Is is inappropriate to have thread titles talking about suicide?

[seeyounexttuesday]

There have been a few over my time on MN, and whilst I understand these people are quite clearly in a desperate situation, I do not think they are appropriate.

Feeling low/depressed etc no problem but active talk of thinking of suicide IMO is wrong.

Am I a minority?

I know i could press the hide button, but those are the threads where other vulnerable people may get too involved.

it may be enabling the dependency on others but if it were not there there is the very real risk that suicide would become the only option. we all know that professional support and therapeutic intervention only succeeds when the patient is ready to receive such suppotrt and to engage in such treatment. we cannot force 'better' solutions on those that need them.

Some people do not know where to turn to for help,they can come on mumsnet and people can advise them to seek the correct medical people out.God forbid that the people who think suicide should not be mentioned is ever in that position themselves.Advising them where to go to get help could end up in saving their lives.

and it's easy to say that "yes, we should be there for people who feel like this," while we feel we are able to actually help and have potentially talked someone out of doing something horrific.

But what happens if we don't succeed? What happens if someone comes on mn and says they feel suicidal, mn'ers spend time talking to them, trying to talk them round (not everyone points people in the direction of professional help, mn'ers tend to get more involved than that), and then after a couple of hundred posts the ops says "It's over. I've taken the pills/am now going to slit my wrists/whatever other means someone might use," and then nothing. No more postings. Op has gone, she's killed herself.

The emotional fallout from that would be huge, for a lot of people. In the same way as it is for people who try to talk someone down who wants to jump.

This is not just about the one suicidal poster. It's about everyone who gets involved - and yes, it's easy to say think carefully before getting involved but we all know it doesn't work like that.

personally, I just don't get involved. POssibly that makes me a hard hearted person but I don't know what I could say to someone in a situation where they have posted about wanting to end their life on a message board.

For me it would be better to have tried and failed than to let that person go off and kill themselves anyway thinking that noone cared. Both options can have the same outcome, at least if help has been offered and tried then you know there was nothing more you or anyone could have done. You can't force someone to get help but you can support them through their decisions either way.

i would rather advise people to seek medical help than do nothing.

yes support telephone lines have a support system in place, we don't
maybe we need a 'i have helped a mnetter in need' support topic

that is to say, the only help I would offer would be links to people who are better qualified to help.

Do they wannaBe? I reported a post once where I believed the poster's children might be at risk (not a suicidal post) and got a response back from HQ saying that they were aware of the thread but there was nothing they could do. I don't think I ever gave my address when I registered. Do you mean email address? Not really appropriate for the sort of thing I was reporting I thought.

I find self-harm threads very scary but I wouldn't like to see them disappear as a matter of policy. When I have felt somewhere in that order of down, I rang the Samaritans several times but was unable to speak - saying the words out loud to a real person was too hard. Typing silently is easier.

god my i handed typing is now turning into 1 brain cell typing, sorry for duncey posts

My DM committed suicide, I personally would have hated it if she had come onto a board like this, explained how low she was, in search of someone to offload to and the thread was deleted because she had felt she could talk to someone.

For many, including me being able to come onto an anonymous site and offload when you cannot do that in real life for whatever reason is incredibly important.

It may make the person feel that they would not be judged when talking to others in RL or give them the strength to approach a more appropriate service.

Whilst I agree that a bunch of strangers with no medical or psychological training in such matters is not the best place for someone to seek help, it is a start in the process of opening up.

I for one would hate to see any attept of someone talking through their problems instantly wiped from the boards

Not particularly about todays posts but....

many years ago I sat waiting for the police to find DH who had gone missing and called to say he was going to kill himself (he didn't, he was seriosuly ill though with MH issues). I didn't need MH support, but the post running on MN whilst I waited got me through that terrible few houurs.

So whilst qualified by nature of the posting, I think YABU

I find this thread distasteful. I'm sure you didn't mean to do any harm OP but I am concerned that the poster who posted the thread about suicidial thoughts could feel even worse if she read this thread.

I don't read or post on the suicide threads because I don't feel qualified to give advice and don't want to make things worse. If someone is feeling that low surely they should be able to post their thoughts on MN? It might be upsetting to read the thread title but you don't have to read the thread.

