This is not crying it out is it?!

[burps]

My 12 week old DD is a fighter when it comes to naps. Great night sleeper, generally goes down with little complaints, but day time is a whole different ball game with much wailing and crying. This often results in me sticking her in the sling or the pram and going for a walk to get her to nap - which I cannot do 2 or 3 times a day anymore. Does this approach sound okay -

• put her in her basket and sit with her, rubbing tummy, holding hat, chatting gently to her till she calms down, even it is red face thrashing about she is doing? I have tried picking her up and calming her, but it goes all pear shaped when I put her back down. To me, sitting with her, comforting her as she cries is better than letting her cry it out alone. How does this approach sound?

Oh I remember those long walks - 3 hours daily in all weather. I was so fit!! But what helped me was an automatic swinging crib (a Graco or Fisher Price) that swung my DD for naps on the highest setting with white noise on. She napped fabulously in the Graco (and in the cot all night).

My DS was like this. He's been great at nights but really fought naps. It all changed at about 14 weeks. I'll tell you what I did then but I'm not sure how much of it was just because he was older and bigger and more ready for naps.

We started following a routine, roughly based on Gina Ford. I don't think I realised just how quickly he gets tired, particularly in the mornings. He is very interested in the world so definitely sleeps better when I take him upstairs into a dark room.

Another thing that helped was the weighted blanket from JojoMamanBebe.

Finally, I kept muttering, "It's only a phase, it's only a phase..."

Burps, my dd, 4 months, is currently asleep on my knee as she will not sleep atm without someone there. I have tried feeding her in bed but she wakes as soon as she finishes. it stresses me out as she gets overtires, will try the white wall trick, but that then stresses her out. She does sleep well in her carseat so i often take a drive and leave her in the seat for a while, she doesn't like to be flat on her back.
am hoping that once the stress of christmas is over i can calm down and she will follow suit.

The no cry sleep solution has some good tips, could be worth a read

I had to doing the moving pram for all naps thing for a while, and it's not much fun in this weather!

I've started putting ds down on his side and patting his bottom quite firmly and shhing him. Once he's well asleep I can gently turn him onto his back.

Oh and in answer to your thread title, no its not crying it out.
It has just started snowing here so another day where i can't get out with the pram. I feel your pain

Burps I had the same problem and discussed it with a sleep specialist. It is not crying it out, she adv what you are doing, as long as you are there then it is not controlled crying and is the way to deal with this problem.

Samvet the sleep specialist I saw said to do controlled crying. I am afraid I cannot do that it my 12 week old. I have no problem with the concept of it if required, but feel it is a little excessive for a 12 week old!

I understand your frustration and lots of people are always quick to say use a sling or just go with it but that isn't always the advice you want as sometimes you just need some space and it isn't always practical to just sit with a sleeping baby. Yes they are only young once but when I was sitting all day with my baby I didn't realise how down I was feeling until she actually started sleeping in her hammock and I had some space and could make dinner for DD1.

I do sympathise, I have just spent 2x20mins bouncing DD2 in her hammock, sleep is pretty hit and miss, especially if she doesn't get to nap in the morning, she gets over tired.

Oh great, that's her awake again now. Well, that was a nice 15 minutes!

Iwas I hear you. When she does nap it makes me feel so much better. I love her to bits but I need a little time to myself here and there. I agree with you about the feeling down, one day of her napping can elevate my mood so much. And frankly I don't think her being in a sling is providing her with as good a sleep as her being in her bed either.

May I just ask - why are you putting her down for a nap? Is it that she is tired, or just because thats her routine? Our DS has never been one for daytime naps, even now at 22 weeks he sleeps for 30 mins max in the daytime, its not really a problem. Not sure if i'm missing something/being dense?

pootles I put her down for a nap because she is tired - as her mum it is clear to me that she is. If she is up for more than 1hr 45mins without a sleep she is a crankbucket. She does need the sleep, it is not me enforcing a routine on her.

Burps my DS was exactly the same. I spent months rocking him to sleep, trying to lower him into his cot but he would wake up straight away, letting him get short snatches of sleep on me (he would never sleep long on me). It seemed like he would get tired quickly and rather than relaxing, he'd thrash about and scream as if to say "help me I'm tired" getting himself into a right state. I would wake up in the morning and dread the endless cycle. It also left me with back problems. Finally at about 8 months old I decided enough was enough and did controlled crying. This worked very quickly - he essentially learned how to settle himself. It also meant he started sleeping for much longer period as if he woke up and was still tired, he'd settle himself back to sleep rather than start crying.

When my DD came along I was determined to not fall into the same pattern. Especially as I had an unruly toddler to watch and couldn't sit with a sleeping baby or go on long walks with the pram. I agree that controlled crying is wrong on young babies but I felt she needed to learn how to self-settle fairly early on. From about 8 weeks I did what you're doing - pat and shhh, sitting by the cot and putting my hand on her, singing, picking her up for a cuddle and putting her straight back. She did still cry but this very quickly got shorter and shorter until it was literally 2 minutes before she self-settled. She was putting herself to sleep from 10 weeks and I kicked myself for not having done it with DS.

Long story short - you are doing the right thing.

I'm not advocating 'crying out' at all here but when I born, babies were carted off to the hospital nursery and only brought back to mum every 4 hours for a feed. Mums were in hospital for 10 days by which time babies had adapted to the 4-hourly feeding routine. I suspect that the nursery was full of screaming babies most of the time and if babies crying was so harmful and potentially brain-damaging, my generation would be suffering .

Hi Burps

Just found your post and wanted to say how much I sympathise as I have EXACTLY same problem. My 5 mth old sleeps brilliantly at night and settles at 7pm without crying but daytime naps are a nightmare and making me feel really down.

I have tried EVERYTHING... I was the same, walking 3 times a day as it was the only way to get her to sleep but as a result I couldn't get anything done and felt exhausted! I've tried a sling, rocking her etc but like you, she wakes as soon as I put her down. She'll fall asleep on me in rocking chair but wakes after about half an hour.

About 8 weeks ago I realised that the only way to get her to sleep was to put her in cot, walk away and let her cry. She only cries for 5-10 mins but she really really screams and it's soooo hard. I dread it more than I can explain! So many people say it's wrong to do that but if I don't then she screams anyway because she is so overtired.

I am DESPERATE to find a way to get her to nap in the day without screaming! My other problem is that everything has to revolve around her nap times as she won't just sleep anywhere - people suggest I just put her in car seat if we are round someone's else and rock it but that never works!!

Help!!!

Hi Burps,
Huge amounts of sympathy from me, my DD was the same. I second the suggestion of a swing. They're expensive, but we managed to borrow one, and it helped SO much.

The one we borrowed was battery operated and swung side to side. It used to calm DD instantly and was great for that god awful afternoon time when she was going ballistic with tiredness.

I'm a fan of slings, but there's a huge difference isn't there, between a lovely walk with your baby attached to you, and desperately pacing around the house unable to sit down or even stand still because your baby starts screeching. I've been there.

Best of luck, just do what you can to get through it.

hi burps, i am completely with you. now, i think attachment paretnting is a lovely idea - but like you i am finding it totally impractical and it is killing my alreasy knackered pelvis. we have a swing - it works sometimes and i feel so elated when he's asleep in it.

i did the method you described with DD1- painful but worked brillisntly. i am tempted to do it with DS 12 weeks whrn his reflux is under control.For what it's worth i find the research on crying and the supposed connection with emotional disturbance very unconvincing. not advocating abandonment and CIO but i think no crying is sometimes unrealistic for some babies. do what you think is right for you and your baby. and have my deepest empathy!