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Sleep

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Original poster

This is not crying it out is it?!

40 replies

burps · 13/12/2010 07:48

My 12 week old DD is a fighter when it comes to naps. Great night sleeper, generally goes down with little complaints, but day time is a whole different ball game with much wailing and crying. This often results in me sticking her in the sling or the pram and going for a walk to get her to nap - which I cannot do 2 or 3 times a day anymore. Does this approach sound okay -

put her in her basket and sit with her, rubbing tummy, holding hat, chatting gently to her till she calms down, even it is red face thrashing about she is doing? I have tried picking her up and calming her, but it goes all pear shaped when I put her back down. To me, sitting with her, comforting her as she cries is better than letting her cry it out alone. How does this approach sound?

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Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 13/12/2010 07:53

Why can't you sling or pram her?

Maybe she needs more naps in the day. At that age 2 or 3 doesn't seem like enough to me.

What about holding her until she is asleep then putting her down?

Original poster

burps · 13/12/2010 07:57

Because I am utterly exhausted by it, I have done it everyday for 3 months now, all weather. I cannot stop moving when I sling her as she wakes and I have spent many hours during the day pacing the hallway, in the dark, so she naps. I have tried giving her more naps too, so the number of naps is not really the issue at the moment. It is how I get her to take them in her bed.

As for holding her till she is asleep, I have tried this many many times, but she wakes without fail. And that is regardless of whether I put her down after 1 min, 5 mins, 30 mins, an hour etc. I feel like I have tried everything!

OP posts:

misdee · 13/12/2010 08:00

she is still so so young.

i would use a wrap sling, and just carry her.

tinselistooaddictive · 13/12/2010 08:00

We did this with dd2 from about 3 months. I sat beside her Moses basket with my hand on her tummy and she would go to sleep. After about a month we left her and she cried for 3 minutes before going to sleep on her own. Never had any issues since!

Original poster

burps · 13/12/2010 08:29

I do hear what you are saying, but the sling is a limited option as I have to pace a dark room, I cannot carry on and do things!

OP posts:

BigTillyMincepie · 13/12/2010 08:33

burps, I think your plan sounds good - give it a try. If you are finding walking her about all the time stressful (as I would have!), that is not going to help her at all.

You need to do what is best for both of you.

Bicnod · 13/12/2010 08:35

This book helped me a lot - gives tips for getting baby sleeping in arms into cot without waking. It's a slow process but worked for me as I couldn't let DS cry and having a plan really helped get through the tiredness/frustration etc. I really feel for you but IMHO she is very young to be red-faced crying in cot, even if you are next to her.

Original poster

burps · 13/12/2010 08:40

Bicond Thanks - I have ordered the nap one.

I am just at a loss as she does nights so well! My concern if I let her sleep on me more is that this will create problems at night too

OP posts:

Bicnod · 13/12/2010 08:56

Honestly, at her age she won't be getting into bad habits. I know it feels like this stage will last forever but it really really won't. And just because she's doing something in a certain way now doesn't mean she'll be doing the same next month, or even next week. They change their routine all the time at that age.

I really really feel for you as we went through it with DS (he didn't sleep for more than 3 hours in a row at night until he was over 5 months and wouldn't nap during the day unless in sling/buggy or arms for a long
time).

If I could go back and do it all again with DS I would worry a lot less about getting into bad habits. I used to feel guilty if I fell asleep snuggled up with DS on the bed or let him sleep on me while I watched some TV and put my feet up - there's nothing wrong with doing either of these things, especially with such a little baby.

I don't think what you do at nap time will interfere with her night sleeping if she's already in good habits at night time. DS always treated daytime naps and actual night time very differently.

I had the no cry nap solution as well and it is really helpful - you have to be in it for the long haul but if you stick with it and are consistent it really really does work.

Good luck and hang in there - it really won't last forever.

TheUnmentioned · 13/12/2010 09:05

dd sleeps well at night too, she is 11 weeks but i pretty much cannot put her down in the day. tbh ive just accepted it i think because ds never slept night or day so i count my blessings.

try your approach if you like but wouldnt it be easier to give in to it all?

katiecubs · 13/12/2010 09:09

Have exactly the same problem with my 16 week old - he goes off happily at night but hates naps! I use the same approach as you, a version or shh pat and am finding his crying is getting less and less now. the thing is he also cries in the pram or if i hold him etc - just seems to be his way of winding down!

Original poster

burps · 13/12/2010 09:27

Unmentionted I don't actually find walking in all weathers for about 4 hours a day and pacing up and down a dark hallway for long periods particularly easy.

OP posts:

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 13/12/2010 09:29

Naps are usually different to night time sleep so don't worry.

Also don't worry about doing so much - I gave up on the idea of doing housework etc when DS was little - standards slipped a bit!

I couldn't get him to nap in his cot in the day until he was 9 months old.

If your baby is crying before a nap it's likely they're overtired. If you wait until they grizzly, you've missed the earlier cues, making it harder for them to sleep (hence the red face etc). Earlier cues are looking away, glazed eyes then you get the manic behaviour then you get grizzling then crying. Try a bit earlier to put her down and it might work better for you?

