Average age of first-time mothers is now 30 - how old were you?

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

Research published yesterday shows that the average British woman is now having her first child at the age of 30 - and we wondered whether this matches MNers' own experiences. So do share your thoughts - are you bang on average, or under, or over? Does it matter - and would you make the same decision again, given the chance?

Bog off, Kid! Harmless question, you seem to be dpoiling for a fight. Been here for years thank you.

I don't think the question was that harmless. It was actually quite judgemental.

Nobody else has been asked how they came to be pregnant at whatever age they have posted.

If Car wants to share her reasons for being a teenaged mother I'm sure she will do so in a way and at a time of her own choosing.

"I asked Car HOW it was not why! Genuine question as 15 is just a child still"

I'm guessing -in the usual way.

No it really wasn't a harmless question,

It was either a stupid question.

"How does a 15 year old get pregnant? We are all virgins until we get married at 25 married, right?"

Or it was you being judgmental and rude.

"So how does someone manage to get themselves knocked up at 15?"

The average people in the UK start having sex is 16, so a 15 year old having sex is not really shocking is it? Maybe she planned to get pregnant maybe it was an accident but either way it is an incredibly rude question to ask someone and even more rude as you think she owes someone an answer because she dared to get pregnant young. No one else has been expected to answer that.

It's a harmless question... unless you've been a teenage mother and rather than, like most other people, your pregnancy announcement being met by best wishes, it's met with 'But you're too young!', 'Do your parents know?', 'Was it planned?'... and those are the nicer statements and questions.

At the risk of getting flamed there IS a difference between a teenage mother aged 17 who could be married, may have planned a child, probably has some qualifications, and bottom line had legal sex, and a 15 year old who could easily have been 14 when she got pregnant, and who was not legally able to consent to sex.
Maybe it's a bit rude to ask how she felt about it as it could even range to "hoped the dad would get a custodial sentence as he was my teacher" (not saying this has anything to do with Car, just relating this to recent news stories about under-16s who are sexually active).
I'm at the extreme other end of the spectrum though and having our DS has led to a few mixed emotions and some negative comments, I don't mind though, there has been heartbreak and if I felt so inclined, I wouldn't mind sharing or educating people.

drspouse
Of course there is a world of difference between a 17 year old and 15 year old being pregnant.
However this thread has nothing to do with reasons why people became pregnant the age they did. For a poster to ask one reason a potentially sensitive question was rude.(IMO)

Two weeks after turning 23! December is becoming a very expensive month...

DS was born 2 days after turning 33 and DD a week after turning 35. All of my NCT class were over 30 (19 years ago) One did have a 12 year old but all the others were FTM

No matter how they're worded, the questions themselves are extremely judgemental.

I'm guessing most of you 'normal' aged mothers (whatever that is) had plenty of 'congratulations' to your pregnancies, even from complete strangers. I, amongst most young mothers, had glares, tuts, and very, very personal questions. Questions that a stranger wouldn't dream of asking someone twice my age (and the older generation complain about a lack of manners from young people?!)

Quite frankly, it's none of anyone's damn business how or why I came to be pregnant, how or why I plan to look after, care for or feed my child, or what I am doing with my life in terms of qualifications or a career. Until I see these questions directed at mothers of all ages, I will never accept that they are genuine or harmless. They're nosy and rude.

People ask older mothers too - aren't you ready to be a granny, what about when you retire, won't they be upset if you die, do you have the energy...

But again, they are not 'normal' aged mothers.

It seems that, unless you fit perfectly into the 30-35 age bracket, people who do fit will assume that your personal life is all of their business.

This thread was about whether you would "make the same decision again" wrt to age - so I think in terms of this thread asking if people are happy with their decisions is ok isnt it? Obviously you don't tend to ask young/older mothers these things irl.

And its blatantly obvious its area/culture dependant anyway. Some posters early on stated how it was normal in their area to be pregnant late teens/early 20s and any later would be seen as "late".

Esther thinks 30-35 is "normal". That describes me, but I'm seen as an older mother at the school gates I am at. Where I used to live (probably a "naicer" area) I was the youngest in my NCT group. Moving area is the only difference!

I was with my OH for 20 years before I had the DTs. Everyone assumed they were IVF.
No, I was having too much fun travelling to have kids and I was too selfish to start a family (they were a happy accident).

NO, it was a generalized question from MN to everybody, amongst other questions.

One that the poster had chosen not to respond to, she shouldn't then be specifically asked that question out of an entire thread.

Journeying but young mothers (an presumably 'old' ones too) are asked these questions in RL. I could count on one hand the amount of genuine, nice things people said to me during pregnancy. Countless rude questions like the ones on this thread though.

In response to the question that MN initially asked, no I would not change it given the chance (but I think that's obvious from my posts.) In fact, I would have had another one while young too, if I could go back.

I think the joy of mn for me is being able to ask and read about things I'd never ask in RL. Even just looking at the babyname threads for one - irl people tend to just love whatever you come up with, but on mn you can be more honest.

I've learnt so much from mn. I'm fascinated by the thread and the different ages, mainly out of curiosity I think. It really amazed me how moving from one area to another completely changed people's perception of me as a mother.

I'm really sad to hear people weren't supportive of you in pregnancy (I'm now taking it you were a "young" mum of some description?) In the toddler group I go to it seems there are a lot of early 20s and then a big gap before the ones that are my age!

And even as an "older mum" in my area (or younger mum in the one I used to live in!! ) I'd be supportive of any mum/pregnant mum, especially one facing difficulties for any reason. (And regularly promote home start etc etc)

I think the joy of mn for me is being able to ask and read about things I'd never ask in RL.

Reading things is fine but the fact that this is an anonymous forum doesn't justify anyone asking judgemental questions.

I was young by most standards at 17! . Although where I live has a lot of young parents, there are also a lot of older parents, and the younger ones don't tend to go to the toddler groups. When I did go, the mums that were there ('normal' aged/older) were very cold. Safe to say I didn't last long there.

I was 33 I think

I was 33 I think

what ARE you dealing?

I got married at 17 (4 weeks before my 18th birthday) had ds1 (unplanned) a year later and ds2 (planned) when I was 21. Dh and I are still married nearly 17 years on and I love my life and wouldn't change a thing!

29

34 for my first. It felt like a really good age. I was settled in my career and marriage and ready for a baby. I've travelled, had lots of great experiences with DH and we've loved pretty much every minute of parenthood so far. I'm not sure when I'll have a second and that may make me wish I'd had my first baby earlier...