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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

I would like, very calmly, to discuss sleep training for a 3 month old

74 replies

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 10:27

dd2 is waking hourly. has been for a week. i am broken. unsafe to drive. so dd1 has to miss toddler group this morning. this is affecting the whole family and must change. I am not aiming for her to sleep through, far from it. I would just like perhaps a 3 hour stretch of sleep, and then maybe a couple of 2 hour stretches.

one issue is that she likes to be swaddled but then breaks free and wakes herself. i need to move her into a grobag, but there will be tears. any advice on pick-up put-down, staying with her, soothing in the crib? how have others managed the transition when your dc has needed swaddle/dummy/rocking and you've needed to stop?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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sherby · 02/02/2011 10:30

Sling/wrap? Once she has fallen asleep in it you can sit down and rest with her. Hopefully she will stay asleep as she is close to you and feels secure.

I can't see pick up put down working with a 3mth old tbh.

Dumbledoresgirl · 02/02/2011 10:31

Is co-sleeping an option? I am sure it saved my sanity when I had my fourth.

woolymindy · 02/02/2011 10:32

put her in bed with you

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/02/2011 10:32

I second co-sleeping. Is she waking hungry?

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 10:34

thanks for the thoughts.
we are already co-sleeping . I can sling her in the day, not all the time as she is mahoosive so even the kari-me makes my back groan after too long. But what about night? If i move her from the kari-me to get my head down then PING - awake again.
sorry to sound so negative.....please keep the ideas coming!

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Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 10:35

some times hungry, sometimes not- doesn't always latch on. I'm happy to bf in the night.

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Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 10:42

god, i hope i haven;t sounded too brusque and dismissive....but i have been in tears due to the exhaustion this morning.

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AlaskaHQ · 02/02/2011 10:50

We found a White Noise machine helped with DS. Plays the sound of heavy rain, or waves, or birds.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 10:55

thanks alaska - i assume then that it did not disturb you too much in the night?

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AlaskaHQ · 02/02/2011 10:56

Just re-read your post and it has been 1 week. Are you sure she isn't sick - ears or sore throat?

Or is there anything you could do to stop the swaddling coming unwrapped as she gets a bit bigger?

You could try the grobag for daytime naps, to try getting her used to it. Wouldn't try it just yet at night, given the situation you describe.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:00

am fairly certain she is in rude health
she cries on waking, stops crying when picked up and cuddled. and the cries are pissed off, rather than pain. i know the answer therefore is to cuddle all the time - she is in arms a lot, and we co-sleep, but co-sleeping with a hand on her appears insufficient to keep her asleep. i cannot sit awake all night again.

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KnowNothing · 02/02/2011 11:00

White noise was a lifesaver with DS. We had a CD of it on repeat all night, it was soothing for us too!

But this is not just about DD2. YOU need sleep. Is there anyone who could look after her for a bit to let you get some sleep. Even if you don't 'fix' her sleeping in the next day or two at least you get some sleep yourself.

Will she sleep in pram/pushchair?

AlaskaHQ · 02/02/2011 11:04

I found I could sleep through the White Noise sound, provided DS was OK. It was a bit annoying (I would prefer silence), but gosh I was so exhausted, that just DS not crying was enough.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:05

dh is around tomorrow and thurs, she is EBF though as she won't take a bottle, a long break is out of the question. it's hard for me to drift off on cue, as i have to wait until she is fed and settled. i'm sure i'll manage a catnap though ( weak).
dd2 will catnap in her buggy for 30 mins or so. but only if it's moving. quickly. so not ideal from the point of giving me a rest .

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thehairybabysmum · 02/02/2011 11:14

How often is she feeding in the day. I found that feeding mine at a minimum of 3 hourly (less if demanded before then), but wake to feed if not woken by 3 hours meant theat they did get one longer stretch at night.

I also found that a loose routine (sorry not a good word on here i know) helped. so i aimed for 3 naps in the day but was never exact on times.

Also i would put them to bed upstairs at 7 ish. I never left them to cry but would cuddle/feed then out down and return if necessary. I did let them cry for 3-4 mins that was max though.

