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Sleep

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Original poster

Please help - dd4 terrified to sleep alone with dh in hospital, should I sleep in her room?

43 replies

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:12

Been trying so hard to help her settle and want her to know there's nothing to be scared of but she gets hysterical when I leave. Had the odd night ok but generally its awful. She kept telling me it was things about her room (were having a few problems b4 he went in) so changed that, tried talking about it, gentle reassurance through to I'm afraid getting cross (please don't judge me, I'm exhausted). Dh seriously ill in hospital and tonight she told me she can't think of anything good when she goes to sleep and it broke my heart. She's as good as gold during the day and I've been trying to work this out so I didn't I traduce a long term sleep problem but I think she needs to know I'm not going to disappear too. What should I do?

OP posts:

krisskross · 13/01/2011 22:17

maybe let her sleep with you, if that makes her feel better? it might ressassure her and just help her to settle a bit.

i've never been hugely into ours sleeping in with us as always thought it would be hard to get out of the habit, but you are obviously in v.. hard and unusual circumstances.

just read through your post again- maybe you could stay in her room reading til she falls asleep just for a few nights?

good luck and i hope your DH is better soon.

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:32

Thanks krisskross, same as you, always worried about getting out of habit but it's just so hard right now and I've tried everything. Both of us exhausted isn't going to help right now but know I'm probably going to struggle with her letting me out the room again!

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hellymelly · 13/01/2011 22:34

Well I sleep with both of mine still so not very helpful on that front,but it does sound as though she really needs the extra security and thats understandable given whats happening.I would bring her into your bed.How is your DH? I hope he is ok.

ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 22:36

If she was doing OK before he went into hospital I'd say to let her sleep with you but explain that as soon as Daddy is home she goes back into her own room.

However, as she was already having issues I wouldn't encourage it.

If she's having trouble thinking of anything good - give her something to look foward to. Maybe a cafe visit with a hot chocolate after school tomorrow?

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:37

Thanks hellymelly, he's stable but still pretty poorly, infection following the flu, had a second op today so very sore. No word on when he could be home so again, very difficult to make any promises.

OP posts:

pozzled · 13/01/2011 22:38

How old is your DD? I think in your place I'd be tempted to go in with her, or stay until she's almost asleep. It sounds like she just needs the comfort at the moment, it must be an awful time for you all.

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:39

Think that's why I've held back until now. Tried the treats route but she gets totally inconsolable

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ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 22:39

Mindy - being cross is not a bad thing. Sometimes it reassures them that they are being silly and need to tow the line and not be attention seeking. Only you know if she's genuinely worried about something or just 'playing up'... as she was like this before I would think she's worked out it gets you Mummy's attention.

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:40

She's almost 4 pozzled, old enough to be scared and worried about daddy but too young to really articulate how she feels

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ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 22:40

Has anything else changed? Did she start Big School this term?

ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 22:41

Almost 4 - sorry I thought she was 4.

But she was like this before he went in - so is it really about Daddy being in hospital?

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:47

Hi chipping in, the sleep probs started about a week before dh went into hospital after being taken to woo key hole by in laws. Didn't know that's where theybwere going and she came back terrified! Dh already poorly at home then too. Starting to get sorted then as soon as dh went into hospital, terrible again

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PrettyCandles · 13/01/2011 22:47

Even if she was having problems before, I would still be inclned to either take her into bed with me or stay in her room until she falls asleep. Alternatively (or possibly even better) could she go in with one of her siblings?

A bad habit can always be changed. Save the bribery for when you need to return to normal. Right now you both need sleep and comfort.

Hope your dh improves, and comes home soon.

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:50

Interestingly she also asked my sister where grandad had gone. My dad passed away just over a year ago in hospital so she was quite young but not sure if this is her worried dh will disappear so trying to hold onto me? So confused as to what to do for the best?

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Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:52

No siblings I'm afraid pretty candies, good point on reversing bad habits. Was worried about what would happen we he comes home but if I go in with her, I suppose that will ensure he can slep

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PrettyCandles · 13/01/2011 22:53

Definitely comfort her! She's not old enough to understand that her fears are not reality. Goodness knows what she is seeing when the light is turned out. And now one of her superheroes who can save her is missing, too.

When my dc have night-time fears, we bundled up the scary thoughts, stamp on them, and throw them out of the window onto the road where a lorry comes aong and squashes them into little bits. Sometimes we flush them down the loo as well. You see, Mummy has super-powers to get rid of scary things!

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 22:57

Sorry realised confusion -didn't mean she was my fourth dd (dd4) I meant she is almost 4. She's my only child

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ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 23:01

OK - add in the Grandad thing and she'd be in my bed like a shot - she's probably worried Daddy's going to go where Grandad went and didn't come back from :(

If she was frightened at Wookey Hole then there was a reason for her being unsettled then too.

So it doesn't sound like she's just 'playing up' to me.

Yes, it probably means you'll be in for a rough ride getting her back in her own bed when DH comes home, but maybe worry about that then x

I was a bit - so they took her to Wookey Hole and.... then I looked at the website - suffice to say it's not the place it was when I last went!!!

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 23:04

Couldn't believe it chipping in, they all came back with fil saying. ' it was terrifying, even I was scared' in front of dd who looked shell shocked!

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ghostlysilvershred · 13/01/2011 23:16

I would let her sleep all night with you if she wants to, security is so much more important at this stage. I really wouldn't hesitate, it sounds like she desperately needs the comfort she'll get from sleeping by you and that trumps any concern about habits right now.

You can work on moving her back later - it will be so much easier to get her back sleeping alone when she's not worrying so much any more and everything's back to normal.

Your dh being in hospital, fear of death and so on - to her they're like a kind of thunderstorm going on outside or wolves prowling round the house. It sounds as though for the next few days she needs to feel safe next to you as much as possible just as she might huddle up to you during at thunderstorm. It won't go on for ever and you can work on making her feel safe in her room again later on.

Original poster

MindySimmons · 13/01/2011 23:24

Thanks ghost and everyone, I know you are all right on this one, always been one to try and avoid bad habits but both our worlds are upside down right now

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ChippingIn · 13/01/2011 23:38

Awww poor bairn - I guess they weren't expecting it to be like that - rather just caves as it used to be, but you think they'd have checked first! :( Bit irresponsible of FIL to be like that though, he should have been making her feel safe because Grandad was there - not be acting like a big girls blouse!

I hope DH picks up quickly & can come home soon!

seeker · 13/01/2011 23:47

Sleeping in with Mummy isn't a bad habit - it's a lovely warm wonderful thing that will make you both feel better.

mumonthenet · 13/01/2011 23:53

what seeker (and everyone else) said.

Sleep in with her or her with you.

Definately.

She needs security. She's not "playing up".

LittlePushka · 14/01/2011 00:28

Of course!! - there is no better way to make her feel safe and keep her fears at bay. Hell, I still could do with my mam occasionally and I am in my mid-forties!

if you are not there already, go, now...scoop her up and only let her go when she (or you!!) need to get up for a wee!!

I hope your DH gets well soon .

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