Breastfeeding to sleep

[Tatties]

Hello, I am new to mumsnet and am looking for a bit of moral support! My 5mth old ds is a little charmer but is high maintenence and a complete nightmare to get to sleep. In the day I have to rock him in the pram or bf lying down in a darkened room. At night now I bf to sleep as putting him down awake has become increasingly difficult. He is up a good few times every night - not sure whether he is actually hungry but bf usually settles him. I guess I don't really want advice as I think we have tried everything to settle him without a feed, I s'pose I just want a bit of reassurance that I am not alone. Instead of just drifting off to sleep when he is tired he just cries, and I feel like a failure because as his mummy I should just be able to just pick him up and calm him down with a cuddle - but that never happens! Does anyone feel like they are cheating when they bf to calm baby down? I don't know why I feel like that - maybe it's reading too many books like BW & GF that put unnecessary pressure on baby settling himself.. Sorry this is a bit rambling but there's a lot going on in my head at the mo - would love to hear from anyone else who has gone through this or is in the same boat..

Who says you 'should' be able to settle him with just a cuddle? Why on earth are you 'cheating' when you feed him to sleep? THROW THE BOOKS AWAY
seriously, babies have been fed to sleep by their mothers since the dawn of time. It is one of the great priveleges of breastfeeding, the ability to comfort, soothe, nurture and feed all in one. Be proud of what you can do. Breastfeeding is fantastically calming for babies. It's designed to be. Sucking causese the release of endorphins and the milk itself is sleepy making (for the baby and you!). It's normal for babies to cry when they are tired. Be glad that he will feed to sleep, not all babies will.

not in the same boat... but i am a strong believer in mum knows best! you should do what you think is right for your children, and don;t listen to all the bloody GF books!

My son is 2 1/2 and he still goes to sleep like this! It's the easiest thing in the world, it is always there, always comforting, always relaxing for both of us at the end of what is sometimes a rough day. Enjoy it, and don't let the baby-trainers get to you. It's what breastmilk is for - why is there sleep-inducing substances in it otherwise?

Hi, you are not alone! .

I breastfed my dd to sleep, did try some of the 'sleep training' techniques, but never really liked what i was doing. Kind of gave in to peer pressure and tuts that i was feeding her to sleep when so and so's baby was in a perfect four hour bottle routine, and could just lay in cot and put self to sleep blah de blah.
Well now i'm through that stage, i realise its not a bad thing at all and next time round would merrily do it without listening to advice or reading books.
I breastfed dd to sleep until she was two. Few months prior to her second birthday i started to plant the seed in her head that soon she would be grown up and not need the feed. With gradual reduction of feeds and 'attention' i gave her at bedtime now she is happy to left after a couple of stories to take herself to sleep.
I hope this helps you.
Good luck xx

Thanks all for words of wisdom. I know you speak the truth about bf, I know it in my heart of hearts anyway but it is reassuring to hear someone telling me! I know ds is still only little and that if he needs bf/rocking to sleep then that's what he needs. It's just when I meet up with other mums they don't seem to be going through the same thing, their babies go down in their cots awake, they sleep through, etc.. and sometimes I can't help feeling it's my fault, I've done something wrong to make ds dependent on bf etc to go to sleep and have got into bad habits (again know in my heart that I probably haven't). The guilt starts from the second they're born doesn't it!

Just tell yourself they're all lying .

No seriously, you havn't done anything wrong. You have a wonderful relationship with your baby and your baby will benefit greatly from it.

Be strong, and stand your ground when others discuss their perfect little angels. Just tell them that you really enjoy feeding your perfect little angel to sleep.

it makes me laugh how many people come on MN and say all their friends have babies that sleep through from six weeks. Those women are LYING! Don't waste a moment worrying about it. If you are bothered by your child's behaviour because you are exhausted or depressed, then yes, you can try to change it, but if all that bothers you is what might happen in the future or what other people might think, then that's not worth a second's thought.

Ha ha yes they are probably all lying. It is lovely bf to sleep when it works. You get to see that angelic little sleeping face. Sometimes the little monkey still doesn't want to sleep after that though! Hattie I am really encouraged that you bf to sleep for 2 years. It makes sense doesn't it as by that age they understand and are more likely to be satisfied by a cuddle and nice bedtime routine. I've done the bedtime routine with ds practically from day 1 and I don't think it makes one bit of difference. Just think he's too young to really understand. I'm sure he knows what's coming but it doesn't help him sleep any better!

