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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

I would like, very calmly, to discuss sleep training for a 3 month old

74 replies

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 10:27

dd2 is waking hourly. has been for a week. i am broken. unsafe to drive. so dd1 has to miss toddler group this morning. this is affecting the whole family and must change. I am not aiming for her to sleep through, far from it. I would just like perhaps a 3 hour stretch of sleep, and then maybe a couple of 2 hour stretches.

one issue is that she likes to be swaddled but then breaks free and wakes herself. i need to move her into a grobag, but there will be tears. any advice on pick-up put-down, staying with her, soothing in the crib? how have others managed the transition when your dc has needed swaddle/dummy/rocking and you've needed to stop?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 11:41

yy - vibrating chair v. good for letting me cook dinner - in fact she is a lovely girl when awake and not in need of putting back to sleep. But sadly she does not find it soporific.

OP posts:

fishie · 02/02/2011 11:49

sit beside and bounce her in the chair until she is asleep. do not stop until she is sparko. get dh to do it. or we also had success with holding baby, sitting on the bloody birth ball and bouncing. oh god it is hell isn't it. you go all peculiar.

but def try slowing down your rush to her side. I can't see any point in trying much more formal sleep training, she just won't get it and it will probably finish you off.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 12:03

thanks everyone for all the advice and non-flaming
dd2 has gone for a nap, so i'm off to spend some quality time with dd1 and her Happyland

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/02/2011 13:58

Charlotte - you don't think it's just 12 week growth spurt do you? I say just, I realise (and remember!!) that it isn't 'just' at all!

We used to have some success with the car - DH would take DS out and drive about until he fell asleep. We had a grobag with holes in for the seatbelt so that we could then transfer him into bed and not have to put him down on a cold sheet or whatever.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 14:09

thanks, i don't think it's a growth spurt - her feeding hasn't increased. and we do have a way to get her to sleep (rock and swaddle), just that she needs this doing every hour - re-wrapping in the swaddle and another nice ride in the rocking chair

OP posts:

balloonballs · 02/02/2011 14:28

We swaddled used white noise and used a dummy.

We never let her cry it out but, once we "got to know her" we wouldn't pick her up if it was just a "are you there?" cry. Not explaining it very well am I?

With dd she was def getting over tired and once I realised that and learnt the signs I believed it was mean to keep picking her up. Always always stayed with her though going shhhh very quietly to reassure.

Something worked because she's a great self settle now but then again it may be just sheer dumb luck!

balloonballs · 02/02/2011 14:37

Google Dr Harvey Karp, we found it fab.

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 14:46

thanks balloon - but we are looking to ditch the swaddle as she can break free, and i think this is the cause of the wakings, so i need to get her used to no swaddle at all. she's too big now for all the readymade swaddle stuff (she's the weight and length of an average 7mo baby!), and even though i do a very mean swaddle she's got me beat.

I would love her to have a dummy (dd1 did and it was a lifesaver) but she's not bothered.

i really appreciate all the input though.

OP posts:

pleasethanks · 02/02/2011 15:06

I don't have anything helpful to add, but just want to let you know that you are not alone. It is heartbreaking at times and on a bad day I think I have PND. Then when she sleeps, I am okay. All about sleeping!

jazzandh · 02/02/2011 15:21

My 3 month old DS started to wake more frequently over a period of a week. Previously only waking once....he is a cat napper - 30 minutes max per nap in the day. So it is quite easy to miss a nap out etc...

I had to spend a couple of days making sure he got every nap - settling him every 1.5 hours then an early bedtime - even though he is almost impossible to actually get into his cot until about 8.30pm. He just fed/slept until then.

After a couple of days, he is back to waking only once a night - so it was overtiredness! He's still a nightmare to get back into his crib at 4.30am without his eyes popping open again, but I can live with that!

My elder son was/is the same even now at 6 - so I am fairly sure that was the problem.

I too sympathise with the 99%ers - have one here - it's like carting a sack of spuds around!

Giddyup · 02/02/2011 15:51

the books I have are
Andrea Graces gentle sleep solutions
and
Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall

balloonballs · 02/02/2011 15:54

Oh sorry Charlotte, best of luck with it all though.

MattsBatt · 02/02/2011 16:03

I've only read the first page so far but I completely second what Giddyup says. I did sleep training with both my DCs because, like you, I was a danger to them and myself due to lack of sleep.

I followed the routines in Gina Ford's book (are we allowed to mention her on here now?). I am aware that they are not for everyone. But you don't need to follow them religiously; just do the approximate feeding times, put baby down for naps at the approximate times she says, and IGNORE the rest or you'll drive yourself mad. If you just follow the bits about feeding and sleeping, it is actually pretty humane and not the anti-baby torture it might appear on first reading

My DS, at 7 weeks, went from waking every hour throughout the night to sleeping through from 10pm to 7am WITHOUT WAKING AT ALL and it only took 3 days.

In the meantime, have you tried a dummy? I was completely anti-dummy with DS; but when DD was born I couldn't face the thought of another 5 months of colicky evenings so she had a dummy from 3 weeks and that, combined with a bit of co-sleeping occasionally when she needed it, totally sorted things out.

Froglets · 02/02/2011 16:06

Poor you, sounds awful.

You can get swaddle blankets that go up to 20lbs. My big 9 month old still fits in them. They are made by summer baby and i got mine in TK maxx.

