Is co-sleeping "rod-own-back-y"?

[beancounting]

DD is 13 weeks and has never been a great sleeper so it feels like we're accumulating bad habits - she won't self-settle and needs either feeding/rocking to go to sleep. The last 10 days or so have been particularly bad with usually one 2-3 hour block of sleep followed by waking every 45 mins to an hour (presumably after every sleep cycle?).

On Sunday night I took her into bed at 2am to feed lying down (which I hadn't been doing before) - and next thing I know it's 6am! But last night I reverted to feeding her back to sleep and then putting her in her crib asleep, and she woke 3 or 4 times (so not as bad as before but not great).

I don't mind co-sleeping in the short term (although I was a bit cold as the duvet was only up to my waist) but don't really want to be doing it on a longer term basis, e.g. when she's more mobile as I can see her taking over the entire bed (also bit worried about her falling out) - should I perservere with trying to get her to stay in her crib, or if we co-sleep for say a week to recharge the batteries, is it going to be even harder to get her to sleep on her own afterwards? If you co-slept, how long did you do it for and how easy was it to stop when you wanted to?

No. I co slept with DS til he was about 2 or even nearly 3. He is now happily sharing a room with his big sister no problems at all. Do whatever is necessary for you all to get a good night's sleep. You will know when your DD is ready to sleep on her own in her own room. Trust your instincts.

I co slept with ds from birth until he was about 2.5 (although from about 18months I would sometimes put him in his own cot when I went to bed - sometimes he woke and protested so I put him back in my bed and sometimes he slept through).

Tbh it has NEVER been a problem - we have all slept well at night and it is nice to feel him beside me.

From about 3 we got him a toddler bed and made big fuss, new duvet etc- he was pleased with big boy bed and went in happily.

He does still come into our bed about 3 nights a week now, he climbs in himself and often doesn't disturb me and I don't mind that at all. I expect he'll grow out of doing that in next year or two.

It hasn't been rod own back in my experience.

not a rod own back experience for us, we co-slept until DD was about 3 months old, i would have done it much longer but she was much happier in a cot.

even now she doesnt like sleeping with me or DH, likes her own space.

thanks for the reassuring replies! I've just noticed a similar thread on the breast/bottle feeding forum which is also helpful.

There is a third way, my DH was dead against co-sleeping and dd was an awful sleeper, so we got a bedside cot - everyone has their own space but I don't have to get out of bed to feed, saved my sanity. DD went into her own bed at 2 - but at 18m we moved the cot away from our bed, but still in our room (because at the time we only had one room). DS is now 12 weeks and does often spend most of the night snuggled up next to me. But last night only woke at 4, I fed him lying down and put him back in his cot and he slept again until 7 - and today I feel almost human

We got ours off ebay, cost £100, best baby thing I ever brought by a mile.

Yes, wonderstuff, we did that too, we put a single bed right next to our own bed (luckily we have a huge bedroom) and DS slept in that til he moved into his sister's room. So we weren't co-sleeping all in the same bed, but he knew we were right next to him and we all slept really well.

I co slept with DD2 until she was 12mths. It meant we all got a good nights sleep and were happier people all day.

I didnt with DD1 as she slept through(well 12 till 5) from 3mths

DD2 was very different and just wouldnt settle. Dont worry about making a rod, just do what is right for you and your baby now.

At 12mths my DD just went in her own cot without problems. Although we then moved house when she was 2. This really unsettled her and we ended up putting her single bed in our room for 6 months. I will do anything to get a good nights sleep!!

She is now 16 and could sleep on a washing line. Nothing disturbes her, while DD1 wakes at the slightest noise.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

The only part of co-sleeping that is a rod for your own back is letting the baby sleep with your boob in her mouth. But a baby that rouses, placidly helps herself to a feed and then falls asleep again, all with virtually no disturbance to you, is bliss.

If you are cold, then undress the baby down to her vest, move the pious apart so that she can't wriggle up into them, and pull the covers up so that you are comfortable. A healthy breastfeeding mother is very alert to the needs of her co-sleeping baby. You will be aware of her, even while you are asleep, and will not let her overheat.

Enjoy. You can always change things later.

Not at all, I think it's wonderful. The only problem with it as far as I can see is other people's attitudes towards it. I co slept with all of mine, and none of them had a problem going into their own beds. In fact as I am a single parent now my youngest DD who is 6 has reverted back to sleeping with me and I love it. I know she will sleep in her own bed if I ask her to, as she has done before, but it works for us and that's all that matters. Enjoy

I don't like it when people tell you you're making a rod for your own back. If it works for you, Do It.

We don't co sleep as DD sleeps better on her own anyway, but I'd never rule anything out if it means we have a happy house.

I don't think you can build habits like this with such a young baby. Your DD will get to a stage eventually where she is old enough to sleep on her own in her own room. When she is ready to do it, she will!

DD slept with me in our bed till she was about 4 months old - she wouldn't sleep unless on me!
Then she was in her cot next to my bed, with the side down, so it was pretty much like co sleeping. Then at 6 months in cot in her own room.

That was fine for a while, but from time to time she has patches where her sleep goes to pot - we try to get to her settle in her cot initially, but certainly don't have the energy to sit up all night - anything longer than 30 mins and she comes in our bed.

