Self settling-can I teach my 14 week old?

[NoTeaForMe]

My baby is 14 weeks old on Monday and can not settle herself to sleep at all, day or night. She has to be fed, rocked, sang to, shushed or pushed in her pram and she will fight sleep as much as possible, yawning as she cries to tell me she doesn't want to sleep!! Then I have to put her down SO carefully or she'll wake up and I'll need to start the process again! I know I shouldn't compare but all my ante-natal group seem to have babies that at least 75% of the time can be put down wide awake and send themselves off to sleep.

Is 14 weeks to young to be worrying about this? It would be so lovely if I could put her down to drift off to sleep!

Any advice?

I don't think it is too young to self settle. I encouraged my DC to self settle probably from around 6 weeks, maybe even beofre.

I think you just need to try putting her down, when she is calm and not wait until she is very tired. If she is over tired that will make it more difficult.

I put her down calm and ready to sleep but after a while of lying down she just starts crying and I don't want to leave her to cry.

Then at night after a feed she wakes up as I put her down and cries instantly. I pick her up and she stops and is asleep, I have to do this a good few times before I can leave her in her crib.

You could try CC. When she starts crying you go in and pat and shush her. In the beginning you end up doing this multiple times until she gets used to it. Some people don't like doing this, especially with young babys. It is up to you though.

Pick hr up when she really cries, leave her on her crib but be with her if she is just grizzling and leave the room if she is content. You will need to persist and persist and persist - it will take ages but she will eventually get the message that crib = sleep. (I think they call this pick up/put down?) It has worked very well with our 10wo who will self-settle most of the time at night (still crap in the day!).

My DS is 17 weeks now, and was the same as yours until about 12 or 14 weeks, so I started doing the Baby Whisperer no cry sleep solution (although I think I may have adapted it slightly). I can't exactly put DS down asleep, but I feed him, then do his bedtime routine (change, bath etc), then wind him down in a calm, dimly lit room for at least half an hour after that (by swaddling, chatting, reading books, stroking his nose, kissing his little face) until his eyes start to close, then I put him in his cot and stay with him, shushing and patting until he goes to sleep. Took a week or so, but he's OK now. It takes time, and I can't just put him down, but it's really sweet, and works fine for us, and I figure he'll go down easier the older he gets. I really don't want to do CC either. This way, if he cries, I just pick him up and hold him, then put him down again when he's stopped. That might be worth a try i.o CC?

I absolutely can't leave her alone to cry, it's not in my nature!!

Whose theory is pick up/put down so I can read about it?

Thanks

It's the baby whisperer - worked well for us :)

"I absolutely can't leave her alone to cry"

It's not in anyone's nature, don't worry. But the noises babies make can vary from a low whining or grizzling sound to full on yelling with tears. At one end of the scale they're not in any distress or discomfort so what people are saying is be consious of the difference and reisist the temptation to leap to attention every single time.

Oh I know! I don't rush to her if she's grizzling. She has never settled down by herself though. I'll really make a conscious effort from now!

Fingers crossed!

notea I am with you all the way. My DS is the same age and cannot self-settle, or at least he gives every appearance of not being able to. It's dummy and pacing the house or moving pram, or nowt. And repeat when he enters a new sleep cycle (e.g., about every 45 minutes).

However, he sleeps for relatively long stretches between 11 pm and 7 am, so he must come in and out of sleep - e.g., putting himself back to sleep: I don't get it entirely.

Anyway, let me know if you find a solution - based on my (admittedly limited - one other DD) experience, I am not convinced that babies who have never ever been able to self-settle suddenly develop the skill at a magic age. I reckon they have to be coaxed into it - just a question of how!

She must be able to do it once she's asleep.....as in she must be able up go back to sleep. She has a 2-3 hour sleep in the day and she sleeps for 3 hour stretches at night-was 7-9 hour stretches which she's decided against now!! But she must stir and go back to sleep through those sleeps?!

It's more the getting to sleep she can't do!!!

There is a solution - wait for a while. Honestly - 14 weeks is tiny - PLEASE don't try contolled crying at this age. Just go with the flow, sleep when she sleeps - this stage will pass.

seeker I'm here asking for any ideas because I absolutely cannot leave her to cry! I leave her grizzling but even that's a struggle for me!! 14 weeks is still little you're right, another thing I was asking really-is she too young to worry about this or is it s skill she should have now?!

No, she definitely shouldn't. Please don't worry - just enjoy her, sleep as much as you can and watch her grow!

I think you have an unusual antenatal group. No-one in my group can put their baby down awake and they self settle. Well, OK, one could but that all changed at the 4 month sleep regression!

I also think she's too young to be worrying about this, although I know it is so so tiring but some babies seem to have the ability to be on their own younger than others. CC is not recommended now for babies under 12 months when it used to be 6 months - HV told me recently.

