BF 21 month old, nightweaning going badly

[otchayaniye]

I've posted before, but yet again things have reached a head.

DD, 21 months. She?s been bf to sleep and has never been in a cot (apart from an Amby in the early days). Frequent waker and until a month or so ago was fed back to sleep. I decided to night wean (Jay Gordon method, more or less) about 5-6 weeks ago as I still hadn?t got my period, and was spending hours resettling her and it was beginning to become a real strain.

I work three days a week and my husband looks after her then. He works 2 long night shifts. She is still slung, and slung for naps. I never set out to be an attachment parent, but have ended up doing these things as it worked for her.

At first, night weaning was encouraging. I?d kind of sometimes played dead in the night when she woke and she?d chunter, cry a bit, fling herself about a bit, but after about 10 mins, would fall back asleep. So I knew she could do it. So I pressed ahead. Some nights were better than others, but she never really slept through. Also, she?d want her morning feed earlier and earlier and my issue is some days I work I have to get up at

I am so at the end of my rope with this. Around ½ hour to 2 hours getting her to sleep, always waking once a couple of hours after, then at least two

I?m in some ways questioning why I night weaned as at least I had some peace. And so did my neighbours. But I feel I can?t go back to that either.

But even though she understands me, I don?t know whether feeding her to sleep, but not in the night even though we co-sleep, is confusing her and dragging it out too much.

I am considering stopping feeding her altogether (I?m fed up with it to be honest, particularly the grabbing and twisting and pulling).

I have had some bitter exchanges with my husband as I resent the fact he doesn?t have to deal with this. Also, it?s hard to have a run of him putting her to bed as he does a few night shifts. Don?t know how to start. Get him to do it, by getting her into her bed (currently a double mattress on the floor in her room)

I have EVEN considered CC, although I don?t really agree with it, don?t think it?s appropriate for her as she?s so attached, don?t think it would work easily. I?m just that knackered, that demoralised and that fed up.

I had one hour sleep on Sunday. Not that she was awake all that time, but was waking frequently, crying and tantrumming, finally settling and I was fully awake, angry, bitter and wondering if this will ever end. And then the alarm went at 5.10am and my cab called the front door. Cue another tantrum as I handed her over to my DH (who has now been banished to her room)

Something has to be done. My relationship is suffering, so is my ability to do my job. She?s tired some mornings also.

I?ve just lost all confidence and I don?t have a clue what to do.

Hope the rest of the night went OK. It's a bit difficult sometimes to tell the difference between them being really upset or having a normal toddler tantrum!
At the end of the day it's your body and you are still offering her the milk, just at a time it suits you. Don't feel bad about it.
Stargirl

that sounds great otcha! well done you! and yes why don't the who tell you anything about stopping - everything is about starting!

hope the rest of the night went ok. you defo. weren't horrid and cruel - you have a right to say no more! i think we forget that sometimes. for a little girl who has been fed on demand for this long, she is going to be cross. but she has had sooooo much luuurrrvvvee from you that it will see her through this, i'm sure!

Oh otcha, sounds like you did really well. A half hour tantrum with you comforting her as much as she allowed is no way cruel. I don't think there would be an easy way to do this, and it sounds like you're making it as easy and positive as possible for your girl. Love the sound of her new room, and your way of explaining your boobies are asleep! I agree, sometimes the time is right and you just do it, good luck, keep strong and it will hopefully all have settled down in a few days.

well done!! sounds like you did brilliantly.

i am in the same boat (similar thread in the feeding topic) - have unaccountably started really not enjoying it anymore and think it's time to stop.

but there will be tears i think....

off to ikea next week to buy a big girl bed!!

Thanks guys.

Well, last night was ok-ish. Much better as I was dreading it (I have got her cold) and husband working another night shift.

Bed, bath and feed while reading a story. She was hanging, like a druggie! Also, had to kind of stop her after 20 minutes as it was getting late. She didn't like that, and did a bit of squawking/getting in and out of bed/flinging herself at me like a I was a trampoline. Then she lay on me and took a while (1/2 hr) to fall to sleep, but did.

Woke at about midnight and cried a bit but nothing really.

I decided I would steal a march and NOT feed her for what-seems-hours in the early morning. This she didn't like, but she was angry, not distressed. Tried to cuddle her and had to cave and put Fantastic Mr Fox (my husband's choice of calming down tool, I'm not so keen on her watching anything) on.

Breakfast and life as normal (currently screeching about not having enough ice)

I've noticed she's now napping twice in the day. That could be because she's more tired with all this or maybe a growth spurt

But I'm going to try to keep her to one nap a day.

Also I will continue to feed her this one bedtime feed (but as part of the routine and not feeding to sleep) while I transition her to her bed. Then I will see how I feel about it. Will stick to not feeding her in the early hours. That used to do my head in, having to delatch and deal with her really crying hard as I have a taxi for work waiting outside at 5.30am.

Thanks for your support guys. I'll let you know how getting her into her bed works out!

An update.

We bought a toddler bed, which was her choice, and made up her room (it was the room she?s slept in, ie our bedroom which we?ve now moved, so not a change of room) this weekend and I decided to go for it. Feed while reading a story but put her down awake and take the consequences!

I hitherto wouldn?t have thought to have gone for so dramatic a move -- stopping feeding to sleep AND getting her into her own bed ? but I thought I?d give it a go.

She tantrummed and got upset for about 35 mins but eventually fell asleep on me. I didn?t talk to her too much, I made generic soothing noises and kept my hand on her, stroked her (couldn?t really cuddle her as she was angry) and let her lie on me. When she asked for a cuddle I gave it.

She slept until 3am and had a mini shorter cry when I resettled her then. Woke at 7.30.

Last night went down with about 15 mins of tantrum and slept through until 6.15. I actually heard her shout out twice in the night (an actual shout, not a cry as such) but she fell asleep again as I hovered outside her door.

That is a huge deal for us. I have slept in the same bed as my husband for the first time in about a year. Watched a film in bed together. It was lovely. Shame we were kept awake all night by half of south-east London having a party in a downstairs flat and fighting in the car park?

I just cannot actually believe that she slept all night. Don?t expect it every night but it?s a huge, huge development. Yes, I feel bittersweet that we won?t co-sleep the whole night (am prepared for some coming into our bed in the future) and I?ll see how long I want to continue to bfeed for. And yes I feel mean not letting her set the pace, but she was too wakeful, I had to get up too early and my husband missed his bed (wasn?t working all three of us in there). And my body was screaming for more sleep and to stop lying there for hours feeding. So I am happy with the decision.