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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Recent post tonight.

44 replies

buckbeak · 03/02/2018 23:04

Mnhq please please can you reconsider your stance on suicidal messages on these boards. I know you've taken advice from the Samaritans, but I've been suicidal before, there is no way I could have phoned and spoken to someone that way, and the email service for the Samaritans isn't an instant service.

People are posting here to talk, and it upsets me so much then the posts are deleted immediately. They are crying out in the moment of need, I don't think deleting the posts is helping them at all.

Please don't think i don't respect everything else you do on this site, it's just this one subject that really gets to me.

If someone wants to talk when they are in that situation, it should be encouraged, not told to phone the Samaritans and then deleted, it's not one size fits all, not everyone wants to talk out loud to someone.

Please reconsider this.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:10

Don’t agree.self harm or suicidal posts shouldn’t stay,person needs real life intervention
Not strangers saying platitudes like I’m here hun,or posting sad face😥
As well meaning as posters want to be,keeping posting isn’t the solution
And such posts may be triggering for other vulnerable individuals

BishBoshBashBop · 03/02/2018 23:13

MNHQ have had professional input on this. I agree with them.

Original poster
buckbeak · 03/02/2018 23:13

But sometimes that person won't get real life intervention. It's just such a tricky situation, but I just feel awful when one of those posts is deleted.

Someone is trying to talk it through and it just disappears.

I do understand how it could be triggering though, I didn't think of that before.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/02/2018 23:18

Sadly, the other thing you need to consider is the number of trolls we have. And yes, they do posts about suicide & all kinds of distressing stuff. I don’t think MN is the first place non users would think to post if they felt suicidal and hopefully regulars know how to post so it doesn’t get deleted.

I’m sorry you’ve ‘been there’ 💐

JaneEyre70 · 03/02/2018 23:21

I'm sorry you've felt really low but MN isn't the right place for someone in a the grip of a severe MH crisis. Yes all the posters are genuine and heartfelt but someone could very innocently say the wrong thing. It's the one time where specialist MH staff are needed, not a public internet forum.

Greensleeves · 03/02/2018 23:21

I feel uncomfortable about this as well. There was a thread yesterday where a poster (not a first time poster either) was having a MC and obviously had ptsd and wasn't coping with being on her own, had been fobbed off by doctor and really had nobody to turn to apart from MN. Some of us were in the process of persuading her to get help, go to hospital, when the deletion message arrived. I have been worrying about that poster since. I appreciate that MNHQ have to walk a line, but it seemed really cruel to cut that poster off like that and leave her sitting on her own having a MC and panicking when we could at least have supported her a bit Sad

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:22

In a crisis the best thing is to sign post to RL support,not keeping posting
There is no substantive help or support that online posters can actually give
And I do think it can be a it mawkish,it becomes about respondents their conspicuous I’m here/ hand holding etc
And yes Content can be triggering for other vulnerable individuals too

In physical health people, wouldn’t talk through an emergency, for ours online they'd advise get professional help. Go A&E
Yet in mental health crisis people, think they can talk it over and that’s adequate. The advice needs to be get professional help,

PlateOfBiscuits · 03/02/2018 23:24

I’m upset about tonight’s post as well.

There are no ‘huns’ or sad faces LipstickHandbagCoffee, there were just people trying to persuade the OP to get help and posting links and suggestions.

I don’t know what the answer is though.

RunningOutOfCharge · 03/02/2018 23:26

I agree they should be deleted too

MN is just not the right place

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:28

Genuine question how is delaying treatment by talking online actually supporting someone
Greensleeves, I didn’t see the mc thread,but talking online isn’t the right support
Assessment is a complex process eg speech,content/rate/tone, previous history,intent, ideation, risk. It’s not an online exercise

Original poster
buckbeak · 03/02/2018 23:28

It's so hard.

Like I said I have been there, I didn't post here, but I did elsewhere, those people gave me the courage to put the tablets away and call the Samaritans, I ended up getting help. But in that moment, I didn't want to talk to anyone on the phone, I wanted to remain anonymous, and that's why I spoke in an Internet forum. Without those people today, I don't think I'd be here.