Have you tried not co-sleeping? I found that they slept better when not in my bed...i think we were disturbing them. Also and v. importantly for you i found i never slept properly when they were in my bed as i couldnt relax the same. I just had a moses basket next to my side of bed or at foot of bed.

re grobag...i used these, ds1 liked to be swaddled so i just used a thin sheet that i wrapped around his arms and shoulders.

My ds2 also hated being on his back to settle so i ended up using rolled up blankets to prop him onto his side and support him this way...i was a bit uncomfortable doing this initially but it defo helped.

Also have you tried a dummy...again helped a lot for ds2...i only used it for sleeping and he grew out of it by 7-8 months. If it means that you get an extra hour then its worth it i reckon.

KnowNothing · 02/02/2011 11:19

My DD was like that with sleeping in a pram, I feel for you. I didn't create a routine as such, but I did make a note of when DC fed and slept. Then over a few days I could see from my notes that they did in fact have a bit of structure of their own that I was just too shattered to recognise. It was something to build from.

Giddyup · 02/02/2011 11:20

what would happen if she slept on DH's side of the bed and he tried to soothe her back to sleep the times she isn't hungry?

I really feel for you Charlotte.My DD is 12 weeks too and (luckily) only a night mare to get to sleep in the daytime at the moment. On occasion when I have been in the shower/ busy with DS an unable to go straight to her she has whinged for a minute and then gone to sleep. It has only happened very rarely though.

She shouts then a few minutes later it turn into crying ( I always go in then)

Have you tried putting the muslin you have used all day (so it is all milky and mummy smelling) with her to sleep?

I am trying to stop rocking to sleep in the daytime as I have alarge baby too and my back is constantly sore now

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:20

thanks hairybabysmum
i proffer the boob every couple of hours if she hasn't demanded, and especially near sleepy times in the hope of keeping her alseep by filling her up.
i did wonder whether if she spaced her feeds more she might take more in one go . although i'm not actually convinced that most of the wakings are about hunger....god, i'm tying myself in knots.....

i had wondered about routine as well. dd1 had put herself onto a routine by now, and was probably only waking around twice a night from 3-6 mths.

perhaps we'll move the cot into our room tonight (she's outgrown the moses). i do think it will involve tears though....

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Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:25

x-posted giddyup
sorry you're in the same boat
why is it always the 99th centilers that like to be rocked and carried ??

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Giddyup · 02/02/2011 11:25

i akso do the putting to bed at 7pm thing. it used t be about 8.30pm and it would take literrally hours of going back in every few minutes and starting the whole proccess again. It paid off after weeks but I have no way of knowing if DD was just ready when she started to comply or not. Also, I wasn't exhausted when I did it. It might just be too much until you get a bit better rested

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:28

i am also wondering if we have a chronic overtiredness thing going on, which is why i wonder if she does need to have a bit more of a cry before settling. she goes down ok - on the condition that she is swaddled and rocked. on waking each hour she is after more of the same.

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Giddyup · 02/02/2011 11:33

If you are really at your wits end why not buy a sleep training book and try it. I have a couple from the library at the moment I will have a look for the titles when I finish feeding DD. They claim to be gentle but I very much doubt MN would think that.

I am about to be flamed: but I am sure it is more dangerous for your children to have a totally exhausted Mummy than you all go through a few nights of horribleness. It doesn't sound like you could be getting any less sleep anyway my love.

I have thought about getting hard line with DD's daytime sleep but as she settles well at night I don't want to jepordise that.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:35

you know how desperate i am?
i just tried to call the health visitor for advice

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Giddyup · 02/02/2011 11:38

It feels like such a kick in the teeth when their sleep gets worse doesn't it?

fishie · 02/02/2011 11:39

oh charlotte I had one of them. isn't it dreadful and it was my first (and only) so I was completely unconfident in what to do for the best. with hindsight he was often very overtired and i shouldn't have rushed quite so fast. vibrating bouncy chair was an absolute life saver.

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