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Original poster

there's been an AIBU thread already hasn't there? About how gratuitously nasty it can get?

50 replies

flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 19:47

I keep seeing disclaimers on AIBU threads, saying 'Oh but of course I can say that and be really horrible to the OP because this is in AIBU'.

I think it's being taken as the point of the board - to vent your own frustrations even if they are nothing to do with the thread...just a place to go and be mean to someone if you have had a bad day or don't like people with 'mummy' in their posting name, or who wear white socks, or so on.

I really hate it and wish it wasn't there. Surely it's supposed to be for those who really can't figure out a situation, or in order to have a wee joke sometimes, a silly vent about something daft, I dunno...not a place to kick each other around.

OP posts:
chequersmate · 08/04/2009 19:53

Can you hide the topic?

HeadFairy · 08/04/2009 19:54

I don't even bother posting something I'm really worried about in AIBU because it's a given you'll get flamed regardless.

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:00

Well exactly Headfairy. Chequers I want to be of use and read genuinely interesting or funny ones, but it seems sadly it's come to almost every thread ending in a gratuitous argument or flaming 'just because we can', whichs eems awfully juvenile for an adult forum.

I hate it and having been flamed recently on there under another name, which resulted in my leaving MN for a month, (never previously happened!) I find it's something I would like to ask to be altered or differently managed, rather than sitting by and letting it become yet another topic I have to jettison.

OP posts:
chequersmate · 08/04/2009 20:02

What do you suggest though flight? How can it be differently moderated? I think it's one of the most popular sections on here - don't think MNHQ would have the resources to police it.

If it upsets you that much I think realistically all you can do is hide it.

HeadFairy · 08/04/2009 20:04

I think the language is totally different on AIBU. We have disagreements on lots of threads, but it's much more agressive there.

theyoungvisiter · 08/04/2009 20:06

I don't think the disclaimer is meant to be to the people responding is it? - it's supposed to be to the person starting the thread, at least that's how I took it.

After all the very title of AIBU is inviting people to disagree (or agree - but you are always going to feel more nettled by the disagreements). If you want considered advice on how to deal with a situation then you don't post it in AIBU where you tend to get yes/no answers.

But I agree in a sense that having the disclaimer there at the head of the thread does perhaps give responders the feeling that they have a license to be inflammatory. Perhaps it woudl be more useful to have a popup box come up when you start a thread saying "are you sure you want to post in this section - if this is a sensitive matter you may prefer to choose another section" or summat.

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:07

well, I remember the 'disclaimer' at the top coming in and after that it seemed to get much worse, so maybe it wants rewording? It seems largely to validate the nastiness.

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 08/04/2009 20:09

"Surely it's supposed to be for those who really can't figure out a situation, or in order to have a wee joke sometimes, a silly vent about something daft"

Maybe MN needs a separate section for this - something like "I need therapy"! aimed at eliciting a more constructive response from posters.

To be fair, I think a lot of OPs on AIBU are deliberately trying to get a rise out of people, so when you see a seemingly inflammatory or blinkered OP it's tempting to respond in kind.

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:09

Sorry youngvisiter, x posts...yes I agree MN probably thought of it as a genuine warning rather than a license to shout...

but it's being repeatedly used as such, as you'll see if you read a few threads.

OP posts:
traceybath · 08/04/2009 20:09

I do agree flightattendant. People are really nasty in there but they are also pretty damn mean in baby names too .

Some people just take that 'i'm allowed my opinion/straight-talking' too far.

But don't see how it'll change really.

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:10

...I mean if others look at some threads, not you as you already have.

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 08/04/2009 20:12

sorry x-posted.

What about my idea of a pop-up box when you start a thread - rather than an ever-present disclaimer?

I too remember the disclaimer coming in - and I think it was because there had been hurt feelings over people getting a flaming. So the disclaimer was supposed to try to direct people wanting constructive advice to another part of the board.

I mean be fair - someone posting "AIBU to not even give breastfeeding a try?" is going to get a totally different response to the same OP posted in Breast and Bottle under "I don't think I want to give breastfeeding a try". It does seem like a good idea to warn newbies to the board that that might be the case.

theyoungvisiter · 08/04/2009 20:12

sorry I x-posted to your x-post! Typing too slow tonight - hopefully it all makes sense

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:16

Yy

Good idea bout the pop up,

I do see what you mean tho.

I think the bfing example is one side of it, but you also get the 'I am upset about this, should I be, and why am I, can you sort my head out' type OPs and i think at times these get trampled to bits, which is uncalled for and doesnt help.

Hope that makes sense! Maybe I am just taking it too literally but today I have seen someone comment really nastily and get jumped on by other posters, then pointing at the disclaimer as their get out clause.

That makes me angry.

OP posts:
BitOfFunnyBunny · 08/04/2009 20:17

Thought I hadn't seen you around Flight! (I think you were on 17 then )

Hope you're ok, don't take it to heart so, you sound upset still...?

theyoungvisiter · 08/04/2009 20:21

perhaps it should be scrapped and we should have two forums to replace it

Be nice to me I'm feeling fragile (disclaimer: please post constructive advice and consider the feelings of others in this forum as sensitive matters are under discussion)
and
I'm up for a fight, me (disclaimer: gloves off, ladies)

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:24

Oh hello Bof! Last saw you on my aibu thread aamof...

OP posts:
Laugs · 08/04/2009 20:35

Agree with the OP. Personally I'd like it to be a bit more taboo to be a complete bitch on MN, like it is in real life. I think you can tell from an OP whether the person is up for a fight/ laugh or not, but some people care not to notice. There are also those witty posters who can get away with being a bit more straight-talking, while others aren't actually funny and just come across as mean. I guess we'd all like to think we fit into the first camp, but we don't.

georgimama · 08/04/2009 20:42

If you don't like AIBU, don't look at it. The question "am I being unreasonable?" invites the response, "yes, actually, you are" if that is what people think. Why should a whole section of the board disappear because of the sensitive souls? There are topics which wind me right up - I've hidden them. Life is easier that way.

PullMyFinger · 08/04/2009 20:46

The whole point of the disclaimer is to warn the delicate flowers out there to think twice - if you want a chorus of 'there theres' put it elsewhere.

deepinlaundry · 08/04/2009 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:48

That's not what I'm talking about though Georgi.

It's when it goes too far and people are downright horrid without good cause. Then they point to the disclaimer as if it means they have every right to take their frustrations out on the OP whether OP deserves it or not.

I don't mean just a simple 'YABU' but the sort of 'OP you are really stupid, fuck off' comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
flightattendant19 · 08/04/2009 20:51

Laugs I agree with you, thankyou for putting it so well.

PMF - I'm no 'delicate flower' just an ordinary human being with a degree of sensitivity. Loads of people have been chased off MN because they naively posted in Aibu and got slaughtered.

Idon't think that's anything to be proud of.

Hi DiL - was thinking about you yesterday, went through your station!! I kwym, I have never felt it was possible to leave for so long but that month was easy this time

Sad isn't it. This place should have more reserve and dignity, is what I think we're saying.

OP posts:
ellingwoman · 08/04/2009 20:52

Absolutely agree with your second to last post flight.

The pop-up is a good idea.

georgimama · 08/04/2009 21:00

But seriously, are people not capable of reading for themselves? They need a pop up as well?

Surely before you posted in AIBU for the first time (or any part of any board) you have a delve about and see the lie of the land, and whether you want to get involved or not? It took me weeks to post in AIBU for the first time. I've been flamed and I still think that MN is really lightly moderated and I would hate to see that change.

Down right abusive posts should be reported of course, if that's what they are.