Tracy Hogg ( i think) wrote The Baby Whisperer and it was helpful for us too.. although now my kids much older.. DS1 slept through from about 9 months and dd2 with SN, well that's another story..

I'd say go with the flow for as long as you can.. good luck..

notea, if she has a long sleep stretch in the day and more than 45 minute stretches at night, then agreed, she must actually have some self-settling skills. It is so hard, I sympathise. Nothing helpful to add, but I would be quite pleased with the 2-3 hour stretch in the day. That's good going. Nap-wise my 14 wk DS is a resolute 30 minute-on-the-dot boy (and therefore chronically tired all the time) and DD was 45 minutes by the clock until sleep training at around 6 months.

Hi there, dd is 16 weeks and we've recently started mastering self settling. Previously I would put her down to sleep, and when she cried I would let her suck my finger until she fell asleep - this way I could comfort her (and not have to listen to those cries!) but still be firm with my message 'it's bed time and you're not coming out of that cot!'. However, I now put her down before the tired signs start (ideally after the starey eyes start, but before yawning and eye rubbing) and then she will have a whinge but it's rather half hearted. If I leave her to it, then she puts herself to sleep within about 5 minutes - the cries always come back down to nothing before starting up again, which is how I know she's going to settle. If the cries escalate I either let her suck my finger till she calms down and then walk away and try again, or I give in completely and let her suck my finger to sleep. On the rare occasion I get stuck next to her bed with my finger in her mouth for a long time, then I just use that time to catch up on my reading or MNing!! I def agree with Chil1234 re the crying, although it's taking a while to have the confidence to recognise which cries it's ok to leave and which ones you should go back to pronto.

narmada she used to consistently sleep for 3 hours every morning then she stopped doing that at around 8 weeks, this week or so she's started sleeping 2-3 hours in the afternoon, and if she doesn't she's grumpy!! Unfortunately it's not guaranteed sleep so she is quite often grumpy!!

It's a hard one, I think she's still little and I don't want to train her in a harsh way at all, but it would be nice to give her a helping hand along the way to self settling.

She is waking up more in the night too at the moment as I think we've just been through a big growth spurt, unfortunately I think we've both got into the habit of feeding her when she wakes in the night! However now I think she's feeding less in the day as she's getting food through the night, and then she's obviously hungry at night again!! Feel like I'm messing everything up at the moment!

why do you want her to self settle? she is fully dependant om you

NoTea have you tried something like playing soft music, or a lullaby light or white noise maker or similar? That can be really helpful both as a calming measure and to help them learn a 'sleep cue', which in turn helps them learn to settle themselves.

I do agree that 14 weeks is still very little and lots of babies can't self settle at this age, so I wouldn't stress yourself out about it unduly. But that said, I do think you are right to be aware that at some point she needs to learn how to settle herself. It is definitely possible to teach her how to do this gently (i.e. without leaving her to cry) at this age, but you do need to persevere and accept it may take her a while before you are able to simply pop her in the cot and leave the room.

I have used a Tomy lullaby light with both mine and have found it so useful - it plays soft music, accompanied by soft coloured lights, then quietly turns itself off after 10 minutes. It's been great. Literally within days of starting to use it (at around the 3 month stage) both DS1 and DS2 would automatically look up at the lullaby box when put into their cots at sleep time, waiting for the music to start, and were just mesmerised - they learnt so quickly that lullaby light music meant sleep time. Another friend uses a quietly-played CD of nursery rhymes and that works well too. That sort of thing might be worth a try?

My only worry with things like that dietcoke is that I wouldn't want her to get dependent on those things? Is it really any better if she'll only go to sleep listening to a lullaby than being rocked by me? What if we're not at home and don't have the same lullaby, butbthats the only way she can sleep?

kalo12 at some point she has to learn to self-settle I'm wondering when is best to teach her.

So make sure you have the lullaby with you. Thats what Ipods are for. Honestly - please don't waste precious time with your baby worrying about whether you're doing it right. She's tiny - she probably doesnt realize properly she isn't still part of you.

And don't leave her to cry even for a second. She's too little, your instincts are absolutely right. Carry, cuddle, co-sleep = she's a little baby animal who needx her cave and her mummy!

In my experience it's normal. I agree with seeker - I was still co sleeping with dd2 atthis age, she is still tiny (never co-slept with dd1 as wanted to do the "right thing" - she was a far worse sleeper than dd2 who started self settling around 7 months. It feels luke it will never change but it does. I have lullabies and White noise on my iPhone and they both helped. Having a bedtime routine is crucial and eventually she will learn. The no cry sleep solution had some great tip for gently teaching your baby to self setle. I used it quite a bit. It will also really help you understand their sleep.

Sorry if post is a bit incoherent. Cuddling poorly and half asleep baby!

seeker I have said a few times that I don't leave my baby to cry and I don't want to do it like that....not sure why you keep telling me not to leave her to cry? I don't and I won't!!

Who does the no cry sleep solution?