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Original poster

crying before every sleep

38 replies

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 17:43

dd2 is 11 weeks, ebf on demand. she is a very tense, wired little thing (big thing really, she's over a stone).

she screams before every sleep. every nap, every night. for probably 10-20 mins for a nap, much longer in the evening. it's like she won't let herself sleep unless she has not an ounce of energy left. i don't leave her to scream, but cuddle and rock her, as is her preference. she then conks out and sleeps on me. she won't take a dummy or bf to sleep.

i don't mind that she sleep on me, but the screaming is grinding me down. i try and watch for her sleep cues, but they seem to be non-existent Confused. any advice???

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 17:58

?

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Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 18:24

someone?

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pleasethanks · 18/01/2011 19:21

Could she just be doing this to release some steam? My wee one does this sometimes and really there is nothing wrong with her (I don't think) but it is some sort of release?

How long does she go between naps - could she be overtired?

Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 19:25

she is probably overtired some of the time, as she only takes short naps. but even when i think i've got it bob on, she screams. she's awake for sometime between 60 and 90 minutes between sleeps, depending on her mood, usually nearer 60.

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pleasethanks · 18/01/2011 19:33

60-90 mins between is probably right - how long are her naps? Also, could it be (I don't know, I am just trying to throw some ideas at you) that you are trying to get her down before she is tired? On christ, it is hard isn't it?!

pleasethanks · 18/01/2011 19:34

Oh, tense and wired? This sounds familar. Mine was like that for her first 3 weeks until a few sessions with a fantastic osteopath who calmed her right down

mrspear · 18/01/2011 19:37

Are you laying her down straight after a feed? If so, it could be be reflux or maybe trapped wind? My DS was ebf but still had both esp the trapped wind!

Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 19:41

she's usually up after a feed - i know most babies feed to sleep, but dd2 seems to be hungry on waking Hmm. am kind of intrigued re the osteopathy, but had been resisting due to lack of evidence base.....but am getting a wee bit desperate....

thanks everyone for all the ideas, btw

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pleasethanks · 18/01/2011 19:45

Honestly, it was like night and day for us after osteo. Since the day my DD was born she looked anxious, could not switch off and just seemed pissed off about everything. She was breech and c section. 2 session of osteo changed her completely, she became much calmer and sleep much better too. Clearly not a miracle cure, but it made such a difference to her. I got a treatment myself too and it relaxed me no end. If you can afford it, why not try it?

Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 19:58

do you mind me asking how much you paid?

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MoonUnitAlpha · 18/01/2011 20:03

My ds did this too - he'd scream until he conked out in our arms, we'd just hold him tightly and he'd fight against us until suddenly he was out! 5.5 months now and he seems to be getting the hang of self-settling finally.

I was talking to a friend recently and she said her son did the same - she'd pin him down in his cot and he'd scream for a few minutes and then go limp.

Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 18/01/2011 20:06

lol at "pin him down"
our version is sling or swaddle

it's a relief to hear of other babies like this - all the ones I know just sit and gaze out from their car seats Envy, while i pace an angry, stiff little thing around the room.

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MoonUnitAlpha · 18/01/2011 20:09

To be fair to ds he's generally quite a chilled little thing, he just couldn't unwind to sleep. When other people talked about letting their babies cry for a few minutes and them winding down and getting quieter ds just wouldn't do that - it escalates and escalates until he screamed himself out.

pleasethanks · 18/01/2011 20:16

30 quid a session. Where are you? The one I saw was in Edinburgh and is well known for her treatment on babies.

Original poster
CharlotteBronteSaurus · 19/01/2011 09:01

nowhere near edinburgh i'm afraid. thanks though. i'll see if i can get a recommendation near here.

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plasticspoon · 19/01/2011 19:01

My ds (11 weeks) is just like this. Tense and generally pissed off! I have moaned at length on other threads :) We are going for his second cranial osteopathy session on Friday and I have seen some improvement already (although not a miracle cure yet).

MoonUnit - sorry to hijack but how long were you having to hold him before he conked out? This is basically what ds does in his sling before every nap (cue intense guilt but it's the only way to get him to nap that leaves me with free hands!) but I haven't had the guts to try just holding him while he screams - I just scramble around trying to 'fix' things...

