Trolling of the Bereavement board

[NorthernLebkuchen]

Yet again I have reported a thread which has turned out to be dodgy and deleted. I've lost count of how many that is over the time I've been on mumsnet. Trouble is that on that board, above all others, people want to be kind. People struggling withtheir loss reach out hands to others. It's fantastic support but truly awful when it's some git of a troll getting a very sick kick indeed. So can something be done? Maybe a time delay so no new thread will appear there till checked by MNHQ? Maybe no recent namechanges or new registrations posting unless cleared by MHHQ?

i know none of this is easy to arrange but I really feel something needs to be done. It's just awful.

[Worriedthistimearound]

Oh my! I've just read Rowan's post stating that some people continue to re-register simply to post troll posts on the bereavement board.

Everlong, I totally understand what you are saying but I sincerely hope you're wrong. What you and the other mums who are regulars on the board have gone through is, of course, the most unimaginable pain. I cannot begin to comprehend that someone would simply enjoy lying about such a thing. I'd far rather, rightly or wrongly, believe they have some form of MH issues. Especially someone who tries to do it over and over again.

[Golddigger]

Sick and twisted from birth, or sick and twisted through circumstance and upbringing?

[Golddigger]

Kate mumsnet : ..We're grateful to everyone who reported it to us, which meant we were able to nip it in the bud relatively quickly..

If lots of people report, does that mean mumsnet act or see or are aware, more quickly?

[Golddigger]

A person does not know they have been reported, so I never see the harm in reporting and letting mumsnet check it out.

If the poster is genuine, they will never know they have been checked out.

If they are not genuine, then they need checking out as soon as possible.

[wannaBe]

I think that it's insulting to the genuinely bereaved to explain away the behaviour of such trolls on the basis that they must be unwell. In fact it gives justification to anyone to troll about anything and it be able to be explained away in the name of mental illness. In fact mental illness is also used far too often to justify behaviors IMO when actually most people are perfectly in control of their behaviour.
These trolls, even the long-term ones are far too calculating. They know exactly what they are doing, what to post and when, how to word posts to make the maximum impact. If You're savvy enough to register on a site time and time and time again under different details so people don't know where you are, knowing exactly where to post, what to post and how to post it then you're savvy enough to seek professional help for your "mental illness". I save my sympathy for the genuinely bereaved and the genuinely mentally ill, not for the sick bastards who seemingly get something from exploiting the vulnerabilities of others and who probably rub their hands together at those who come on here and sympathise with them because they "must be mentally ill."

[Worriedthistimearound]

I'm sorry, Everlong, I certainly didn't mean to offend you. I totally understand why these people make you angry. It's just that such behaviour is so bizarre and I just don't see what anyone would get from it unless they were needy and unstable.

[RowanMumsnet]

@Golddigger

Kate mumsnet : ..We're grateful to everyone who reported it to us, which meant we were able to nip it in the bud relatively quickly..

If lots of people report, does that mean mumsnet act or see or are aware, more quickly?

It all depends what's happening on any one day really, but in general if we can see one post has been reported a large number of times, we'll try to get to it quickly.

[Worriedthistimearound]

WannaBe, you are right of course and I am certainly not making excuses. I am probably being naive because I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind doing such a thing.

But then, of course, the world is full of nasty people who do horrid things so why shouldn't this be the same.

[Golddigger]

Ah. Thanks for that. I wondered sometimes if that is the case.

More reasons for someone to report more quickly than they may otherwise do.

[THECliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

I do not wish to get into any kind of argument on here of all places. I am often being misunderstood and now feel that I have no room to speak or have an opinion on this as I have not lost a child. I have been mentally ill however as have members of my family. Some of them have been calculating in their cruelty and some of them have been abusive because of their own childhoods and because they've not known any other way. I am lucky in that I managed to escape the mental abuse and whilst I still have emotional issues from time to time, I have enough loving people around me to support me.

My family have hurt me time and time again and it helped me to try and understand why.

I posted on here thinking that for those who were angry and who felt hurt and betrayed might take comfort from the fact that an emotionally disturbed person may still have taken on board what they said. It might have helped a little to ease their own emotional pain, to make them feel visible for once in their lives.

I was not offering this up as any kind of an excuse. As I said, I saw people in pain trying to understand why any troll would do this and I tried to help.

