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MNHQ

School bans Valentine's cards: your thoughts please!

38 replies

HelenMumsnet · 10/02/2010 17:25

Hello.

ITV's This Morning have asked us to comment on this story about a Somerset primary school banning pupils from sending Valentine's cards to 'protect them from emotional trauma'.

Tory MP Anne Widdecombe has already weighed in to say it's a stupid ban: 'I hope the school will rethink its decision,' she said.

But what does the Mumsnet jury think?

A sensitive, caring move by the school?

Or madness gone mad?

Do tell...

OP posts:
nickschick · 10/02/2010 17:28

I think its a good idea to some extent - theres bound to be someone who gets upset from not having one and I dont think valentines day is appropriate in an educational environment.

2shoes · 10/02/2010 17:30

why don't they just wrap them up in cotton wool?

Hulababy · 10/02/2010 17:31

Why are primary school childn sending Valentine cards anyway?

To an extent I think it is a good thing to have it all taken out of school. If they are going to send them they can do it outside of school anyway surely?

But then nursery and foundation children often make these cards for parents at school and nursery - so, you can't have one and not the other.

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/02/2010 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WeddingDaze · 10/02/2010 17:32

Has she explained why she thinks the ban is stupid?

I think it's a good idea, anything that lessens the opportunity for ridicule is good IMO, and as nickschick points out it's not exactly appropriate for school.

Easy enough for those who want to to give card outside of school!

WeddingDaze · 10/02/2010 17:34

'why don't they just wrap them up in cotton wool? '

I'd have rathered that than the ritual humiliation that was inflicted on valentines at primary school.

Of course it would have been just as effective but harder to police a everyone or no one policy.

Disenchanted3 · 10/02/2010 17:35

Will they ban christmas cards too come December?

Hulababy · 10/02/2010 17:38

I think hristmas cards are different though. Can't pu my finger exactly on why as such, and obvoiusly the excludin just oen hing would still stand - but Valentine's cards for under 10s? I just don't get it, hence - I guess - why I see no issue with a school saying no to having them brought into school.

Disenchanted3 · 10/02/2010 17:44

But valentines cards don't have to be anything to do with sex/ dating/ kissing.

Surely under 10s send them because they 'love' their friends?

And people are taking issue here it seems with kids being left out, which does happen with Christmas cards too so by that rule they should be banned to unless parents agree to buy one for everychild throughout the year?

Disenchanted3 · 10/02/2010 17:45

sorry, that should have read by that rule BIRTHDAY cards should also be banned unless parents are willing to rememnber and buy one for every child in the class?

clam · 10/02/2010 17:46

Yeah, bring it on! But then I also think that they should be banned anyway on grounds of the whole thing being a commercial gimmick to make binloads of money for Clintons et al.
I don't think primary schools should be encouraging such young kids to indulge, but it's really up to the parents if they are happy for their kids to send them out of school.
As a teacher (of 9-10year olds) I wouldn't like to see cards bandied about in my classroom, having gone to great lengths to stamp on talk of dating/going out with/ dumping/chucking etc.. this year already. Some argue that it's just a bit of fun, but I don't believe it's relevant or necessary with kids this age. It just adds yet another reason for spending the first 10 minutes of a lesson mopping up someone's tears over having been "chucked" by someone else.

Itsjustafleshwound · 10/02/2010 17:46

This is just another version of the 'my DS/DD has not been invited to the party' debate that rages on (and on, and on, and on ...)

Personally, I don't see how appropriate it is for young children to be dealing with another popularity contest. I don't think there is a place for this in a junior/infant school.

Hulababy · 10/02/2010 17:46

I suppose.

But for me it isn't about the excluding thing. I know the story reason was.

I just don't get Valentine's for little children. I would never buy one for 7y DD to send to her friends.

To me Valentine's Day is for teens and grown ups I suppose.

morningpaper · 10/02/2010 17:50

My 7 year old DD makes a card or a picture for her "boyfriend" who reciprocates. However, they have been "boyfriend and girlfriend" since reception when they decided they were going to get married. Obviously I am not exactly an enormous fan of marriage and am hoping she is going to be the first lesbian Archbishop of Canterbury so this is not exactly encouraged by me.