I do understand mnhq have received help on this, but it's hard to stomach when post after post from vulnerable people are just deleted. This is someone's way of reaching out, and to have that taken away, I worry it would be the final straw for them.

I understand completely it's hard to get it right. But I don't feel this way is.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 03/02/2018 23:29

This has been the stance for a long time. This is not the place for such a conversation.

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2018 23:29

MNHQ are right on this one.

Much as kind mumsnetters like to think they’re helping, they aren’t trained and can easily make things worse. The only thing that’s responsible is to delete and signpost to real life help. That’s the opinion of mental health charities.

Original poster
buckbeak · 03/02/2018 23:30

@Greensleeves I was following that one too Sad I really hope she's ok.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:31

Maybe not this particular thread, I’ve seen 😢sad faces,platitudes, I’m here hun,keep posting . And although well meaning it’s not helpful

Greensleeves · 03/02/2018 23:31

Lipstick, that poster had tried gp and been fobbed off, tried to call the crisis number she had been given but it went to the wrong extension and she thought A&E would turn her away. We were trying to persuade her to call an ambulance as she had self-harmed and was completely alone. Of course talking online isn't the answer to the problems there, but it was better than nothing. And I feel MNHQ's abrupt deletion left that poster with nothing, and I am worried about what happened to her.

TryAgainAndAgain · 03/02/2018 23:32

I 100% think MNHQ are doing the right thing.

People are well meaning but I've seen examples of well meaning Mumsnetters saying completely the wrong thing.

Not to mention the trolls. Lots and lots of trolls 😕

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:32

Mn will have sought advice about mental health posts and best practice
And best practice is to delete the thread

Greensleeves · 03/02/2018 23:33

I also think it's very insulting to ssuggest that posters trying to persuade someone to get RL help are just virtue signalling or somehow enjoying the drama. I certainly wasn't.

meditrina · 03/02/2018 23:36

Sometimes, when desperate, people reach in the wrong directions.

Even tough a handful of people say on MN that they have been Samaritans volunteers or have other potentially relevant expertise, there is absolutely no way of knowing if they are posting truthfully.

MNHQ have decided (and I have to say I agree with them on this) that they cannot be sure that a poster would be properly and appropriately supported on a wide-open chat site. The Sanaritans (and possibly other organisations agree).

I can see why it might seem cruel when what one person sees as an avenue for support is close. But if the reality is that it is no such avenue, it is completely right that it goes.

TryAgainAndAgain · 03/02/2018 23:39

BTW The Samaritans have started a text help service on a limited basis. I think they are hoping to offer it nationwide at some point. You can email them but I don't think you get an instant reply.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:43

I’m not being very insulting in the least,it can be that respondents are over invested and/or giving bad advice (consciously and unconsciously)
I think fundamentally many mn posters misunderstand MH or their own ability to intervene
Because often posters describes mood/thoughts that are familiar and we ourselves may have experienced.
This creates a situation were a crisis can be unintentionally minimised or misdirected

Original poster
buckbeak · 03/02/2018 23:44

@LipstickHandbagCoffee I completely disagree with you. All the posts of this nature I've seen, I've not witnessed anything like you describe.

But I do understand why Mumsnet delete the posts now. I just hate the thought of someone being alone having those thoughts, and their chosen way of communicating that is stopped.

OP posts:
QueenieMum · 03/02/2018 23:46

It is a difficult one but I'm not sure MN is the right place for this kind of support either. If it was allowed to continue the number of people looking for crisis support would increase and MN would then be in danger of becoming something it's not. I also get the impression from the deletion posts I've seen that the poster isn't cut off totally but is given temporary support behind the scenes - I might be wrong about that but willing to be corrected.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/02/2018 23:46

I’ve seen numerous, I’m listening/I’m here/keep posting and wrong advice responses
I agree that mn need to delete the posts,it’s the advice they’ve been given