blackedout room with White noise and I just have an over tired baby who is constantly grumpy as he is so tired.

He will nap for 2 hours on me in the morning if I let him in the same darkened room but I can't spend that long sitting in the dark, especially when the new baby comes.
I really feel I failed him.

OP posts:

Original poster

pipplin · 25/04/2011 10:56

I read that the other day, seems I would need to be consistent and stick to my guns.
I just dont see how it will work if he won't lie down.

OP posts:

wharlie · 25/04/2011 11:18

Just keep trying. When my second one came a long a spent 2 months before doing the same thing. aslong as you stick to your guns (Even when you go to bed yourselve in tears thinking your a failure or/and your child will be scared for life and will never love you again) keep going it will pay off. Dont give up. As for Dad no good they give up to easily.(just my own experience)

Imnotaslimjim · 25/04/2011 11:28

Just stick with it, be strong, and I can almost guarantee you that it will be over in less than a fortnight. It sounds like a horribly long time, but they don't cry every night and it does get better. DD was a nightmare to get to sleep, would take between 2 and 5 hours to settle every night, even ended up in my bed. One night I took a stand and simply didn't stay with her. I went back to put her back in bed and after about the 5th time she stayed there. Took 10 nights before she self soothed but I've now got a 3 year old that goes to bed at 7pm every night! Good luck

sheeplikessleep · 25/04/2011 11:30

We did a modified version of cc with DS2, who at 10 months was still being fed to sleep for every nap and nightwaking. He was waking 2-3 times a night, sometimes more.

We spent 2 weeks, well DH spent 2 weeks cuddling him to sleep. As soon as DS2 wasn't screaming, but was just crying, DH would put him in the cot and just sit next to him, pat him and 'sshhh' him. Main thing was that DS2 never fell asleep in DHs arms. First few nights, it took ages, he just cried and cried, DH just sat there next to him and picked him up if he got too distressed.

But it did work, after about 2 - 3 nights, he started sleeping through and not waking for feeds.

Your DS will get the idea, if you're consistent and he will lie down. I was too much of a wuss to do it, and after getting up at least 2 - 3 times a night for 10 months, DH was fab and told me to sleep downstairs, put earplugs in and he'd try it for a week.

DS2 still wakes at 5am every morning, which I am desperate to find a solution for, as we've been doing that now for nearly 6 months .

Good luck, keep consistent and give yourself a week. I also got DH to write down the times / wakings etc over a week and we could see the improvement on paper.

sheeplikessleep · 25/04/2011 11:33

If you do sit with him, don't worry about him lying down, just let him know you're there. He will lie down in time. I personally wouldn't bother with keep lying him down. But keep it as boring as possible, try not to look at him or make too much eye contact. It's more so that he can see you're there, than about interacting with you.

It's so easy to give advice, but so stressful to be trying it. Let us know how it goes.

Bensmum76 · 25/04/2011 11:41

I did this for ds1 for naps.I knew he could self settle as was sleeping through the night in cot but would only sleep on me for naps. It took a few weeks I think but once we bought a camera so we could watch limit it all got easier as I could see him sucking his thumb then crying when it fell out of his mouth! He sleeps extremely well still at 3.6 years old and I will definitely be doing cc with Ds2 when he's old enough!

prolificwillybreeder · 25/04/2011 11:51

Thank you all, I've had a breather so can now think straight!
Tonight is the night and as DP is home for the week, a good time to start I think.
Just sticking to my guns and going for it.
All your posts have been so helpful and reassuring. Sometimes parenting can feel so isolating especially when you are sleep deprived.
So thank you for assuring me it's not just my DS who won't/ wouldn't sleep!
Will update later with news of how I am doing.

prolificwillybreeder · 25/04/2011 12:06

Sorry was on pc now on phone pipplin= pwb!

Panzee · 25/04/2011 12:14

Good luck. I did it with a 19 month old who only ever went to sleep in my arms. You get to tell the difference between hysteria (which I went up for) and attention seeking (which I didn't). I never left him crying for longer than 10 minutes and far far less than that if it was OTT crying. Now I can just put him to bed and he will chatter for a few minutes then drop off.

RitaMorgan · 25/04/2011 12:19

Have you tried putting him in his cot, then lying down on the floor and "going to sleep" yourself? I'm sure he will stand up and scream, but might be easier than leaving. You could keep reassuring him verbally "bedtime now" but don't get up or pick him up.

prolificwillybreeder · 25/04/2011 13:27

I would Ritamorgan but I think it would get him more wound up and my SPD just wouldn't allow for it.

I'm nervous but I think this is the right thing to do for all of us.

matana · 25/04/2011 13:43

God i hate hearing my DS cry - it really tugs on my heart strings. But i feel he's getting to the age when if he needs to sleep then it's kinder to help him do it even if it's hard on me at first. He's actually a good self settler most of the time but seems to be going through a nightmarish phase of fighting naps. Don't know if it's any comfort pipplin but a baby that age knows they're loved and responded to and have already built up love and trust. You'd have to work really hard and be completely neglectful/ mean etc to break that. As hard as it is to listen to you're giving them the gift of independence. Your LO will still love and trust you afterwards. Parenthood is just one big guilt trip!

prolificwillybreeder · 25/04/2011 19:18

Mantana- I really needed to hear that :) thank you! You are most certainly right about parenthood being one big guilt trip, one thing I didn't expect!

Well we are starting tomorrow assuming I am better. Spent the afternoon throwing up and napping. No idea what caused it but feel okish now kept fluids up as much as I can and had dyoralite(sp) rehydration sachet- they are flipping vile!

He has fallen asleep on me after his feed and hoping to put him down in a minute.

Questions I have thought of-
. Tomorrow if he falls asleep after his feed do I just put him down and wait from him to wake?
. What do I do about his naps? Start from scratch I assume i.e put him in his cot at nap time say "it's sleepy time night night". Leave and start the timed intervals of going into him?

prolificwillybreeder · 25/04/2011 19:19

Thank you in advance for answering and supporting me. I think I need to shake what ever this bug or whatever is tonight and start in the morning. I hope I'm better!

Panzee · 25/04/2011 19:46

I've never cracked naps. Didn't see the point. He either sleeps on me or in his pram.

sheeplikessleep · 25/04/2011 19:49

I've read that you need to start as you mean to go on with cc - i.e. do it for both nights and daytime naps. but to be honest, i couldn't face both, so we cracked nights and daytime just sort of fell into place. although i do often still feed to sleep at 14 months, it is quite nice. it's the sleeping through at night that bothered me! mind you, he often only naps for 30 - 40 minutes, which couild be why

prolificwillybreeder · 25/04/2011 20:14

Right I think we'll sort night time first then :)

debka · 27/04/2011 14:26

How's it going OP?

Wanted to send you some encouragement. I did CC at 3mo with DD1. I would just leave her for as long as it took. I couldn't listen so I'd leave DH in the house and go for a walk around the garden. Up until 1yo she would always cry for 5-10mins before a nap, but never at night. She is now 2, sleeps v v well and is well adjusted and secure and happy and lovely. I am so glad I did it with her- it wasn't much fun at the time but well worth it. Your DS is a lot older than my DD was so I imagine it will take longer but it is do-able.

Good luck xxx

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