Chores: the truth about who does what

[KateSMumsnet]

Like it or not, household chores are an inevitable part of life (unless you have a cleaner, but that's a entirely different thread). We asked 1,000 working mothers how household tasks were managed in their homes, and the results show that for the most part, women still pick up the bulk of the domestic work, while men are involved in the aspects that are traditionally seen as masculine.

Our results show that for 69% of households, DIY task are done by men, while 71% of women take care of the weekly clean. However, 50% of working mums are responsible for managing the family budget, with only 35% of families sharing the task.

Interestingly, 66% of our sample said they wouldn't want their partner to do more around the house despite this inequality.

What do you think of the results? Do they reflect how things are in your own home? Would you make any changes the division of labour within your family?

I don't mind the split chez Roma so long as I'm ^appreciated^

The planning of kids things is very time consuming, and I can't stand it when dh then complains about something they're are doing. It makes me furious! I don't mind doing all the arranging provided he limits his response to 'thank you very much darling'.

But we outsource 100% of cleaning and laundry, plus most cooking, so I will step out of this now.

We split household chores fairly evenly. I do the laundry (but DH irons his own shirts), and DH does the washing up. We split the cooking between us. Neither of us does the cleaning (we have a cleaner). I do the DIY around the house - DH looks after the car.

The only 'unequal' task is keeping track of the kids activities and homework - this largely falls to me because my commute is much shorter than DH's. I'm also the person who has to get them out of the door in the morning and collect them in the evening. I understand why I need to be the person doing this, but it does annoy me. It takes a considerable amount of organisation to keep it all running smoothly, especially as it changes on a weekly basis (depending on which sports fixtures are on in a given week).

This was being discussed on my local radio station this morning. It really brought out the 'poor menz' 'what-about-us' argument from the male presenter - along the lines of 'yeah well why are you women complaining you do most of the domestic/childcare work when us men always have to mow the lawn'...diddums Also they credited the study to the 'other' mums website!

How I didn't crash the car being blinded by rage I'll never know!

God how could I forget this! Said male presenter also trotted out the doesn't at all make me feel a little stabby gem 'women have it all' phrase... yes, if you hadn't guessed by that point I already was ruing being married already - what a catch.

I have no problem doing the Majority of the housework and the child care. My hubby is out the house doing a full time job, so i am sure he does not want to come home and do more work. I am a sahm, I do not work my job is my home, so i have no problem with it.

You hear so many people moaning about how hard there job is staying at home all day looking after the children and doing the housework, I cant see how doing that is harder than being out the home all day working a job.

I do housework every day, but it only takes a couple of hours if that.

They're interesting results.

But I still think they'd be more useful if they reflected how many hours each party works outside the house.

Like others say, if you are a SAHP then you probably do do more and that pretty fair, I'd say. The enlightening part of the survey would be to see how fair the split is when both parents have jobs.

Totally agree that you need to see how many hours each party works out of the home. I'm also wondering if that's why women who did the lion's share didn't expect their partner to do more.

I (e.g.) do most of the cooking in our house. That's almost entirely because I happen to be the one that's available at the times cooking is needed, and although I might like DH to do more, I accept the practicalities that mean he can't.

I expect that most of that 66% will be women who work fewer hours than their partner, and so don't expect them to do more than they already do.

There will of course be a few Stepford types I'm sure.

melw I'm a SAHM, and while looking after a home and children isn't harder than being out at work, at least when you are at work you can go for a wee without being followed, make a phone call without someone coming and pestering you for food/to make their jigsaw/to wipe their bum, and focus on the task in hand without being continuously interrupted.
It is the lack of peace for 5 minutes to think about what needs to be done that is the exhausting part of being at home with small children.

Alibabandthe40nappies....... I am not really sure how to quote, or even if you can quote on here, but i am replying to you :).

I agree with what you mean about the toilet part, My son has a habit of pushing the door open while i am sitting on the toilet.

I have 5 children, but I only have a 3 year old at home with me, the others are at school, collage, and work... So a bit of peace before they all come home wanting something or other, but i still think i would rather do what i do than my hubby.... Then again i am probably one of those Stepford types..... But i quite enjoy it ;)

I am part of the 66% that answered that I didn't want DH to do more. It's as some PPs have said. I am a SAHM and DH works long hours and is away a lot. I feel that he more than pulls his weight and it is only fair that the majority of household tasks fall to me. If he did more around the house I would feel that I was not doing my fair share.

