Threads from sensitive topics appearing in active

[LadyGreyjoy]

Hi Mumsnet

I posted in the donor conception topic on the infertility board asking if others had experienced the large volume of hurtful and upsetting comments and opinions on donor conception that I had. I wanted to talk to other donor mums and share experience/have a bit of solidarity after seeing posts about donor conception I found upsetting elsewhere on the site.

Cue an influx of posters coming to berate me for using an egg donor and give their opinions on how wrong and awful it is and several hurtful comments about my child. I asked why posters so opposed to donor were on the donor conception board and was told by several posters that the thread appeared on active so they chimed in. Sadly, there wasn't a single post from another donor mum which is the community I was trying to connect and discuss with so I may as well have posted in AIBU.

I have seen SEN parents in the post say that they wished threads on the SEN boards didn't appear in active for this exact reason and now I understand why.

Why can't the more sensitive boards be set up so that the threads don't appear in the active stream so that only people who seek those boards out who hopefully have good intentions and similar experiences engage with the threads there?

I certainly won't be looking for infertility support on MN again after my experience.

Hello @LadyGreyjoy we’re really sorry you had that experience and it’s completely understandable that you found it hurtful when you were looking for empathy and connection, not debate. The Donor conception board is meant to be a place where people can share support and perspectives and not a place to revisit wider arguments about donor conception itself.

You’re right that appearing on Active can sometimes draw in posters who don’t have that shared understanding. We’ll now remove the board from Active and make its purpose clearer. Several other sensitive boards, including SN children are already treated in the same way for exactly this reason.

Thanks for taking the time to share your feedback. It’s really helpful and will guide how we make these boards work better for the people who need them most. We hope you’ll consider posting again in future, as your perspective is exactly what helps others feel less alone.

Thank you for this Becky, I really appreciate the time taken to make this happen and understanding my perspective ❤️

I’m sorry you have been treated this way. There’s many, many posters on this board who have no idea what fertility struggles are like.

I a niece and nephew who were conceived via donor eggs and they are as much a part of the family as the others.

Good luck!

I’m sorry to read that you @LadyGreyjoy encountered such a negative response to your experiences of posting about having to use an egg donor 💐

Can you please link to your thread @LadyGreyjoy
I would love to join
Feeling very alone in the journey

Unfortunately I asked for it to be deleted because it was very upsetting and posters who had no understanding of the journey were very cruel.

If you'd like someone to talk to who has been through it you are welcome to message me or you could start a new thread as the topic has been removed from the active feed so only other donor parents would post on your thread x

I wish I could have been on your support thread OP!

Did you go via NHS or private @LadyGreyjoy

after 8 years, I will be going down this route

We went private because the NHS waiting list was so long and found the treatment at the clinic poor to be honest. After three failed rounds we went to Barcelona and their care was infinitely more compassionate and the whole thing was a much less awful experience so I would massively recommend a Spanish clinic if you have the means to.

The UK clinic just kept doing the same thing over Andover expecting it to work at some point but the Spanish clinic did one round, learned from it then changed the protocol for the second round and we were successful. They found problems we never even knew I had after three rounds at the UK clinic because they never looked deeper. I think we'd still be going now if we stayed at the UK clinic!

That’s really helpful @LadyGreyjoy

Did you find the back and forth tricky? How much did it cost?

It was awkward but doable, the trips were cheap because we flew Ryan air hand luggage only and just did a night in a travel lodge and came back. I can't remember how much the treatment cost but it was cheaper than the UK clinic. Also the cheapest place to get your medication is Asda pharmacy don't pay clinic prices just tell them to give you a prescription x