In my experience, babies' sleep goes through phases that are unrelated to what you do. When your DD is older, she will have separation anxiety phases, or phases around the time she is about to start doing something new and big, e.g. crawling and walking, teething, when her sleep will go to pot again, regardless of that fact that it has been good for a while. Once she comes out of those phases, then you'll find her sleep comes back too.

I used to have the same worries that you do - it is so hard as you can't see into the future and if DD is your first you have no idea of how they change and grow up and that one day she will be ready to sleep alone, and you will know it. If you feel she needs to be near you now, just go with your instinct and don't worry about the future. In a year's time your DD will be my DD's age (16 months) and she'll be very different and much more independent. Try to get out your mind any notion that your DD "ought" be sleeping from 7 to 7 in a cot on her own in her own room at just a few months old. I think this is a realistic expecation of a 12 month old, no younger.

PS re duvet - I used to get under, then DD would lie next to me on top of the duvet, in her sleeping bag. Worked a treat.

Re falling out. DD has never fallen out of our bed, even though she often has slept in it with me at all stages of mobility, from tiny to now (16 months).

It's been great for us. DD (20 months) is a happy, healthy, independent little girl.

We've had none of the sleepless nights and stress experienced by those I know who were determined that their DC should sleep for set periods by themselves in a set location (cot/bassinet/basket) from day 1.

I never saw things like co sleeping or feeding to sleep bad habits

thats just what came naturally to me and my babies

all three did it

and by 4 they all slept in their own bed

to OP

No I don't think so
dd was mostly feed to sleep and co slept
I never rocked sje seemed to be comforted by being near/held by one of us

we had a bedside cot to whihc I moved her into sometimes
we knew that is what we wanted so we planned for a big bed for us

also I felt it was more important to start a soothing evening/ bedtime routine

she started sleeping quite well over time and we never really had a problem or a situation we felt was a problem

regarding how long for
for the first few months dd was mostly always in our bed, slowly she started spending more time in her cot by our bed occasionally coming over particularly when not well or early in the morning

we only moved her to her own room when she turned 3, we had no problems

I co-slept with DS2 until he was 3 months old. DS1 was routine til my nose bled and looking back I feel as I was so obsessed with not getting into bad habits

First night home with DS2, two micro seconds in the moses basket beside the bed and tears. Spent the first two night settling him for 4 hours worrying he was going to wake DS1. By the third night DH was in spare room and DS2 was in our bed. He slept like an angel from that night on .

We had a chair up at the bed with my breastfeeding cushion wedged in and me on my DH's side of the bed with the other half of the duvet hanging on the floor so it was effectively like a single duvet on me alone. DS2 was a big boy so in a sleeping bag from early on..

I started sleeping right beside him,holding his hand, feeding him lying down and slowly over the weeks moved further and further away.

We started putting him in his cot for his day time naps @ 11 weeks and he transferred into his cot at 3 months and has slept like a log ever since (bar night feeds which he always settled quickly from). I still bring him in whenever he is ill and he always goes back to being in his cot without a fuss.

I may just be lucky and he may just love his sleep as much as his Mum but looking back I think those early weeks of having his Mummy beside him helped him feel secure and reassured and I'm so glad I did it. Only wish I had done the same with DS1 but when your head is full of contentedbabywhisperer do's and don'ts..

It should get easier as she grows and needs less milk during the night. Even if you do 'make a rod for your own back' babies are very flexible and new habits can be formed without too much pain.

HTH

The only Rod is falling for the con that if you let a baby do something more than once, it will become a terrible ingrained habit and you will be doing whatever it is until they are 15. The fact is, you are in charge. So if co sleeping works now, do it. If in 3 months time you decide it is not for you, you stop doing it and yes, there will probably be some resistance from the baby (and lack of sleep from you for a while) but if you need to do it now to survive then do it and don't worry about the future too much.

Almost every sleeping problem is resolved by the baby becoming older. They just do sleep more heavily when they get older, no matter how lax/liberal/co sleeping/baby falls asleep on boob you are.

''If in 3 months time you decide it is not for you, you stop doing it and yes, there will probably be some resistance from the baby (and lack of sleep from you for a while) but if you need to do it now to survive then do it and don't worry about the future too much.

Almost every sleeping problem is resolved by the baby becoming older. They just do sleep more heavily when they get older, no matter how lax/liberal/co sleeping/baby falls asleep on boob you are''

completely and wholeheartedly agree
it is difficult to make much sense of things through the fog of the first few weeks/ months if I recall correctly best do whatever works best at the time

Agree too!

I think we flatter ourselves if we think that a baby's sleeping habits are all that much influenced by what we do or don't do. We don't have that much control, sadly!

TheProvincialLady "Almost every sleeping problem is resolved by the baby becoming older."

Very well put!

Wouldn't sell many books to over-tired, anxious parents though...

Hello - we do it too...for similar reasons to everyone else! DS is 12 weeks. What I was wondering is about the baby sleeping with the breast in their mouth, as mentioned by PrettyCandles...as I latch DS on then usually go back to sleep, I don't know what he is doing and he may have the breast in his mouth while he sleeps...what do other people do? How do you avoid this - stay wake til they fall asleep?

Well ask yourself this - How many teenagers/uni students do you know who sleep in their parent's bed?