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/01/2011 19:06

5 minutes maybe? Not long - I was finding that when I was rocking and jiggling and patting it was making the whole thing drag out long. Just holding him tightly with my cheek against his and making shushing noises would entail less crying over all.

valiumredhead · 19/01/2011 19:09

Ds didn't ever go to sleep without a cry first - he just needed to let off steam I think, he never just used to drop off to sleep without having a good old roar.

plasticspoon · 19/01/2011 19:11

That's interesting, thanks. God, you know, before I had a baby I really thought that if you did the 'right' thing, that you could get them to stop crying! I've felt so bad about making him scream in the sling that I've only persisted through sheer desperation.

MoonUnitAlpha · 19/01/2011 19:15

I just think ds cries because he's tired - he's basically saying "help me I feel awful". But the only thing that's going to help is falling asleep, which he couldn't manage on his own. I couldn't stomach leaving him to cry himself to sleep alone, and me trying to help was just aggravating him more, so it was the only thing I could do really.

valiumredhead · 19/01/2011 19:16

Ds was just very vocal - funnily enough it never used to bother me as I figured out early on that was just what he did. He used to wake up roaring to! He stopped at about 7 months - I remember very clearly waking up to him 'talking' to himself in his cot one morning and feeling like we'd turned a corner.

I second the cranial osteopath idea - seen good results with friend's babies.

kaiki · 19/01/2011 20:12

charlottebrontesaurus (great name!) - my dd did exactly this and still would be doing this now (she's nine months) until i got her a dummy. i wasn't keen on her having one but we recently flew to cornwall and i was advised to get her one for air pressure and ear popping as couldn't bf on take-off or landing. it's the old fashioned 'cherry' shaped one and while it hasn't helped her sleeping pattern (40 minutes a time and not a second later!) it means no more tears before bedtime. i remember dreading the evenings and would be pacing with her for an hour or more some nights, feeling useless and frustrated.

we also tried cranial oesteopathy (dd has plenty of sleeping problems but i remember the crying really getting to me, and getting soooo frustrated that she couldn't drift off easily like other babies) - not sure where in the uk you are but our sessions were cheap because we were claiming working tax credits - if you're in a similar financial position (partner or you on low income) there are some oestopathy charities which operate on this scale. can't say the sessions helped us much, but i've heard lots of good things about it so if you can, give it a go.
i STILL find that dd 'needs' me to resettle her, even during the day naps, and like yours seemed to be 'an angry, stiff little thing' almost physically resisting sleep. sometimes it's age, and building confidence. like i said, the dummy has made my life so much easier, and once she's 'down' for a few hours at night she tends to spit it out as it's no longer required.
hope that helps, i feel your frustration!

Sleeplesssister · 19/01/2011 20:37

Hi,

Joining the conversation late but my DD (also ebf) was also like this, from birth she was seriously wired, needed real help to get to sleep and seemed to need to scream it out before every sleep. I swear she was like this from birth, also had a c-section and spent first few nights in hospital holding her because she just would not sleep in the hospital cots (which meant no sleep for me as i was scared i'd drop off and then she'd roll off the hospital bed). I think some babies are born like this - properly wired - and need to learn how to settle themselves to sleep.

I tried cranial osteopathy (am based in Herts), also about 30 quid a session, and it was helpful - after the first session my DD had a two hour nap with no tears, although it was not a permanent fix and she tended to revert to type about 3 days after each session. We also tried a dummy for a while (at about 3 months), which did help, but she got seriously addicted to it and started waking up at night looking for it, so we went cold turkey at about 4 months. Key for me was helping her learn that she could fall asleep without help from anyone/anything else - we are now at 6 months and tend to only have about 5 minutes grumbling before naps (assuming we catch her in time, the window is soo small, 15 mins too late and cue an hour of screaming). Also think that having a proper sleep routine helped us, my DD seems to know now that at set times we go upstairs, her room gets darkened, and that means sleep time. It will get better, I promise.

kaiki · 19/01/2011 21:02

me chipping in again, sleeplesssister has just reminded me - my cranial oesteopath made a good point with my dd, that some babies just don't like falling asleep, and actually find it quite scary and strange, hence the crying. personally i'm not sure that rings true with me but is worth considering.

pleasethanks · 19/01/2011 21:26

sleeplesssiter Your first nights in hospital sound rather familar....

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