I have now opened up way too much and as a result left myself quite vulnerable too. So please don't be too dismissive of what I post and try to see it in the light in which it's intended.

[shabbs]

I have to agree with Everlong. I have known several trolls on the bereavement sites who introduce elements to their story that are very, very similar to what happened when my sons died. Things that make me think (or USED to make me think) 'Oh my word I remember feeling like that I will message them now to tell them how we coped with that!!' Thats how they reel you in.

A few years ago I had one that followed me onto FB - because, at the time, I believed her I readily accepted her friends request. When New Years Eve came around she threatened that if I went out to celebrate she would take her own life. I went out and when I came home there were several MNetters searching on the threads for me to say she 'needed me!!' She was a troll and I was dragged into her story which was 100% false!

Everlong is right - this kind of troll knows exactly what they are doing.

[NorthernLebkuchen]

Thank you Rowan. It's interesting (and depressing) that there are some repeat offenders. It explains the sense of deja vu present.

If nothing else I think this thread has helped some people feel more willing to report so that's a good thing. I honestly don't think, though, that we will ever know why people do this and I prefer in this case to spend my compassion on the people who have posted genuinely rather than those who are lying, out of whatever motivation or need.

[PositiveAttitude]

Unless you have lost a child I dont think you can fully understand the hurt that these people cause. I agree with Everlong and Shabbs they are sick and twisted and to me that is what they will always be! They disgust me!

[MmeCinqAnneauxDor]

I think the kind of person who trolls a parenting website a week before Xmas with a story of a baby dying is a cunt. Anyone who knows me, knows that I very rarely use that word, but that is the only one that fits.

I don't see them as sick or ill, or traumatised. I see them as attention seeking wankers who do this for kicks and I will save my sympathy for those most hurt by their actions.

I do wonder though if it is possible to have reports on Bereavement boards flag up quicker. I know that if MNHQ get a lot of reports in a short time about a thread that they will look at it quicker (which is why it is important to report, even if you think someone else will have done so already).

Perhaps having some kind of automated system, that when x reports come in, they take a quick look.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I think people need to be careful about speaking for all bereaved parents. Everyone is different and will have a different response to things even if there are similarities.

This thread has been useful though as more people will not be less apprehensive about reporting and I have reported a thread tonight as one to look at that I would probably have not bothered about before.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Yes. People can only speak for themselves and it is not right when things are posted as fact as if all bereaved parents would act in such a way.

[SnakeyMcBadass]

Trolls get given the benefit of the doubt on the Bereavement board, I think that's one of the reasons they target it. No one wants to be the arsehole that reports or doubts a bereaved parent, and they know it. I don't think it's a MH issue, I think it's a first class wanker issue. Stirring up other people's pain for your own deviant means should earn you a really nasty dose of syphilis, imo. I save my sympathy and understanding for the people targeted by these emotional vampires.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

And no one said they should, everlong.

[NorthernLebkuchen]

Toffee - there is a long running support thead for bereaved mums. The people who have cause to use that have posted alongside one another for many years and are frankly awe-inspiring in their courage and desire to support each other. If any of them wish to speak, using that shared knowledge and experience then that's fine with me. To say everybody can only speak for themselves devalues the sense of community on this forum.

[PacificDingbat]

My new year's resolution is to report more threads that make me go . Starting as of now. I feel embarrassed that I have not done so on the most recent thread.

I agree anybody who has not lost a child can comprehend what those who have go through, as we struggle to even get close to what that must feel like. It speaks of such largesse of spirit that bereaved parents often want to reach out to others in a similar position. And to then find out that a thread was started maliciously must be very hard to bear.

Re the whole ?are they sick or evil thing: this is why psychiatry tries to differentiate between mental illness (people suffering from mental illness may be nice or not, just like anybody else) and personality disorders (often very difficult to deal with people who seem to have their own selfish 'rules').

I am sorry for anybody who's been hurt by the most recent episode .

[shabbs]

Northern - our 'safe haven' thread has been going for about 6 years - it has been 'blown apart' several times by trolling. We always manage to gather back together afterwards but the shock and distress takes over for a while. Its a thread where we all share the same emotions about bereavement but we all have different ways of coping with them. xx