Original poster

burps · 13/12/2010 09:34

Thanks Iggly. I have tried that, first yawn and whisk her away, glazed eyes etc. Sometimes she will be okay for 10 mins in her bed, then the wailing starts.

I can let the housework slip, I am just losing energy as rarely get a moment

OP posts:

ShanahansRevenge · 13/12/2010 09:38

Could you get a swinging or rocking crib? They're really good for these kind of babies!

AitchTwoOh · 13/12/2010 09:47

or have you investigated an amby hammock at all? i don't think that sitting comforting her as she falls asleep is a bad idea, btw, but she is still very wee. i know that you want more than anything for her to sleep but what is she like in the sling (sling rather than babybjorn)? doesn't it let you do housework, pootle about etc? i used to catch a bit of telly while standing up, swaying or bobbing up and down a bit.

oh, and i read a tip on here when dd1 was a baby, that if they get that over-tired cranky way the thing to do is take them to a white place, not necessarily the dark. it reboots their brains if you take them to a quiet room and place their silly wee faces in front of a white wall. good luck, you'll probably find things really settle down around 16 weeks. fingers crossed!

EatingAngelPie · 13/12/2010 09:49

if you didn't go in, how long does she carry on wailing?

DS used to not settle if anyone cuddling him , and five mins alone in a dark room would do the trick..

MistyB · 13/12/2010 09:58

burps You're little girl sounds like she has got the nights sorted and to be honest, sounds like she will respond well to this method. Many babies respond well to a little gentle pointing in the right direction when it comes to going to sleep. Staying with her, calming her, speaking gently or shushing is something that I would try and hopefully in a few days, it will be easier. Go easy on yourself, take it slowly and don't worry about creating bad habits - she has already cracked the night sleeping and babies don't forget this!!

Watch when she naps and try to do naps at the same time. Also keep a note of how long it takes for her to go to sleep, then you will know if it is getting easier.

It sounds like you are doing a good job already - good luck!!

MsFox · 13/12/2010 10:04

DS1 was like this... would not sleep on his own, hated his moses basket, bouncing chair, pram etc etc. We co-slept at night, but during the day these helped, one or all at the same time!

-Swaddling - tighly wrapped blanket + teddies/rolled up blankets wedging him in the moses basket

-White noise - The hoover did the trick for us, I'd have in on in the hall whilst he was in the lounge so it wasn't so loud.

-Fall asleep whilst feeding/cuddling, whilst a blanket was warming on the radiator, blanket in first then him on top. I think the coldness of a bed when they've been snuggly and warm often wakes them.

Hope she settles for you soon. DS1 turned into a brillaint sleeper from about 9 months, like he suddenly decided he wanted to be on his own!

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 13/12/2010 10:05

Maybe every now and then let her sleep on you and put your feet up - the important thing is that she gets a nap and you get a rest.

Around 12 weeks (I had to go back and check her age) there is a growth spurt/developmental leap and they fight sleep, day sleep especially. I remember DS was in a nice nap routine around 8 weeks then by 12 weeks he used to fight sleep a lot!! Things that worked before stopped working. So if you find your approach works then go for it. Can you put a comforter or muslin with your smell on it in her basket to help?

HelenLG · 13/12/2010 10:06

We used to swaddle DS for naps as he just can't stop moving, now I gentle hold his arms away from his face. He still cries at naps but only for a few minutes rather than 20 minutes now. He's 5 months now.

Cosmosis · 13/12/2010 10:44

I think that sounds fine and not at all CIO - which is just when you leave them to cry for however long it takes for them to exhaust themselves. You are probably helping her to learn to self settle and it will get quicker and quicker for her to go to sleep.

BaggedandTagged · 13/12/2010 10:49

I do what you're proposing (12wk old). Letting him nap in his bouncy chair is easier but he wakes up after 30 mins or so and then is grouchy all pm - just alternates between short naps and being tired and grumpy.

Getting him to sleep in his cot takes longer but he'll do a 2 hr nap then and wakes up refreshed and we can actually do something in the afternoon or he'll play with his toys.

(I aim for 1 long nap 11-1 or 12-2 and then a shorter morning and afternoon one, but if these short ones dont happen I dont worry)

TheUnmentioned · 13/12/2010 17:05

All i meant was you are not alone and for me, personally, stopping stressing about it and trying to change things DID help and was easier because i was less frustrated and more calm.

couldnt type all of it because sleeping dd on shoulder.

babylayla · 13/12/2010 20:00

burps - hello friend !!!

My DD is 13 weeks now and seems to not be to keen on the whole napping idea either..

I have started to read the E.A.S.Y routine book - and although not sure I can follow the routine exactly gives some good advice on reading cries... tiredness etc. I am now trying to get her to sleep in her cot for naps instead of bouncy chair during the day.

I am finding that if I try to put her in her cot at first sign of tiredness and then try dummy/stroke face/hair/talking softly etc etc she will usually fall asleep.. (after few tears, 1/2 hour and me hiding on the floor next to her cot)...

Just stick with it what works for you.. it is hard trying to get her off to sleep, esp when she goes into meltdown.... but I am hoping that it will pay off

Good luck anyway and let me know how you get on with the book as may order that one too.. I couldnt pound the street 2/3 times a day and walk up and down the hallway, I think you've done well to manage that for 3 months! (after all you need some YOU time aswel) x

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