However I can imagine that if lots of children were buying cards for each other it would be tedious and not really appropriate for school so I think that keeping it to outside school hours is fine.

Disenchanted3 · 10/02/2010 17:51

Thats because your adult brain connests Valentines with a kinky night/hotal stay/romantic meal.

An 8 year old sees pretty hearts, flowers and 'love' not automatically 'boyfriend' kind of love either.

My son will make a valentines card for me at nursery, he will be 3. It will be cherished because he made and and he loves me.

Theres many types of love, I would't take his card as a sign he fancies me, pmsl

MmeBlueberry · 10/02/2010 17:54

My kids were once in a primary school where the rule was that you either sent cards to everyone (and they provided a class list to make sure no one was left out), or to no one.

I was a bit taken aback at first, but on thinking about it for a few minutes, I realised it was a good rule.

GothDetective · 10/02/2010 17:54

When I was at primary school there was a Valentine's post box in the hall. Then on the 14th everyone sat round and cards were dished out. I was the only person who didn't get one. I was gutted and hurt even though I hadn't been expecting one.

About 30minutes later a boy came up to me and gave me a card which he says they'd found stuck at the bottom of the box. Now I know he was fibbing, I knew then he was fibbing. I'm, sure one of the teacher's told him to quickly make a card to try and save my feelings.

So I don't think its a bad idea to ban them. 25 years on and I still remember very clearly how awful I felt that day.

DD (8) has a crush on a boy in her school, he feels the same way. She's got him a card but I'll be discreetly giving it to his mum so she can give it to him. Mainly because they get teased enough about going round to each others houses for tea. I think the teasing about a card would be even worse.

Tee2072 · 10/02/2010 17:55

Although I still remember feeling hurt, about 35 years later, when I didn't get a Valentine from everyone in my class in primary, I still don't think it should be banned.

So not everyone gets one? It didn't kill me to be hurt. And even though I still remember it, I don't think its a bad thing for people to learn at an early age that not everyone is the same or gets the same things.

Itsjustafleshwound · 10/02/2010 17:56

Our Infant school banned Christmas cards (it wasn't eco-friendly) so I doubt if there will be a big push to make V cards ...

alarkaspree · 10/02/2010 17:56

We live in the US and valentines day is celebrated enthusiastically and officially by the dcs' schools. There are special valentines craft activities, valentines snacks, ds has made a valentines mailbag... (he is 3). As a Brit I think it is silly but harmless. It's not seen as a romantic thing, it's about friendship. They are tying it in with a theme of acts of kindness. I think that by making it into a totally official school celebration it is easier for them to enforce policies that prevent kids from feeling excluded.

WeddingDaze · 10/02/2010 18:02

Why does it have to be done in school though?

Keep it for after school if you think it's that crucial to your DCs developement.

Tee - Of course that's a good thing but if you are always the child that is excluded when possible it can have a huge effect on your whole life, needlessly IMO.

Hulababy · 10/02/2010 18:12

Disenchanted3 - well, clearly yes, I know there are different typesof love. And yes, DD has made me cards when she was smaller at nursery, and they were cherished in that sense.

But I still wouldn't buy a card for DD to sed to her friends for Valentines. And I woul discourage her fom taking them to school too.

I agree at 5 and 6, etc it is harmless.

I suppose the issues are more when they are 10 or 11y - wen the feelings and hormones are running rife. And then I just think - keep it out of school.

Bramshott · 10/02/2010 18:17

Sounds sensible to me.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 10/02/2010 18:24

My lovely late dad always used to send me one when I was boarding / at college so that I never had to admit to never having a proper one. I always knew but never let on!

BigTillyMint · 10/02/2010 18:29

DD's teacher has told them (Y6) that they are not allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends as they are too young, so woe betide anyone who dares to send a card!

If they were to send cards, one boy would be snowed under - he's NOT good looking but has a great personality

I'm not bothered one way or the other!