Wannabe is spot on.

All of you who think AIBU for wanting them deleted and god forbid if i ever find myself in such a situation, I am not saying i would ignore or dismiss these people, and I posted on one such thread this very morning. I requested that the poster take heed of the information on the top of the topic and seek urgent professional advice.

I also post on alot of supportive threads for people who are feeling depresssed or low, but it is the threat of committing suicide which i feel uncomfortable with. Sometimes the advice given, although in the best intentions is not the correct advice. Dealing with a suicidal person is extremely delicate and should be handled by professionals. Sometimes when others come on and related their own life stories thinking it will make the poster feel better can also have a detrimental effect, no matter helpful they feel they are being.

which is more detrimental a bit of poor advice mixed with lots of good support form other posters or no advice or support at all?

whilst some people post 'the wrong thing. i.e. guilt inducing comments in a bid to get the suicidal poster to 'see sense', nobody is going to post 'hey do it then if you feel that crap about yourself' are they? Not here anyway, though I've seen it elsewhere, admittedly.

I don't think it's inappropriate at all, and in fact I think the more open discussion about these matters the better.

Perhaps if my bro had spoken openly about it he might still be around today.

The proper support in advising a suicidal person, would be to put them in touch with professionals. Telephone numbers for those people or people to see is the very best advice one can give IMO

Think Norks said what I wanted to but better.

Posting on here is the start of the process to get help.

Agree with thedollshouse, this thread title is inappropriate.

seeyounexttuesday, was that the case when you last felt suicidally low then?

i mean, it's your opinion but are you hearing what is being said by those with direct or personal experience?

No, but it is my line of work. Say no more.

Wannabe, if it is the same poster again and again (and HQ will be able to check that) then you may have a point, if it is a one off then how do you know if you are "enabling" (they may go to a different site each time or somthing) or if it is a real turning point for the poster?

WRT what happens if it all goes wrong, well that comes back to personal responsibility really, if someone posts on a suicide thread then they shoudl be aware of the options for how it will turn out and, hopefully, they should be able to say "ok, it went wrong but I gave it my best shot, what a shame it was not enough this time". If they cannot do that the they should not be posting on it really, as adults posters who choose to involve can make decisions for themsleves about what they can/cannot handle!

SYNT, when you say you are not saying that people should be ignored or dismissed.... I don't see how that can sit with a deleting policy, isn't that in itself dismissing them (from the board at least) and ignoring them (beyond an email from HQ)? This is a genuine Q, I am interested to understand how you see it?

You can give all the numbers you want but you an't make anyone use them if they don't feel they are worth that call

Whereas having someone- anyone- to 'talk' to or even just acknowledge that you exist may well be that bridging gap.

With DH, he ahd me- and that probably was all that saved him from death. Goodness I am no Psych but I ahve talkd him down more than I dare to recollect. And it's not the words, but the persistence. And the end of isolation.

Posting into the void and being deleted would IMO be awful.

There's a beleif that people who threaten don't do; it is categorically wrong.

My real concern with these posts is the randomness of who responds- DH revcalls being in NY and watching someone kill themselves to chants of 'jump, jump'. there's nothing tos top those same arseholes being on MN.

ok, professionally then, what do you consider to be the prevailing risks in allowing such support to be sought and found in this manner and to what extent are they negated by the reality of a person receiving no support at all if this route is closed?

I really don't get why this upsets people so much.

People talk on the internet for a myriad of reasons but mostly because for some reason they are not able to do so in RL.

I have suffered from depression and whilst I have never really reached out on here, I can imagine doing so. If I did it would be because at that moment in time, RL seemed completely unable to help me and I just wanted someone to be there for me. I would not expect you lot to "fix it" for me but to provide the support of a virtual community.

I would find being referred back to RL unhelpful in the extreme and deleting the thread or changing the title would only make me feel worse.

I understand the concerns of those who offer help on such threads that it may all go terribly wrong. You are not responsible for the OP and should only give what you are able to cope with the consequences of giving. We are all quick to condemn a "nanny state" in RL where we are insulated from every potential risk. I think we should be equally cautious of doing this in VL - it devalues the community that we have formed here.