Question for those who are anti-cc

[sleepwhenidie]

DS2 is 10m and bf. He often wakes every 2-3hrs through the night for a feed and I am exhausted. I am thinking of using controlled crying and I know its an emotive subject on here. So to be clear, I am not looking to start a debate about whether it is good or bad. I wondered today though, about the parents who say they are anti-cc but had babies who were poor sleepers like mine...

If you are such a parent, how long did you carry on without taking some kind of action to get your DC to sleep through? What did you then use - no cry sleep solution? PUPD? Or did you not take any action and it suddenly resolved itself - if so when?[desperate emoticon] Or are all the people who boldly state that cc is cruel actually (as is my sneaking suspicion )the lucky ones whose babies slept through at not necessarily an early age, but a reasonable one - say 6m?

I would sleep train rather than wean.

Putting him onto formula seems like it would leave you with the same problem but having given away the best tool you have for dealing with it.

Sorry I'm far from an expert here so feel free to ignore. When dd1 went through her phase of terrible sleeping I was so glad I could feed her back to sleep. Also feeding so useful for teething pain and comforting sick babies. I would be hesitant to give it up coming into winter.

I would put him in his own room. No co-sleeping in my house. I've seen too many haggard aunties with fractious children that slept in their parents bed until they were at school to have chosen that. Sounds like it worked for you with no.1, but a child who likes his own space might prefer it once he gets used to it.

There are tons of things you can try before cc would seem like the only available option - own room, new bedtime routine, nightlight (with music?), putting him down awake, dh going in rather than you. Whatever you do, consistency and firmness are key. If you want a baby to learn to sleep by themselves you have to teach them that rather than teaching them that if they wake up they get boob time.

I don't even know how you would do cc with a toddler. They need their sleep so much that opening up bedtime as a battleground seems awful. Better by far to get on top of the sleep thing now so they look forward to their head hitting the pillow when they are older.

Sorry not much help, op. I do sympathise. My dsis had 2 terrible sleepers and she and dbil are so tired all the time. I am enjoying this baby/toddler stage so much more than she is because my family gets up most mornings well rested.

I really hope you find something that works for you all and doesn't involve too much stress.

No, I don't believe in CC and my DS was also a terribw sleeper, Sleepwhenidie. Although I don't have a DC2, I was working from 10months in a professional capacity so have some understanding of what it's like to be dog tired.

In DS's case, he was a terrible sleeper until 12 months (up every hour or two) and then it did start to improve gradually (down to 1/2 wakings) until all his main teeth were through at about 17/18mo. Within a couple of weeks, half a dozen teeth popped out and he began to sleep through. No sleep training required. I seriously believe that the frequent wakings in his case was teething - even though he had no other signs.

It was hard. I don't judge others (well, mostly - I'm no saint) for their choices. But I am personally really thankful that I stuck it out and was there for DS when he needed it.

Hope it goes Ok for you OP, whatever you decide.

No sleep training here either. DD is 2 and has always been a nightmare sleeper.
Co-slept from about 9 months as I was back at work and needed to be able to rest. She would go to sleep in our bed, I'd put her in the cot and then back in our bed at first wake up.
At about 14 months we moved the cot into her own room. We did this because we started to see an improvement in her sleeping at this age, think it was because she was walking.
At about 18 months we got her a bed of her own (single mattress on floor in her room) and made a big deal of it. She loves it! I have to flit between her bed and our bed but things are a LOT better and she only wakes once most nights now.
So, in summary, it WILL get better without sleep training. DD is just about the worst sleeper I know of.....

It won't necessarily get better without sleep training.

I know people who are up half the night with children of 5 and 6.

At some point the child needs to learn how to go to sleep.

It's not fun being a child who wakes easily and finds it hard to get to sleep.

I know, I remember being that child.

I was a teenager before I learnt how to sleep well.

Co-sleeping.

A second vote for co-sleeping. At least until teething is over.

How did last night go quietly?

I saw HV on Friday to get DS weighed. He was IUGR and is still tiny, 6.7kg at 10mths, below 0.4th centile but sticking to that curve. HV was concerned he is waking at night because he is hungry and that if I tried dropping feeds at night then he may start to drop down the chart even more, which we def don't want. So it looks like I am going to have to stick with it for now. Instinctively I feel like he should go more than 1.5-2hrs between feeds, he manages it in the day! But I am torn now between trying to switch to formula at night to see if he gets less keen on feeding lots, but this risks, as spidookly says, being more hassle for me if he still feeds as much !

DS1 and DD are going into bunk beds tomorrow and DS2 will have big cot in own room next to ours, so it will be interesting to see what effect, if any, this has!

just wanted to add that I co-slept/BF to sleep DD until she was 5 months old but for the last 6 weeks DH has taken over bedtime using PU/PD with great success. DD has gone from waking 4-5 times minimum and never self settling to waking just once and even (shock horror!!) sleeping through the last 2 nights. She is never left to cry, DH sings to her and strokes her leg as she goes to sleep, sometimes this takes 20 mins, sometimes 5 mins, but she does not wake up constantly looking for me and milk since this. She does cry a little, but its a tired, wingey cry.