Absolutely - makes sense at two they understand more.

One of the benefits i am now realising, is that my dd does not rely on a strict routine, and so we have the luxury of 'changing' our evenings. e.g going out for evening meals and dd coping etc.

Whereas some of my friends who have the 'perfect little angels' can't go out after 5pm for fear that the whole bedtime routine will be ruined forever!

tatties, i have just stopped breastfeeding ds at 13mths, and to throw a cat amongst the pigeons, i dint bf him to sleep, he had to do it himself.
i had dd already to contend with, but with no2 i needed my sleep bigtime, and it just wasnt feasible to feed him every time he woke at night.

i was a mean mother! so i just cuddled him and resettled him.maybe 10times before he nodded off. he slept in our room til 4mths. then i felt after 11pm he was well able to go til 6am. and he did after a few hardnights.
i'll be lambasted now, eek!!!!
he slept thru for me at 7mths and i kept feeding him morn and even til 13mths, when i had t go away and leave him at home with dd.

ps no formula ever!

hermkyne, we're not saying it can't be done, but there is a choice with what to do. Obviously for you as you already had an older child you wanted to use a sleep training method, but i was just trying to help tatties feel like she has to go that route.

and i wish you hadn't added no formula ever because thats not what this is about at all!

Believe me if I could resettle ds with 10 cuddles I would! I am pretty knackered actually and have periods when I feel quite down about the whole thing but as I said I think I have tried everything to settle him without a bf in the hope that it will encourage him to sleep through. It just doesn't work though. He doesn't calm down when dp or I pick him up or cuddle him, he just gets worse so it's quicker & easier to bf in the middle of the night (or day for that matter). The funny thing with him is that something will work for him one day but not the next. I have put him down awake at night before and not heard a peep from him until the next feed, at which point I would think, yes I've cracked it, he knows how to go to sleep himself, then suddenly he decides he's not doing it. And if he didn't settle straight away dp used to be able to just walk in the room and shhh him to sleep, but now that doesn't work and I end up going back in for a 2nd or 3rd round of bf! He certainly keeps us on our toes.. The thing is, it's not just about comparing myself to others, it's also about my own sanity and need for sleep. I would dearly love to get a full night's sleep for the first time in many mths and not have to spend 2hrs getting him to bed. Sometimes it gets me down and other times I just think if I have tried everything to change it and it's still not happening then he's just not ready and I have to do whatever it takes.

Tattie, i know its not to everyones taste. But dd spent most of her nights in our bed, and when she woke, she fed from me and barely disturb me. It was far easier than keep getting up and down for her (for one i couldn't always wake and dp would have to get up for her)

You sound so much like i did when dd was the same age as yours. Do you think part the reason why you are down is because you 'feel' like you're doing the wrong thing? If you sit yourself down and go ok, i'm now making the decision that i'm happy to bf to sleep and won't let anyone elses comments bother me it may help you to relax a little about it. It does get easier i promise xx

tattie, my ds was quite like this (actually I think probaby worse) and my dd, who is 9 weeks, is going the same way. Ds especailly would not be calmed with a cuddle, needed milk.

I was lucky with ds in that I had a friend with an older dd who had been very similar to ds. She lent me a book by dr sears -rearranged how I thought of babies, and gave some really helpful suggestions.

I honestly think that some babies will not sleep train.

Now ds is 2 and, after being fed to sleep for a year, weaned himself (hence now we have dd). He is very self-sufficient, will play alone for hours. I don't mind dd being similar becuase I know it is a phase. If you possibly can, enjoy it!

Also, this is what my mum did with me and my brother, and I don't see any ill effects. No sleep problems or anything.

Good luck.

what is wrong with breastfeeding to sleep?

My ds is almost 1. I still breastfeed at night. sometimes he falls asleep sometimes he doesnt, i just put him to bed! The others had all stopped by one butt the same thing really. I suppose they just had a bedtime routine and knew it!! It just all happened naturally for me, so cant really offer advice!!!

My first baby was breastfed to sleep and only eaned herself at 3 and a bit yrs when her brother was born. She has never had any childhood problems sleeping and is 18 next week. My baby is all grown up and the most independent well adjusted (compared to me at the same age) young woman. Those breastfeeding to sleep days were short and very special.

I dont see the need to rush to stop it.
Everyone seem sin such a hurry!