Interestingly I've always assumed I do 'most' of the household stuff. But when I looked at your list I realised I was associating housework with cleaning, when in fact my partner does loads of stuff I'd never lift a finger to. It made me realise that he's doing his share despite rarely doing a tidy or a weekly clean and has actually reassured me quite a bit about the balance in terms of chores. :)

melw74 I work full time in a demanding job and also do much more of the housework / all the planning. Comparing the weeks I spent on annual vacation running the household to the weeks when I work out of the home, I personally find looking after the house and DC much more exhausting. I find it harder because it is relentless; it gives me less of a sense of achievement/creative fulfillment; I get no head space; and I could go on. I don't think I am an outlier in this regard.

And yes I resent DH for not pulling his weight. And his mother even more for having spoilt him so that when I met him, aged 30+, he had never as much as held a hoover in his life.

Yes, me too, weeblueberry

Hmm, the survey claims to have sampled working mothers (I assume this means WOHM), but from this thread it appears that SAH mothers also answered.

I think the general outcome - that working mums still take on more of the household duties than their working partners is true - and I am not really surprised by the survey.

Both DH and I work 4 days a week - spending one (week) day each with DD and before/after school with DS. Quite a lot of chores I say are evenly split (he cooks, I wash up; he does weekly shop and a bit of hoovering, I do more cleaning; we both do laundry, DIY and bins equally). And I tend to think that compared to my friends in similar positions wrt working/kids, he pulls his weight more than his peers.

However - its the little things that I do, that just don't cross his mind. Booking/taking kids to dentist, general tidying up of house, filling in forms for school, sorting out play dates etc for kids as well as social stuff for us. I also do all the household finances, renewing insurances etc. If I ASK him - he will. He just doesn't THINK to do it without being prompted. And its these little things that add up.

But, still feel like am pretty lucky with our split! Would I want him to do more? Yes, but I want him to initiate it not be asked to do so!

There are separate results pages for SAHMs and WOHMs.

HTH.

Blimey, that's a badly displayed page then!

The link is at the very bottom of the page. It points here.

Sorry, my "tone" before was because I thought it was obvious. Maybe only geeks always read down to the footnotes

I'm a SAHM I do everything ...literally everything ...on that list -even the things mentioned upthread as 'male' jobs - jet washed outside last week, will have to get up a ladder and clean out the gutters soon - in fact need to fix a bit of loose mortar on the side of the roof....
Recently I have been making him do more - he cooks (and washes up) for himself sometimes (doesn't want to eat the same as the DCs whereas I don't mind and refuse to make something just for him) - very occasionally he'll make eg pasta pesto for the DCs. He does some of his own washing ...(no ironing here) and I am making him do his own car insurance, MOT and tax...although I have to remind him and eg insurance he doesn't shop around. I look after his money for him.
Why am I posting on this thread? Because I did the same when I worked FT (40 hrs) too - I did it for 6 years - because he worked 90+ hrs a week and I have done that in the past and know how hard it is. Then when he gave up working such long hours (now works 35ish) and he had got so used to not doing these things I was still doing them (by then I was a SAHM - I couldn't keep it up). It dawned on me I'd always gone to bed after him and got up before him ....it made me resentful and angry. Maybe some WOHM need to have a think about how fair things actually are? And be aware it is hard to change things overnight...and maybe one day you'll realise and feel like I did. A mug.
Looking at the 66% - part of that might be the reason I find it difficult - I had to be and still am in control, organised and it is easier to keep doing it than 'train him' up. As someone said up thread -he'd happily sleep on dirty sheets - in fact no sheets. And when I was away with the DCs I asked him to make sure one of the bins went out (it was full and only emptied monthly) - even reminded him on the phone - and he still forgot...
And he has no patience - so eg I asked him to weed one of the gardens - came back to find he'd dug most of the plants up because it was easier than going round them...
Still he is trying - very trying ....

There was a BBC Womens' Hour survey recently on this topic which I took. The survey results compared hours worked and satisfaction. I think that is a more balanced approach to the topic as it is less to do with who does the chores (being a subset of work) but whether each partner is contributing the same level to the overall task of family life.

For example, my partner works much longer hours in hospital than I work at home, but I put in many more hours on the domestic and childcare front. Whilst we don't "keep tabs", I think it evens out.

The important thing for us is to be "flexible" as there will be times when we need (or would like) to rotate the jobs.

Interesting.

I've noticed something my mum does that winds me up when she is at our house. If I cook dinner, wash up and then sit down to watch tv and DH makes me a cuppa she always says something like, "poor DH you should be making him a drink, he's been at work all day" as if sitting behind his desk is far more strenuous than my job and he is too exhausted to lift the kettle! She also keeps telling me how lucky I am that he does housework "for me". He doesn't do it for me at all, he does it because we both work and like to live in a vaguely clean house which requires a team effort! He is far more modern in his thinking than she is and she also worked full time all her working life!