We have also moved her into her own room (very big deal for me) after we moved to spare room next door, and realised we were definitely waking her when we went in to sleep at 11pm.
Now if I am putting her to bed (DH is late in) she will not accept PU/PD. If I PU she tries to wriggle down to boob and cries even worse, so I do BF her, til she is very sleepy and put her down drowsy and she now accepts this and goes to sleep.

Any form of sleep training takes time- this has took us 6 weeks and its not perfect but we are all sleeping better. For us co-sleeping was brilliant for first few months (I loved it) but towards the end none of us were sleeping well, DD was waking all the time because of the on-tap milk bar.

Good luck x

Interesting as I also have this problem.
Maybe it's just boys too as I co-slept with DD and she was a fab sleeper, always slept from 8 til 8 ( still does)

But Ds is a terrible sleeper and doesn't seem to need as much sleep as a normal 18 month baby.

For ds he needs to learn to go to sleep on his back.

He has always been bf to sleep.

So I will stay with him, but unfortunately he will fight it and cry. But there is no other way. If he doesn't learn to sleep on his back then he will need me 6 times a night (not due to hunger).

He is 10 months and I'm going for it.

I hope he can continue to co-sleep, not sure.

sleepwhenidie,

I did controlled crying when my ds was 14 months old and it was the worst parentng mistake I ever made. His eardrum perforated and I feel guilty to this day about it.

I think that controlled crying made him insecure.

My dd was also a nightmare sleeper at 10 months and I was back at work. I managed the situation by putting her cot right beside my bed. It meant that when my dd woke in the night I did not have to get out of bed.

dd is now sleeping through at 18 months. I used suggestions from the "No Cry sleep solution for Toddlers" to change the sleep associations. I reduced the feeds by refusing to feed my dd in the night but holding her close and cuddling her and offering water.

She did cry, but it was tears of anger of screams of fear. She did not feel abandoned, even if she was not getting her way. Its a bit like the Jay Gordon's method of sleep training.

Blinking heck Reallytired, poor you with the eardrum!

Three days and I haven't left ds to cry. I cuddle, pat, ssh and hopefully he doesn't feel abandoned.

But I couldn't pick him up. I hated doing it. But I did a month of picking up for sleep and it just changed the associations from bf'ding to carrying around.

BUT I just put him on his back just now and no crying straight to sleep. That is the first time in 10 months.

What is the No Cry Sleep Solution I read about often on here?

Her is a link Marsha

www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Toddlers-Preschoolers/dp/0071444912

There is another book for younger babies, but I think the toddler book is more appriopiate for a 10 month old baby.

I think its hard to teach new sleep associations without some crying at this age. The important thing is that the baby/toddler/ child feels safe even if they are pissed off.

This phase will pass. I doult it is caused by breastfeeding. Plenty of bottlefed babies wake in the night as well.

Yes I agree re pretty much impossible to avoid crying.

They are tired and want to sleep but need to learn how (with the aid).

I am astounded he just fell asleep on his back!! Pretty much gobsmacked. Hopefully will massively help at night too.

'thanks for link. (hopefully won't need it now, famous last words)

My son was waking often when he was same age as yours.

We sometimes co-slept but other than that no sleep training. His waking would basically mean he needed a quick cuddle or some milk and would go straight back to sleep with no crying.

He was breast fed until he was 12 months and then i gave him a bottle at night. I know this is not what you're meant to do but he would go back to sleep without crying this way.

He has started sleeping through whole night at 17 months,so far for 2 weeks.. ... Phew! Now i can get some sleep. It's gone so fast and i almost miss it.

Just wondering how long the teething pain goes on for? My DD is 13m and has never been a great sleeper but now with her molars coming through she is waking every hour or half hour and we are co-sleeping as I would otherwise get no sleep! Just a quick suck though and she's asleep again. I am [rather naively] hoping that when the teething stops I will then be able to wean her off the breast and [miraculously] she will then start sleeping through the night! But how much longer can I expect the teething pain to keep waking her up? I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with the sleep deprivation....

TalkTo

My memory was that after first molars came through we got a big break before 2nd set. Of course I had stopped bfing by then so it was quite traumatic. Not that DD was looking for the breast, just didn't have that to comfort her.

Glad things are getting better OP :)

long may it continue!

I couldn't contemplate the idea of CC when DD was younger but I finally gave in last week (DD 18 months) and am doing a very light version in that I put her down awake and stay with her but don't pick her up. I am gobsmacked at how well she has taken it and even on our worst night she only took 45 minutes to get to sleep and during that time she was only crying for 2 minutes maximum at a time. At best she has fallen asleep in the 30 seconds. Previously I had been rocking her for up to an hour

The benefits have far outweighed the small amount of crying - she is sleeping through more often at night and is far less grizzly and tired during the day. She is also less clingy and several people have commented on her improved levels of confidence.

So I do wonder if there are others who are cutting their noses off to spite their face (for want of a better phrase) by refusing to allow any crying at bedtime?

disclaimer: obviously it could all go to pot from now on