Have you always co slept? Just because my dd seemed to prefer being in her own space, she is very un-cuddly though (to my dismay )

ThePosieParker · 02/02/2011 16:07

Okay...well iu think it's quite common for uber feeding/waking at this age. What about a swing? even of only for the day(although I wouldn't rule out night time) which may get longer sleeps which means longer feeds....

I would skip all toddler groups, your child will not miss out at all, you're too tired. I would rule out any cc at this age.,

ThePosieParker · 02/02/2011 16:09

DC4 took a dummy at 7ish months....so don't give up!

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 16:09

we have always co-slept for part of the night, and she dis seem to like it (dd1 was far too excitable for co-sleeping), but something has obviously gone hideously wrong somewhere

I might just browse the Ford book for ideas - a look can't hurt, can it?

OP posts:

Original poster

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/02/2011 16:11

oh posie, i'm sure it is common, and well within the bounds of being age appropriate. it's me that's the problem. we need to find some happy medium for the two of use.

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balloonballs · 02/02/2011 16:13

Charlotte, whatever works for you and yours is a good idea.

Have a gander at the baby whisper also, apart from the breast feeding advice which I found out of date, it gave me lots of tips.

We all take a bit of advice from here and there and just go with what feels right, don't we.

AngryGnome · 02/02/2011 16:16

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time of it at the moment. You're not alone - my DS is very similar. At the moment the car is proving a lifesaver for us. DH takes him out for a drive for an hour or so (about 9pm)whilst I sleep, and we've found that DH can transfer him to the moses basket without waking him (or me!). DS will then sleep for a couple of hours. Once he wakes up we're back on the 1-2 hour merry-go-round, but I've found that the 3-4 hours at the beginning of the night at least makes me feel human - albeit a knackered human! Also, I echo everything said so far about vibrating bouncy chairs - the amount of love I have for our chair is borderline inappropriate for an inanimate object

megonthemoon · 02/02/2011 16:18

if you think it is overtiredmess, then i would also suggest trying a gentle gina ford type routine. my 4mo dd has somehow got herself into this routine, and my ds was pushed a bit more by us into it and it did wonders fpr their night sleep - dd now does 10 hours most nights (sometimes with feeds, sometimes without but no horrific screaming or hourly wakings).

basically the key piece of advice i took from gina ford is that small babies can't do more than 2 hours awake. so if dd is up at 7am, i put her somewhere quiet at 9ish (i.e. not on her playmat - pram, basket, car, my bed, rug as appropriate) and she sleeps. if she wakes at say 10 then at 12 i put her somewhere quiet. and again 2 hours after she wakes. she happily drifts off then - push it to about 2.5 hours and she is overtired and screams. dd is now no longer exhausted in the evening and can self settle fairly quickly if she wakes during the night.

may be worth a try to see if regular daytime napping helps her settle better in the evening. we ignored everything else gina had to say, but this one bit of advice has been a godsend with both dcs.

AngryGnome · 02/02/2011 16:20

Also, have you read Pinky McKay's Sleeping Like a Baby? See here

A friend of mine swears by it and I have found it pretty helpful too. Good luck!

raedrenn · 02/02/2011 16:31

I agree with Megonthemoon - it is important they nap lots during the day. 'Sleep breeds sleep' - I read somewhere, or just imagined. Anyway, it became my mantra.

I started getting my DS into a bedtime routine at about 6 weeks. Bath, milk and bed. We had/have a musical mobile and this was always put on until he fell asleep. If he wakes in the night for a feed or whatever, the music goes back on so he knows he has to go back to sleep. It took some perseverance for a week or so to establish his routine but it was so worth it. I would sit by his cot until he went to sleep. Soothing him if he cried but not getting him out unless he was totally bawling. Over a few nights this began to sink in. Now if he wakes up he tends to chatter to himself for a half-hour or so.

As for swaddling, if it is the security she likes, try rolling a blanket and wedging her in so she feels enclosed. Putting a cardie or T-shirt you've been wearing round it will give her a nice smell of you too.

Sorry - waffled on a bit here...

MattsBatt · 02/02/2011 16:37

Sorry, I've just read the second page and have seen that you've tried a dummy already.

I also wanted to say that I am glad you didn't get flamed; I know that does happen sometimes on here when people ask for help with emotive issues like sleep training & breast-feeding, and I've seen some really vitriolic threads in my time. But honestly, what sort of monster would flame a completely shattered, sleep-deprived woman who is just asking for a bit of help? Thankfully it looks as though compassion has won in this instance

(I started typing this half an hour ago so I hope nobody has proved me wrong in the meantime)

MoonUnitAlpha · 02/02/2011 16:40

I really found good day time sleep lead to good night time sleep - and any nap under an hour isn't a decent nap!

I started getting ds to sleep in the day by any means necessary once he'd been awake for 2 hours, and at least one nap has to be an hour+ - in practice that meant at least one 2 hour walk a day with him in the buggy or sling.

Also, an early bedtime with a good long wind down - I start the bed and bath routine at 6, bath, massage, feed in a dark bedroom, white noise on, bed by 7 at the latest.

Having ds sleep on DP's side of the bed helped too, as I think every time he stirred in the night he realised there was boob in the vicinity and wanted some! I also did some nights on the sofa, and DP just brought the baby to me when all other attempts at settling failed. So I got a few nights with just one or two wakings. And ds did start sleeping better once he was in his own room at 5 months, it wasn't a traumatic move at all.

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